That's pretty well done, actually. But disappointingly brief. The author should have spent a little more time developing more scenes and trying to create a more sweeping feel of the thing before rushing to post it.

Bunches more at Metafilter:

Jesus: Have you made your ass ready to be farked?
The semis count you on the posted list.
Dios mio. Liam and me shall lie
In wait, prepared to fark you up anon.

Du: Aye, well, 'tis a notion you entertain.

J: [to Walter] Prithee heark well these words, my dear Walter.
Your antics on the lanes are known to me.
Unsheathe your steel in my proximity,
Possess your sword I shall though blade be keen.
And from your hind end only hilt be seen.

Du: Jesus.

J: God's truth. No one farks with Jesus.

[Exit Jesus.]

W:[to Dude] And here I say again, children of eight.

Gulper Eel: Bunches more at Metafilter:

Most of those aren't nearly as good...the person who wrote the two passages on the linked page had a good sense of the sound of the language. Many of the other pretenders on metafilter...not so much.

LANCE
I beseech thee to deliver ye old script/
Anon! Wherefore art mine poison dagger?

WALLACE
Mine wrath knows not its conclusion, ye devil.
Thine fleshy lobes will soon know savagery!

And I avow unto thee, I will summon unto me two strong Moors, who shall labor upon our friends here with blazing embers and a pair tongs.

Hear you me, hill-dweller? With thee have my endeavors but begun. I shall become thoroughly modern with thee!

The Queen's own English, base knave, dost thou speak it?

I find the ass in compound with the major part of your syllables.

Or "English, motherfarker ..."

I say we all chip in $1 and hire this guy to rewrite the entire movie.

pandabear: And I avow unto thee, I will summon unto me two strong Moors, who shall labor upon our friends here with blazing embers and a pair tongs.

Hear you me, hill-dweller? With thee have my endeavors but begun. I shall become thoroughly modern with thee!

Your newsletter, do you send it, motherfarker?

damn fine - colour me impressed

Stipud carp.

He even got the iambic pentameter right. Impressive.

"Jules, if thou dost offer this idiot
Fifteen-hundred ducats, The sum total
of our labors this day, I shall anon
slit his throat on general principle!"

WHAT? YEAH...

Worthless without iambic pentameter.

Thanks subby, thou hast made my morning.

Pocket Ninja: Gulper Eel: Bunches more at Metafilter:

Most of those aren't nearly as good...the person who wrote the two passages on the linked page had a good sense of the sound of the language. Many of the other pretenders on metafilter...not so much.

Tis a bit of fowlry are thee smitten tongue...though fowl wretched spits written ensembly with ill written haste. Per chance a bit of patience that he with of which to wait, he could grasp the language which slipped through his grasp. Thoust
aspirant tis but a prelude...of never so.


Sorry, pet peeve.

Give me Kill Bill as written by John Donne and I will then be impressed until then, meh.

And I avow unto thee, I will summon unto me two strong Moors, who shall labor upon our friends here with blazing embers and a pair tongs.

Hear you me, hill-dweller? With thee have my endeavors but begun. I shall become thoroughly modern with thee!

Win.

How would the story of the watch work?
/Sundial?

pandabear: And I avow unto thee, I will summon unto me two strong Moors, who shall labor upon our friends here with blazing embers and a pair tongs.

Hear you me, hill-dweller? With thee have my endeavors but begun. I shall become thoroughly modern with thee!

Verily, I thinketh that I adore thee!

prithee, where art mine chariot and mule?

alas, my sweet... yon chariot hath been torn asunder

CplKhaos: How would the story of the watch work?
/Sundial?

It need not be a timepiece, you egg.
The importance comes from the age of the heirloom.
A sigul that has seen spilled blood of many wars.
Hence the quarrel between the Lancasters and Yorks
Need be the scene in question.

Dr.Zom: The Queen's own English, base knave, dost thou speak it?

you can stop reading after this line ;-)

PETER:
When I was but a lad of lesser years
a wise man posed a question to my ears:
if ever a great windfall I had found
what wouldst I do with but one million pounds?
And if I were to say the chore I'd try
would be to build the carriages, then I,
I'd be a carriage-maker, biding time
by mending wood and making naught a dime.

SAMIR:
Lo, and your answer?

PETER:
I had no reply,
and thus I am imprisoned here to die.

MIKE:
This old man's useless riddles hold no sway,
for if there were a purpose to your say
then none would claim that he would shovel shiat
and streets of London would remain unfit.

SAMIR:
Would I give truth to this I would declare
That I would leave this fortune in the care
Of my old friend Saheib, or at the least
would leave some to the bankers of the East.

MIKE:
This question's purpose yet eludes thee too,
as all you say does not reveal... the... you...
What? PC Load Letter? O by the stars,
I'll tear this base machine into its parts!

dr_iacovone: Sorry, pet peeve.

Accept my gravest apologies, but such a foul entreaty dost peeve me to the quick.

CplKhaos: How would the story of the watch work?
/Sundial?

Oh Lord... ouch.

This has the potential to be a legendary thread

/Someone will convert that to Olde English, I'm sure

Belltower: dr_iacovone: Sorry, pet peeve.

Accept my gravest apologies, but such a foul entreaty dost peeve me to the quick.

Laughest out loudeth, do I.

This always cracked me up as a philosophy major in college: Republic Dogs. (new window)

PETER:
My cousin Lawrence!

LAWRENCE:
And to you, my friend!

PETER:
Now Lawrence, come to me, let us pretend:
If thou hadst great fortune left to thee,
if numbering in millions should it be,
What wouldst thou do?

LAWRENCE:
Ah, I'd be quick to tell:
I'd have two harlots, and I'd know them well.

PETER:
Come now, be grave, as I have been to you.
Would nothing else be quite as fine to do?

LAWRENCE:
Now that's God's truth. For many years I yearned
Of having known close company in turns,
And if this windfall was but mine to keep
then I could choose the two with whom I'd sleep.

PETER:
But women are not quite as simple, lo!

LAWRENCE:
For them to stay with me, I would say so.

WTF Subby I got a mature content warning from my network for clicking on this link

O this day thou is prepared to scour thine Earth
for ye scoundrel.
I care not whether ye flees to the land of China
for thou shall have a ni&&a residing betwix ye rice in a bowl
ready to put a cap in ye ass of thine scoundrel.



/my contribution
//I'm sure one of you could do it better

the epicness of win inside this thread
is quite unusual for people from the internet

And should subby receive a mere plus one
For the remarkable work he hath done;
Not only giving a link with no fail,
But also refr'encing the great Bard's Tale!

mad8vskillz: the epicness of win inside this thread
is quite unusual for people from the internet

forsooth, the lack of knavery doth refresh the soul.

shan500: WTF Subby I got a mature content warning from my network for clicking on this link

God's teeth, Submitter, wherefore lead me thus?
I click unknowingly upon your link
Perchance to view some decent japery,
Instead find only portends of direst pr0n!

eightballart: I say we all chip in $1 and hire this guy to rewrite the entire movie.

I'm definately in on that one!

Tasty, this 5£ confectionery
yet it seems not it's worth to me.

Squire! I am thy father!


NAAAAAAYYYYYY!



/shamelessly stolen.

The win is just spilling over the sides, both with the link and this thread.

/verily

Jules - CALM THY STRUMPET

that is so win

dc-kid: that is so win Verily, this submission doth contain victory

/thine words hath been repaired.

English motherfarker, dost thou speakest it?

alacy52: English motherfarker, dost thou speakest it?

Dr.Zom did it better earlier in the thread. Good try though.

Dr.Zom: The Queen's own English, base knave, dost thou speak it?

alacy52: English motherfarker, dost thou speakest it?

alacy52:
Post above thine own, dost thou readest them?

docmattic:

Simulpost!

FreakinB:

But soft, what miracle of time is this?
Thou and I hath du'lly posted as one.