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(Telegraph) Spiffy Rabbis declare giraffes kosher   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 72
More: Spiffy  
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Lenny_da_Hog 2008-06-08 02:59:17 AM  
In retaliation, Geoffrey declares all Jews to be twigs and leaves.

 
Drongo3 [TotalFark] 2008-06-08 03:20:53 AM  
Giraffe season! Jew season!

 
Haoie 2008-06-08 06:10:21 AM  
Don't touch pork, not even with a fork!

Can't touch this!

 
Gash 2008-06-08 06:17:17 AM  
The team, led by Professor Zohar Amar, took a routine sample of milk and found that it clotted in the way required by Jewish law for kosher certification.

LOL. Those wacky Joooos! Every bit as mad as Mormonism or Scientology.

 
Atheist_Republican [TotalFark] 2008-06-08 06:17:30 AM  
Mmm, the tasty, tasty giraffe.

 
Jamieboy 2008-06-08 06:18:21 AM  
I find kosher dietary rules fascinating, and kosher food delicious.

/friends with lots of Jews. Look forward to being invited for holiday dinners.

 
Two Dogs Farking [TotalFark] 2008-06-08 06:22:41 AM  
I assume you have to cut off and discard the top 1/8 of the neck before you can eat the rest...

 
Hilary T. N. Seuss 2008-06-08 06:30:02 AM  
It tastes like chicken.

 
serjohn 2008-06-08 06:37:14 AM  
A giraffe walks into a bar and announces high balls are on me!

 
Sasha_CT 2008-06-08 06:50:14 AM  
But...but...giraffes are evil!

'I will eat all the leaves off this tree and soon there will be no more leaves...and all the other giraffes will die. Ahahaha!'

/s'true if Izzogman says it so.

 
NZ Bad Girl 2008-06-08 06:55:27 AM  
Excellent timing.

 
Polyphonic 2008-06-08 07:33:08 AM  
Speaking as an Orthodox Jew, this is not news. We've always known that Giraffe is 100% Kosher.

The only problem is finding exactly where on the neck it can be cut, because killing it incorrectly will make it Treif (not Kosher).

 
drxym 2008-06-08 07:34:20 AM  
I'm glad that's cleared up. It's a great comfort to know it that giraffe meat conforms to some arbitrary superstitious criteria.

 
0Icky0 2008-06-08 07:39:51 AM  
Polyphonic: The only problem is finding exactly where on the neck it can be cut, because killing it incorrectly will make it Treif (not Kosher).

That's just silly.

 
Gothmolly 2008-06-08 07:43:44 AM  
Polyphonic
Speaking as an Orthodox Jew, this is not news. We've always known that Giraffe is 100% Kosher.

The only problem is finding exactly where on the neck it can be cut, because killing it incorrectly will make it Treif (not Kosher).


It frightens me that you people have the Bomb.

 
co-conspirator [TotalFark] 2008-06-08 07:54:48 AM  
Good news: Giraffe is officially kosher.

Bad news: no one can find a 10-foot tall shochet.

 
marcand 2008-06-08 07:55:28 AM  
What did the Rabbids say?

 
Braindeath 2008-06-08 07:58:31 AM  
Aww, bunnies. Which is what I'm going to focus on, because I really do not want to know why people are eating giraffes and/or considering eating giraffes. Much less why Jews are, since I do not remember...oh, maybe Ethiopians.

/rtfa
/still not clear why people are considering eating giraffes

 
LordJiro 2008-06-08 07:59:30 AM  
marcand: What did the Rabbids say?

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

 
lymerae 2008-06-08 08:00:26 AM  
Cutting the correct place on the animal's neck in kosher laws is designed for the swiftest, least painful death. It's not just whimsy; it's supposed to prevent unnecessary cruelty towards animals.

 
0Icky0 2008-06-08 08:09:00 AM  
lymerae: Cutting the correct place on the animal's neck in kosher laws is designed for the swiftest, least painful death. It's not just whimsy; it's supposed to prevent unnecessary cruelty towards animals.

Yeah, from the days before pneumatic hammers.
I'd say it's time to upgrade your abattoirs.

/Rotating knives, yes.

 
brassmonkey2214 2008-06-08 08:19:24 AM  
Goth Molly made me seriously laugh out loud. Thanks

 
AlphaNumericus 2008-06-08 08:20:36 AM  
'Kosher/halal' is a relic of an ancestral totem. Obviously, Abraham didn't sleep with a giraffe & begat Jews and/or Moslems. But many African tribes won't eat giraffes, hippos, or some other species of animals because their religion says they descended from this animal.

Many Europeans feel the same way about horses. When I say I eat horsemeat whenever I can get it, and like it, they a) faint b) tell me about the deep spiritual connection between their European ancestors and horses.

 
Dwedit 2008-06-08 08:29:53 AM  
luigibrasile: Mmmmmmm!

I guess this explains all the Ultima games where the Giant Ants drop mutton.

 
TheWhoppah 2008-06-08 09:05:08 AM  
The zoo is my buffet.

 
Ikahoshi 2008-06-08 09:12:27 AM  
AlphaNumericus: Many Europeans feel the same way about horses. When I say I eat horsemeat whenever I can get it, and like it, they a) faint b) tell me about the deep spiritual connection between their European ancestors and horses.

Not true, horse meat is big in France and Germany. I've met quite a number of europeans who complain they can't get any decent horse meat in the markets here in North America. I won't eat it myself because I tried it once and hated it.

As for the halal/kosher dietary rules, I find them to be arcane and mostly pointless. But you can't stop people from believing in susperstition/tradition/religion any more than you can stop the sky from being blue.

 
ImJustaTroll 2008-06-08 09:23:01 AM  
Ikahoshi: AlphaNumericus: Many Europeans feel the same way about horses. When I say I eat horsemeat whenever I can get it, and like it, they a) faint b) tell me about the deep spiritual connection between their European ancestors and horses.

Not true, horse meat is big in France and Germany. I've met quite a number of europeans who complain they can't get any decent horse meat in the markets here in North America. I won't eat it myself because I tried it once and hated it.

As for the halal/kosher dietary rules, I find them to be arcane and mostly pointless. But you can't stop people from believing in susperstition/tradition/religion any more than you can stop the sky from being blue.


Oh we can stop the sky from being blue.. It's just not advisable. I guess thes same way it wouldn't be a good idea to force people to stop believing in religion.

 
Cormee 2008-06-08 09:31:36 AM  
Ikahoshi: Not true, horse meat is big in France and Germany.

The French will eat anything. Even rodent pate. Seriously.

/just had dolphin in Tobago last week - yum!

 
StoneColdAtheist 2008-06-08 09:45:09 AM  
Polyphonic The only problem is finding exactly where on the neck it can be cut, because killing it incorrectly will make it Treif (not Kosher).

I suppose it's just the front quarters, too.

/likes me the tenderloins
//mmm, tenderloins...

 
matt2891 2008-06-08 09:45:25 AM  
Are there just random jews going around testing animals to see if they're kosher or something?

 
TeddyRooseveltsMustache [TotalFark] 2008-06-08 09:49:07 AM  
Am I the only one who wasn't even aware that people were eating giraffes?

 
KarmicDisaster 2008-06-08 09:51:30 AM  
Save the neck for soup.

 
SwiftFox [TotalFark] 2008-06-08 10:00:52 AM  
This was redlighted a day ago with a dozen different better headlines.

/bittergrumble

 
Suitable Moniker 2008-06-08 10:10:14 AM  
Gash: LOL. Those wacky Joooos! Every bit as mad as Mormonism or Scientology.

Hey! You were on a roll! Why stop there?

 
AlphaNumericus 2008-06-08 10:14:12 AM  
Ikahoshi: As for the halal/kosher dietary rules, I find them to be arcane and mostly pointless. But you can't stop people from believing in susperstition/tradition/religion any more than you can stop the sky from being blue.

I have read the entire Bible, and it does NOT say that Abraham porked a giraffe, QED.

 
AlphaNumericus 2008-06-08 10:15:43 AM  
Cormee: The French will eat anything. Even rodent pate. Seriously.

J'adore frogs and snails.

 
BravadoGT [TotalFark] 2008-06-08 10:51:24 AM  
Cormee: The French will eat anything. Even rodent pate. Seriously.

Not for long. Give it another decade or so, and everything there will have to be halal....

 
alex10294 2008-06-08 11:03:14 AM  
0Icky0: Polyphonic: The only problem is finding exactly where on the neck it can be cut, because killing it incorrectly will make it Treif (not Kosher).

That's just silly.


It's about cruelty. You have to kill the animal in the way that would produce the least pain (of course using technology available when the rules were created). Others at the time were allowed to eat animals that were slaughtered cruelly. It's actually a remnant of a past "progressive" movement.

 
roki 2008-06-08 11:15:05 AM  
But are peregrine falcons kosher?

Don't want to eat one. Just want to see them catch one.

 
hoodiowithtudio 2008-06-08 11:23:43 AM  
birds of prey are not kosher, along with ostrich. There is an actual list of birds that are kosher in the Torah, I believe. Or what is not kosher I should say.

 
CygnusDarius [TotalFark] 2008-06-08 11:25:00 AM  
DELICIOUS GIRAFFE OM NOM NOM NOM.

 
Riffington 2008-06-08 11:25:58 AM  
It's not like Jews are actually interested in eating giraffes. It's that Jews are interested in finding all the weird ramifications of the rules.

Just like you can use an elephant as one of the walls of a Sukkah. Yes, the Rabbis debated it. Doesn't mean any of them had an actual elephant.

 
Teafortwo 2008-06-08 11:52:16 AM  
alex10294: 0Icky0: Polyphonic: The only problem is finding exactly where on the neck it can be cut, because killing it incorrectly will make it Treif (not Kosher).

That's just silly.

It's about cruelty. You have to kill the animal in the way that would produce the least pain (of course using technology available when the rules were created). Others at the time were allowed to eat animals that were slaughtered cruelly. It's actually a remnant of a past "progressive" movement.


As opposed to being a dumb explanation to justify a superstition.

/Jehovah Witnesses refuse blood because some of it might be tainted. Yeah, that'll work!

 
vaginal ecosystem 2008-06-08 11:56:39 AM  

 
Ananku 2008-06-08 12:05:13 PM  
I don't want to eat any giraffe meat, but I really want some giraffe milk cheese!! Maybe spread on a Ritz with nice glass of red. Yep, Giraffe milk cheese...gotta have some.

 
theorellior 2008-06-08 12:19:34 PM  
Riffington: Just like you can use an elephant as one of the walls of a Sukkah. Yes, the Rabbis debated it. Doesn't mean any of them had an actual elephant.

Good to know, in case I need a sukkah and have an elephant handy.

 
EsteeFlwrPot 2008-06-08 12:29:21 PM  
Polyphonic: Speaking as an Orthodox Jew, this is not news. We've always known that Giraffe is 100% Kosher.

The only problem is finding exactly where on the neck it can be cut, because killing it incorrectly will make it Treif (not Kosher).


How YOU doin?Riffington: Just like you can use an elephant as one of the walls of a Sukkah. Yes, the Rabbis debated it. Doesn't mean any of them had an actual elephant.

What? That's bullshiat.

 
EsteeFlwrPot 2008-06-08 12:30:13 PM  
Oh and another thing, HAPPY SHAVOUT!

Enjoy the cheesecake everybody!


/why hasnt anyone summoned meeeee?

 
dugrik 2008-06-08 12:43:32 PM  
Alright! Time to ditch this emu farm and set up a giraffe ranch! Gotta be on the cutting edge of the next food fad that nobody will ever eat.

 
kibbled 2008-06-08 12:47:55 PM  
Drongo3: Giraffe season! Jew season!

Made me giggle

EsteeFlwrPot: Oh and another thing, HAPPY SHAVOUT!

Enjoy the cheesecake everybody!


/why hasnt anyone summoned meeeee?


What is this cheesecake reference everyone is talking about? I guess it is what I get for not reading Fark for a day or two.

 
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