Who does this? Just bring them in with you and toss them in the cart. Whole Foods recycles their paper bags, so just use those and bring them back. Who is this stupid?

Hey, it's not easy to remember them.

And besides, a couple of minutes is nothing compared to the several hundred dollars worth of food in your cart when you shop at Whole Paycheck.

Bring a bag to haul your take. Is that so hard? So-called disposable bags are actually quite durable, otherwise they wouldn't flap around stuck in the trees for ages.

Feh. I use the plastic bags from the store. When finished, half get immediately put in my car's trunk to bring back the following week for recycling. The other half get reused for other things.

Just use plastic like a farking normal person!

I make sure to get their plastic bags. Then I take the plastic bags, and then I burn them. Then I take the residue left over and put it in my local well. Then I go and just start punching dolphins, like right in the face, or in the nutsack.

/screw the earth

The ubiquity of grocery shopping, the fact that it represents an area in which almost all members of society engage, means that you can use behavioral observations and scientific measurements to determine an individuals relative merit. There are certain supermarket behaviors that, taken representatively, we can use to calculate an Assometric Rating (AM), a score that can be helpful in determining whether someone possesses any worthwhile character traits or is just a self-absorbed waste of genetic material. Minor behaviors on these rating, behaviors that earn 1 Assometric Point (AP), include the following:

* leaving a shopping cart in them middle of the aisle while browsing a shelf
* leaving your shopping list in the cart after you are finished shopping
* setting goods down on the wrong shelf after picking them up

More serious behaviors, which rate from 2-3 APs, include:

* writing a check at the register (2)
* waiting until you're at the register to request cigarettes be procured from behind the customer service area (3)
* waiting until after the clerk has finished scanning all your other items to put the one item that has no price on it on the belt (3)
* arguing with the clerk about the price of an item (2)
* arguing with the clerk about the price of an item so that management needs to be called (3)
* having the price different you're arguing equal a sum of $1.00 or less (3 + previous argument score)
* insisting that your meat be bagged separately from everything else after bagging has already started (2)
* studying your receipt for errors before leaving the checkout lane (2)
* waiting until after all items have been scanned and the total announced to swipe your card and begin the electronic payment process (2)
* trying to engage the clerk in conversation (2)
* continuing said conversation after the sales transaction has ended (3)
* using your cell phone in the line (3)

and others.

There are, of course, particularly egregious behaviors that rank even higher. These include:

* leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the lot (5)
* leaving your car in the fire or loading zone while you "run inside for one thing" (5)
* attempting to go through a self-checkout lane without understanding the process (4)
* going through the express checkout lane with from 1-5 extra items in your cart (4)
* going through the express checkout lane with 6 or more extra items in your cart (8)
* going through the express checkout lane with extra items in your cart and then making some sort of pre-scripted humorous remark about how you didn't notice it before and oh this is so embarrassing I won't do it again, sorry (6 + previous score)
* giving your child one of those shopper-in-training carts and then letting her run willy-nilly throughout the store with it (5)

and others.

A final AM requires five store visits to calculate. You add up the total number of APs accumulated during each visit (TAP), divide by 5, and reach the final AM score. For example, an individual whose five visits netted her the following:

Visit 1 - 3
Visit 2 - 4
Visit 3 - 9
Visit 4 - 1
Visit 5 - 2

Would have a total AP score of 19, divided by 5, for a final AM of 3.8. This is a danger level rating, one that, in my more complex Shopping Adjustment Plan (published elsewhere), would result in a slight increase of prices and loss of cart privileges. Higher ratings, those of 7 or more, would require more assertive action.

My local ShopRite got rid of plastic baskets so you have to buy their "green" bags for shopping a few personal items.

These are the milk-carton like plastic baskets that every supermarket had & have probably been used & reused since the Nixon administration. Sturdy & reusable. Now I have to buy a farking bag to shop

Farking ripoff.

Knoughah: I make sure to get their plastic bags. Then I take the plastic bags, and then I burn them. Then I take the residue left over and put it in my local well. Then I go and just start punching dolphins, like right in the face, or in the nutsack.

/screw the earth

That would be a pretty good troll if Whole Foods hadn't ditched plastic bags back in April.

rocinante721: Now I have to buy a farking bag to shop

Farking ripoff.


Your life, it is so difficult. My sympathies.

40yoVirgin: Your life, it is so difficult. My sympathies

Thank you. At least someone listens!

Nabb1: Knoughah: I make sure to get their plastic bags. Then I take the plastic bags, and then I burn them. Then I take the residue left over and put it in my local well. Then I go and just start punching dolphins, like right in the face, or in the nutsack.

/screw the earth

That would be a pretty good troll if Whole Foods hadn't ditched plastic bags back in April.

You caught me. I don't actually shop there; maybe you could tell from the subtle wording of my post, and also because I brought up punching dolphins. Punching dolphins is a terrible idea, because 1) you can't get a grip on them, and B) all their friends are bikers.

Why don't I shop there? Fun fact: Most people don't enjoy the sensation of "metal-fist-in-anus" when the cashier rings up your total.

The bigger problem is dumbshiat cashiers who don't realize some people bring their own bags. It's getting better, but at least very other time I have to explain why I'd prefer they use my bags instead of their shiatty plastic ones.

Wal-Mart is especially bad. They want to check it when you come in the store, in case it's a return. They also single you out for a receipt check when you leave because they can't see inside the bags. And their dumbass cashiers just lock up and get glassy-eyed when you hand them your own bags. It freaks them out, and I've even had Wal-mart cashiers who were so dumbstruck that they tried to scan my bags and sell them back to me.

rocinante721: Thank you. At least someone listens!

My shoulder is always here for you :)

Pocket Ninja: That is way too much math and verbiage for a Saturday morning, especially when I am at work. Stop that.

rocinante721: My local ShopRite got rid of plastic baskets so you have to buy their "green" bags for shopping a few personal items.

These are the milk-carton like plastic baskets that every supermarket had & have probably been used & reused since the Nixon administration. Sturdy & reusable. Now I have to buy a farking bag to shop

Farking ripoff.

You should post a thread about it.

Oh sorry, I mean ANOTHER thread.

The sport of grocery shopping:

1. The playing field:

2. Objective

3. Number of players

4. Game play

5. Deciding the winner.

1. The playing field: The supermarket

2. Objective To get the products you need and to get out of the playing field

3. Number of players Variable number of players decided by time of day, size of playing field, popularity of store, among many other minute details.

4. Game play

Enter the playing field.

If you have a list, look for the signs indicating where your products are. If not, start at one side of the field and work your way to the other side. You do not have to follow this rule in order to play the game

Find your products on the shelves and attempt to retrieve them. If another player is in your way, you may try asking politely for them to move. Don't forget, other players may not want to make your game play easier. In this case you have two options. 1. Wait for them to move along the playing field, or 2. Push them out of the way with verbal or physical abuse. Also remember that finding the products with the lower money designations may benefit your resources, but may not be the quality of the higher designations.

As you get your products you can either carry them in your hands, or use a shopping cart to hold them all. Remember, a shopping cart can hold more items, but will slow you down as you make your way through the playing field. Of course there is the option of using your pockets, but if caught you could be penalized, and taken out of the game.

When you have all the products you need, make your way towards the exits. You will have to choose a register to purchase your items. You must carefully weigh your options by noting how many players are in line in front of each register, How many products each of those players are attempting to purchase, how fast the register operator moves, and even the registers proximity to the exits. Again, you can choose to bypass the register and head straight for the exits, but again, if you get caught you will be penalized, and taken out of the game.

If you get to a register, you must put your products on the sorting conveyor belt. Your products will be tallied, and you will be asked to "pay" for the items. You may use cash, or if available, credit/debit cards or checks.

Once you have done that, you will receive a paper token (receipt) signifying that you have paid for your items.

The game is over when you have maneuvered yourself, your products, and your cart (if applicable) out of the exit doors.

5. Deciding the winner

This game can be played once, or you can keep score. If you are on a budget, getting out of the store quickly may not be as important as using minimal resources (money) to get your items outside of the store. If you're on a schedule, getting out of the store quickly without upsetting your schedule, can declare you the winner. If you have enough items to satisfy your needs until your next game, you win.

Pocket Ninja: behavioral observations and scientific measurements...a score that can be helpful in determining whether someone possesses any worthwhile character traits or is just a self-absorbed waste of genetic material

Wow, that's both overbearingly officious and annoyingly pretentious at the same time.

You're really my dad, aren't you?

Jaylectricity: It's still morning. Too many words. Stop that.

My game for supermarkets.

1. Seek and destroy all humans
2. All humans destroyed = You win!

Bonus: If you can work in the phrase "Taste my cold canned creamed corn!"

Less verbiage for your comatose pleasure.

I can believe that. When you volunteer up to pay "Whole Paycheck" prices for your produce and shop in that little subculture--it's like being ass-raped by Bubba in prison. Once he's in, the fact that he wiggles around a bit isn't really going to make a huge difference...

It is afternoon so you may use some more words, but if I have to scroll I shall be cranky. Stop that.

Makes sense... most of the folks I see who shop at Whole Foods care more about how they look, then how they act.

eddyatwork: Just use plastic like a farking normal person!

Ironically, Whole Foods uses really nice bags -- the thick paper ones. Only Trader Joe's has better bags. There, they have thick paper bags with handles.

/I re-use paper bags.
//Usually as a cat toy.

eddyatwork: Just use plastic like a farking normal person!

Yeah stop being abnormal by actually trying to DO something.

Pocket Ninja: The ubiquity of grocery shopping, the fact that it represents an area in which almost all members of society engage, means that you can use behavioral observations and scientific measurements to determine an individuals relative merit. There are certain supermarket behaviors that, taken representatively, we can use to calculate an Assometric Rating (AM), a score that can be helpful in determining whether someone possesses any worthwhile character traits or is just a self-absorbed waste of genetic material. Minor behaviors on these rating, behaviors that earn 1 Assometric Point (AP), include the following:

* leaving a shopping cart in them middle of the aisle while browsing a shelf
* leaving your shopping list in the cart after you are finished shopping
* setting goods down on the wrong shelf after picking them up

More serious behaviors, which rate from 2-3 APs, include:

* writing a check at the register (2)
* waiting until you're at the register to request cigarettes be procured from behind the customer service area (3)
* waiting until after the clerk has finished scanning all your other items to put the one item that has no price on it on the belt (3)
* arguing with the clerk about the price of an item (2)
* arguing with the clerk about the price of an item so that management needs to be called (3)
* having the price different you're arguing equal a sum of $1.00 or less (3 + previous argument score)
* insisting that your meat be bagged separately from everything else after bagging has already started (2)
* studying your receipt for errors before leaving the checkout lane (2)
* waiting until after all items have been scanned and the total announced to swipe your card and begin the electronic payment process (2)
* trying to engage the clerk in conversation (2)
* continuing said conversation after the sales transaction has ended (3)
* using your cell phone in the line (3)

and others.

There are, of course, particularly egregious behaviors that rank even higher. These include:

* leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the lot (5)
* leaving your car in the fire or loading zone while you "run inside for one thing" (5)
* attempting to go through a self-checkout lane without understanding the process (4)
* going through the express checkout lane with from 1-5 extra items in your cart (4)
* going through the express checkout lane with 6 or more extra items in your cart (8)
* going through the express checkout lane with extra items in your cart and then making some sort of pre-scripted humorous remark about how you didn't notice it before and oh this is so embarrassing I won't do it again, sorry (6 + previous score)
* giving your child one of those shopper-in-training carts and then letting her run willy-nilly throughout the store with it (5)

and others.

A final AM requires five store visits to calculate. You add up the total number of APs accumulated during each visit (TAP), divide by 5, and reach the final AM score. For example, an individual whose five visits netted her the following:

Visit 1 - 3
Visit 2 - 4
Visit 3 - 9
Visit 4 - 1
Visit 5 - 2

Would have a total AP score of 19, divided by 5, for a final AM of 3.8. This is a danger level rating, one that, in my more complex Shopping Adjustment Plan (published elsewhere), would result in a slight increase of prices and loss of cart privileges. Higher ratings, those of 7 or more, would require more assertive action.

*blink*

I don't care about whole foods or the people that shop there. Organic.. so what, it's all Carbon-based? I doubt that.

Ron Paul Revere:

That's because the average Whole Foods shopper fits the general "follower" type of personality.
/can you tell I generally wear jeans and a t-shirt?


Wait a Ron Paul supporter is calling someone else a follower? That's rich.

Oh jeans AND a t-shirt how can you be so unique!?

Whole Foods > Safeway

/loves trader joes too.

Can the ass metric be applied to excessively long fark postings?

Why don't check-out clerks have any spine when it comes to people who take extra items through the express line? I mean, they stare at people's item count all day, so it's not like they don't understand how many items people have??

Next time this happens I swear there's gonna be a cuttin'.

jennyz: Pocket Ninja: The ubiquity of grocery shopping, the fact that it represents an area in which almost all members of society engage, means that you can use behavioral observations and scientific measurements to determine an individuals relative merit. There are certain supermarket behaviors that, taken representatively, we can use to calculate an Assometric Rating (AM), a score that can be helpful in determining whether someone possesses any worthwhile character traits or is just a self-absorbed waste of genetic material. Minor behaviors on these rating, behaviors that earn 1 Assometric Point (AP), include the following:

* leaving a shopping cart in them middle of the aisle while browsing a shelf
* leaving your shopping list in the cart after you are finished shopping
* setting goods down on the wrong shelf after picking them up

More serious behaviors, which rate from 2-3 APs, include:

* writing a check at the register (2)
* waiting until you're at the register to request cigarettes be procured from behind the customer service area (3)
* waiting until after the clerk has finished scanning all your other items to put the one item that has no price on it on the belt (3)
* arguing with the clerk about the price of an item (2)
* arguing with the clerk about the price of an item so that management needs to be called (3)
* having the price different you're arguing equal a sum of $1.00 or less (3 + previous argument score)
* insisting that your meat be bagged separately from everything else after bagging has already started (2)
* studying your receipt for errors before leaving the checkout lane (2)
* waiting until after all items have been scanned and the total announced to swipe your card and begin the electronic payment process (2)
* trying to engage the clerk in conversation (2)
* continuing said conversation after the sales transaction has ended (3)
* using your cell phone in the line (3)

and others.

There are, of course, particularly egregious behaviors that rank even higher. These include:

* leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the lot (5)
* leaving your car in the fire or loading zone while you "run inside for one thing" (5)
* attempting to go through a self-checkout lane without understanding the process (4)
* going through the express checkout lane with from 1-5 extra items in your cart (4)
* going through the express checkout lane with 6 or more extra items in your cart (8)
* going through the express checkout lane with extra items in your cart and then making some sort of pre-scripted humorous remark about how you didn't notice it before and oh this is so embarrassing I won't do it again, sorry (6 + previous score)
* giving your child one of those shopper-in-training carts and then letting her run willy-nilly throughout the store with it (5)

and others.

A final AM requires five store visits to calculate. You add up the total number of APs accumulated during each visit (TAP), divide by 5, and reach the final AM score. For example, an individual whose five visits netted her the following:

Visit 1 - 3
Visit 2 - 4
Visit 3 - 9
Visit 4 - 1
Visit 5 - 2

Would have a total AP score of 19, divided by 5, for a final AM of 3.8. This is a danger level rating, one that, in my more complex Shopping Adjustment Plan (published elsewhere), would result in a slight increase of prices and loss of cart privileges. Higher ratings, those of 7 or more, would require more assertive action.

*blink*

did you really have to quote the whole thing just to say *blink*?

It's still morning for those on the west coast.

To all you on your high horses, recycling isn't that good. When you take the whole process into account, using virgin material produces less waste. Find an IKEA, buy one of those huge blue bags for 59¢, then use it. You will be able to carry everything you've bought at a grocery store.

My favorite was the guy I saw shopping at Wal-Mart last week with a reusable bag with a neon-green logo that said, "Paper or Plastic? NEITHER, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

Subtlety is a lost art.

4NSpy: jennyz: *blink*

did you really have to quote the whole thing just to say *blink*?

It's still morning for those on the west coast.

Sorry :(

4NSpy: jennyz: Pocket Ninja: The ubiquity of grocery shopping, the fact that it represents an area in which almost all members of society engage, means that you can use behavioral observations and scientific measurements to determine an individuals relative merit. There are certain supermarket behaviors that, taken representatively, we can use to calculate an Assometric Rating (AM), a score that can be helpful in determining whether someone possesses any worthwhile character traits or is just a self-absorbed waste of genetic material. Minor behaviors on these rating, behaviors that earn 1 Assometric Point (AP), include the following:

* leaving a shopping cart in them middle of the aisle while browsing a shelf
* leaving your shopping list in the cart after you are finished shopping
* setting goods down on the wrong shelf after picking them up

More serious behaviors, which rate from 2-3 APs, include:

* writing a check at the register (2)
* waiting until you're at the register to request cigarettes be procured from behind the customer service area (3)
* waiting until after the clerk has finished scanning all your other items to put the one item that has no price on it on the belt (3)
* arguing with the clerk about the price of an item (2)
* arguing with the clerk about the price of an item so that management needs to be called (3)
* having the price different you're arguing equal a sum of $1.00 or less (3 + previous argument score)
* insisting that your meat be bagged separately from everything else after bagging has already started (2)
* studying your receipt for errors before leaving the checkout lane (2)
* waiting until after all items have been scanned and the total announced to swipe your card and begin the electronic payment process (2)
* trying to engage the clerk in conversation (2)
* continuing said conversation after the sales transaction has ended (3)
* using your cell phone in the line (3)

and others.

There are, of course, particularly egregious behaviors that rank even higher. These include:

* leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the lot (5)
* leaving your car in the fire or loading zone while you "run inside for one thing" (5)
* attempting to go through a self-checkout lane without understanding the process (4)
* going through the express checkout lane with from 1-5 extra items in your cart (4)
* going through the express checkout lane with 6 or more extra items in your cart (8)
* going through the express checkout lane with extra items in your cart and then making some sort of pre-scripted humorous remark about how you didn't notice it before and oh this is so embarrassing I won't do it again, sorry (6 + previous score)
* giving your child one of those shopper-in-training carts and then letting her run willy-nilly throughout the store with it (5)

and others.

A final AM requires five store visits to calculate. You add up the total number of APs accumulated during each visit (TAP), divide by 5, and reach the final AM score. For example, an individual whose five visits netted her the following:

Visit 1 - 3
Visit 2 - 4
Visit 3 - 9
Visit 4 - 1
Visit 5 - 2

Would have a total AP score of 19, divided by 5, for a final AM of 3.8. This is a danger level rating, one that, in my more complex Shopping Adjustment Plan (published elsewhere), would result in a slight increase of prices and loss of cart privileges. Higher ratings, those of 7 or more, would require more assertive action.

*blink*

did you really have to quote the whole thing just to say *blink*?

It's still morning for those on the west coast.

Did you really have to quote the whole thing just to add two lines yourself?

eddyatwork: It is afternoon so you may use some more words, but if I have to scroll I shall be cranky. Stop that.


1. The playing field: The supermarket
2. Objective To get the products you need and to get out of the playing field
3. Number of players Variable number of players decided by time of day, size of playing field, popularity of store, among many other minute details.
4. Game play
Enter the playing field. If you have a list, look for the signs indicating where your products are. If not, start at one side of the field and work your way to the other side. You do not have to follow this rule in order to play the game

Find your products on the shelves and attempt to retrieve them. If another player is in your way, you may try asking politely for them to move. Don't forget, other players may not want to make your game play easier. In this case you have two options. 1. Wait for them to move along the playing field, or 2. Push them out of the way with verbal or physical abuse. Also remember that finding the products with the lower money designations may benefit your resources, but may not be the quality of the higher designations.

As you get your products you can either carry them in your hands, or use a shopping cart to hold them all. Remember, a shopping cart can hold more items, but will slow you down as you make your way through the playing field. Of course there is the option of using your pockets, but if caught you could be penalized, and taken out of the game.

When you have all the products you need, make your way towards the exits. You will have to choose a register to purchase your items. You must carefully weigh your options by noting how many players are in line in front of each register, How many products each of those players are attempting to purchase, how fast the register operator moves, and even the registers proximity to the exits. Again, you can choose to bypass the register and head straight for the exits, but again, if you get caught you will be penalized, and taken out of the game.

If you get to a register, you must put your products on the sorting conveyor belt. Your products will be tallied, and you will be asked to "pay" for the items. You may use cash, or if available, credit/debit cards or checks.

Once you have done that, you will receive a paper token (receipt) signifying that you have paid for your items.

The game is over when you have maneuvered yourself, your products, and your cart (if applicable) out of the exit doors.

5. Deciding the winner
If you get out of the supermarket without yelling, shaking a baby or peeing on the clerk, you win.

Pocket Ninja: The ubiquity of grocery shopping, the fact that it represents an area in which almost all members of society engage, means that you can use behavioral observations and scientific measurements to determine an individuals relative merit...

So what you're saying is - we should eliminate all the old people.

I concur. Heartily, I concur.

I don't mind Whole Foods. It's a well laid out, the produce looks great, and the selection is decent.

I don't shop there very often because the marginal improvement in quality isn't worth it for 60% of the products I buy.

I understand everyone is entitled to express themselves in terms of appearance, but can i get a normal looking person to work checkout? Why are all the insecure self mutilating freaks working the front of the store?

Worse: farking old people who think this is still the 50's and they must engage the cashier in mindless conversation as they dig for their change purse, no matter how long it takes, so they can pay the grocery bill down to the penny. Do they do this while their items are being scanned? Hell no, they wait until the cashier tells them the total, and act surprised, like they never considered that there would be money involved at some point.

This, and people who still write checks.

I did this once (not at whole foods). I felt like a dick, but in the end I got back quick enough and did the bagging myself, so it didn't take any longer. If we only have a couple of groceries and we forget the bags, we'll just carry the stuff out in our hands.

I love the reusable bags though. We can use them at any store, since we keep them in the car; they make carrying in tons of groceries easier; and I bet we've saved hundreds of plastic bags since we started using them.

every small effort can make a big difference

A supermarket thread? Can I vent for just a sec?

I hate with a boiling passion you stupid old geezers who go shopping after 4pm, or on weekends. You're retired, get the fark out of working people's way you doddering, senile, coffin stuffers.

damageddude: Feh. I use the plastic bags from the store. When finished, half get immediately put in my car's trunk to bring back the following week for recycling. The other half get reused for other things.

I take my plastic bags to the landfill and burn them. Nothing beats the smell of CFCs.

kaminariko: Wow, that's both overbearingly officious and annoyingly pretentious at the same time.

You're really my dad, aren't you?

I had the same thought and lold.

LukeA: To all you on your high horses, recycling isn't that good. When you take the whole process into account, using virgin material produces less waste. Find an IKEA, buy one of those huge blue bags for 59¢, then use it. You will be able to carry everything you've bought at a grocery store.

i started using an Ikea bag a while ago. the other benefit is, I can now get by on one bag of groceries a week.

Pocket Ninja - You never cease to amaze me.

I very rarely shop at Whole Foods, and then only when I really want something unusual. I bought a couple of reusable bags the first time I went there - if I forget them, then I cheerfully let the bag hippy put my meager purchases in a paper sack. Pretty simple.

I do think it's pretty cool that they have twenty different types of bulk salt.

My biggest problem with Whole Foods is the price a few things I buy a lot is completly jacked up. Vitamin Water - my husband drinks that stuff like other people drink soda. It's a buck a bottle at Target, HEB and Walmart. I usually buy it by the flat at Walmart. It was $1.59 at Whole Foods. WTF?

I don't mind Whole Foods. It's a well laid out, the produce looks great, and the selection is decent.

I don't shop there very often because the marginal improvement in quality isn't worth it for 60% of the products I buy.


That's just it. For example, the deli at Whole Foods is really good. But I'm not sure it's worth 20 bucks for lunch.

/Won a $500 giftcard to WF at a company Christmas party last year
//Had a really nice wine collection
///For about a week