I was expecting a far more stupid article, subby.

One picture would probably have done it.

I say "Hey you've got something in your hair" and quickly snip off a lock. No matter WHAT happens, that lock will easily be worth a billion dollars.

or

I say "FIRE!" and in the confusion whisk it into my car. Then, I ask several thousand questions in the comfort of my home.

"Alien Walks Into a Bar: What Do You Say?"

"Kitchen's in the back."

\or just point. It's easier.

"Hey honey, show me your tits...or whatever it is your people have."

/will be first human that gets the shiat beaten out of him by an alien

Dad?

Kyosuke: "Kitchen's in the back."

I see what you did there.

What an interesting class.

I am Predator, prepare to die

Kyosuke: "Alien Walks Into a Bar: What Do You Say?"

"Kitchen's in the back."

\or just point. It's easier.

Brilliant.

"Hey, didn't you probe me last night?"

"Are you a cat rancher?"

"Papers, please."

"Do you know what a minimum wage is? No? Do you want to work here?"

welcome alien overlords! i am earth's leader, ah3133 ...

Lotta pot fields out there in Wyoming?

I think I would say something like:

"SCULLLLLLY!"



/Mulder?

jake_lex: "Hey honey, show me your tits...or whatever it is your people have."

/will be first human that gets the shiat beaten out of him by an alien

"Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah... be the first motherfarker to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien lifeform... and fark it." Then people would say "There he goes. Homeboy farked a martian once."

"Hey, Doll. Is this guy boring you? Why don't you come talk to me instead? I'm from a different planet."

I'd say "Hail, Representative of the alien people. As ruler of my kind, I greet you. Before we can begin our introductions, we must exchange gifts. On behalf of the Earth, I require an army's worth of weaponry. Once you have delivered them to me, come back when my planet has completed one orbit of our star, and I will give you your gift. It is the way of my people.

Although that might be reaching a little bit.

foreshadowed, if not beaten outright.

oh well...

Ba weep grana weep nini bong?

Important note: if an alien enters the bar, leave by the back door, and quickly. Keep running.

From 1969 to 1991, Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations allowed the government to quarantine any people, plant or animal life, or other material that had "touched directly or come within the atmospheric envelope of any other celestial body."

The "Extraterrestrial Exposure" law was removed from the CFR in 1991, NASA having determined that it had "served its purpose" and was "no longer in keeping with current policy," and is no longer in force.

However, do you think that if you have a few drinks with a space alien, the US government will have any problem putting you in quarantine, and doing things to you that would make you *wish* you only had an anal probe?

This is actually a question NASA has been overtly wrestling with for 30+ years, and probably for much longer out of the public eye, going back most likely to NACA/USAF days of space exploration. How do you explain humanity in some form that another civilization has any hope of understanding? Do we tell them where we are or is that inviting the colony ships to head our way?

Of course by the time the question was seriously considered, we were already broadcasting video and audio of ourselves at our best and worst to anybody who cared to listen.

If aliens can pick up and decode our W-Fi transmissions, I wonder what they make of them...

TuxedoTshirt: Ba weep grana weep nini bong?

Eep oop ork ah ah?

Generation_D: One picture would probably have done it.

You're assuming the sense of sight. Shouldn't anything we want to be understood appear to more senses than that? How do we communicate with smells? Some animals do it. Would other races have senses that we do not? Sense of magnetic fields for example? Thermal communication maybe?

Alternatively, I'd tell the alien:

"Yes, Greedo. As a matter of fact, I was just going to see your boss. Tell Jabba that I've got his money."

I'm not gonna rtfa because it might ruin this off-the-wall thread for me.

College Class, Funded by a NASA Space Grant Consortium, Contemplates What to Say to E.T.


Message: "Bring interstellar dope and multiboobed space hookers."

Eep op ork ah ah

"Women?"

Pocket Ninja: I was expecting a far more stupid article, subby.

This, and it's not abc, it's NASA, stupid.

1) Find out what gets it drunk (sour milk, cheese, gravel, whatever)
2) Get it drunk and find out its weaknesses, homeworld location, and try to get some of its technologies
3) Discover its intentions
3a) If hostile, get it drunk to the point of barely being sentient with footage of it both doing embarassing things and answering lots and lots of direct questions.
3b) If not hostile, get it very drunk and bargain for space maps, more technology, and whatever else I can get out of it
4) Sell technology at a profit to mid-sized companies
5) Sell space maps on the Internet, few people would believe it anyway and those who choose to would have a leg up later
6) Profit!

Solwyvern: Generation_D: One picture would probably have done it.

You're assuming the sense of sight. Shouldn't anything we want to be understood appear to more senses than that? How do we communicate with smells? Some animals do it. Would other races have senses that we do not? Sense of magnetic fields for example? Thermal communication maybe?

Most species on earth have some form of visual or auditory communication. It is the rare exception that does not. And Earth has a wide variety of environments.

It's 42

ultraholland: College Class, Funded by a NASA Space Grant Consortium, Contemplates What to Say to E.T.


Message: "Bring interstellar dope and multiboobed space hookers."

I can haz spice?

How do you say "May I have blowjob, please" in your language?

Actually, the alien civilization in this galaxy is descended from a creature resembling a terran horse. Which leads to this line making sense...

"Why the long face?"

Kome: Solwyvern: Generation_D: One picture would probably have done it.

You're assuming the sense of sight. Shouldn't anything we want to be understood appear to more senses than that? How do we communicate with smells? Some animals do it. Would other races have senses that we do not? Sense of magnetic fields for example? Thermal communication maybe?

Most species on earth have some form of visual or auditory communication. It is the rare exception that does not. And Earth has a wide variety of environments.

True, but shouldn't the possibility be considered? We do have diverse environments, but what would an intelligent species from a very different planet from ours look for? This reminds me of subjects Carl Sagan touched on in the book Cosmos (which I haven't read in 20 years I admit).

Ever play Tetris?

dipdunk:
1) Find out what gets it drunk (sour milk, cheese, gravel, whatever)
2) Get it drunk and find out its weaknesses, homeworld location, and try to get some of its technologies
3) Discover its intentions
3a) If hostile, get it drunk to the point of barely being sentient with footage of it both doing embarassing things and answering lots and lots of direct questions.
3b) If not hostile, get it very drunk and bargain for space maps, more technology, and whatever else I can get out of it
4) Sell technology at a profit to mid-sized companies
5) Sell space maps on the Internet, few people would believe it anyway and those who choose to would have a leg up later
6) Profit!


3.) Hot alien sex


FTFY

Solwyvern: Kome: Solwyvern: Generation_D: One picture would probably have done it.

You're assuming the sense of sight. Shouldn't anything we want to be understood appear to more senses than that? How do we communicate with smells? Some animals do it. Would other races have senses that we do not? Sense of magnetic fields for example? Thermal communication maybe?

Most species on earth have some form of visual or auditory communication. It is the rare exception that does not. And Earth has a wide variety of environments.

True, but shouldn't the possibility be considered? We do have diverse environments, but what would an intelligent species from a very different planet from ours look for? This reminds me of subjects Carl Sagan touched on in the book Cosmos (which I haven't read in 20 years I admit).

Reminds me of Sphere (the book, not the movie, didn't care for the movie at all). It dances around the notion that a being from another planet/galaxy might not have any of the normal senses that exist on earth. Most people assume that aliens will have 4 limbs, a torso, and some sort of auditory/visual/olfactory sense to communicate. Hell the alien that walks into the bar could be a floating mass of plasma that uses telepathy. Hard to buy a drink for a floating mass of plasma.

Hey, are you okay? Get some ice on that, it will leave a nasty bruise.

"I have a lot of experience with dealing with the humans. Give me some of your superior alien weapons, and I'll handle the introductions, OK?"

"Alien Walks Into a Bar: What Do You Say?"

You know you stiffed me last time thru...

scottydoesntknow: Most people assume that aliens will have 4 limbs, a torso, and some sort of auditory/visual/olfactory sense to communicate.
___

Plus weird stuff stuck to their foreheads. They all have that.

Cyxneo: I am Predator, prepare to die

My name is Indigo Montoya. You anally probed my father. Prepare to die.

An alien walks into a bar: what does he say?

ouch

/...