Subby's neighbor will do the honors

OMG, if there was a "Punch Your Neighbor Day" my fists would be bloody pulps by 7:30am..

I'd also wind up blowing a small fortune on lemons to get the smile off my face.

/hmm, bet lemons would sting my bloody pulps

Cracked sucks, mad ripoff, new super deluxe, why always lists, where is the plug, why does drew force us to read every thread, green really, remember when cracked was funny (no), this list is fail.


There, I think I summed up how this thread will turn out.

as someone browsing fark.com i'm getting a kick out of these comments

Whacking Day!

The only holiday we need is Steak and Blowjob Day.

Considering that I work all the others anyway, they don't mean a lot to me.

Bakudai: why does drew force us to read every thread,

You are doing it wrong.

Uh, work? I won't be coming in today... Uh, it's a religious holiday... The, uh, "Feast of Maximum Occupancy"

They didn't mention the Day of Ashura, when certain ( Shia? ) Muslims flagellate themselves with swords or sticks, but then again there's no way to create humor out of that without risking worldwide riots.

that goose one looks fun

Lt. Cheese Weasel: Festival! Festival! Landru commands it!!

What time is the Red Hour (Central DST)?

Submitter must be one of those guys that likes a woman kicking his balls with high heels over and over.

A nationwide waterfight lasting several days each year really should have been on that list.

Lizara: A nationwide waterfight lasting several days each year really should have been on that list.

They've been test marketing that in the Midwest recently - not going as well as one would hope.

Running of the Bulls, though well-known, is still stranger than any of those.

Cracked is hilarious! LOLZBERG!!11!

I'd just like to add that: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frozen_Dead_Guy_Days ;my home state's annual frozen dead guy day festival should be on that list.

I'd celebrate Weasel Stomping Day, but I keep forgetting when it is.

theironchef: They didn't mention the Day of Ashura, when certain ( Shia? ) Muslims flagellate themselves with swords or sticks, but then again there's no way to create humor out of that without risking worldwide riots.

So they're remaking Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom but with Shia LaBeouf cast as Indy instead of Harrison Ford?

FAIL

/BTW, Ashura? Muslims? FAIL...

I'm kinda hoping the "Bang Your Neighbor's Hot Wife/Daughter Day" will catch on quicker.

SACRED CALENDAR OF SUBGENIUS SAINTS & SACRED HOLIDAYS (a selection)

January

2 Failure of Will Day
4 High Confiscation of Property
16 Night of the Lemur

February

4 The Day of the Fart of Abu Hassan
7 Tachychardia Week begins
8 Homosexual Anxiety
9 Heterosexual Anxiety
10 Bisexual Anxiety
11 Tachychardia Week Overindulgence Festival
13 Family Induced Stress
14 Tachychardia Week Festival of Maximum Occupancy
16 Cremation Wednesday/Hash Wednesday (approximate)

March

1 Obeisance before the Blessed Coney Day
6 Treachery Day
14 Pi approximation
17 Feast of the Blessed Leprechaun/All Snakes' Day
28 Palmistry Sunday (approximate)

April

1 Night of the Evil Clown
2 Passouter (approximate)
3 Goof Friday (approximate)
6 Ether Sunday (approximate)
9 Feast Of The Young Angry Goat Head
10 Chocolate Overindulgence/Cashier Anal Sex
16 All Hookers' Day

May

21 Free Money Day
24 Victory over the U.S. Day (Can.)
27 Pillage Festival
31 Desecration Day

June

2 Yell "Fudge" at North American Cobras Day (secular)
7 Edtors' Day
11 Day of the One Hit Wonders
14 Fag Day (approximate)
18 National Splurge Day (secular)

July

1 Oh! Canada Day
5 X-Day
8 National Camel Toad Hunting Day (secular)
16 Display of the Embarrassing Swimsuits
22 1/Pi approximation

August

1 Drug Side-effects Day (St. Lobster Boy's Day)
6 Dance of the Insensitive Bastards
16 Solarinite Day
23 Nuclear Accident Day

September

1 Begins the month of Ramalamadingdong
6 Cesarean Section Day (approximate)
12 Rush to Judgment Day
16 The Day That Shall Not Be Named
18 Third Nostril of Christ Day
19 March of the Reanimated Corpses/Talk Like A Pirate Day (Secular)
20 Yummy Kippers Day
29 The Daily Double

October

1 Descension of the Lawyers Day
11 Bitterness Day (Can.)
25 The Day To Be Named Later
27 Festival of the Conspiracies (3.3 days)
31 Night of a Thousand Screams

November

2 Erection Day (approximate)
11 Victory over Pinks (VP) Day
17 Smoke Someone Out Day (approximate)
19 Hate for the sake of Hating
21 Clone Day
22 Clone Day
25 Bitterness Day (U.S.)
29 Ummm.Bacon Day/Vegetarian Remission Day

December

7 Feast of All Monsters
10 Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms Day
14 Whiny Victimization/Co-Dependency Day
18 Running of the Roboderos
21 Feelings of Gnawing Guilt Minute(04:00-04:01)
25 Festival of Fish-Fighting, Fisting and Felching
30 Boxing the Jesuit Day (Can.)
31 St. Lucifer (Look Good Until You Die Day)

We need "take a tire iron to an asshole" day.

The First- "I'm kinda hoping the "Bang Your Neighbor's Hot Wife/Daughter Day" will catch on quicker."


Please add my name as one of the fatihful and to the newsletter. It's not easy to pull off the mother daughter combo.

/Have done it
//Would do it again
///So, that's how it is in their family!

Is Cracked the new FarkTV? I miss the FAIL threads

I'm in line for "Punch Your Neighbor Day," but only if I'm released from all liability for assault and battery.

/please, God.

studebaker hoch We need a "take a tire iron to an asshole" day

Let me know the time and the place, I'll bring a list of candidates.

toejam: Is Cracked the new FarkTV? I miss the FAIL threads

Damn, I knew I forgot one.

Burning people alive in Wicker Man?

Well, I know it seems a bit weird, but it's tradition...

Shoot first ask questions laterday

Sweet, I finally get to use this...

I came here for the Japanese penis festival, and am disappointed.

Those people in Bolivia have turned competition for food into a holiday. The police ought to just stay out of it and let the primitives kill each other, if that's what they want.

It goes right back to how the stupid people of the world thrive on drama. The dumber they are, the more drama and pain they require.

Hmmmmm Running of the Bulls and that one festival where they have the huge tomato fight absent from the list.

Porn day?

Any of those holidays sound like more fun than Steak and a Blowjob Day, which my husband claims to like better than Christmas. We'll just have to agree to disagree.

February 26th: Inappropriate Card Day

studebaker hoch: We need "take a tire iron to an asshole" day.

Well, how about the downright weird holiday you & I partake in? You know, the one where a bunch of people slog their asses to the dusty back of beyond, stay there for a week, dress (or remain undressed) like total fools and burn a giant stick figure while wasted out of their minds.

/no place else i'd rather be

No Slap-A-Slag Day?

nucular bum: studebaker hoch: We need "take a tire iron to an asshole" day.

Well, how about the downright weird holiday you & I partake in? You know, the one where a bunch of people slog their asses to the dusty back of beyond, stay there for a week, dress (or remain undressed) like total fools and burn a giant stick figure while wasted out of their minds.

/no place else i'd rather be

The Democratic National Convention??

Danger Avoid Death: The Democratic National Convention??

Normally, I'd have to beat you for the politicisation of a non-political thread, but that was freaking hilarious. You win one (1) internet.

Note to self: if you ever feel the desire to start fights with random strangers, go to Bolivia. Those guys can't throw a punch to save their lives.

Some town in Spain has a big tomato fight every year. That is pretty wild.

what about the running of the jew?

What, no Towel Day?

/May 25.
//Know where your towel is.
///Douglas Adams FTW!

Tinku reminds me of Morris Dancing, which also is a form of ritualized violence connected with prehistoric fertility cults. The sticks and handkerchiefs look a bit silly but some of the more "authentic" and ancient versions are clearly mock battles. The pig (or pig's head) on a stick was probably from a pig slaughtered for fertility of the crops and livestock. It may have replaced a human head (or vice versa).

The Haxey Hood game also has counterparts across Europe. Games of this sort were little more than ritualized warfare between villages. They gave birth to pretty nearly all of the ball games: soccer, football, rugby, etc. Some of them were played across country between villages and for long periods of time--until there was a winner.

Translation: many of your ancestors were doing stuff like this less than 500 years ago. I've seen similar things on the Discovery Channel, etc. There's only so many things that you can do in a simple traditional society.

Like the Euro cup, these assemblies keep the peace by getting a little bit rowdy.

Lord of the May. Lord of Misrule. Lord of the Flies.

Fun fact: William Golding suggested the name "Gaia" to James Loveclock for his "Gaia Hypothesis". Unfortunate, perhaps, becaues of its appeal to silly hippies, but it can't be undone.

Which brings us back to doe, a deer, a female deer.