If I internets dance, will someone bring me his head on a silver platter?

I have the bacon gravy and the mosh pit all ready.

IGNORE HIM

It's easier than I thought it would be. Sometimes when I think to myself "goshdarn, that Jack Thompson sure is an ol' sour puss. Gee whillikers!" Instead of reading about him or clicking a link or emailing him or calling him or watching him on television, I eat a sandwich.

I like sandwiches.

CtrlAltDelete: IGNORE HIM

It's easier than I thought it would be. Sometimes when I think to myself "goshdarn, that Jack Thompson sure is an ol' sour puss. Gee whillikers!" Instead of reading about him or clicking a link or emailing him or calling him or watching him on television, I eat a sandwich.

I like sandwiches.

this. Although, it IS a lot of fun to sometimes watch the youtube links of him getting owned by the other guests on talk programs. That's pretty awesome, but, yeah, otherwise, people should just ignore him.

Dear Mr Thompson,

YOU ARE A MEDIA WHORE WHO IS BEING DISBARRED, YOU ARE EVEN LOWER ON THE SCUMBAG POLE THAN NANCY GRACE, AND CATFISH LOOK DOWN TO HER!!!

PLEASE CHOKE ON YOUR OWN TONGUE!

Yours respectfully,
baka-san

Dear Mr Thompson,

Religion is a hate filled mythology that has tainted uneducated minds for eons. Please quit pushing your silly agenda on innocent victims.

Yours respectfully,
eyehate

Dear Mr. Thompson,

How's it feel sharing the same name as a submachine gun?

Signed,
SilentStrider

SilentStrider: Dear Mr. Thompson,

How's it feel sharing the same name as a submachine gun?

Signed,
SilentStrider

Now thats not nice.

Wish I could afford a Thompson. It's a classic.

Dear Jack's Mother:

Please enjoy the enclosed copy of GTA IV we sent in response to your son's letter. We know having to have squirted out such a foul human from your nethers would most likely result in a great deal of pent-up frustration you may now feel free to take out by running over drug dealers with an imaginary SUV.

Here are a couple of tips:

1) Don't try and get into Michelle's pants on the first date...it won't work.

2) Cover the lead dealer with the sniper rifle in the "Luck of the Irish" mission before he goes for his gun or you will have to replay it several times.

3) Block the restaurant rear door of the restaurant when meeting your homosexual date/assassination target...that way you can make sure you blast him before he has a chance to exit.

4) If your kid shows an obvious desire in early childhood to become a shameless attention whore, get him a pair of tap-shoes and a baton instead of a degree in law. This way, when he grows up he can still have that magic combination of being annoying-yet-amusing...but his actions would not potentially infringe on the good times of others.

fark that guy. farkwit. asshole coontface dickschnozz farker. Poop in his eye.

fark.

ChewbaccaJones:
4) If your kid shows an obvious desire in early childhood to become a shameless attention whore, get him a pair of tap-shoes and a baton instead of a degree in law. This way, when he grows up he can still have that magic combination of being annoying-yet-amusing...but his actions would not potentially infringe on the good times of others.

Thread's over, folks. Thanks for coming, we'll see you all again for the release of GTAV!

Dear Mr Thompson,

I would like my pants back.

Thank you.

See? Prayer can lead to a Bovine Intervention

Plyed GTA4 for the first time on a friends PS3 tonight. I was terrible, but I did succeed in accidentally destroying many people on the sidewalk. If only they included a Jack Thompson model.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Theft_Auto_(series)

The series began in 1997 ...

By September 26, 2007, the Grand Theft Auto series had sold over 65 million units;[1] as of March 26, 2008, the franchise has sold over 70 million copies worldwide according to Take-Two Interactive.

Unless there's been over 65 million serial and police murderers in the last 11 years, I say the incidence rate and correlation numbers are pretty farking low.

/Know lots of people who play Counterstrike
//Knows almost no one who joined any military or para-military group because of it.

So he is never going to measure up to his cousin, and he'll wind up decapitated?

FTA: What you will see in your son's game, if this iteration of GTA is anything like its predecessors, is incredible interactive violence aimed at police officers (whom you can shoot in the head and see the blood spray), innocent bystanders (whom you can run over with your car just for the heck of it), and of course the plentiful female prostitutes you can have sex with and then filet with a knife or stomp with your feet in order to get your money back.

Nothing to see here, folks, move along.

He's got a point. Imagine how much better the world would be if people like Adolf Hitler, The Son of Sam, Attila the Hun, Jack the Ripper, Osama Bin Laden, Vlad the Impaler, and Lizzie Borden never played violet video games.

ChewbaccaJones: 1) Don't try and get into Michelle's pants on the first date...it won't work.

But she can be a minx on the second. . . . warm coffee unlocked! ROFL!

Wow...just wow. I can't believe how completely insane this guy is. I use the word insane not for dramatic empasis, but because some people out there are so out of touch with reality that their damaged brains create one for them.

/thought he was the Law & Order guy at first.

That man..wow.

Doesn't this exact same story pop up every few months or so? Or does it just seem that way because we're no longer shocked or surprised by anything this buttclown does?

"Maybe you, Mrs. Zelnick, were so taken by your handsome son that you spared the rod and spoiled the child. That would explain why he has brought you, by the way he presently acts, "to shame." "

For someone who is so opposed to violence, Jack Thompson, himself, seems to be a big proponent of violence himself. I guess beating children is less destructive to our society than the fantasy of video games!

altrocks: //Knows almost no one who joined any military or para-military group because of it.

Almost no one?

Okay, back to GTA...

Jack Thompson, like his contemporary Ann Coulter, is actually playing a character. This is an extremely intense form of performance art. Think Andy Kaufman or Sacha Baron Cohen, only even more in-depth.

Oddly enough, for all my reading of Fark and time spent on the internet, I have no clue who this guy is or why everyone hates him so much. Seems I'm lucky that I also have no desire to find out, though. Whew..

to paraphrase defective yeti, jack thompson eats attention for breakfast and shiats crazy at lunch.

Mature? I've been playing this game most of the last 4 days. I go into a bar with darts, I get to play darts, I go into a bowling alley, I get to bowl. Yet, in this "mature" game, I go into a "Gentleman's Club" with my cousin and we just appear outside 10 seconds later drunk. I go up to Michelle's apartment and get lucky (and she yells some stupid shiat in ecstasy) and I appear outside 10 seconds later? WTF?

I'm not complaining, I love the rest of the game. I just thought these "adult" activities seemed kind of lame. Why even put them in if that is all you get?

BTW, if I am issing something, throw a "genteleman" a clue.

I need to find all these in-depth studies that show how all these violent cop-killers on death rows around the nation trained up on how to do the job by using GTA's I-III.

I'd also like to know about this deadly spate of law enforcement deaths directly related to GTA4 and its relatives. In 2006, according to the FBI statistics on officers feloniously killed in the line of duty, 48 officers died in 47 separate incidents. Over the ten-year span from "1997 through 2006, 562 officers were feloniously killed in the line of duty." While this is indeed a tragedy, I just don't see it as a "plethora", and since the majority were either drug raids or traffic stops, I don't see how the most psychotic religious fiend could relate GTA's many iterations to these deaths.

However, I'm no religious fiend.

CtrlAltDelete: IGNORE HIM

my god, the sheer amount of lies, false information, non sequiturs, faulty assumptions, blanket statements, and erroneous comparisons in that letter make me want to die!

Bosie: CtrlAltDelete: IGNORE HIM

+1 for Venture Bros. reference.

/Love that show.
//Someone left a baby!

chtorran: He's got a point. Imagine how much better the world would be if people like Adolf Hitler, The Son of Sam, Attila the Hun, Jack the Ripper, Osama Bin Laden, Vlad the Impaler, and Lizzie Borden never played violet video games.

now now, let's leave the tiny purple flowers out of this :P

all kidding aside though, your point is well taken

Shrinkwrap: I was terrible

i first read that as "it was terrible". i was about to grab my torch and pitchfork.

//i am quite drunk right now and i've been play GTA IV all day.

Okay, combine 'Email', 'From Jack Thompson', 'developer's mother', 'GTA' and I knew instantly that this was not going to include the following: Logic, reason, open mind or kindness.

It's nice to know that Jack Thompson thinks that I am a murderer because I have played a few of the GTA games (and am currently wearing a GTA 4 shirt. Girlfriend works at the Gamestop Corporate office. I have quite a bit of the free video game shirts that they give out there). But I do want to examine parts of this email:

whose most popular video games are the Grand Theft Auto murder simulator games banned in some countries but sold to children here.

First paragraph and I was already face palming. It wouldn't surprise me that GTA has been banninated in other countries, but other countries don't share our concept of freedom of speech or the right to be a douche. Also, that rating system prevents children from actually buying that game. If a parent buys it and gives it to their kids, that's a whole other situation, but what you said is either a lie or proving that you're an idiot (or both).

Taking your son's thought, I would encourage you either to play this game or have an adroit video gamer play it for you. Some of the latter gamers are on death row, so try to find one out in the civilian population who hasn't killed someone yet.

First, you're a closed minded asshat. Secondly, if you were any where near as intelligent as you claim to be, you'd realize that if everyone who bought a copy of GTA, or downloaded GTA were murderers on Death Row, there wouldn't be very many people left in this country.

Experts note that the recent plethora of cop killings is caused in part by your darling son's entrepreneurial energy. There are three policemen dead in Alabama because of Grand Theft Auto. I was on 60 Minutes about it. I hope Strauss has provided you with a flat screen tv to see the grief of the bereaved families that fills the screen.

Hey, I see a shameless plug, you smug bastard. I didn't hear about the cop killings being caused in part by this game. What experts are these? You, Dr. Phill, Michael Moore, Tipper Gore and Hillary Clinton? The link between violent media is a very old one, and every time it's brought up, it's almost instantly debunked. Kind of like how Dr. Phill said that violent video games was the motivation for the VT shootings, and when they interviewed those who knew him, and went through his stuff, they discovered that he actually HATED video games. But no, don't let facts actually stop you on your crusade to insult this poor woman and crush freedom of speech.

Is there a Ted Bundy merit badge? If so, your loving son deserves one now. It should be red and green, for obvious reasons.

I really hope this woman finds your sorry ass and kicks it.

Mrs. Zelnick, did you train up your son, Strauss, to make millions of dollars by pushing Mature-rated video games to children?

Okay, it looks like I'm going to have to say this: Children are not the target demographic for everything. GTA is for adults, it's marketed for adults. If it was for children, it would star Dora the Explorer, or some other cute and cuddly mascot.

Any kid can go right to little Strauss' corporate web site and buy GTA IV with no age verification. Strauss is even marketing the new Grand Theft Auto IV on World Wrestling Entertainment tv shows seen by millions of kids. If you trained up Strauss to do this, then shame on you.

Kids have credit cards??? Damn, I was getting like $5/week for allowance. Your kids are pretty damned spoiled if you gave them a Visa card. Though I guess it could be one of those Visa reloadable check cards, but why would they get a GTA game when they could just go straight for the porn. BTW, credit cards count as age verification. Asshole.

He's now dead because a teenaged boy unwittingly trained himself to kill him on Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

BULLshiat!!!!

If he trained to kill on Vice City, then I trained to kill turtles on Super Mario Brothers and trained in the uses of Esper magic in Final Fantasy 6. A gun is a very simple thing to use. If he was trained to use it, it wasn't a video game, it was by using it. Saying that Vice City taught him to kill is like me learning how to drive just by reading bloody user's manual that came with the car.

Happy Mother's day, Mrs. Zelnick, which this year is May 11, two weeks after your son unleashes porn and violence upon other mothers' boys. I'm sure you're very proud.

Tell me Jack, if I were this woman's son, I would sue your sorry ass civilly for this email. I would do my very best to destroy what's left of your credibility and if I could, I'd get you criminally for what you said in this email. You may be a lawyer, but you won't really be able to defend yourself, and you'd be going up against the dream team that Take-two could afford, and when it's all over with, I'd make sure that you were broke and penniless. After this email, I would also see if it were crossing the lines and see if you could actually get disbarred for it. You are a lawyer, and you claim to be a Christian, and this email, you make both look like things that no honest person should ever be.

I firmly believe in the freedom of speech and the part of the freedom that protects the freedom of expression. This game, like it or not, is covered by that. Now, before you tell me that you have that same right, I'm going to answer that if you don't think Take-two has that right, then you don't have that right.

Die in a Fire Jack Thompson

nathimuspr1me

my god, the sheer amount os lies, false information, non sequiturs, faulty assumptions, blanket statements, and erroneous comparisions in that letter make me want to die go on a hooker killing spree!

FTFY

nathimuspr1me: my god, the sheer amount of lies, false information, non sequiturs, faulty assumptions, blanket statements, and erroneous comparisons in that letter make me want to die!

Welcome to conservative religion.

tehotherbilly:

well now that you mention it, i have been feeling a bit stabby lately...

Well I can understand why one would want an exec's mother, but I think it's pretty greedy to take two of them...

Also: a "plethora of cop killings"? Sometimes I just want to slay/erase/obliterate the guy who thought a thesaurus in Word was a good idea.

Pullarius: a "plethora of cop killings"?

cornucopia of cop killings is much better.

Yo Jesus? He killed people! He killed that John the Baptist cat!

koan:
Welcome to conservative religion.

ah, but see, there's the rub. i myself am a christian who tends to lean conservatively, but i can spot a piece of nonsensical, baseless hate-mongering when i see it. also, i can tell a piece of enjoyable fantasy entertainment from real life murder. in fact, if i had a ps3 or a 360 i'd probably be playing GTA4 right now.

totallyschizo: Yo Jesus? He killed people! He killed that John the Baptist cat!

i don't think that is technically correct.

//niko ftw

I had begun to write a lengthy rebuttal to this, and just as I was about to start collecting studies and whatnot to send back to him, I've decided to send this letter to Mr. Thompson instead.

Mr. Thompson:

You are a sour shiatcaked asshole. Quit being such a dick and get a farking life.

Sincerely,
Everyone, including YOUR mother

So what sort of letter should be drafted and sent to Thompsons Son asking him to please curb his fathers rampant stupidity?

/suggestions anyone?

There's a reason this guy was Screwattack's #2 douchebag (#1 being that damn dog from duck hunt). I hate this guy and so should everyone else who loves video games.

Kinda cool how the farking article was pretty much troll bait from the start.

just amazing he quotes all of those bible scriptures, then godwins the email. and as for what was originally quoted in this thread,

chtorran: He's got a point. Imagine how much better the world would be if people like Adolf Hitler, The Son of Sam, Attila the Hun, Jack the Ripper, Osama Bin Laden, Vlad the Impaler, and Lizzie Borden never played violet video games.

so much THIS.

flamingboard: Shrinkwrap: I was terrible

i first read that as "it was terrible". i was about to grab my torch and pitchfork.

//i am quite drunk right now and i've been play GTA IV all day.

You don't say?

I want Jack Thompson and Jack Chick to have a love child.

Wow, what a dick.

gothelder: So what sort of letter should be drafted and sent to Thompsons Son asking him to please curb his fathers rampant stupidity?

/suggestions anyone?

How about this:

Dear Mr. Thompson,

Your father is a dick. He has also clearly lost his marbles. Please put him in a nice nursing home immediately, where they'll keep him so doped up all the time, he won't realize his random ravings are regarded by the rest of the world as rampant stupidity. You'll save yourself a lot of embarrassment that way.

Cordially,

The Rest of the World