They forgot "consult Total Fark", so that we can send you full screen graphics that flash, and say things like "BOMB ARMED", and "GAY PORNO", directly to your laptop, much to the delight of the other passengers waiting to board.

Masturbate furiously while calling out "MOM!"

shove small objects up your ass

They also left out yelling "bomb" in a crowded terminal. Always a good time.

I would like those thirty seconds of my life back

Masturbate furiously while calling out "MARY!"

E Arkhe: I would like those thirty seconds of my life back

Agreed, how did this get greenlighted?

Take a wide stance.

The next likely list: "Five Ways to Get Something, Anything (No Matter How Crap) Submitted by Your Deadline"

At least it's not superdefail or fail-tv.

read the bible, praise the lord not present in list

Why do I feel like everytime I visit the Christian Science Monitor I'm about to get preached to about how utterly retarded my belief in Evoloution is?

PC LOAD LETTER: Masturbate furiously while calling out "MOM!"

get outa my head

©

11. Sit in a corner and pick your nose and play with yourself.

are you kidding me . . . ?

and my submissions don't get a greenlight????

Consult with Scientology. I mean you want to go on a vacation, but just can't.

What about cancelled...what do you do then?

booze

Not shall ye discuss the use of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch against thine airline, for Homeland Security hath not humor and shall tackle thee, in His mercy.

I love the fact that the Christian Science Monitor has a "SCI/TECH" section. I mean, we know what Christian Science is, but what the hell does Christian Tech consist of?

callthekiteman: What about cancelled...what do you do then?

Presumably, you go to the store and pick up a bag of milk, get a summons for yawning in public, and go to the doctor's office for free.

redface: Why do I feel like everytime I visit the Christian Science Monitor I'm about to get preached to about how utterly retarded my belief in Evoloution is?

You needn't feel like that. It has a string of Pulitzer Prizes and other awards for editorial excellence.

LCARS Critical Failure.
You can't go anywhere.

It's hilarious when the hateful illiterati come out to make judgments based only on the name of csmonitor.

It's a respected international newspaper whose name happens to come from the faith of the founder. They're about original content unlike your secularly-titled local newspaper, who fills pages with an RSS feed from Associated Press or Reuters.

libbyshome: redface: Why do I feel like everytime I visit the Christian Science Monitor I'm about to get preached to about how utterly retarded my belief in Evoloution is?

You needn't feel like that. It has a string of Pulitzer Prizes and other awards for editorial excellence.

And Christian Science =/= Christianity. It's a bad misnomer.

12) Sit on it.

TommyymmoT: They forgot "consult Total Fark", so that we can send you full screen graphics that flash, and say things like "BOMB ARMED", and "GAY PORNO", directly to your laptop, much to the delight of the other passengers waiting to board.

Actually one of those that says "Bomb Armed" with a countdown timer and a beeping sound would be a sweet practical joke. I could load it on all the computers at Best Buy in...oh, I dunno...Boston!

And by the way, you can indeed get French toast in France. I had some this morning. We just don't call it "French toast."

apparently the Monitor blew up. Or else my internet is being ornery again. (looks over at the episode of The Three Stooges currently loading on tv-links.cc) guess it's the article then.

redface: Why do I feel like everytime I visit the Christian Science Monitor I'm about to get preached to about how utterly retarded my belief in Evoloution is?

I was afraid of that, too, but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the list.

Re: #1 - because there, it's just "toast." And 2 might help with 8, actually.

The Christian Science Monitor is sort of like "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas." If you're just going by the name, you're probably going to make an ass of yourself.

Why suffer alone - I try to run opposite thru the exit only door and shut down the whole damn airport.

Glitchwerks: Actually one of those that says "Bomb Armed" with a countdown timer and a beeping sound would be a sweet practical joke. I could load it on all the computers at Best Buy in...oh, I dunno...Boston!

Boston'd call in the Air National Guard to bomb that Best Buy. Therefore, Due to the entertainment value, everyone would win.

Here's my list:

1: Drink

2: Drink

3: Drink

4: Drink

5: Drink

6: Drink

7: Drink

8: Go pee

9: Drink

10: Drink

Glitchwerks: TommyymmoT: They forgot "consult Total Fark", so that we can send you full screen graphics that flash, and say things like "BOMB ARMED", and "GAY PORNO", directly to your laptop, much to the delight of the other passengers waiting to board.

Actually one of those that says "Bomb Armed" with a countdown timer and a beeping sound would be a sweet practical joke. I could load it on all the computers at Best Buy in...oh, I dunno...Boston!

I kid you not. It used to happen on TotalFark all the time. They were called airport threads, but people started getting bored with them, so they stopped.

Wow, that link was almost as exciting as a Homestar Runner/Strongbad page.

Death by Misadventure: shove small objects up your ass

Thread over!

CSM articles are usually excellent. This one, however, both sucked and blew.

This guy knows all about having fun at the airport.

And always be nice to the airline people, even if they're douchebags. That's how you get upgraded to first class on the next earliest flight.

My List

1. Consider reading The Christian Science Monitor.

2. Dismiss thoughts of reading The Christian Science Monitor.

3. Laugh at others for clicking on CSM links.

4. Drink

5. Repeat

alienofamerica
Death by Misadventure: shove small objects up your ass

Thread over!

Oh yeah?


Try this: Shove medium-sized objects up your ass!

RightWing: Why suffer alone - I try to run opposite thru the exit only door and shut down the whole damn airport.

Right on, brother! If I have to wait, so should everyone else.

Malinki: Take a wide stance.

Came for the bathroom jokes...

/wasn't disapponted

Yeah, that was the lamest shiat I've read in awhile. Was it supposed to be funny?

Wonder if it's the Christian "Science Monitor", as in Christians monitoring all that scary science stuff that threatens their way of life.

Or if it's the "Christian Science" Monitor. Nah, "Christian Science" is like "fresh frozen" or "army intelligence".

eightballart: I love the fact that the Christian Science Monitor has a "SCI/TECH" section. I mean, we know what Christian Science is, but what the hell does Christian Tech consist of?

Wow ... wow. You're a retard.

Surprise buttsecks didn't make the list?

Total loser article. Greenlit by morons.

Hilarious list :|