The quote made him sound a little fruity.

"I thaw this bear, and so I just HAD to have a picture! And so I ran up, and he got all defenthive and growled at me for no reason! And so I yelled at him, 'I hate you, and I hate your bear face!' and I thlapped him and thlapped him..."

But did he have a tender heart?

hillbillypharmacist: The quote made him sound a little fruity.

"I thaw this bear, and so I just HAD to have a picture! And so I ran up, and he got all defenthive and growled at me for no reason! And so I yelled at him, 'I hate you, and I hate your bear face!' and I thlapped him and thlapped him..."

char_boy: But did he have a tender heart?

The bear thought so. Well done.

And +1 subby

hillbillypharmacist: The quote made him sound a little fruity.

"I thaw this bear, and so I just HAD to have a picture! And so I ran up, and he got all defenthive and growled at me for no reason! And so I yelled at him, 'I hate you, and I hate your bear face!' and I thlapped him and thlapped him..."

Thanks, I pissed my pants again.

The

"He's eating my brain. I can feel it."

in the article's title is pretty tough to beat.

This guy is an "experienced outdoorsman"?

He tried to play dead!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

You fight back, idiot

/Also FTA, the "game warden shot at the bear, killing it"? Who taught this idiot reporter grammar?
Mahatma Ghandi?

G.I.R.B.: You fight back, idiot

You fight back against black bears. Brown bears will only be further agitated by fighting back.

And it looks like playing dead worked for him.

Braaains.

Not as good as the woman who got hit by a plane.

"How do you feel?"
"Like I got hit by a plane."

Glad this story ended well. Also, while I don't envy the trauma he went through, that is one bada** scar.

This is one thing Stephen Colbert and I are definitely in agreement about.

Lynoitus: G.I.R.B.: You fight back, idiot

You fight back against black bears. Brown bears will only be further agitated by fighting back.

And it looks like playing dead worked for him.

Oops, my bad. Didn't take note of the brown bear thingy. Started drinking early today.

'He's eating my brain. I can feel it,'



can relate

Where's the PETA people countering with the headline, "Bear survives man Attack"?

jeesh.

If you aren't sure whether it's a black or brown bear, just climb the nearest tree. If it shakes the tree until you fall out and then eats you, it's a brown bear. If it climbs the tree and eats you, it's black bear.

"I said, 'I'm too young to die. I don't want to die."

53 years old? Sir, you are plenty old enough to die.

Don't use H2O2 for wound cleaning as it causes scarring.

lohphat: Don't use H2O2 for wound cleaning as it causes scarring.

Maybe they figured he'd rather immortalize the experience?

I'd like to buy that man a bear... er, a beer!

As far as peroxide hurting worse than the bites, I can tell you that's true. They poured peroxide into the open wounds after plucking the shrapnel, wood splinters, and other assorted nasty stuff out of my lower legs, face, and arms. (Body armor, helmet, and web gear/pouches/re-hydration gear protected much of my body.)

*Pluck* "ouch" *Pour* "OW,YOU MOTHERF**CKING CAWKSUCKING WHORE BIATCH, OUCH!!1!"

/Toss-up as to which is worse, though, peroxide or Betadine.

Zombie bears.

Colbert warned that this was going to happen.

Author of "Mauled" always said..

"Don't ever feed a grizzly bear a marshmallow like this"

this site is interesting...
but if your eating i wouldn't go there...really.
pics of bear attacks interspersed between german text.
not for the faint of heart.

http://www.lima-wiederladetechnik.de/Wild/Baer.html

OK
All this bear lore is wrong.

Brown and Black bears are the same bear. You stand up to them.


Grizzly bears are brown black or white. You play dead.

TripSixes: OK
All this bear lore is wrong.

Brown and Black bears are the same bear. You stand up to them.


Grizzly bears are brown black or white. You play dead.

Um, no. Kodiak, aka "Brown" , "Alaskan Brown", or "Yukon" bears, are similar in temperment and physical make-up to grizzlies.

"Black" bears can be black, brown, sandy-colored, or "cinnamon".
Differences between "Black" and other bears are physical, temperment/ behaviour, and genetic.

A lot of it has to do with skull/ teeth, paws/claws/ and body shape.

/Grizzlies, Kodiaks, and Polar bears are very close genetically, in fact hybrids are appearing in Canada and Alaska.

littlemissinformation:
"He's eating my brain. I can feel it.

This would have made a much better submission, I think.

G.I.R.B.: You fight back, idiot

Tips for bear safety:

1. Wear bells. Bears will hear you coming from a long distance away and will avoid you.

2. Carry pepper spray to protect yourself in case you do unexpectedly meet a bear.

3. If you run into a grizzly bear your best strategy is to play dead, but with a black bear you have better chances if you fight back.

4. You can tell what kind of bears are in the area by examining their droppings ("scat"). Black bear scat is densely packed and often has a fishy aroma. Grizzly bear scat smells like pepper and has bells in it.

TripSixes: OK
All this bear lore is wrong.

Brown and Black bears are the same bear. You stand up to them.


Grizzly bears are brown black or white. You play dead.

How can so much FAIL fit into just three sentences?

G.R.I.B.
TripSixes: OK
All this bear lore is wrong.
Brown and Black bears are the same bear. You stand up to them.
Grizzly bears are brown black or white. You play dead.
Um, no. Kodiak, aka "Brown" , "Alaskan Brown", or "Yukon" bears, are similar in temperment and physical make-up to grizzlies.
"Black" bears can be black, brown, sandy-colored, or "cinnamon".
Differences between "Black" and other bears are physical, temperment/ behaviour, and genetic.
A lot of it has to do with skull/ teeth, paws/claws/ and body shape.
/Grizzlies, Kodiaks, and Polar bears are very close genetically, in fact hybrids are appearing in Canada and Alaska.

That is wrong:
A controversial study on the hair color of bears has revealed what many bears have been whispering about for years: Light-haired bears are often more likely to be considered for jobs over dark-haired bears.

The University of Georgia's unprecedented study indicates that dark-haired bears face a distinct disadvantage when applying for jobs, even if they have resumes superior to lighter-haired applicants.

/Didn't write it, mostly just a cut and paste job.

mmontour

I lol'd.

A few years ago, I was in the bar in Churchill, Manitoba, Canada and met a guy (whose name escapes me). Apparently this guy once tangled with a polar bear and got his head stuck in the bear's jaws. He was a little unclear as to how he got away, but he invited me to stick my pinkie into the hole in his skull where one of the bear's teeth went through. I looked at the hole, then kindly declined.

/kind of wish I hadn't
//would've made a better story

mmontour: Grizzly bear scat smells like pepper and has bells in it.

I lol'd

By the way, there are also white black bears (known as "Kermode" or "Spirit" bears).

mmontour: By the way, there are also white black bears (known as "Kermode" or "Spirit" bears).

Or colloquially, Michael Jackson bears.

G.I.R.B.: As far as peroxide hurting worse than the bites, I can tell you that's true. They poured peroxide into the open wounds after plucking the shrapnel, wood splinters, and other assorted nasty stuff out of my lower legs, face, and arms. (Body armor, helmet, and web gear/pouches/re-hydration gear protected much of my body.)

*Pluck* "ouch" *Pour* "OW,YOU MOTHERF**CKING CAWKSUCKING WHORE BIATCH, OUCH!!1!"

/Toss-up as to which is worse, though, peroxide or Betadine.
I don't know the science but it doesn't hurt as much if you blow on it as you applied the peroxide to the wound!

Does any one know why that is?

Nobody's addressed what to do if attacked by the bears in the pic I posted. Are those black, brown, or white? Play dead, or fight back?

Much more likely to attack than the ones in the woods, methinks.

mmontour: G.I.R.B.: You fight back, idiot

Tips for bear safety:

1. Wear bells. Bears will hear you coming from a long distance away and will avoid you.

2. Carry pepper spray to protect yourself in case you do unexpectedly meet a bear.

3. If you run into a grizzly bear your best strategy is to play dead, but with a black bear you have better chances if you fight back.

4. You can tell what kind of bears are in the area by examining their droppings ("scat"). Black bear scat is densely packed and often has a fishy aroma. Grizzly bear scat smells like pepper and has bells in it.

Another way to tell what kind of bear is chasing you is to climb a tree. If it climbs up after you and kills you, it was a black bear. If it knocks the tree down and kills you, it was a Grizzly.

joltek: I don't know the science but it doesn't hurt as much if you blow on it as you applied the peroxide to the wound!

Does any one know why that is?

I assume the science is "My mother told me so when I was little to make me feel better and due to the placebo effect I still think it is true."

joltek: I don't know the science but it doesn't hurt as much if you blow on it as you applied the peroxide to the wound!

Does any one know why that is?

Perhaps the Gate theory of pain.

Rigby Reardon: Oh no that's okay.
Juliette Forrest: It's just a little...
Rigby Reardon: Oh no they're fine.
Juliette Forrest: It's just a little alcohol.
Rigby Reardon: They don't hurt hurt at all, it doesn't hurt.
Juliette Forrest: Don't be a baby.
Rigby Reardon: GET BACK!

All I got from the comments about how to survive a bear attack is to not go near bears... seeing as how they are all colors and no one can can agree on a course of action.

/I'm not outdoorsy anyways

Enemabag Jones: G.R.I.B.
TripSixes: OK
All this bear lore is wrong.
Brown and Black bears are the same bear. You stand up to them.
Grizzly bears are brown black or white. You play dead.
Um, no. Kodiak, aka "Brown" , "Alaskan Brown", or "Yukon" bears, are similar in temperment and physical make-up to grizzlies.
"Black" bears can be black, brown, sandy-colored, or "cinnamon".
Differences between "Black" and other bears are physical, temperment/ behaviour, and genetic.
A lot of it has to do with skull/ teeth, paws/claws/ and body shape.
/Grizzlies, Kodiaks, and Polar bears are very close genetically, in fact hybrids are appearing in Canada and Alaska.

That is wrong:
A controversial study on the hair color of bears has revealed what many bears have been whispering about for years: Light-haired bears are often more likely to be considered for jobs over dark-haired bears.

The University of Georgia's unprecedented study indicates that dark-haired bears face a distinct disadvantage when applying for jobs, even if they have resumes superior to lighter-haired applicants.

/Didn't write it, mostly just a cut and paste job.

*Cue* "That's racist" GIF, pretty please? :}

Enemabag Jones:

The University of Georgia's unprecedented study indicates that dark-haired bears face a distinct disadvantage when applying for jobs, even if they have resumes superior to lighter-haired applicants.

/Didn't write it, mostly just a cut and paste job.


And I suppose that next you're going to tell me that Panda bears are good at math and Koalas drink way too much?

wadek5: Enemabag Jones:

The University of Georgia's unprecedented study indicates that dark-haired bears face a distinct disadvantage when applying for jobs, even if they have resumes superior to lighter-haired applicants.

/Didn't write it, mostly just a cut and paste job.


And I suppose that next you're going to tell me that Panda bears are good at math and Koalas drink way too much?

Hey wadek5, Panda bears are good at math, Koalas bears do drink to much.

char_boy: But did he have a tender heart?

THIS

hillbillypharmacist: The quote made him sound a little fruity.

"I thaw this bear, and so I just HAD to have a picture! And so I ran up, and he got all defenthive and growled at me for no reason! And so I yelled at him, 'I hate you, and I hate your bear face!' and I thlapped him and thlapped him..."

Timothy Treadwell?

Burn14Me
Hey wadek5, Panda bears are good at math, Koalas bears do drink to much.

Don't disrespect all Koalas because of a few drop bears giving them a bad name. Those standard Koalas are the good ones, even if they are lazy, eucalyptus eating bastards.

/Don't get me started on those hoop snakes.

Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you.

Woohoo! My first greenlit submission.. having a bear, I mean beer to celebrate..

Malinki good pic!