Just remember: Lengthwise, not crosswise.

I told u I was hardcore.

This should go well.

Those researchers should go farking kill themselves.

The study, published in the British Medical Journal, replicated a typical search that might be undertaken by a person looking for instructions and information about methods of suicide.

Amazing! You mean searching for info on killing yourself brings up mostly websites about killing yourself?

Quickly, to the censormobile!

smooshie: Amazing! You mean searching for info on killing yourself brings up mostly websites about killing yourself?

Everything you need to know, in large print. (pops)

/interesting read

MacEnvy: Those researchers should go farking kill themselves.

Hey MacEnvy. I have to say something here because I sense a certain degree of hostility coming from you in many of your posts...

Did you ever see the movie "Kelley's Heros"?. You know, Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, Don Rickles, and Donald Southerland. Fun movie, right? And Southerland's character is this kind of whacked out guy on the tank and his driver mechanic is the captain from The Love Boat. Yeah, his name escapes me but in Kelley's Heros his name is Moriarty and he's always biatching and moaning about shiat. And Southerland (who is referred to in the movie as "Oddball") is always ragging on the Love Boat Guy for being negative. "Always with the negative waves, Moriarty, always with the negative waves," he says.

So I just wanted to point out that I have noticed that you seem to be laying down the negative waves, and I would entreat you to think beautiful things man, think beautiful things.

Manic_Repressive: smooshie: Amazing! You mean searching for info on killing yourself brings up mostly websites about killing yourself?

Everything you need to know, in large print. (pops)

/interesting read

I like the negative reviews from family members of people who used the book.

I'm hardcore

Old story (yes, "submitted with different headline days ago" bitterness)

If you don't like what people say on the internets, then maybe you should kill yourself.

Wait...

They'll get over it.

That's BS, everyone knows if someone is seriously considering offing themselves, there's helpful videos online like this to help encourage them to steer away.

jonasborg: I'm hardcore

I'm metal. Go fark yourself you punk.

/all in good fun

I blame Elton John.

"I Think I'm Going To Kill Myself"

I'm getting bored
Being part of mankind
There's not a lot to do no more
This race is a waste of time

People rushing everywhere
Swarming around like flies
Think I'll buy a forty four
Give them all a surprise

Think I'm gonna kill myself
Cause a little suicide
Stick around for a couple of days
What a scandal if I died

Yeah I'm gonna kill myself
Get a little headline news
I'd like to see what the papers say
On the state of teenage blues

A rift in my family
I can't use the car
I gotta be in by ten o'clock
Who do they think they are

I'd make an exception
If you want to save my life
Brigitte Bardot gotta come
And see me every night

As seen on IRC...

evilada: Best suicide plan ever
mcm310: what is it?
evilada: you go up to the top of a roof
evilada: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
evilada: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
evilada: then you put super glue on your hands
evilada: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
evilada: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
evilada: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
evilada: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
mcm310: i dont think i can be your friend anymore

Smiths: That's BS, everyone knows if someone is seriously considering offing themselves, there's helpful videos online like this to help encourage them to steer away.

God I'm gullable. And stupid.

...and stay from FARK, 'cos farkers don't give a rat's ass about you!

I'm standing on a stool with a noose around my neck, so I'm really getting a kick out of these comments.


/DIAF is about as nice as it gets on the internet

/You bastards.

carver

mods: don't delete. it's fake.

I don't think they'll listen, nor should they. It looks real enough to be pretty goddamn nasty.

If they are going to die then they should do it, and decrease the surplus population.

Wait, people take "/b/ an hero" seriously?

Suicide isn't so bad. Give it a chance. (new window)

How to kill yourself like a man. (new window)

you: everyone else on the net is wasting my oxygen, hurry up and diaf

the internet: you're wasting our oxygen, hurry up and diaf

Kavis: Wait, people take "/b/ an hero" seriously?

Chances are if you commit suicide you take this world too seriously.

The Grinch: As seen on IRC...

evilada: Best suicide plan ever
mcm310: what is it?
evilada: you go up to the top of a roof
evilada: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
evilada: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
evilada: then you put super glue on your hands
evilada: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
evilada: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
evilada: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
evilada: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.

"You know, it's these smart-alec suicides that really get me. They only do it to annoy."

"Suicide?" said Dirk.

Gilks glanced round at him. "Windows secured with iron bars half an inch thick," he said. "Door locked from the inside with the key still in the lock. Furniture piled against the inside of the door. French windows to the patio locked with mortise door bolts. No signs of a tunnel. If it was murder then the murderer must have stopped to do a damn fine job of glazing on the way out. Except that all the putty's old and painted over. Nobody's left this room, and nobody's broken into it except for us, and I'm pretty sure we didn't do it. "I haven't time to fiddle around on this one. Obviously suicide; and just done to be difficult. I've half a mind to do the deceased for wasting police time."

I'm so sorry guys.

carver: mods: don't delete. it's fake.

I like your logic. It's now ok to post bare boobies as long as they're fake.

Aaahh the Internet! Of course!

MIguy: carver: mods: don't delete. it's fake.

I like your logic. It's now ok to post bare boobies foobies as long as they're fake.

Kavis: MIguy: carver: mods: don't delete. it's fake.

I like your logic. It's now ok to post bare boobies foobies as long as they're fake.

ftfy

/ftfm, d'oh. I should go kill myself.

first thought

The internet was no help at all in suggesting which red wine goes best with a handful of crushed 20 mg Valium.

JUMP biatch JUMP!

/couldn't find the song reference in time. maybe I'll just JIAF now.

il Dottore: The internet was no help at all in suggesting which red wine goes best with a handful of crushed 20 mg Valium.

Might I suggest a muscat? It's a nice "dessert" sweet type of wine. And a quart of ice cream.

il Dottore: The internet was no help at all in suggesting which red wine goes best with a handful of crushed 20 mg Valium.

fark that. Hit a whole bunch of cocaine with upside down crosses slit into your wrists in front of a mirror with your suicide note written in blood on the mirror. If the note becomes unreadable, oh well. It's just a suicide note, and chances are noone cares.

/If you're gonna do it mine as well make it enjoyable

I would say the worst place to look for help online if your considering offing yourself is Fark. Whatever happened to those suicide hotlines? Why not call one of those?

/then again, with the crazy shiat people do in these articles it might make their lives seem not so bad.

/evil hotlinker

Recently someone I know killed their ex-girfriend and then themselves...remember people, if you are going to kill some people and then yourself, start with yourself.

Mehh. If your gonna kill your self, at least take some people with you.

/pew pew

Hey Mitch, look what I found

il Dottore: The internet was no help at all in suggesting which red wine goes best with a handful of crushed 20 mg Valium.

a 2004 Azalia Springs Merlot.

/Obscure?
//Not on FARK.

/wrists

And this is a problem?

/obligatory

nomysterynil: Recently someone I know killed their ex-girfriend and then themselves...remember people, if you are going to kill some people and then yourself, start with yourself.

It is certainly more efficient that way and saves on overtime pay for the EMTs.