"So, the DVDA is the only way gals our age can make money in the business, anymore..."

"How many times do I have to tell you? First you put on your socks, THEN you put on your shoes; otherwise, you will look silly."

"2 balls, and a string of beads. How about you?"

"...so this is how I was able to give Andre the Giant a hummer while he stood."

"So I says to him, you want me to wear that blue dress it's $50 extra, but I'll do that cigar for free..."

"I thought it was a better cereal before you sugar coated the bits of cereal. It's just too sweet now."

And the dildo was this big...

What do you mean I'm in a no-fly zone?

"And that is Einstein's theory on relativity..."

"Don't you dare tell me how to wear an S and M outfit, I'll wear it however I want!"

/the 'shoppers will get it

"So how was Burning Man?"

"So yeah, when Dwight showed up with the severed head of the cop all covered in tape, we knew things were going to turn out just fine..."

"That's sooo weird. I don't want to grow up either!"

MalvolioMandarin: What do you mean I'm in a no-fly zone?

Figures that the funniest one leaves off voting...

Twenty dollars. Same as in town.

$50 for head, $100 for half and half. No kinky stuff.

Frank, I'm here to talk to you about your drinking. It's become an issue, and people are starting to notice you have a problem when you are out in public. I'm only tellin' ya' 'cuz I love ya', man.

"It's not that I try to be a whore, I've just slept with a lot of guys."

Well since you ask, the 401k with this company is fantastic! The uniform, not so much.

But really what I want to do is direct.

"Yeah, it's cute. But maybe you would fit in better with a different gang."

No, I never worked at the Waffle House, why do you ask?

One day, this picture will be used in a Fark Photoshop competition too - and they will use anything they want.

/No vote - cliché

"Would you adjust my jockstrap for me? My nails are drying."

"Sprites get a bonus to initiative, as well as symbiosis, but with my area of attack fireball, smart money bets on me, the succubus."

/wife and I playing Heroes of Might and Magic 5 as we speak
//no one has any idea what this means, do they?

Now you can finally see the voices in Richard Simmon's head personified.

Leave me alone, you fairy.

"If only you had been born a man, what a Caesar you would have made."

/No voting - stolen quote

"I don't think your pair of crocs is authentic."

"I blame the Jews."

Listen, Randy...the Peter Pan thing was bad enough...

As usual, Tinkerbell's friend dominated the conversation.

So you hold the turkey like this, then reach in for the giblets

Well, you're still unmanned but I think the Predator is more high-tech than taffeta wings.

Why yes, the application line for congressional intern does start here.

"And I was all like, if we invade Russia that puts us on a two-front war with limited natural resources, stretched supply lines, facing weather problems, dependent on Allies who can't fight like Nazis can, blah blah blah. But once a dope-fiend, paranoid schizophenic racist megalomaniac sets what's left of his mind to doing something..."

"I know what you mean, Love. German men can be so difficult. One day their puttering in the garden, the next day they're invading Poland. Twice on Sundays."

That's right, I'm *the* Rita. Are you Lucy, and are those your diamonds?

My husband never takes me anywhere! Right now, I'll bet he's in on his computer typing some stupid caption for some stupid pic of some misogynist rabble of women. I mean, who needs to be defined by a bunch of people you'd be afraid to turn your back to?

dark dressed woman to fairy:
"i'd love to tinkle your bell" ;-)

"somehow i have the feeling that we should be in a TV ad of some sort..."

"I'm desperately seeking Susan, have you seen her?"

Two girls, one Hook.

And I says, "hey buddy, can you help me find my keys so I can drive my truck out of here?"

Excuse me, have you seen my friends? One's an Indian, one's a cowboy, one's a construction worker...

WEll, I had his yahoo's in my hands like this see and........

I mean, they say blonds have all the fun but this just isn't doing it for me. How about you?

"You see my gimp stole that dollar you left me under my pillow for that tooth and thats why you should give me another."

"You have been a naughty little forrest nymp and I have a dildo this big to punish you"

"Pre-op?"

"Post-op."