bears!

I always figured the Bible would read much better as a graphic novel. It's got everything. Heroes that are too good to be true, powerful beings who flip between good and evil at a moments notice, and bad guys who used to be good guys until some traumatic event changed their outlook on life.

All Jesus would have needed was a flashy car with all kinds of weird doohickeys.

Boritom: I always figured the Bible would read much better as a graphic novel.

I've actually seen a graphic novel version of the Bible.

Pfft, the Avengers alone have all that and more covered.

blocked

What about the power to turn water...INTO FUNK?

Could Professor X beat Jesus in a no-holds-barred cage match?

Wow. I haven't read CRACKED since I was 11. Now I know why I stopped at age 12.

Uhhhhh how about immortality? Every superhero wants that.

/Jesus
//He loves you
///And so do I

Heamer: Could Professor X beat Jesus in a no-holds-barred cage match?

Depends, are we talking pre- or post-crucifix?

/window seat plz

They had tacos in the bible?

"God" would make a great super villain.

Why does everything last 40 days and 40 nights in the bible?
Noah was the Superdolittle.

iamscotto: Uhhhhh how about immortality? Every superhero wants that.

Yes, but most want the kind of immortality that says "you cannot die", not the kind that says "you can die, you just don't stay dead for long".

Heamer: Could Professor X beat Jesus in a no-holds-barred cage match?

[Insert pic of steroid Jesus ripping the cross apart]

Sure!

Delightfully blasphemous but I think not heretical.

ArcadianRefugee: "God" would make a great super villain.


"....Jesusberg...JESUSBERG?"

[sarcasm]Yay! Bible bashing thread number three on Fark today.[/sarcasm]

/You all need to get a new hobby.

Cracked is highlarious!! I LOLZberged!11!

SherKhan: Delightfully blasphemous but I think not heretical.

Does this mean we merely whip the unbeliever rather than stoning or burning?

iamscotto: /Jesus
//He loves you
///And so do I

Um... well... heh heh. I am flattered... definitely flattered. But could you let him know that I'm really not into guys and I really wouldn't want a threesome with you, me, and Jesus.

/However, I do know someone who might be interested, do you want his number?

Wow, that was a LAME article.

lexnaturalis: Boritom: I always figured the Bible would read much better as a graphic novel.

I've actually seen a graphic novel version of the Bible.

Here's the question, at what age would you let your children read it?

Drummond: I want those "amens" in the record. Now I recollect a story about Joshua -- Joshua making the sun stand still. As an expert, do you tell me that that's as right as the Jonah business? That's a pretty neat trick.

Brady: I do not question or scoff at the miracles of the Lord, as do ye of little faith.

Drummond: Have you ever pondered what would actually happen to the earth if the sun stood still?

Brady: I have faith in the Bible.

Drummond: You don't have much faith in the solar system.

Brady: The sun stopped.

Drummond: Good! Now, if what you say actually happened -- if Joshua stopped the sun in the sky -- the earth stopped spinning on its axis, continents toppled over one another, mountains flew into space, and the earth, shriveled to a cinder, crashed into the sun. Now, how come they missed that little tidbit of news?

I always thought that lucifer was pretty badass, but he turned out to be a chump. Hell man, God killed thousands of homos, vagrants, sinners, and mortals but Lucifer fizzled out right around the end of Genesis.

And speaking of Genesis, Phil Collins is lame too, I mean, who the hell plays the drums AND sings.

RedfordRenegade: I always thought that lucifer was pretty badass, but he turned out to be a chump. Hell man, God killed thousands of homos, vagrants, sinners, and mortals but Lucifer fizzled out right around the end of Genesis.

And speaking of Genesis, Phil Collins is lame too, I mean, who the hell plays the drums AND sings.

God killed Karen Carpenter

gruffgoat:

Here's the question, at what age would you let your children read it?

The Dark Age

ArcadianRefugee:

"God" would make a great super villain.

He already did. He made me.

theorellior:

Does this mean we merely whip the unbeliever rather than stoning or burning?

I'm unsure on the protocols. I think comparing him to SuperDeluxe or something might suffice as penance,

Ah, yes...the Bible. I love a good fiction.

Boritom: I always figured the Bible would read much better as a graphic novel. It's got everything. Heroes that are too good to be true, powerful beings who flip between good and evil at a moments notice, and bad guys who used to be good guys until some traumatic event changed their outlook on life.

All Jesus would have needed was a flashy car with all kinds of weird doohickeys.

True, but there are lots of things in that Holy Book that would not be safe for sanity when seen in graphic novel form.

MysticKakarrott: True, but there are lots of things in that Holy Book that would not be safe for sanity when seen in graphic novel form

Exactly - hence my question above - if the Bible were a graphic novel, it'd have a "Warning" sticker for parents on the inside cover.

RedfordRenegade: And speaking of Genesis, Phil Collins is lame too, I mean, who the hell plays the drums AND sings.


That's what I like about you...

Can't get through to link, but it seems to me that if Jesus can be taken out with three nails, Magneto could take him down in Round One!

H_is_for_Heretic:

Just then man I wanted to see. Am I wrong in thinking that this is not heresy in that it accepts as true the tales of the Testaments?

Noah's Arcade: Ah, yes...the Bible. I love a good fiction.

Me too, but the Bible is crap fiction. There's all kinds of plot holes, the prose is pretty uninspired, it's rife with contradictions and the main character pretty much changes his whole value system for no reason between parts 1 and 2.

/Lame book

lexnaturalis: Boritom: I always figured the Bible would read much better as a graphic novel.

I've actually seen a graphic novel version of the Bible.

I have a New Testament in graphic novel form. Neither one of my kids are interested in reading it, though.

What I would like to see are the classic myths done as graphic novels. My youngest has one that's Greek mythology, but it's manga. I think the Norse myths would be perfect (not in manga-ese, though).

Boritom: I always figured the Bible would read much better as a graphic novel. It's got everything. Heroes that are too good to be true, powerful beings who flip between good and evil at a moments notice, and bad guys who used to be good guys until some traumatic event changed their outlook on life.

It really would, and probably has, but the big problem is that the bible is really really really thick and rich - like good triple-death-by-chocolate fudge. The Ultimate point - The Man is flawed, God is Not, and Christ came to earth to save man from his own wicked nature, and that there is a 'good' way to live which will wind up with the end of pain and permenant joy - is difficult to get through in pictures.

Jack Chick, the Douchebag, tries very hard to capture the joy, but he's so bound up in his nasty missionary tone, he makes it difficult to appreciate the goal at the end of the 'good race'.

I'd like to see Mr Chick put his pen in quiet, faithful submission to the writing of someone like C.S.Lewis, whose writing is always full of love and hope.

Jack - Fear, loathing, anxiety and terror are not the route to God. Love Is. Put More love in your inkwell.

ArcadianRefugee: iamscotto: Uhhhhh how about immortality? Every superhero wants that.

Yes, but most want the kind of immortality that says "you cannot die", not the kind that says "you can die, you just don't stay dead for long".



Disagrees.

Shaggy_C: Depends, are we talking pre- or post-crucifix?

Makes me wonder if Jesus simply retained what godly powers he had prior to his death, or actually gained more once he rose from the dead. Zombie Jesus versus Charles Xavier would make for one hell of a Pay-Per-View, though. I can just envision Don King hawking the whole thing on HBO.

"THIS WILL BE DA MOST SPLENDIFEROUS DISPLAY OF PUGILISTIC MIGHT DA LIKES OF WHICH MANKIND HAS EV-AH SEEN. SIMPLY GARGANTUAN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. ONLY IN JERUSALEM."

When my father teaching, he tried to do a class of the studying the Bible as literature. It didn't work out too well. Apparently some people weren't quite used to actually studying and analyzing the Bible as opposed to being told what everything meant and thought it somewhat heretical.

And before anyone gets their stereotypes up. He taught at branch of the City University of New York.

I like the Song of Songs. Which is a beautiful piece of poetry. Steal some for a love letter today

/Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better than wine.
//As a rose among the thorns, so is my beloved among the daughters.
///I am my beloved and my beloved is mine (way cooler in Hebrew, though) transliterated "Ani dodi, v'dodi li"

ArcadianRefugee
"God" would make a great super villain.

He invented evil.

This looks like a job for

FarkinHostilePics or it didn't happen

Photoshop contest:The Bible

xanadian:

bears!
Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

God: Let me light that for you, honey.
[he points, lights lady's cigarette with lightning bolt]
Lady: Wow!
God: Yeah, you like that? Magic Fingers...
[points again, lightning strikes lady, sets bar on fire]
God: Jesus Christ!
Jesus: What?
God: Get the Escalade! We're Outta Here!

Heamer: Makes me wonder if Jesus simply retained what godly powers he had prior to his death, or actually gained more once he rose from the dead.


He really wasn't that awesome...

Mercutio74: Noah's Arcade: Ah, yes...the Bible. I love a good fiction.

Me too, but the Bible is crap fiction. There's all kinds of plot holes, the prose is pretty uninspired, it's rife with contradictions and the main character pretty much changes his whole value system for no reason between parts 1 and 2.

/Lame book

Actually, an intersting interpretation on that last comment is this :

In Book 1, the person of God is being written about almost exclusively by people who perceive only the merest hint of Himself. It's about Man's perception of God only briefly enlightened by the divine. It's like people probing an unknown and recording their experiences.

In Book 2, With Christ's arrival on Earth, God's point of view becomes clear ; What appears in the old testament to be blatant favoritism, rage and nepotism becomes the mechanics of grace and charity and joy. The probing is gone - the gift of knowledge has been given and illuminates the whole of reality.

Christ already has his alter-ego as an NBA baller...