I love stories like this one.

Spy crap: I just can't get enough!

The Soviets couldn't hold a country they invaded because, even though the population was temperate in their drink, the people had crazy local customs and knew their land.

Just imagine if they had invaded Scotland where the people had crazy customs, knew their land, and could drink like fish.

Actually most of the Soviets would have defected after getting some good scottish whiskey under their belt instead of the grain alcohol or bastardized vodak they were used to.

Wanebo: Actually most of the Soviets would have defected after getting some good scottish whiskey under their belt instead of the grain alcohol or bastardized vodak they were used to.

You're right about that, laddie.

The last words heard by many of the Scottish expeditionary force: "Oi comrade - c'mere and gie' us a wee kiss."

/ Glasgow born

Good luck with that. The English tried for several centuries, and never did achieve any lasting success.

Also, an article like this without pics FAILS.

40below: Glasgow born

Who in their right mind leaves Scotland for Ontario?

Churchill2004: 40below: Glasgow born

Who in their right mind leaves Scotland for Ontario?

Are people who think normally usually born in Glasgow?

40below: Are people who think normally usually born in Glasgow?

Good point.

So, why did you leave good ol' Caledonia?

/Ulster Scots myself

Churchill2004: So, why did you leave good ol' Caledonia?

Just another member of the Scottish diaspora. Someone has to run the world, might as well be us.

/ Here's tae us; wha's like us?
//Damn few, and they're a' deid

40below: Are people who think normally usually born in Glasgow?

No, Edinburgh.

Any sensible military does contingency planning.

Some contingency plans should start with "(1) Have the idiot who suggested actually trying this taken out and shot."

At least in Afghanistan they were unlikely to be mass-mooned.

This is not all that interesting. Show me the maps where the US has/had plans to invade and occupy Scotland and you'd have something juicy.

/I'm sure the map would have the title: "Operation: It's For Their Own Good"

NATO and Warsaw Pact had invasion and occupation plans for every single nation on the other side. This is boring.

Instant Karma: This is not all that interesting. Show me the maps where the US has/had plans to invade and occupy Scotland and you'd have something juicy.

Nothing's very interesting unless the US is involved.

40below: Just another member of the Scottish diaspora. Someone has to run the world, might as well be us

If olds Jews living in Miami can be "Israelis", then by god I'm a Scotsman!

That means I get to run the world, too, right?

yeah, but you gotta wear a skirt.

/kilts look comfy.
//woolens don't do well here.

PC LOAD LETTER: NATO and Warsaw Pact had invasion and occupation plans for every single nation on the other side. This is boring.

Heck, the US even had invasion plans for Canada.

Without pictures of the Soviet maps, it's not all that interesting.

abb3w: Any sensible military does contingency planning.

Some contingency plans should start with "(1) Have the idiot who suggested actually trying this taken out and shot."

Did you make that up? If you did, +21 for genius.
If not, you should be taken out and shot.

Wanebo: Actually most of the Soviets would have defected after getting some good scottish whiskey under their belt instead of the grain alcohol or bastardized vodak they were used to.

Heathen. It is whisky in Scotland for Scotch. Keep your Irish and American whiskey spellings elsewhere.

Other than that, yay Scotch.

Instant Karma: This is not all that interesting. Show me the maps where the US has/had plans to invade and occupy Scotland and you'd have something juicy.

/I'm sure the map would have the title: "Operation: It's For Their Own Good"

Actually it was called Plan Red

rynthetyn: PC LOAD LETTER: NATO and Warsaw Pact had invasion and occupation plans for every single nation on the other side. This is boring.

Heck, the US even had invasion plans for Canada.

Without pictures of the Soviet maps, it's not all that interesting.

Ya, I was looking for PDFs or images of these maps.

Just saying they exist is kinda obvious.

thisispete: Instant Karma: This is not all that interesting. Show me the maps where the US has/had plans to invade and occupy Scotland and you'd have something juicy.

/I'm sure the map would have the title: "Operation: It's For Their Own Good"

Actually it was called Plan Red

Not "Plan Tartan"?

OMG TEH SOVIETS WERE SPYING ON US EVERYBODY PANIC!

Gyrfalcon: Not "Plan Tartan"?

Sadly no. But if I were in charge of naming such things I think I'd call it Operation Highland Fling.

rynthetyn: PC LOAD LETTER: NATO and Warsaw Pact had invasion and occupation plans for every single nation on the other side. This is boring.

Heck, the US even had invasion plans for Canada.

I would love to see the plan for invading Canada, it would be pretty interesting to read. They probably still have that plan though, so I doubt it'll ever be seen.

/we have our own plans for when they invade though

Yeah, but WHY Scotland? There's fark all to do there except drink.

thisispete: Actually it was called Plan Red



Plan Red didn't take into account a preemptive Canadian attack. Those conniving canucks.

Churchill2004: Also, an article like this without pics FAILS.

This.


I clicked that shiete for cool cold war maps dammit!

they cun seh an bra en say en dsruosp en vedy one but heh bretesh pehpul enashun alls shtend prud enen yeh com et glasgow, glasgow duent except uss, yanowutehmeen, thats jess glasgow, ya know so, so hell set abut yeh (new window).

Does anyone habla Scottish? Dude sounds like he could whip a whole Russian division with his right foot.

limeyfellow: Heathen. It is whisky in Scotland for Scotch. Keep your Irish and American whiskey spellings elsewhere.

I've never exactly understood why people get so excited over stuff like Talisker 25 year old, barrel-aged, blahblah whatever. I sure as hell wouldn't eat food that was 25 years old, but people give me these bottles like they were gold. Anyway, it all tastes the same once you mix it with Clamato over ice like the whisky snobs do.

LincolnLogolas: Yeah, but WHY Scotland?

Faslane and Holy Loch are/were refit sites for SSBNs (UK and US respectively). After the Cold War ended, Holy Loch (basically a submarine tender, a floating drydock and a few barges anchored on the middle of the Loch) was shut down and the ships moved elsewhere. Faslane is still there.

Larmer: I would love to see the plan for invading Canada, it would be pretty interesting to read. They probably still have that plan though, so I doubt it'll ever be seen.

/we have our own plans for when they invade though

I'd imagine it'd be fairly unoriginal, seeing as how we've had two failed attempts previously. A quick, decisive push towards the major hubs of infrastructure such as Toronto, Winnipeg and Vancouver done in rapid fashion as to prevent a repeat of the last two efforts: the arrival of a British or Commonwealth expeditionary force. The difficult part would be avoiding a debacle on the scale of the previous recent conflict (a la Franco-Prussian War) whereby one declares war prior to having even begun to mobilize his military forces. Of course even Napoléon III had a real army to face the Prussians; militia weren't particularly useful against professionals, victorious over Napoléon, straight from Europe.

I think the most significant change, should we have another go at it, wouldn't even be the advent of mechanized warfare or aircraft but rather the balance of naval power. I can't foresee the Royal Navy achieving almost uncontested control of the seas in its current state.

Ted Kennedy's Brain Tumor: previous recent conflict

1812, 2008 ... what's two hundred years between friends?

/Durr

far_cue: Does anyone habla Scottish? Dude sounds like he could whip a whole Russian division with his right foot.

with his left tied behind his back.

Ted Kennedy's Brain Tumor:
I'd imagine it'd be fairly unoriginal

Well let's take a look!

Stumbled across that on Wikipedia!

They'll be waitin' with a whiff of the old brimstone.

PLAID DAWN?

Fetch me some scotch, laddie.

Branch Dravidian: PLAID DAWN?

Nice

"And the maps also feature a host of details that would never be shown in any Ordinance Survey map, including military facilities, the width of key roads and even whether groups of buildings are fireproofed."

We didn't even do this in Afghanistan. We had to abandon a tank because it got stuck on a main road when we realized it wasn't wide enough for tanks.

Far Cue: I'll give it a go:

"It's your luck and, luckily, my luck was in yesterday - I mean it could have gone totally another way and I wouldn't be here talking to you."

Message to terrorists:

"They can try and come to Britain and they can try to disrupt us any way they want, but the people of Britain have been under a lot more things than this and we always stand proud. I mean, if you come to Glasgow, the people of Glasgow just won't accept this and we'll set about you [coll: 'beat the shiat out of you with extreme prejudice, you wanker']."

Anyway, as for the Russians: they wouldn't last. shiat, the people of Scotland hate occupying the place and we grew up there.

Well, I doubt the Russians ever had plans to invade Australia - there's no way in hell an invading force could actually occupy this "wide brown land".

/Plus, we can drink 'em under the table

Shvetz: We didn't even do this in Afghanistan. We had to abandon a tank because it got stuck on a main road when we realized it wasn't wide enough for tanks.

We also didn't have people pacing out how wide the roads were for a couple of decades before we went in and I don't think that the Afghanis really had a national set of standards as to how wide a road must be for a set speed limit or to be designated a main road.

Perspective man, perspective. The Soviets had decades to do this stuff and lets just admit that a Russian can look just like an Englishman on holiday a lot easier than an American on a road leading into Kabul.

Hell, if I were from Russia, I'd invade Scotland. They'd be too damned drunk to do a thing about it. Hopefully Nessie would stay quiet, seeing as she'd be our greatest opposition.

What the Russians failed to realize, as most people do, is that Scotland in full of Scots, and thus unconquerable by any means except for building a low wall.

Never would have happened

Macular Degenerate: Never would have happened

Never mind that



We didn't do too badly against them last time

Scots are like men, but with more stupid and less brain.