TFA: Because Chandler, 60, wore a cloth Bass Pro cap during his accident, company executives decided to give him new safety equipment.

Now everyone who needs a new hard hat is gonna do that.

You nailed the headline.

Nailed it right on the head?

Hmm...

This gives me an idea. I need a playboy hat and a nail gun

How did they get the old hat off his head?

?

I once hurt myself whilst holding a playboy mag.

Please, no pancake, just the bunny!

Loverboy586: Hmm...

This gives me an idea. I need a playboy hat and a nail gun


Darn, so close!

I completed the headline with "boat" in my head, and was utterly confused for a minute.


/it's late.

Nuthin' like fun at the ol' fishin' hole.

Oh, I was wearing a Big Bill's Butt Plugs hat once when I was injured.

No Happy Gilmore references yet?

/C'mon guys

I just thought of something so sacreligious that even as an agnostic I can't post it. But boy, think of all the Home Depot cards he could get.

Evolution: We're doing it wrong.

Was that article missing something?

Fluff Girl: I just thought of something so sacreligious that even as an agnostic I can't post it. But boy, think of all the Home Depot cards he could get.

you know you have to tell now

baka-san: Fluff Girl: I just thought of something so sacreligious that even as an agnostic I can't post it. But boy, think of all the Home Depot cards he could get.

you know you have to tell now

Yep she does

MonkeypillowNo Happy Gilmore references yet?


"I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's shopping spree!"




How's that?

swahnhennessy: Was that article missing something?

Are you saying that the article didn't hammer a point home?

inkling79:
How's that?

Great, thanks.

KIDS IN THE HALL - "Momma Compensation" transcript
http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/one/mommac.html (pops)

Mark: Hey, it's not that easy. Compensation? She's a biatch goddess. She gives with one hand, she takes away with the other.

[Scott acts out the last line by reaching out with his hand, then pulling it away, then looking around as if to ask, "where did it go?"]

Mark: Understand? I knew this guy. Have a seat.

[Bruce sits. Scott crouches down on the floor, next to Mark.]

Mark: He worked one of those cushy factory jobs. You know what I'm talkin' about? He uh used to cut pipe as it came off the assembly line -- a blade cutter, you know? [pulls imaginary lever] Cuh-chunk, cuh-chunk. Let the pipe go through. Cuh-chunk, cuh-chunk. Count to two.

Bruce: What'd that pay?

Mark: $11.40 an hour.

Bruce: Wow!

Mark: But one day, he's workin' overtime, real hard. They don't know what it was -- maybe it was the drugs, the noise, the pollution... But he starts hearin' voices, right? Cuh-chunk, cuh-chunk. "Hey man, take a vacation." Cuh-chunk, cuh-chunk. "Get on compensation." Cuh-chunk, cuh-chunk. "Give me your hand." Cuh-chunk, cuh-chunk. "Give me your hand!" Cuh-chunk, cuh-chunk! And he does!

Bruce and Scott: Ugh!!

Mark: He thought he had it all figured it out.

Bruce: Yeah.

Mark: Do ya know where he was the next day?

Bruce: Yeah, he was gettin' drunk in Hawaii.

Mark: Wrong. He was right back at that machine -- workin' it with the other hand!!

Bruce: Ah!!!

I want a $500 fishing store shopping spree. I just dropped 120 bucks on fishing stuff today. The resulting blackened catfish dinner was worth it though.

A woman goes to WalMart to buy her grandson a fishing rod as a birthday present. She knows nothing about fishing rods so she picks one out at random and goes up to the guy behind the counter, who is wearing dark glasses. She asks him about the rod and he says "Ma'am, I am completely blind, but if you drop the rod on the counter I can tell you the model from the sound it makes." So she drops it on the counter and he says "That is an Evenrude 5000 with a 6 foot rod and an aluminum reel. It's on sale this week for $20, excellent choice, ma'am." She takes her credit card out of her purse to pay and accidentally drops it on the floor. The salesman says "Why, that sounds like a MasterCard." The woman bends over to pick up the card, and involuntarily farts. Looking around, she sees no one else in the department and since the salesman is blind, she doesn't say anything to him as she hands him the card. The salesman says "Your total is $33.50, plus tax." "$33.50!" exclaims the woman, I thought you said it was $20!" "Yes, ma'am," answers the salesman. "The rod is $20, then it's $11 for the duck call and $2.50 for the catfish bait."

"I want a new hat!"
"I want a new hat!"
"I want them to have new hats!"