I don't care if it rains or freezes, 'long as I got my cocaine Jesus, sittin' on the dashboard of my car...

The day the phrase "cocaine Jesus" entered my vocabulary, I knew that there are some fricking weird people in this world.

Bet they won't make a cocaine Virgin Mary. 'Cause that would be sacrilege.

This awesome headline brought a tear of joy to my eye. THANK YOU!
+1111111

Jesus thinks you're an asshole because your grammar sucks.

If there's two things I love in this world, it's coke and Jesus!!!

Cute subby

Enjoy your ride to hell!

farking excellentist headline EVAR!

They ripped off the plot of that one movie.

But how were they going to get the coke back out of the plaster? Or were they just going to sell it pre-cut with plaster and hope nobody downstream noticed all the paint and crap contaminating the product?

If they're going to give us stories like this, they've gotta spill all the details. Some of us are really OCD about crap like that.

Okay, so you can mix plaster and coke.

But how do you separate them again? Or do you just grind it up and hope your customers don't mind the burning sensation and nose bleeding?

/I'd +1 if I could

Dear drug smugglers,
Take all you resources and develope something that farks the drug dog, then carry on.

dudemanbro: Bet they won't make a cocaine Virgin Mary. 'Cause that would be sacrilege.

The Virgin Mary is reserved for heroin.

U.S. border police arrested a 61-year-old Mexican man accused of offering the woman $80 to carry the statue to the bus station in downtown Laredo.

Wow. 80 whole US dollars? I wonder how many Mexican hookers that would buy?

Bit'O'Gristle: U.S. border police arrested a 61-year-old Mexican man accused of offering the woman $80 to carry the statue to the bus station in downtown Laredo.

Wow. 80 whole US dollars? I wonder how many Mexican hookers that would buy?

All of them.

A+ headline there.

Gyrfalcon: Bit'O'Gristle: U.S. border police arrested a 61-year-old Mexican man accused of offering the woman $80 to carry the statue to the bus station in downtown Laredo.

Wow. 80 whole US dollars? I wonder how many Mexican hookers that would buy?

All of them.

And at least an extra donkey or two.

Gyrfalcon: Bit'O'Gristle: U.S. border police arrested a 61-year-old Mexican man accused of offering the woman $80 to carry the statue to the bus station in downtown Laredo.

Wow. 80 whole US dollars? I wonder how many Mexican hookers that would buy?

All of them.

SNORT...HAHAHA

Gyrfalcon: Bit'O'Gristle: U.S. border police arrested a 61-year-old Mexican man accused of offering the woman $80 to carry the statue to the bus station in downtown Laredo.

Wow. 80 whole US dollars? I wonder how many Mexican hookers that would buy?

All of them.

WINNAR

This headline and this thread are both great.

And Jesus said, "'Take, eat: this is my body.'" (Mark 14:22)
And how!

Headline of the year nominee, if not winner. Pure WIN!

Unimpressed.

/serial hotlinker
//I heart lost

"I shall smoketh it!"

I can't believe I'm the first one to post this

sonicboris
I don't care if it rains or freezes, 'long as I got my cocaine Jesus, sittin' on the dashboard of my car...

You made me laugh. Thank you for that, you crazy handful of nothin'.

Subby:Jesus loves me, this I know. I have his statue, made of blow

... Little ones draw lines of him, they are fiends and he is dope.

Flragnararch: I can't believe I'm the first one to post this

/Well it IS one in the morning cst
//double post ftw

According to the article this is

the latest sophisticated attempt to smuggle drugs from Mexico.

Latest? Really? Wasn't this a plot point in the movie "Traffic?"

And getting the magic back out of the statues shouldn't be hard. Pulverize (dust to dust ha ha), create a solution, add the appropriate chemicals to cause the cocaine to precipitate out, filter, dry. Voila!

Perhaps the difference in the specific gravity of the plaster vs. the cocaine might make it separable while in solution just via settling. No catalyst needed.

Or not.

/science: it just works biatches!
//not a chemist
///don't play one on TV either

dudemanbro - Bet they won't make a cocaine Virgin Mary. 'Cause that would be sacrilege.


Agreed. Especially since everyone knows it's heroin that you are supposed to put in the Virgin Mary.

I wonder which drugs you put in Buddha and Ganesh statues?


/Jesus Christ is not a weapon
//He's a 70's Studio 54 party

Our God is an awesome god.

mekki: dudemanbro - Bet they won't make a cocaine Virgin Mary. 'Cause that would be sacrilege.


Agreed. Especially since everyone knows it's heroin that you are supposed to put in the Virgin Mary.

I wonder which drugs you put in Buddha and Ganesh statues?


Easy!

Acid Buddha (total consciousness, which is nice)
Hash Ganesh (really because it kinda rhymes, and well, India)

So they can show images of jesus in tree trunks and on toast, but don't show the cocaine jesus statue?

/shenanigans

Hmmm, Smack Cthulhu, then?.

mekki:


/Jesus Christ is not a weapon
//He's a 70's Studio 54 party

Or maybe a 70s cop show.

God is like his chief.

Jesus: "Dammit, I can nail this guy!"
God: "Forget it! You're off this case!"

Jesus thinks you're an asshole because your grammar sucks.

TFA: The average price of a gram of pure cocaine in the United States is around $130, according to U.S. government data.

Since the average price for a barrel of oil is $130 these days, could we just trade one for one with OPEC?

Damn, I haven't had any coke for over a year, and the last time I did some it was really weak. Does anyone know where to get some in my area? My phone number is (202) 456-1414.

/WANT

Primum: Damn, I haven't had any coke for over a year, and the last time I did some it was really weak. Does anyone know where to get some in my area? My phone number is (202) 456-1414.

/WANT

( ring )

Primum; "Hello?"
Police: "Hello coke buyer. It is I, coke seller. Cocaine seller I mean ..." ( taps microphone ) " ... if you, buyer, would like to meet me, I seller, would like to sell ..."

ah3133 : Or maybe a 70s cop show.

God is like his chief.

Jesus: "Dammit, I can nail this guy!"
God: "Forget it! You're off this case!"


Add;

Jesus: "Dammit, I can nail this guy!"
God: "Forget it! You're off this case!"
Pontius Pilate: Chief's right, Jesus. You're not doing the nailing. You're getting nailed. You are on suspension. Come back in three days.

Add a soundtrack of American rock such as Iggy & The Stooges, The Doors and, of course, Steppenwolf, because there's a law that says you have to put them on every 70's soundtrack, set the whole thing in San Francisco and I would watch it, religiously.

mekki: ah3133 : Or maybe a 70s cop show.

God is like his chief.

Jesus: "Dammit, I can nail this guy!"
God: "Forget it! You're off this case!"


Add;

Jesus: "Dammit, I can nail this guy!"
God: "Forget it! You're off this case!"
Pontius Pilate: Chief's right, Jesus. You're not doing the nailing. You're getting nailed. You are on suspension. Come back in three days.

Add a soundtrack of American rock such as Iggy & The Stooges, The Doors and, of course, Steppenwolf, because there's a law that says you have to put them on every 70's soundtrack, set the whole thing in San Francisco and I would watch it, religiously.

I like where this is going ... he needs a partner though, like Starsky and Hutch. Jesus would be the uptight one, but his partner would be the smooth womanizer.

Primum:Damn, I haven't had any coke for over a year, and the last time I did some it was really weak. Does anyone know where to get some in my area? My phone number is (202) 456-1414.

/WANT

Sweet. I had to look up the number, but bravo.

Judas for the partner. Would make for a great last episode.

ah3133 - I like where this is going ... he needs a partner though, like Starsky and Hutch. Jesus would be the uptight one, but his partner would be the smooth womanizer.


Nah, Jesus has to be the wild one. He's the Biblical radical after all. But he doesn't have to be an automatic chick magnet. He could be the one who breaks all the rules and never does the paper work. Like Bullitt in sandals.

So, if you want to make the partner an out of towner, I'd go for Krishna. He's smooth, good looking and the ladies love him.

Now If you want to keep it in the Bible setting, I'd go for Thomas because while Jesus would be the wild card, Thomas would question and go over everything with a fine tooth comb.

And John the Baptist is sooooooo Huggy Bear.

Question is, what muscle car would Jesus drive?

fortheloveof: Judas for the partner. Would make for a great last episode.

Ha! THIS.

/better than the Sopranos

Primum: Damn, I haven't had any coke for over a year, and the last time I did some it was really weak. Does anyone know where to get some in my area? My phone number is (202) 456-1414.

/WANT

Oh! I see what you did there.

+1

/POTUS FTW

fortheloveof - Judas for the partner. Would make for a great last episode.


I like this. The Commissioner wants Jesus off the force because the guy is too wild so he gets Judas to set him up. Judas takes it because he believes his partner is going to get him killed sooner or later. Jesus has his suspicious but ignores them because this is his best friend.

mekki: ah3133 - I like where this is going ... he needs a partner though, like Starsky and Hutch. Jesus would be the uptight one, but his partner would be the smooth womanizer.


Nah, Jesus has to be the wild one. He's the Biblical radical after all. But he doesn't have to be an automatic chick magnet. He could be the one who breaks all the rules and never does the paper work. Like Bullitt in sandals.

So, if you want to make the partner an out of towner, I'd go for Krishna. He's smooth, good looking and the ladies love him.

Now If you want to keep it in the Bible setting, I'd go for Thomas because while Jesus would be the wild card, Thomas would question and go over everything with a fine tooth comb.

And John the Baptist is sooooooo Huggy Bear.

Question is, what muscle car would Jesus drive?

Not sure what kind of car, but there could be a scene where they drive the car onto the water and magically float on the surface, but the thugs try to follow them and immediately sink.

ah3133 - Not sure what kind of car, but there could be a scene where they drive the car onto the water and magically float on the surface, but the thugs try to follow them and immediately sink.

Set the scene to "Magic Carpet Ride" and we are gold.

How about at the end of the movie, they're driving toward a ramp and Jesus says, "time to ascend into Heaven ..." and his partner freaks out, and then right when he jumps, freeze frame and roll credits.

Useless w/o pics.