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(AFP) Scary Researchers shocked, shocked I tell you, to discover that people on the 'net aren't all that helpful to suicidal people. Or rather, a wee bit too helpful, as it were   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 164
More: Scary  

164 Comments   (+0 »)


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torch [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 11:48:12 AM  
Just remember: Lengthwise, not crosswise.

 
Shardovan [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 11:58:51 AM  
I told u I was hardcore.

 
meekychuppet 2008-04-12 12:14:44 PM  
This should go well.

 
MacEnvy [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 12:36:31 PM  
Those researchers should go farking kill themselves.

 
smooshie [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 12:44:12 PM  
The study, published in the British Medical Journal, replicated a typical search that might be undertaken by a person looking for instructions and information about methods of suicide.

Amazing! You mean searching for info on killing yourself brings up mostly websites about killing yourself?

Quickly, to the censormobile!

 
dj4aces [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 12:45:32 PM  
dj4aces.info

 
Manic_Repressive [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 12:58:07 PM  
smooshie: Amazing! You mean searching for info on killing yourself brings up mostly websites about killing yourself?

Everything you need to know, in large print.
(pops)

/interesting read

 
BigDumbGuy 2008-04-12 02:14:37 PM  
MacEnvy: Those researchers should go farking kill themselves.

Hey MacEnvy. I have to say something here because I sense a certain degree of hostility coming from you in many of your posts...

Did you ever see the movie "Kelley's Heros"?. You know, Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, Don Rickles, and Donald Southerland. Fun movie, right? And Southerland's character is this kind of whacked out guy on the tank and his driver mechanic is the captain from The Love Boat. Yeah, his name escapes me but in Kelley's Heros his name is Moriarty and he's always biatching and moaning about shiat. And Southerland (who is referred to in the movie as "Oddball") is always ragging on the Love Boat Guy for being negative. "Always with the negative waves, Moriarty, always with the negative waves," he says.

So I just wanted to point out that I have noticed that you seem to be laying down the negative waves, and I would entreat you to think beautiful things man, think beautiful things.

 
penthesilea [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 02:24:39 PM  
Manic_Repressive: smooshie: Amazing! You mean searching for info on killing yourself brings up mostly websites about killing yourself?

Everything you need to know, in large print. (pops)

/interesting read


I like the negative reviews from family members of people who used the book.

 
jonasborg [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 02:48:20 PM  
I'm hardcore

 
tukatz [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 04:01:56 PM  
Old story (yes, "submitted with different headline days ago" bitterness)

 
puffy999 [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 04:02:06 PM  
If you don't like what people say on the internets, then maybe you should kill yourself.

Wait...

 
Hetfield 2008-04-12 04:02:58 PM  
They'll get over it.

 
Smiths 2008-04-12 04:04:48 PM  
That's BS, everyone knows if someone is seriously considering offing themselves, there's helpful videos online like this to help encourage them to steer away.

 
m2313 2008-04-12 04:05:10 PM  
jonasborg: I'm hardcore

I'm metal. Go fark yourself you punk.

/all in good fun

 
plywoodjungle 2008-04-12 04:06:00 PM  
I blame Elton John.

"I Think I'm Going To Kill Myself"

I'm getting bored
Being part of mankind
There's not a lot to do no more
This race is a waste of time

People rushing everywhere
Swarming around like flies
Think I'll buy a forty four
Give them all a surprise

Think I'm gonna kill myself
Cause a little suicide
Stick around for a couple of days
What a scandal if I died

Yeah I'm gonna kill myself
Get a little headline news
I'd like to see what the papers say
On the state of teenage blues

A rift in my family
I can't use the car
I gotta be in by ten o'clock
Who do they think they are

I'd make an exception
If you want to save my life
Brigitte Bardot gotta come
And see me every night

 
The Grinch 2008-04-12 04:06:03 PM  
As seen on IRC...

evilada: Best suicide plan ever
mcm310: what is it?
evilada: you go up to the top of a roof
evilada: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
evilada: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
evilada: then you put super glue on your hands
evilada: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
evilada: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
evilada: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
evilada: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
mcm310: i dont think i can be your friend anymore

 
Babbs 2008-04-12 04:06:04 PM  
Smiths: That's BS, everyone knows if someone is seriously considering offing themselves, there's helpful videos online like this to help encourage them to steer away.

God I'm gullable. And stupid.

 
Dialectic 2008-04-12 04:07:12 PM  
...and stay from FARK, 'cos farkers don't give a rat's ass about you!

 
Crude 2008-04-12 04:08:04 PM  
I'm standing on a stool with a noose around my neck, so I'm really getting a kick out of these comments.


/DIAF is about as nice as it gets on the internet

 
Hetfield 2008-04-12 04:08:37 PM  
img245.imageshack.us

/You bastards.

 
The Grinch 2008-04-12 04:08:56 PM  
carver

mods: don't delete. it's fake.

I don't think they'll listen, nor should they. It looks real enough to be pretty goddamn nasty.

 
TehLydzz 2008-04-12 04:09:48 PM  
If they are going to die then they should do it, and decrease the surplus population.

 
Kavis 2008-04-12 04:10:33 PM  
Wait, people take "/b/ an hero" seriously?

 
Cyborg77 2008-04-12 04:11:31 PM  

 
strife 2008-04-12 04:12:32 PM  
you: everyone else on the net is wasting my oxygen, hurry up and diaf

the internet: you're wasting our oxygen, hurry up and diaf

 
m2313 2008-04-12 04:12:38 PM  
Kavis: Wait, people take "/b/ an hero" seriously?

Chances are if you commit suicide you take this world too seriously.

 
TheGreatZarquon 2008-04-12 04:12:42 PM  
The Grinch: As seen on IRC...

evilada: Best suicide plan ever
mcm310: what is it?
evilada: you go up to the top of a roof
evilada: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
evilada: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
evilada: then you put super glue on your hands
evilada: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
evilada: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
evilada: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
evilada: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.


"You know, it's these smart-alec suicides that really get me. They only do it to annoy."

"Suicide?" said Dirk.

Gilks glanced round at him. "Windows secured with iron bars half an inch thick," he said. "Door locked from the inside with the key still in the lock. Furniture piled against the inside of the door. French windows to the patio locked with mortise door bolts. No signs of a tunnel. If it was murder then the murderer must have stopped to do a damn fine job of glazing on the way out. Except that all the putty's old and painted over. Nobody's left this room, and nobody's broken into it except for us, and I'm pretty sure we didn't do it. "I haven't time to fiddle around on this one. Obviously suicide; and just done to be difficult. I've half a mind to do the deceased for wasting police time."

 
AnnoyingKidNextDoor 2008-04-12 04:12:46 PM  
I'm so sorry guys.

4chanarchive.org
4chanarchive.org

 
MIguy [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 04:12:55 PM  
carver: mods: don't delete. it's fake.

I like your logic. It's now ok to post bare boobies as long as they're fake.

 
robisfunky 2008-04-12 04:15:21 PM  
i238.photobucket.com
Aaahh the Internet! Of course!

 
Kavis 2008-04-12 04:15:40 PM  
MIguy: carver: mods: don't delete. it's fake.

I like your logic. It's now ok to post bare boobies foobies as long as they're fake.

 
Kavis 2008-04-12 04:18:31 PM  
Kavis: MIguy: carver: mods: don't delete. it's fake.

I like your logic. It's now ok to post bare boobies foobies as long as they're fake.


ftfy

/ftfm, d'oh. I should go kill myself.

 
The Stealth Hippopotamus [TotalFark] 2008-04-12 04:21:00 PM  
first thought
img148.imageshack.us

 
robisfunky 2008-04-12 04:24:11 PM  
i195.photobucket.com

 
il Dottore 2008-04-12 04:25:00 PM  
The internet was no help at all in suggesting which red wine goes best with a handful of crushed 20 mg Valium.

 
fanbladesaresharp 2008-04-12 04:25:57 PM  
JUMP biatch JUMP!

/couldn't find the song reference in time. maybe I'll just JIAF now.

 
enormous_smackmaster 2008-04-12 04:26:39 PM  
i89.photobucket.com

 
fanbladesaresharp 2008-04-12 04:27:26 PM  
il Dottore: The internet was no help at all in suggesting which red wine goes best with a handful of crushed 20 mg Valium.

Might I suggest a muscat? It's a nice "dessert" sweet type of wine. And a quart of ice cream.

 
m2313 2008-04-12 04:27:38 PM  
il Dottore: The internet was no help at all in suggesting which red wine goes best with a handful of crushed 20 mg Valium.

fark that. Hit a whole bunch of cocaine with upside down crosses slit into your wrists in front of a mirror with your suicide note written in blood on the mirror. If the note becomes unreadable, oh well. It's just a suicide note, and chances are noone cares.

/If you're gonna do it mine as well make it enjoyable

 
EsteeFlwrPot 2008-04-12 04:32:56 PM  
I would say the worst place to look for help online if your considering offing yourself is Fark. Whatever happened to those suicide hotlines? Why not call one of those?

/then again, with the crazy shiat people do in these articles it might make their lives seem not so bad.

 
The_Original_Roxtar 2008-04-12 04:39:00 PM  
www.myconfinedspace.com
/evil hotlinker

 
nomysterynil 2008-04-12 04:40:43 PM  
Recently someone I know killed their ex-girfriend and then themselves...remember people, if you are going to kill some people and then yourself, start with yourself.

 
vagina 2008-04-12 04:44:21 PM  
Mehh. If your gonna kill your self, at least take some people with you.

/pew pew

 
Scotterdoos 2008-04-12 04:44:25 PM  
Hey Mitch, look what I found
img353.imageshack.us

 
A_bomb37 2008-04-12 04:47:59 PM  
il Dottore: The internet was no help at all in suggesting which red wine goes best with a handful of crushed 20 mg Valium.

a 2004 Azalia Springs Merlot.

/Obscure?
//Not on FARK.

 
CabinBoy 2008-04-12 04:52:30 PM  
/wrists

 
TwilightZone 2008-04-12 04:57:01 PM  
And this is a problem?

 
vagina 2008-04-12 04:57:16 PM  
i17.photobucket.com


/obligatory

 
fanbladesaresharp 2008-04-12 04:58:46 PM  
nomysterynil: Recently someone I know killed their ex-girfriend and then themselves...remember people, if you are going to kill some people and then yourself, start with yourself.

It is certainly more efficient that way and saves on overtime pay for the EMTs.

 
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