So they don't prevent the crime, and don't solve the crime. At least they keep the donut population from exploding.

/or is it crumpets?

Yes. This sounds like a completely balanced, well-researched, and wholly accurate article that isn't at all trying to use foils like "diversity training" to get the knee-jerk reactionists loud and frothy.

Idiot should have had CCTVs installed in his home if he wanted a crime solved.

Jennifer Government is not amused.

I think he's just racist, he probably ran into the crowbar, and blamed three random intelligent men of african decent.

error 303: Jennifer Government is not amused.

I am though.

/Hack Nike FTW!

error 303: Jennifer Government is not amused.

Yay! John Nike approves!

FTA: "The police said the DNA samples which they had sent in to the laboratory had been rejected because they didn't have sufficient funding, so they would be sending them again within a week or so because hopefully the funding would have come through."

Meh.

The Daily Mail - Never more than one click from a tit.

I love the photo scanned from a newspaper. I wonder which competitor (and from which year) the Daily Fail scanned it?

RubberFootMan: FTA: "The police said the DNA samples which they had sent in to the laboratory had been rejected because they didn't have sufficient funding, so they would be sending them again within a week or so because hopefully the funding would have come through."

Meh.

So the actual story was 'Police a bit slow getting DNA analysis done. ie no story.

It's not news, it's the Daily Fail.

Gotta love "cart before horse" socialism. GB can't take care of her own citizens because they're too busy inviting immigrants to live there. Shameful.

In a statement, Scotland Yard said: "We are currently awaiting the results from the laboratory relating to forensic and DNA opportunities that have been taken from the premises as a result of the offence.


"Financial considerations have never had any influence on the way this case has been handled."

I'm shocked that the Daily Fail will run a story they know to be completely untrue. Shocked.

trentrockport: Gotta love "cart before horse" socialism. GB can't take care of her own citizens because they're too busy inviting immigrants to live there. Shameful.

So how's that big fence down south coming along?

trentrockport: Gotta love "cart before horse" socialism. GB can't take care of her own citizens because they're too busy inviting immigrants to live there. Shameful.

Um, the UK isn't Socialist. Many of the people who voted for an, apparently, left-wing government are a bit cross about it.

Gobobo: So the actual story was 'Police a bit slow getting DNA analysis done. ie no story.

But it only takes 20 minutes to get a DNA sample done... I've seen it on CSI.

RubberFootMan: Gobobo: So the actual story was 'Police a bit slow getting DNA analysis done. ie no story.

But it only takes 20 minutes to get a DNA sample done... I've seen it on CSI.

They were out of blue light bulbs.

Zem: So how's that big fence down south coming along?

It's keeping out just enough illegals to ruin the harvest and raise the price of strawberries.

kidsizedcoffin: But it only takes 20 minutes to get a DNA sample done... I've seen it on CSI.

They were out of blue light bulbs.

It was after I watched a Scene Of Crime investigator use household tape to lift finger prints that I realised what real-life was like.

can someone educate me? What good does a dna analysis do if you do not have suspoects in custody?

It isn't in just the UK that police don't have enough money/resources to pursue criminals. Go ask your local police station to investigate any electronic crime. They'll point you to the FBI who will then laugh in your face.

Online auction fraud accounts for a huge majority of online crime and nothing is being done about it because local and state police don't have the resources to pursue the cases and the feds don't care.

Even in "real-world" crime as long as you leave the county or state you committed the crime in the locals wont put up the funds to extradite you back for court. Just don't come back for the life of the statute of limitations and you'll be free to live your life.*

* - high profile cases are an exception

MycroftHolmes: can someone educate me? What good does a dna analysis do if you do not have suspoects in custody?

If they are previous offenders their DNA will be in the national database. Plus, if you have a high enough level of suspicion they can get a search warrant for a person's DNA to match it and close the case.

MycroftHolmes: can someone educate me? What good does a dna analysis do if you do not have suspoects in custody?

They may have been previously arrested, and thus their DNA is in the system, or they may be arrested for something else in the future, and the DNA can be matched back to this crime. Or their parents may have submitted their DNA to police in case they were ever kidnapped.

MycroftHolmes: can someone educate me? What good does a dna analysis do if you do not have suspoects in custody?

Ah, but soon all persons on your tedious, dystopic island will have their DNA warehoused.

Patience, Mycroft. While you are waiting, let me have some of your follicles. You have nothing to hide, so don't resist the plucking.

Random searches of DNA will give you false positives. You only get good results if you have already narrowed the field a lot.

So if you are matching the DNA vs previously-arrested burglars, you can get good results. If you match the DNA to a "national DNA database" that includes everyone in Britain... you may get suspects, but nothing close to proof.

malibupetey: Patience, Mycroft. While you are waiting, let me have some of your follicles. You have nothing to hide, so don't resist the plucking.

If fingerprint analysis had been invented yesterday idiots"Civil Libertarians" like mabibupetey would be raving about what an appalling infringement of their rights it was.

Riffington: you may get suspects, but nothing close to proof.

You know, amongst people who aren't totally retarded, massively narrowing down the list of suspects is considered a good thing. Also, think of all the people you can exonerate who might otherwise be falsely accused.

Pixelvision: Yes, but how will affect house prices?

/ Also, where are the photos of Liz Hurley, Princess Di and MADELEINE?

MycroftHolmes: can someone educate me? What good does a dna analysis do if you do not have suspoects in custody?

Hey, it worked on 9-11. They identified all the hijackers by their DNA, remember?

/This thread has been officially Giuliani'd.

gwowen: Riffington: you may get suspects, but nothing close to proof.

You know, amongst people who aren't totally retarded, massively narrowing down the list of suspects is considered a good thing. Also, think of all the people you can exonerate who might otherwise be falsely accused.

It should be a good thing. But the problem is that police and jurors tend to greatly overestimate the utility of genetic testing, and treat it like proof. So a "look we only have one suspect, and he's a perfect genetic match" can easily masquerade as sufficient evidence for conviction, when all it should buy is a search warrant.

Mr Pither, who used to teach martial arts, tried to prevent the men leaving but during the struggle one of them struck him with the crowbar.

Was he a lousy instructor or does martial arts not really work?

oryx: Mr Pither, who used to teach martial arts, tried to prevent the men leaving but during the struggle one of them struck him with the crowbar.

Was he a lousy instructor or does martial arts not really work?

It works better against bananas than against crowbars.

oryx: Was he a lousy instructor or does martial arts not really work?

Three men, one of whom has a crowbar, v. one man. Even if the one man is Chuck Norris, the likely outcome for him is not great.

Real life != television

IT consultant Simon Pither, 36, was savagely beaten over the head when he interrupted the gang at his £300,000 home.


It's a good thing the government says he wasn't allowed to own a gun. The gang might have gotten angry with him and tried to kill him for no reason. Guns always just elevate the threat.

Lamune_Baba: It's a good thing the government says he wasn't allowed to own a gun. The gang might have gotten angry with him and tried to kill him for no reason. Guns always just elevate the threat.

Yes, because handgun ownership is asymmetric. Only good guys have handguns, the gang would still only be armed a crowbar and, therefore, would have been unable to shoot him.

FarkinNortherner: Yes, because handgun ownership is asymmetric. Only good guys have handguns, the gang would still only be armed a crowbar and, therefore, would have been unable to shoot him.

Criminals in England already have guns.

Pocket Ninja: Yes. This sounds like a completely balanced, well-researched, and wholly accurate article that isn't at all trying to use foils like "diversity training" to get the knee-jerk reactionists loud and frothy.

ZOMG, an attack on my sacred diversity PCism will not go unpunished without knee-jerk reactionism on my behalf!

Researched? "Conservative MP Philip Davies" plus "A spokesman for the Forensic Science Service" plus "Scotland Yard" equals "you fail."

Balanced? What the hell do you want, the feminists or a Diversity Trainer being quoted here? Maybe the criminals?

Wholly accurate? It's coming from a journalist. Lower your expectations.

Also, though you left room to weasel your way out of it, you are aware that the diversity training reference was a quote and not journalist commentary? But we both know you spassed out thinking it was the journalist.

Zem: So how's that big fence down south coming along?

Not nearly well or fast enough for my liking. However, after hearing anecdotal evidence that fewer illegal aliens are making it across and more are... shall we say running into complications in the desert, I'm hopeful for the future.

The three men, who were black

Sorry to say it, but I just knew as soon as I started reading that they would be black.

The police said the DNA samples which they had sent in to the laboratory had been rejected because they didn't have sufficient funding, so they would be sending them again within a week or so because hopefully the funding would have come through.

So... no story here at all. There's a slight delay to the DNA test, that's all. Both the Daily Mail and the submitter are imbeciles.

I don't get the hate for subby. This is, after all, Fark. It's not news. Are submitters really expected to create accurate headlines on Fark? When the classic, "Overweight employees feel overlooked..." headline was posted, did people complain that management had been misrepresented? Seriously... it's Fark... the headlines are SUPPOSED to be screwy.

Thank you. That will be all.

Lamune_Baba: IT consultant Simon Pither, 36, was savagely beaten over the head when he interrupted the gang at his £300,000 home.


It's a good thing the government says he wasn't allowed to own a gun. The gang might have gotten angry with him and tried to kill him for no reason. Guns always just elevate the threat.

I don't know about the rest of you but my sarcasm alert works. =P

Pocket Ninja: Yes. This sounds like a completely balanced, well-researched, and wholly accurate article that isn't at all trying to use foils like "diversity training" to get the knee-jerk reactionists loud and frothy.

Yes. This sounds like a completely balanced, well-researched, and wholly accurate post that wasn't posted without reading and isn't at all trying to use foils like "diversity training" to get the knee-jerk farkers and other brain-dead liberals from D.C. loud and frothy.

40oz_A_Knight: Criminals in England already have guns.

Not in this instance.

FTFA "It was new and I thought, 'My wife will kill me if I get blood all over that', so I went outside the front door and phoned my father-in-law, who lives nearby, and he rang the police."

He is whipped bad, and why not call the farking police yourself?

He wath attacked in hith own home and the polithe won't help? That'th a real Pither.

/for crying out loud
//somebody throw a pie

Ah, the Daily Mail. Complains about the police not having enough money but doesn't think people with houses worth more than the GDP of a small third-world country should be taxed accordingly. It would be amusing if it didn't make me want to bite my own arm off in frustration.

/Om nom

oryx: Mr Pither, who used to teach martial arts, tried to prevent the men leaving but during the struggle one of them struck him with the crowbar.

Was he a lousy instructor or does martial arts not really work?

It depends on the "art". I'm sure they have McDojo's in the UK too.