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(SeattlePI) Weird Actual Headline: What if Hillary had been at the Alamo?   (seattlepi.nwsource.com) divider line 61
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BizarreRecords 2008-06-06 09:23:00 PM  
Mexican gang rape?

 
oldebayer [TotalFark] 2008-06-06 09:26:43 PM  
What would Jebus have done at the Alamo?

/The answer is the singular of "dice."

 
Norad [TotalFark] 2008-06-06 09:26:46 PM  
BizarreRecords: Mexican gang rape?

You know, that's incredibly disturbing on a whole bunch of levels.

 
nobozo 2008-06-06 09:28:24 PM  
We could rent-a-car faster?

 
Halfmast Trousers [TotalFark] 2008-06-06 09:31:23 PM  
Does that mean Obama is General Santa Ana?

 
CravenMorehead 2008-06-06 10:14:10 PM  
We would have had a much shorter primary?

 
CarolynLibrarian 2008-06-06 10:22:02 PM  
She wouldn't be running now, and Bill wouldn't have gotten to the White House without her?

 
Suicidal Writer 2008-06-06 10:25:25 PM  
Has it occurred to anybody but me that if Hillary Clinton had been at the Alamo, either Texas would have won the battle, or we'd still be fighting a war with Mexico?

Hillary Clinton is a woman; she would not have been able to rise to a position of power back then.

 
JerseyTim [TotalFark] 2008-06-06 10:26:28 PM  
She'd probably spend her time in the basement.

 
CarolynLibrarian 2008-06-06 10:34:15 PM  
JerseyTim: She'd probably spend her time in the basement.

Yelling at the men on the parapets to fight to the last man.

 
nobius 2008-06-06 10:34:16 PM  
I'm insulted on so many levels.

 
GAT_00 [TotalFark] 2008-06-06 10:42:09 PM  
She would have stubbornly defended the fort claiming the whole time they were winning and would never lose.

Oh wait..

 
McStinky 2008-06-07 12:28:26 AM  
Answer to subby: She'd be dead by now and we wouldn't be going through all this drama.

 
SlappyKincaid [TotalFark] 2008-06-07 01:30:25 AM  
Since she would outlaw all the guns in the fort, I'm guessing the battle would be over quickly...

 
vudukungfu 2008-06-07 01:36:30 AM  
I'm guessing something along the lines of Boone's Farm wine, a coon skin Davey Crocket hat, and a Slim Jim Bowie knife would have been used to levey the vote on who to cross the line in the sand bags.
Oh, and a never surrender policy.
And one lone rider leaving the fort on a horse to make a booty call./ever see the walk of shame done in a YSL pantsuit?

 
Nina_Hartley's_Ass 2008-06-07 02:16:17 AM  
She'd still be younger than McCain?

/yeah, I know

 
Kurland 2008-06-07 02:20:55 AM  
She likely would have survived and been released like a few other women at the Alamo. She wouldn't have risen to any important position in those days and likely would have just been a noncombatant. Really stupid question.

 
TMBGfreak 2008-06-07 02:20:57 AM  
She would've been proved right about the popular vote?

/If you include the Mexicans that had previously been discounted

 
hillbillypharmacist [TotalFark] 2008-06-07 02:24:07 AM  
BizarreRecords: Mexican gang rape?

Mexicans aren't that desperate.

 
I_Approve_Of_This_Message 2008-06-07 02:26:20 AM  
She would have been entrenched in the innermost bunker, surrounded by her always-positive advisors. They would proceed to shield any bad news from her, and despite the increasing onslaught from outside, she would continue to proclaim victory. When the enemy had overcome the front lines and were nearing the innermost bunker, she would begin proclaiming how her opposition had waged this battle in an unfair and demeaning fashion.

 
dervish16108 2008-06-07 02:34:14 AM  
JerseyTim: She'd probably spend her time in the basement.

Ha ha ha ha! There's no basement at the Alamo! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 
maotig 2008-06-07 02:42:26 AM  
Does this mean that Obama is Sam Houston and McCain is Santa Anna?

 
TurboKitty 2008-06-07 02:43:11 AM  
root cellar maybe? for robert mondavi wines? wait...I know...moonshine for everyone

 
Argh2 2008-06-07 02:48:05 AM  
What a singularly stupid article. If Clinton had been at the Alamo, she would have refused to surrender in the face of overwhelming odds and been killed. Of course, Santa Ana was going to kill everyone anyway even if they did surrender, so intention is irrelevant.

THIS is why you should never vote for a Texan for President. They all think they won the Alamo.

 
HawaiiE 2008-06-07 02:52:07 AM  
She'd focus too much on dodging all the sniper fire & she'd never anticipate the obviously impending full frontal death blow?

 
ulairix 2008-06-07 03:12:15 AM  
brigada del pastel de queso

 
Gyrfalcon [TotalFark] 2008-06-07 03:17:42 AM  
hillbillypharmacist: BizarreRecords: Mexican gang rape?

Mexicans aren't that desperate.


I thought he meant Hillary would be doing the raping.

 
Biological Ali 2008-06-07 03:18:31 AM  
hillbillypharmacist: BizarreRecords: Mexican gang rape?

Mexicans aren't that desperate.


I don't think it's the Mexicans that'd be doing the raping.

 
Biological Ali 2008-06-07 03:19:35 AM  
Gyrfalcon: I thought he meant Hillary would be doing the raping.

Curses! Foiled again!

 
Frank N Stein 2008-06-07 03:21:59 AM  
BizarreRecords: Mexican gang rape?

Ok, I've been searching for this for a while. Is there any Hillary Clinton erotic fanfic on the internet? It has to exist, what with Rule 34 and all.

 
DerekSD 2008-06-07 04:08:55 AM  
ozzy osbourne wouldn't have gotten arrested for pissing on it's wall?

 
GoodCabeza 2008-06-07 04:22:49 AM  
BizarreRecords: Mexican gang rape?

Sorry but I like dark meat.

 
Argh2 2008-06-07 04:23:31 AM  
Rule 34?

 
wildcardjack 2008-06-07 05:02:28 AM  
It is racist to say coon skin cap?

/ughh, not rule 34
//I need some mental mental floss

 
Sluggard Stone 2008-06-07 05:13:13 AM  
It would still smell like a whore died in there?

 
SwiftFox [TotalFark] 2008-06-07 05:18:27 AM  
Has it occurred to anyone besides me that the Hillary sideshow has, and is, doing a superb job of keeping the Republican Party in a daze about just who and what to be campaigning against?

She reminds me of a film I saw of a weasel dancing back and forth in front of some bemused and soon to be taken off-guard rabbits.

 
What_Would_Jimi_Do 2008-06-07 05:22:33 AM  
Hillary would have farted on those invaders.

 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark] 2008-06-07 05:25:30 AM  
She'd have used her vast support amongst the Hispanic demographic to disarm the Alamo and thus prevent any.. oh shi-

 
What_Would_Jimi_Do 2008-06-07 05:28:51 AM  
i don't watch fox, but when does alan colmes give up and go on the ventilator? for god's sake, give it up.

 
What_Would_Jimi_Do 2008-06-07 05:32:31 AM  
alan colmes, doesn't realize with the health care he choices he will be dead in 2 years. we can all hope. POS

 
What_Would_Jimi_Do 2008-06-07 05:41:53 AM  
if hillary hd been at the alamo, the mexicans would have all died from syphaliis

 
starsrift 2008-06-07 06:25:19 AM  
FTFA: So I'm thinking that if Hillary had been at the Alamo, she would have kicked Santa Anna's butt, and today the Daughters of the Republic of Texas would be selling coonskin pantsuits instead of Davy Crockett's coonskin caps out of the gift shop. The tail on the back of the suit would be optional.

Apparently, there'd be a lot more furry suits around, to answer subby's question.

 
Mayhem_2006 2008-06-07 06:51:35 AM  
She would have tried to take over the defence of the place by claiming that Davy Crockett was not as good a leader as Santa Anna, then when that went wrong she'd probably secretly bargain with Santa Anna to shoot Crockett in the back and open the gates in exchange for a position on Santa Anna's government.

 
Crude 2008-06-07 07:00:18 AM  
There would have been more helicopters and snipers.

 
varmitydog 2008-06-07 07:45:04 AM  
Bill Travis would have killed her from stealing from the supply room.

Or Jim Bowie would have killed her for "leaking" information to the Mexicans.

Or Davey Crockett would have killed her to keep everyones's spirits up.

It was a simpler time. Self-centered horsecrap women who lied all the time were dealt with harshly.

 
Rodeodoc 2008-06-07 08:58:29 AM  
FTA: From watching her during her run against Barack Obama, I'm a little surprised that when Bill left the White House, Hillary didn't have the bedroom furniture pushed under the doorknob so they couldn't drag her out of the building.>

Instead, she just stole everything that wasn't nailed down.

 
67 Beetle 2008-06-07 09:05:03 AM  
You mean she wasn't at the Alamo?

But she remembers it so vividly! -- with the musket balls wizzing around her head, etc.

 
Stopheles 2008-06-07 09:06:58 AM  
The question is: if she HAD BEEN at the Alamo, would she have been fighting on the side of the Americans who were trying to protect their ability to hold slaves in a territory that was about to prohibit slavery?

entertainment.upperdeck.com

 
NYZooMan 2008-06-07 09:22:08 AM  
We'd all be eating Mexican Boiled Bunny on Cinco de Mayo?

 
JonBonham 2008-06-07 09:44:43 AM  
I just went to hillaryis44.com for the first time, and I am frightened. Never in my life have I seen a larger community of scorned, screaming, rhetoric spewing, delightfully uninformed women in my entire life.

Well, other than an abortion rally.

 
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