A dog fornicates AND it barks. So should I rent or buy?

//And it floats.

As I have never hired a dog or a prostitute I guess that means the color of my soul is brown.

This guy is actually advocating marriage over loads of promiscuous sex under the auspices of more sex? Methinks he's the one with some sort of brain-devouring venereal disease.

at least Clarkson has come clean about being a dog farker

I thought this was going to be an article about how landlords are increasingly allowing pets because of foreclosures, but instead this guy wants us to rent dogs?

This is one of those articles that answers a question no one asked.

Smellvin: This guy is actually advocating marriage over loads of promiscuous sex under the auspices of more sex? Methinks he's the one with some sort of brain-devouring venereal disease.

It's Clarkson so on some level he's always taking the piss.

A duck is made out of wood, and wood floats.

So, what is she? A WITCH! A witch! A biatch. A biatch. BURN HER! BURN HER! She turned me into a newt! *silence*... I got better...

/drtfa

Is he really saying that it's better to get married in order to have sex regularly than to pay a hooker?

Should this have the "Satire" tag instead of "Obvious"?

"If it floats, flies or fornicates, you are better off buying renting.

And that brings me on to fornication. Anyone who thinks it's better to pay a prostitute than get married and have it on tap is so riddled with venereal disease that he's not thinking straight


Objection!!!

Glitchwerks: It's Clarkson so on some level he's always taking the piss.

How did stealing someone's urine ever become a fish-and-chips gobbler's euphemism for mocking?

I think a lot of people who rent prostitutes are married, so doesn't that throw his theory right out the window?

FTFA: Anyone who thinks it's better to pay a prostitute than get married and have it on tap is so riddled with venereal disease that he's not thinking straight. If you don't believe me, take a look at Henry VIII.

He caught something nasty from a hooker, went mad and took England out of the Catholic church. This forced a bunch of Bible-bashers to set up shop in America, which consequently became an English-speaking country. And as a result of that, we have to support them in their various military escapades around the globe.

Our soldiers, then, are getting blown up in Helmand simply because Henry fancied some out-of-wedlock rumpy-pumpy with Miss Syphilis 1510.

We kicked your ass in dubya-dubya-two...don't think we won't do it again!

Isn't marriage legal prostitution?

FTA: Then, when it pegs out, you just hose it into the gutter, call Flexpetz and get another.

It gets better. At present my yard is peppered with about 40 dog eggs every day. Disgusting. However, you can pick up a rental dog in the morning, after it's been to the lavatory, and then give it back as soon as its legs start to cross.

These two paragraphs made me laugh 'til I cried.

/still laughing as I type

the labrador that ate slug pellets and is now a drooling vegetable

so they had no effect on the dog then.

Trance750: Isn't marriage legal prostitution?

No, because she doesn't leave after you're done.

Robo Beat: Trance750: Isn't marriage legal prostitution?

No, because she doesn't leave after you're done.


Tell that to Paul McCartney

You might think this article is serious...



but you'd be wrong.

And as a result of that, we have to support them in their various military escapades around the globe.

that you caused, because you assholes arbitrarily drew lines on a map instead of respecting tribal boundaries. England has no one to blame but themselves.

Texas with a Dollarsign: FTFA: Anyone who thinks it's better to pay a prostitute than get married and have it on tap is so riddled with venereal disease that he's not thinking straight. If you don't believe me, take a look at Henry VIII.

He caught something nasty from a hooker, went mad and took England out of the Catholic church. This forced a bunch of Bible-bashers to set up shop in America, which consequently became an English-speaking country. And as a result of that, we have to support them in their various military escapades around the globe.

Our soldiers, then, are getting blown up in Helmand simply because Henry fancied some out-of-wedlock rumpy-pumpy with Miss Syphilis 1510.

We kicked your ass in dubya-dubya-two...don't think we won't do it again!

I think you mean "saved your ass".

Jeremy Clarkson is a comic genius. Richard Hammond may make Top Gear worth watching, but Jeremy makes it worth listening to as well!

I wouldn't want play from a chick who gets turned on by a rented Yorkie.

If your wife doesn't put out, you chose very, very poorly.

Every time I see that quote on the Fark main page I think

BEEP BEEP Richie! They ALL float down here. When you're down here with us, you'll float too!

Man On Fire: And as a result of that, we have to support them in their various military escapades around the globe.

that you caused, because you assholes arbitrarily drew lines on a map instead of respecting tribal boundaries. England has no one to blame but themselves.

In terms of current idiocies perpetrated by your lords and masters, that just isn't true. Afghanistan is classic blowback (remember the heroic Mujahideen ?). Iraq is a little more complicated, but modern Iraq's boundaries are a legacy of the Ottoman Empire, not the British Empire.

The origin of the division of the Ottoman Empire go back to the Paris Peace Conference, at which France, Italy, the UK, and the US were the major players. Moreover, far from being riven by internal conflict, the 'Great Iraqi Rebellion' unified Sunnis and Shias in seeking independence from the British Mandate of Mesopotamia.

Still, carry on blaming someone else. Saves looking at your own failings.

Anita-Louise: Jeremy Clarkson is a comic genius. Richard Hammond may make Top Gear worth watching, but Jeremy makes it worth listening to as well!

The best presenter on Top Gear...

I will have to remember the saying spend your evening bouncing up and down on six stone of Estonian skin and bone.

Say it out loud. It's a fun toungue twister.

six stone a' estonian skin'n'bone. who doesn't like that?

I'm an Ariel Atom so Im getting a kick out of these replies

"look at Henry VIII.

He caught something nasty from a hooker, went mad and took England out of the Catholic church. This forced a bunch of Bible-bashers to set up shop in America, which consequently became an English-speaking country. And as a result of that, we have to support them in their various military escapades around the globe.

Our soldiers, then, are getting blown up in Helmand simply because Henry fancied some out-of-wedlock rumpy-pumpy with Miss Syphilis 1510."

If this guy write a history of the world, I'm buying it.

Texas with a Dollarsign: FTFA: Anyone who thinks it's better to pay a prostitute than get married and have it on tap is so riddled with venereal disease that he's not thinking straight. If you don't believe me, take a look at Henry VIII.

He caught something nasty from a hooker, went mad and took England out of the Catholic church. This forced a bunch of Bible-bashers to set up shop in America, which consequently became an English-speaking country. And as a result of that, we have to support them in their various military escapades around the globe.

Our soldiers, then, are getting blown up in Helmand simply because Henry fancied some out-of-wedlock rumpy-pumpy with Miss Syphilis 1510.

We kicked your ass in dubya-dubya-two...don't think we won't do it again!

Over? Was it over when the Germans bombed pearl harbor?

Mr. Clarkson, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

/half the time he was channeling Ric Romero
//the other half he was channeling Ben Stein
///the whole time, he was the icing on a gigantic cake made of sugary sweet suck with a creamy fail filling.

I misread that as "reach for the rectal agreement"

CreepyBasementGuy: We kicked your ass in dubya-dubya-two...don't think we won't do it again!

I think you mean "saved your ass".

You never heard of 'Friendly Fire' or 'Blue on Blue'?

We have, oh we have.

Ah, Jeremy Clarkson, the man with the job I'd love to have.

I see this is going to be a top gear thread, and you cant argue about the war without james may.

spin359: I see this is going to be a top gear thread, and you cant argue about the war without james may.

Try writing in American next time, limey.

Anita-Louise: Jeremy Clarkson is a comic genius. Richard Hammond may make Top Gear worth watching, but Jeremy makes it worth listening to as well!

James May's jokes always get me. His delivery is priceless.

The comment at the end is priceless,

Actually, nothing will guarantee you more sex than if you end up in a prison.

So perhaps the answer is in neither renting or buying, but in simply taking..

Smellvin: Glitchwerks: It's Clarkson so on some level he's always taking the piss.

How did stealing someone's urine ever become a fish-and-chips gobbler's euphemism for mocking?

It's probably something to do with the lucrative urine trade that only dried up this century.

This is one of the more idiotic, nonsensical and typically Clarksonian things that he's written, but all his articles for the Times are close to this. Having said that, I would also buy his history book.

James May, when he's not doing the over-used Captain Slow nonsense, is the most easily watched and funniest man on that series. Listening to Clarkson is like being twacked in the head with a bag of "spanners" and Hammond tries too hard. May is hysterical.

Max Danger Power,
May is hysterical.

"I think he's bought a Hillman Imp and is making a submarine."

May Rants about the beetle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF5DmQV2rVk

Wow- I am really concerned about how rich people are to spend their money. What to do? What to do? I know ! How about invest in a history book! You can read about World War II history!

/start with Churchill
//and they say the English are snobby