War elephant ^{(^)}

And viagra for limp trunk problems.

I will be quite happy to stay off their lawn.

Anal leakage ^{(^)}

First in line: Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld.

Elephants can paint.
I said, Elephants can farking paint! (new window)

Optimus Norris: Anal leakage (^)

I know there are a lot of stupid people on the internet, but I'm fairly certain no one needs a link to figure out what that is.

I knew an elephant who used to wear on onion on his trunk, which was the style at the time.

Maaaatttlllooooockkkk!!

I gots me a part time job down at the circus, you know... kissing the elephants' asses. I'm not sure if it's the sound or the way it feels, but they really seem to enjoy it.

/obscure?

This story pretty much guarantees that Jumbo the Elephant will be calling Bob & Tom on Monday morning.

/loves the Jumbo skits

I have several old elephants at my place.

They're in my piano.

Mahoutness

came here for ROTK references.. so far: disappointed.

We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell ‘em stories that don’t go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

Screw LOTR.

At least they're not collecting Social Security.

From TFA:
they will be fed, watered, bathed and massaged
Can you imagine massaging an elephant?
Can you imagine the happy ending??

Big
Elephants
Are
Useful
To
Indians
For
Unloading
Logs

Imagine: Every morning, the cook prepares 500 pounds of stewed prunes.

What's an elephant got to do to get turned around here?

roki:
Can you imagine massaging an elephant?
Can you imagine the happy ending??

No, I can't and you can't make me.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PIGS!?!?!?!?!?

Headline is oddly accurate to human assisted living facilities in the United States.
Seriously though, this place sounds like pachyderm heaven.

/worried about a guy in the facility I currently work at
//human, not elephant