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(Denver Post) Dumbass Sales of the 1985 Nissan Maxima expected to skyrocket after teen drives off the side of Pikes Peak in a 1,000 foot plunge in an apparent suicide attempt but survives with bumps and bruises "Becky is a beeeeeeyyyyyyaaaaatch"   (denverpost.com) divider line 158
More: Dumbass  

158 Comments   (+0 »)


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Larmer 2008-06-29 10:27:41 PM  
First the relationship, now this...

Christ kid, what's next, is the rope going to break? Bullet's a dud? Is there anything you can do right?

 
lurkster [TotalFark] 2008-06-29 10:39:35 PM  
He should just marry her and get it over with so he can be miserable like the rest of us.

 
Scruffinator 2008-06-29 10:40:53 PM  
amysrobot.com

Not impressed.

/hotlinked due to electromagnetic anomaly

 
MetalLizard 2008-06-29 10:41:13 PM  
I wish "I" could be rescued by a Chinook helicopter someday. Lucky bastard.

 
skinink 2008-06-29 10:41:30 PM  
Must've had Stars and Bars on the roof.

 
DrForrester 2008-06-29 10:41:44 PM  
I once knew a guy who claimed his '87 Maxima was the fastest production car ever built or some such BS, so I'm getting a kick...

 
Danger Avoid Death 2008-06-29 10:42:16 PM  
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea Maxima culpa.

 
Slick Dick Lick 2008-06-29 10:42:32 PM  
I wunce made a terd in my pantaloons.

 
Neruos 2008-06-29 10:42:38 PM  
This was NOT a 1,000 foot clean drop. The kid wouldn't have survived that. Moron basiclly rolled down the side of a mountain.

 
eltejon 2008-06-29 10:42:38 PM  
And that is why the -47 will be picked... again.... over the Blackhawk for CSARX.

 
TxRabbit 2008-06-29 10:42:39 PM  
Meanwhile, there's a big scar, and a freaking car on the side of the mountain.

 
Alyna_jf 2008-06-29 10:42:53 PM  
Maximas are a shiat... little farker should be happy he's got such a hawt car.

wait... 1985??

carry on...

 
ToxicAvenger 2008-06-29 10:42:53 PM  
images.starpulse.com

/not impressed

 
toonz 2008-06-29 10:43:20 PM  
1000 feet below?

Were there sleestacks there?

www.aintitcool.com

 
mrchowwow 2008-06-29 10:43:43 PM  
I had an 85 Maxima. Best car I ever owned.

 
FlameDuck 2008-06-29 10:43:54 PM  
I had a 1993 Maxima about eight years ago, gave it to my mother in law. She got rear ended by a truck at a toll booth. She survived, car didn't, but she bought a much nicer car with the settlement.

 
drharmful 2008-06-29 10:43:57 PM  
yeah, but does it get good gas mileage?

 
Greek [TotalFark] 2008-06-29 10:44:01 PM  
1985 Nissan Maxima? Those were ugly as hell. But comfortable, and nearly indestructible- as evidenced by the fact that (a) this kid had one and (b) survived a plunge off a cliff in it.

I'll bet the dumbass was wearing his seat belt, too. More than a few suicide- by- car crash attempts have been thwarted by that.

 
Alyna_jf 2008-06-29 10:44:26 PM  
TxRabbit:Meanwhile, there's a big scar, and a freaking car on the side of the mountain.

Sucks to your assmar!

 
StopArrestingMe [recently expired TotalFark] 2008-06-29 10:45:04 PM  
I want my two dollars!

 
Railbird3 2008-06-29 10:46:47 PM  
TxRabbit:Meanwhile, there's a big scar, and a freaking car on the side of the mountain.

I wanna drive up the side of the mountain
I wanna roll down the other side of the mountain
I wanna swim in the river and lie in the sun
I wanna try to be nice to everyone

(If only it had been a Civic.... snif...)

 
McKeesport Beer Baron 2008-06-29 10:46:52 PM  
The 1986 tercel wagon. A friend of mine had one, tried to blow it up for years...His sister rolled in down a mountain in WV. She was fine, car still ran..I think it was possesed...
i219.photobucket.com

 
DrForrester 2008-06-29 10:47:00 PM  
Danger Avoid Death:Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea Maxima culpa.

No, no, the Maxima only comes with 4 doors.

 
Glitchwerks 2008-06-29 10:47:15 PM  
thegarageblog.com

/Does not approve. Or maybe he does. He's crazy as hell at least.
//Hotlinked.
///& obscure.

 
wydok 2008-06-29 10:47:21 PM  
www.cinepad.com

 
Alyna_jf 2008-06-29 10:47:49 PM  
teen-ager???

 
mr.morbid 2008-06-29 10:48:14 PM  
I can see the news interviewer in the hospital..

Gee Kid, your girl dumps you, you drive off Pikes Peak and survive. What'cha going to do not...

Kid: I'm going to Six Flags Georgia..Yeah!!

 
Stealthdozer 2008-06-29 10:50:09 PM  
Hattori Hanzo crafted a Nissan Maxima?

 
Lebowski78 2008-06-29 10:50:14 PM  
I survived Pikes Peak too! I drove a rental though.

 
Glitchwerks 2008-06-29 10:51:15 PM  
mr.morbid:I can see the news interviewer in the hospital..

Gee Kid, your girl dumps you, you drive off Pikes Peak and survive. What'cha going to do not...

Kid: I'm going to Six Flags Georgia..Yeah!!


Well, he's bound to get ahead in life with that thinking.

 
Poppa Boner [TotalFark] 2008-06-29 10:51:56 PM  
Larmer:First the relationship, now this...

Christ kid, what's next, is the rope going to break? Bullet's a dud? Is there anything you can do right?


Getting a "DUMBASS" on Fark is sure to get him laid though.

 
rooftop235 2008-06-29 10:52:05 PM  
ta da!

 
Poppa Boner [TotalFark] 2008-06-29 10:53:19 PM  
Ugh... TAG.

/going to the bar

 
rooftop235 2008-06-29 10:54:23 PM  
whatspikelikes.files.wordpress.com

No PS skills, but would like to see that blue Nissan in this pic....

 
popfreak 2008-06-29 10:54:33 PM  
i2.iofferphoto.com

 
fish500 2008-06-29 10:55:19 PM  
i32.tinypic.com

 
WhyteRaven74 [TotalFark] 2008-06-29 10:57:48 PM  
Glitchwerks:thegarageblog.com

if the topic is Pikes Peak, Rod Millen is hardly obscure.

 
Ra_ 2008-06-29 10:58:51 PM  
Not videotaping it was the big FAIL

 
JonathanChance 2008-06-29 10:59:16 PM  
I think a bit of the late great Frank Zappa is appropriate for this situation...


You say there ain't no use in livin'
It's all a waste of time
'N you wanna throw your life away, well
People that's just fine
Go ahead on 'n get it over with then
Find you a bridge 'n take a jump
Just make sure you do it right the first time
'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump

You say there ain't no light a-shinin'
Through the bushes up ahead
'N we're all gonna be so sorry
When we find out you are dead
Go head on and get it over with then
Find you a bridge 'n take a jump
Just make sure you do it right the first time
'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump

Now maybe you're scared of jumpin'
'N poison makes you sick
'N you want a little attention
'N you need it pretty quick
Don't wanna mess your face up
Or we won't know if it's you
Aw, there's just so much to worry about
Now what you gonna do?
Go head on 'n get it over with then
Go head on 'n get it over with then
Go head on 'n get it over with then
Go head on 'n get it over with then

You're on the bridge;
Scared to leap,
But a girl walks over
To take a peep. . .
She says: "DON'T DO IT"
But wouldn't you know...
The girl got a head
Like a buffalo
With a little red hair
All over the top
An' her breath would make the
Traffic stop
She says "I LOVE YOU...
BUT FIRST, LET'S EAT"
And all you can say as you run down the street


/Window seat, Kosher meal please.

 
A stranger in the Alps 2008-06-29 10:59:49 PM  
img519.imageshack.us

 
havingfun 2008-06-29 11:00:27 PM  
www.yeah-oops.com

 
p51d007 2008-06-29 11:01:22 PM  
When people "attempt" they are usually crying for help. I love the idiots who swallow a whole bottle of Tylenol trying to kill themselves. Usually, they take them to the hospital to pump their stomach. I hope the rescue agencies bill the twerp for the rescue.

 
billyboyxoxox 2008-06-29 11:02:07 PM  
I'd kind of like to see pictures of the car. Does it still run? Drive? You don't really need windows you know.

 
shipofthesun 2008-06-29 11:02:45 PM  
I once drove down Pikes Peak in a 87 GTI. Come to think of it, it was 1988 when I did it. Went a lot slower though. Good way to beat traffic, I suppose.

 
Gregosaurus 2008-06-29 11:03:05 PM  
Must have learned from the Master:
img178.imageshack.us

/OW! OOH! DOH!! OWW!! DOH!!....

 
Abox 2008-06-29 11:03:11 PM  
FTA: "Police say the incident was a suicide attempt stemming from a relationship between the boy and his girlfriend that had recently ended. "


His girlfriend recently ended?

 
IonBeam2 2008-06-29 11:03:26 PM  
Scruffinator:
amysrobot.com
Not impressed.

/hotlinked due to electromagnetic anomaly


That reminded me of this: Link (new window)

 
ladyway905 2008-06-29 11:04:13 PM  
Alyna_jf
teen-ager???

This. That was the first thing of any importance in the article that I noticed.

 
fanbladesaresharp 2008-06-29 11:04:20 PM  
He could have just jumped. Now everyone else has to clean up his shiat. If he wants "help" it's all around him for the asking.

/not punching the ticket, help is always around.
//but little sympathy for suicides.

 
aresef 2008-06-29 11:06:58 PM  
Stuntman Mike not impressed.

 
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