I wanted the damn sub.

Green Lantern, Thundra, and Ghost Rider unavailable for comment.

This is definitely going into my next blog post titled "Top 9 Numbered Lists Featuring Pop Culture Minutae On Cracked.com"

SockMonkeyHolocaust: This is definitely going into my next blog post titled "Top 9 Numbered Lists Featuring Pop Culture Minutae On Cracked.com"

Hey, that's great idea for a top 10 list!

/at least they know they do it

no sea-monkeys?

calbert: no sea-monkeys?

That is what I was looking for.

AeroSquid: I wanted the damn sub.

HERE YOU GO (new window)

Anyone remember the "itching powder" they used to sell for practical jokes? It was powdered fiberglass. Nice. I'm sure everyone found that funny.

Cracked taught me to be cynical.

Cheap imitation of Mad Magazine.

Kyosuke: Cracked taught me to be cynical. Cheap imitation of Mad Magazine.

At least until "Crazy" came out, which was a cheap imitation of "Cracked."

Is Fark required to greenlight one Cracked article a day?

When I was six I saved my pennies and ordered the sub. I never received it. I would have settled for a cardboard version - hell at least that's something - but I got nothing.

Nothing but heartache.

/sniff

Kyosuke: Cracked taught me to be cynical.

Cheap imitation of Mad Magazine.

Wonder why some guys aren't cynical about cheap, imitation women's breasts?

/Oh wait - not that cheap

This made me chuckle:

Though it is cool that they sold them in bulk ("5 for $4!") so that if your cabin should be destroyed in a natural disaster or peed on by the family dog, you can just whip out a replacement.

Am I the only one in Fark who actually ordered these, and then tried to reverse-engineer them?.

/I was a curious kid back then
//NO NOT LIKE THAT YOU PHOOKING PERVERTS

where are the Roman soldiers?



/1.99

But the sea monkeys had pocketbooks!

I thought that money changer was easy money and tried to convince my mom to let me buy it. I bought it for $3, but since paper-> $1 -> $5 -> $10, I would be making a profit! My trust in humans was shattered when I realized you needed to load that thing with money first.

I bought or dreamed of buying every single one of these when I was a kid, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

I actually sent away for the flower seeds, sold a bunch of them (told people it was for my school) made some money.

I want a monkey, FSM damn it!

the_colonel: Has anyone actually seen one of the submarines? I always wanted to see what one of them actually looked like. Was it just a cardboard box with "submarine" written on the side. It's obvious that the writer has never seen one. He just says "it was made of cardboard" and puts in some downloaded photos of guys with a cardboard boat.



There ya go.

AeroSquid: I wanted the damn sub.

Christ, didn't we all?

Okay, this one kind of sucked, mainly with the exclusion of Sea Monkeys and Charles Atlas' Won't-Get-Sand-Kicked-in-my-Face-Anymore guide.

It also sucked because SURELY they could have found people who still owned these amazing products so that they could have included photographs of them.

/believes Olympic Sales Club should have gotten honorable mention, too
/hawked their crappy stationery for weeks just to earn enough points for a crummy rubber raft
/secretly misses aforementioned crummy rubber raft

This list fails without a Charles Atlas ad.

Brown Jenkems: This list fails without a Charles Atlas ad.

Hey, the Atlas thing did work!.

PBF Comics (new window)

I wanted the sub so badly. My buddy and I had big plans for it. We were going to test it out in his swimming pool before taking it out into the open ocean off Daytona Beach. My mom wouldn't let me order it - she said it was junk. What did she know? My life could have been so much better. It was pretty much all downhill after this monumental disappointment.

/I'll bet Hitler's mom didn't rain on HIS parade like this.

#5: The Shocker

You don't need any money to give someone the shocker.

No seamonkeys?

I fell for the sub. I hope those bastards can sleep at night after all the kids they made cry.

Also, what about the hovercraft? My buddy and I were going to take turns riding it to school everyday. Once again, my mom wouldn't let me order it because "You're not wasting good money on a piece of junk like that."

With a submarine AND a hovercraft I would have been the 7-year-old King of 36th Street. Instead I was the 7-year-old with a humorless biatch for a mom on 36th Street.

I was one of the guys who got a monkey.
As soon as it was delivered, it went after my grandmother tooth and nail. There was blue tinted hair all over the place. It hated her and tolerated the rest of us.
One day I came home and my monkey was gone. It had apparently climbed up the chimney which we never used and my grandmother shut the trap close.
It wasn't until just right now that I realized that we had a mesh screen on top of that chimney.

nobius

Man, I never thought I would ever see another ad for Sea-monkeys. That brings back some great memories of simpler times. Back when all we had to worry about was The Vietnam War, Watergate, odd/even days for buying gas and the arms race with those God-less Commies in the USSR. As Edith and Archie sang, those were the days.

CygnusDarius: Am I the only one in Fark who actually ordered these, and then tried to reverse-engineer them?.

My thoughts exactly. Unfortunately I never had any money to order them until I realized it was impossible. Damn parents.

I always wanted the money-making machine. Then I could buy all the other cool stuff in the comic book ads.

It's kinda sad seeing a bit of old nostalgia die off. Even if it was kinda drawing the line between novelty and scam.

"How could you spend all of our money on a comic book published by Lenscrafters?"

nobius

Yes, how could TFA leave out seamonkeys! Increase the list to 13 if you have to!

Sea monkeys- the promise of a happy, playful nuclear family, parents who love you and a daddy who doesn't drink.

You get microscopic brine shimp.

I remember seeing the full Sea Monkey catalog. It had balls that were supposed to float with neutral buoyancy that they'd knock back and forth, a Sea Monkey necklace so you could take them for a walk, and a Sea Monkey racetrack so you could race them.

muck4doo: Anyone remember the "itching powder" they used to sell for practical jokes? It was powdered fiberglass. Nice. I'm sure everyone found that funny.

That is farking evil.

marcand: #5: The Shocker

You don't need any money to give someone the shocker.

You do if you don't look like Brad Pitt or have the money of Bill Gates.

Man - I had that submarine. My father got it for me and set it up in the living room before I walked home from 1st grade. It was great! I spent hours playing in there. My mother probably appreciated the break.

they're making a movie about this stuff. sounds awesome.

But sea monkeys weren't a scam- you actually received living things
in the mail. And if you took any kind of care of them, they survived a while. And if no siblings or neighbor kids told you how small they were it must have been because no on liked you.

angryred:
There ya go.

Hey man, that's pretty cool. I would have loved that as a kid.

This is so much better than SuperDeluxe.

Return of the Comic Book ads. Good little archive there.
More ads, including the "incubate your own quail eggs".

Even more crap

Even bigger archive site, with such favorites as:

Coelacanth: I was one of the guys who got a monkey.
As soon as it was delivered, it went after my grandmother tooth and nail. There was blue tinted hair all over the place. It hated her and tolerated the rest of us.
One day I came home and my monkey was gone. It had apparently climbed up the chimney which we never used and my grandmother shut the trap close.
It wasn't until just right now that I realized that we had a mesh screen on top of that chimney.

i could actually hear the last bit of your childhood dying as i read that

True, no sea monkeys, but no ant farm?

Fail