Picking up women at this location should be easy: be sure to wear an Armani suit; a toupe'; rent an exotic car; pay for some arm candy and act "better than thou"....

This article is infiately more funny if you wake away quotation marks:

If the streets seemed unusually devoid of women, that's because they were likely lining up for Sex.

(To the blonde) "I can bench press 800lbs."
(To the brainiac) "The plight of women in this hemisphere is deplorable."
(To the Black woman) "You, me and Coltrain til dawn"

"Giggity Giggity Giggity. C'mon Peter one for you and two for me."

Good God, I don't want anything to do with any of the crazy women who are drinking Cosmos and watching that movie.

If I wanted to see half-crazy emaciated cougars, I'd go to the zoo.

IrateShadow: if the streets seemed unusually devoid of women, that's because they were likely lining up for Sex.

I have cause that problem all the time.

No. Just no.

I am not subjecting myself to such crap for a bunch of 5's who think they are 10's.

Yes, because there's nothing more I want in life than a middle-aged woman with huge entitlement issues.

How is that a good place to pick up women?

They're going to assume you're gay because you're there.

I didn't think that really any movie theatres in the U.S. served alcohol. We always had to smuggle it in to Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Come to think of it, the ladies were always a lot more willing there too, whether or not they were imbibing.

Maybe we should rewrite the headline as, "Hottest chick pickup location: places where willing ladies go to look for attractive men to have sex with, where alcohol might slightly modify the definition of 'attractive'"

Cackling fashion- and gossip-crazed harpies?

If I wanted to date a gay man, I'd develop a taste for dong.

Isn't that the movie about the three hookers and their mom?

Good one, TWX

The alcohol will be for the dudes, since that is the only way to get through that movie.

xtex: How is that a good place to pick up women?

They're going to assume you're gay because you're there.

Their gaydar gets thrown for a loop in romantic comedies.

TWX: Maybe we should rewrite the headline as, "Hottest chick pickup location: places where willing ladies go to look for attractive men to have sex with, where alcohol might slightly modify the definition of 'attractive'"

Church?.

I saw this in action on Friday at the ArcLight in Hollywood. You've never seen so many pairs of Jimmy Choo shoes in one place in your life. They were all giddy and drunk. I can't imagine trying to talk to any of them... it would be like sarging a pack of wolves.

/I was there for Indy 4.
//Don't bother.
///Is The Game still relevant?

No, this is the hottest chick pickup

How do you go about picking up a woman in the middle of a movie?

TWX: I didn't think that really any movie theatres in the U.S. served alcohol. We always had to smuggle it in to Rocky Horror Picture Show.
'"Guess you missed the "40 dollar ticket" articles- theatres now can have valet parking, knife-and-fork food, and booze. With the size of women's handbags today though, I can easily fit a burger fries, and fifth of wild turkey.

I wish I could buy stock in just the Sex and the City franchise. I know at least 30 female friends who saw the movie this weekend.

Drongo3:
///Is The Game still relevant?

Only if you're not a Natural.

The opening out in Phoenix was HUGE. And it was sort of sad in a way. Because it was such a manufactured event, with gals all doing their level best to compete in that Cougarish fashion, and it went from sort of funny and tongue in cheek, straight to Cosplay for Women Without a Sense of Irony.

It was like seeing a bunch of Trekkies discover Jimmy Choos and Fendi. Only instead of the air being redolent of Cheetos and Mountain Dew, it was Donna Karan Gold and Cosmos.

I'd rather kill myself.

TWX: I didn't think that really any movie theatres in the U.S. served alcohol.

Varies state-by-state. For whatever reason, the places I've been to have always been the type that get the movies a few months behind the mainstream theaters.

buzzvert 2008-06-01 02:28:18 PM
If I wanted to see half-crazy emaciated cougars, I'd go to the zoo.

that was truly awesome

There needs to be more movie theatres that serve booze. In fact, that's the primary reason I don't go to the movies in the first place.

H_is_for_Heretic:

"Guess you missed the "40 dollar ticket" articles- theatres now can have valet parking, knife-and-fork food, and booze. With the size of women's handbags today though, I can easily fit a burger fries, and fifth of wild turkey.

Must have... Here most movie theatres are in large strip malls, regular indoor malls, or other places where valet parking is already available. The movie theatres here that do serve food are usually the bargain theatres, and the food is another way of attempting to bring in a clientèle, kind of like dinner theatre for stage productions, but with even less expense.

I guess I'm jaded. I don't go to the movies but maybe five or six times a year, and usually four of those are to the bargain cinema. But, several years ago I got into the home theatre stuff and got the projector and the surround sound, and I tend to like older movies anyway, so I haven't had the need to go pay upwards of $10 a ticket to see some of the new stuff. Besides, at home I can have the steak dinner with as much alcohol as I can drink, and I don't have to figure out how to get the car home in a drunken stupor...

TWX: I didn't think that really any movie theatres in the U.S. served alcohol. We always had to smuggle it in to Rocky Horror Picture Show.

There are a few in DC. They aren't your Regal, Loews type places.

/Arlington Drafthouse + Snakes On A Plane FTW.
//Surprised Old Town Theater didn't cash in on this and is showing Indiana Jones instead.

I gotta say I used to rail on the premise of that show without knowing about it firsthand. Then I watched one episode and somehow managed to hate it even more. A girl who tells me she likes that show is pretty much instantly disqualified from future consideration.

Gimme a BSG/Futurama/Sealab-watchin' chick any day.

I am a woman in Los Angeles, and in no way am I "flocking" to see this crap.

Bomb those useless femes while they're all in one place -- it's what I say.

I think even Florida and Washington, after the guy had that fatal sexual encounter with the horse, have outlawed bestiality.

I went with 3 girlfriends. We all wore great shoes. We had a blast. We are not emaciated cougars.

You can look at Sex and the City from a lot of angles. I prefer the "four women with lasting friendships that didn't feel the need to compete with each other". The women that I went with are the kind that are allowed to see my apartment when it is dirty and show up en masse with booze when there's a heartbreak.

The art house where I go to read subtitles and feel snooty got sick of people leaving tallboy cans about, so they got a license and have started serving alcohol, as well as requiring ID to get into movies after a certain hour.

Used to be a jailbait-infested nightmare, now it's all adults and the movies have 40% more nudity.

Full of win.

Opiate of the Lasses: Gimme a BSG/Futurama/Sealab-watchin' chick any day.

And for the record, the women in my group ALSO watch these shows.

IT'S TIME TO GET SERIOUS!

nunia: Bomb those useless femes while they're all in one place -- it's what I say.

Your newsletter, may I subscribe?

I could probably care less. It's no different than the guys that dressed up as jedis and stormtroopers when the new star wars films were up and running amok.

Opiate of the Lasses:

I gotta say I used to rail on the premise of that show without knowing about it firsthand. Then I watched one episode and somehow managed to hate it even more. A girl who tells me she likes that show is pretty much instantly disqualified from future consideration.

Gimme a BSG/Futurama/Sealab-watchin' chick any day.

I don't like Friends, my wife does. I don't like Sex and the City, but my wife does (of course, Lt. Valeris just about nekkid does hold some appeal). It's fine. While she's watching those shows I'm out turning wrenches in the garage or playing with the computers, and she leaves me alone.

Of course, I did get her hooked on Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, and more recently the spinoffs Torchood and The Sarah Jane Adventures (the latter of which she likes a lot more than I do even), so it all works out. And she hates my Benny Hill collection on premise, even though she does laugh at some of the skits.

TWX: I didn't think that really any movie theatres in the U.S. served alcohol. We always had to smuggle it in to Rocky Horror Picture Show.



Get thee to the Alamo Drafthouse.

/and try the pint of Arrogant Bastard Ale while you're there

Jack Torrence: Good God, I don't want anything to do with any of the crazy women who are drinking Cosmos White Zinfandel and watching that movie.

Both are pretty bad, but White Zin wins the airhead drink award every time.

Walking home in Manhattan last night I passed a theater that was showing this movie on a couple screens. There must have been 300 people in line outside, 250 women dressed to the nines and 50 guys (presumably gay).

I'd have to agree that last night would've been a hell of a night to get try to get laid in the city. I'm sure the cosmos were flowing freely afterward.

SpiderQueenDemon: The art house where I go to read subtitles and feel snooty got sick of people leaving tallboy cans about, so they got a license and have started serving alcohol, as well as requiring ID to get into movies after a certain hour.

Used to be a jailbait-infested nightmare, now it's all adults and the movies have 40% more nudity.

Full of win.

There's a movie theatre near the one of the rich suburbs of the city that's become a haven for emo-jailbait. I kid you not.

I saw Indy & Sex & The City in the same week. I'm not fashion obsessed or that old (33), I just like the stories.

/Indy was better.
//Also loves Adult Swim and Doctor Who.

TWX: I didn't think that really any movie theatres in the U.S. served alcohol. We always had to smuggle it in to Rocky Horror Picture Show.

A theater here in town, Cinetopia, has a wine bar. They play first run movies and has a nice restaurant too. There are a number of places in Portland that serve beer while showing second run movies.

The best part of these places is that kids aren't allowed. No screaming babies, no loud kids or their cell phones, just good beer and good movies.

Where can I watch "The Fall." Is it on DVD from any region? I can't find it anywhere.

CygnusDarius Quote 2008-06-01 03:03:05 PM
I could probably care less. It's no different than the guys that dressed up as jedis and stormtroopers when the new star wars films were up and running amok.

When that happened Conan sent out Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to shat on everybody in line and a classic comedy bit was born. Could you imagine anybody daring to make fun of the sad morons lining up to see this drivel. They'd get shredded instantly and every biatch in America would refuse to watch their show.

Here's Triumph mocking the Star Wars geeks. (new window)

CygnusDarius:

Church?.

Well, that's where you messed up, son, you can't go to no bar to find a nice woman. You gotta go to a nice place, a quiet place like a library, there's good women there and 'erm, church, they're good girls.

Debeo Summa Credo:I'd have to agree that last night would've been a hell of a night to get try to get laid in the city. I'm sure the cosmos were flowing freely afterward.

I bet there were plenty of metros too.