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(CSMonitor) Misc The Christian Science Monitor suggests ten things you can do if your flight is canceled   (csmonitor.com) divider line 106
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TommyymmoT [TotalFark] 2008-04-20 09:54:46 PM  
They forgot "consult Total Fark", so that we can send you full screen graphics that flash, and say things like "BOMB ARMED", and "GAY PORNO", directly to your laptop, much to the delight of the other passengers waiting to board.

 
PC LOAD LETTER [TotalFark] 2008-04-20 10:06:53 PM  
Masturbate furiously while calling out "MOM!"

 
Death by Misadventure 2008-04-20 10:16:23 PM  
shove small objects up your ass

 
Phil McKraken 2008-04-20 10:16:44 PM  
They also left out yelling "bomb" in a crowded terminal. Always a good time.

 
E Arkhe 2008-04-20 10:17:15 PM  
I would like those thirty seconds of my life back

 
Pegasus_CAG 2008-04-20 10:17:19 PM  
Masturbate furiously while calling out "MARY!"

 
Petekill 2008-04-20 10:18:26 PM  
E Arkhe: I would like those thirty seconds of my life back

Agreed, how did this get greenlighted?

 
Malinki 2008-04-20 10:19:06 PM  
Take a wide stance.

 
Englebert Slaptyback 2008-04-20 10:19:51 PM  
The next likely list: "Five Ways to Get Something, Anything (No Matter How Crap) Submitted by Your Deadline"

 
codewarrior81 2008-04-20 10:20:10 PM  
At least it's not superdefail or fail-tv.

 
moondo 2008-04-20 10:21:03 PM  
read the bible, praise the lord not present in list

 
redface 2008-04-20 10:21:14 PM  
Why do I feel like everytime I visit the Christian Science Monitor I'm about to get preached to about how utterly retarded my belief in Evoloution is?

 
Rat [TotalFark] 2008-04-20 10:21:34 PM  
PC LOAD LETTER: Masturbate furiously while calling out "MOM!"

get outa my head

©

 
urthen_sak 2008-04-20 10:26:16 PM  
11. Sit in a corner and pick your nose and play with yourself.

 
pauly99 2008-04-20 10:26:31 PM  
are you kidding me . . . ?

and my submissions don't get a greenlight????

 
Funk Brothers 2008-04-20 10:27:53 PM  
Consult with Scientology. I mean you want to go on a vacation, but just can't.

 
callthekiteman 2008-04-20 10:28:48 PM  
What about cancelled...what do you do then?

 
TMBGfreak 2008-04-20 10:29:27 PM  
booze

 
Oznog 2008-04-20 10:29:34 PM  
arago4.tnw.utwente.nl

Not shall ye discuss the use of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch against thine airline, for Homeland Security hath not humor and shall tackle thee, in His mercy.

 
eightballart 2008-04-20 10:32:35 PM  
I love the fact that the Christian Science Monitor has a "SCI/TECH" section. I mean, we know what Christian Science is, but what the hell does Christian Tech consist of?

 
deevo 2008-04-20 10:33:07 PM  
callthekiteman: What about cancelled...what do you do then?

Presumably, you go to the store and pick up a bag of milk, get a summons for yawning in public, and go to the doctor's office for free.

 
libbyshome 2008-04-20 10:34:41 PM  
redface: Why do I feel like everytime I visit the Christian Science Monitor I'm about to get preached to about how utterly retarded my belief in Evoloution is?

You needn't feel like that. It has a string of Pulitzer Prizes and other awards for editorial excellence.

 
angrymacface [TotalFark] 2008-04-20 10:35:01 PM  
LCARS Critical Failure.
You can't go anywhere.

 
deevo 2008-04-20 10:37:08 PM  
It's hilarious when the hateful illiterati come out to make judgments based only on the name of csmonitor.

It's a respected international newspaper whose name happens to come from the faith of the founder. They're about original content unlike your secularly-titled local newspaper, who fills pages with an RSS feed from Associated Press or Reuters.

 
alacy52 2008-04-20 10:38:22 PM  
libbyshome: redface: Why do I feel like everytime I visit the Christian Science Monitor I'm about to get preached to about how utterly retarded my belief in Evoloution is?

You needn't feel like that. It has a string of Pulitzer Prizes and other awards for editorial excellence.


And Christian Science =/= Christianity. It's a bad misnomer.

 
dervish16108 2008-04-20 10:39:24 PM  
12) Sit on it.

 
Glitchwerks 2008-04-20 10:39:32 PM  
TommyymmoT: They forgot "consult Total Fark", so that we can send you full screen graphics that flash, and say things like "BOMB ARMED", and "GAY PORNO", directly to your laptop, much to the delight of the other passengers waiting to board.

Actually one of those that says "Bomb Armed" with a countdown timer and a beeping sound would be a sweet practical joke. I could load it on all the computers at Best Buy in...oh, I dunno...Boston!

 
Robo Beat 2008-04-20 10:40:24 PM  
And by the way, you can indeed get French toast in France. I had some this morning. We just don't call it "French toast."

 
cwolf20 [TotalFark] 2008-04-20 10:41:27 PM  
apparently the Monitor blew up. Or else my internet is being ornery again. (looks over at the episode of The Three Stooges currently loading on tv-links.cc) guess it's the article then.

 
danar75 2008-04-20 10:41:41 PM  
redface: Why do I feel like everytime I visit the Christian Science Monitor I'm about to get preached to about how utterly retarded my belief in Evoloution is?

I was afraid of that, too, but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the list.

Re: #1 - because there, it's just "toast." And 2 might help with 8, actually.

 
Jedoc 2008-04-20 10:41:55 PM  
The Christian Science Monitor is sort of like "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas." If you're just going by the name, you're probably going to make an ass of yourself.

 
RightWing 2008-04-20 10:42:11 PM  
Why suffer alone - I try to run opposite thru the exit only door and shut down the whole damn airport.

 
Smellvin 2008-04-20 10:42:33 PM  
Glitchwerks: Actually one of those that says "Bomb Armed" with a countdown timer and a beeping sound would be a sweet practical joke. I could load it on all the computers at Best Buy in...oh, I dunno...Boston!

Boston'd call in the Air National Guard to bomb that Best Buy. Therefore, Due to the entertainment value, everyone would win.

 
0x1a4 2008-04-20 10:43:02 PM  
Here's my list:

1: Drink

2: Drink

3: Drink

4: Drink

5: Drink

6: Drink

7: Drink

8: Go pee

9: Drink

10: Drink

 
TommyymmoT [TotalFark] 2008-04-20 10:43:04 PM  
Glitchwerks: TommyymmoT: They forgot "consult Total Fark", so that we can send you full screen graphics that flash, and say things like "BOMB ARMED", and "GAY PORNO", directly to your laptop, much to the delight of the other passengers waiting to board.

Actually one of those that says "Bomb Armed" with a countdown timer and a beeping sound would be a sweet practical joke. I could load it on all the computers at Best Buy in...oh, I dunno...Boston!


I kid you not. It used to happen on TotalFark all the time. They were called airport threads, but people started getting bored with them, so they stopped.

 
Voldemort 2008-04-20 10:43:19 PM  
Wow, that link was almost as exciting as a Homestar Runner/Strongbad page.

 
alienofamerica [TotalFark] 2008-04-20 10:45:37 PM  
Death by Misadventure: shove small objects up your ass

Thread over!

 
El_Swino 2008-04-20 10:48:47 PM  
CSM articles are usually excellent. This one, however, both sucked and blew.

 
Donald_McRonald 2008-04-20 10:49:23 PM  
This guy knows all about having fun at the airport.
cache.wonkette.com

 
Mentat [TotalFark] 2008-04-20 10:50:09 PM  
And always be nice to the airline people, even if they're douchebags. That's how you get upgraded to first class on the next earliest flight.

 
barry jive 2008-04-20 10:51:47 PM  
My List

1. Consider reading The Christian Science Monitor.

2. Dismiss thoughts of reading The Christian Science Monitor.

3. Laugh at others for clicking on CSM links.

4. Drink

5. Repeat

 
Mr_Smartypants 2008-04-20 10:52:56 PM  
alienofamerica
Death by Misadventure: shove small objects up your ass

Thread over!


Oh yeah?


Try this: Shove medium-sized objects up your ass!

 
bighairyguy [TotalFark] 2008-04-20 10:53:06 PM  
RightWing: Why suffer alone - I try to run opposite thru the exit only door and shut down the whole damn airport.

Right on, brother! If I have to wait, so should everyone else.

 
matt120784 2008-04-20 10:55:25 PM  
Malinki: Take a wide stance.

Came for the bathroom jokes...

/wasn't disapponted

 
theoriginalslash 2008-04-20 10:57:42 PM  
Yeah, that was the lamest shiat I've read in awhile. Was it supposed to be funny?

 
itsfullofstars 2008-04-20 10:58:02 PM  
Wonder if it's the Christian "Science Monitor", as in Christians monitoring all that scary science stuff that threatens their way of life.

Or if it's the "Christian Science" Monitor. Nah, "Christian Science" is like "fresh frozen" or "army intelligence".

 
uptonogood 2008-04-20 10:58:07 PM  
eightballart: I love the fact that the Christian Science Monitor has a "SCI/TECH" section. I mean, we know what Christian Science is, but what the hell does Christian Tech consist of?

Wow ... wow. You're a retard.

 
Barakku [TotalFark] 2008-04-20 11:00:53 PM  
Surprise buttsecks didn't make the list?

 
hudef 2008-04-20 11:00:56 PM  
Total loser article. Greenlit by morons.

 
GuyCaballero 2008-04-20 11:01:17 PM  
Hilarious list :|

 
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