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(SLTrib) Hero If Salt Lake City succumbs to zombie attack, they can't say they weren't warned   (sltrib.com) divider line 111
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111 Comments   (+0 »)


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JerseyTim [TotalFark] 2008-04-06 11:33:37 AM  
You mean those people aren't already zombies?

 
Taleya [TotalFark] 2008-04-06 12:38:18 PM  
*cracks up*

Unfortunately the second paragraph gave the joke away for me, but still pretty damned good. Especially considering last time he saw a zombie it shot him...

 
fernandez 2008-04-06 01:37:02 PM  
Apocalypse trifecta in play?

 
Kumana Wanalaia [TotalFark] 2008-04-06 01:37:21 PM  
Miiiiiiit......

MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!

/got nuthin

 
AngryDragon 2008-04-06 01:37:47 PM  
I won't spoil the ending but I will say well played, zombie-man.

 
Celebrityhitlist 2008-04-06 01:38:44 PM  
"Zombies are fierce," he said as a crammed council chamber laughed nervously. "They are going to catch us in there."

Shouldn't somebody tell him not to mix Night of the Living Dead and Marijuana?

 
Crazy Bacon Legs 2008-04-06 01:41:06 PM  
People joke around about the coming zombie apocalypse, but it's no joke.

My theory is that ever movie, book, etc. is a reflection of an alternate universe in which the events played out exactly as depicted.

Fine works like World War Z, The Zombie Survival Guide, James Bond novels, the Bible, etc. might all look like fun fiction, but mark my words - there exists a time and place where things happened exactly like that.

I for one have my rifle, my .40 cal pistol and my Lobo handy. I'm prepared. Are you? No?

Laugh away, suckers.

 
Marcia Brady's Ex-Boyfriend 2008-04-06 01:42:00 PM  
Somebody get me Jill Valentine NOW!!!

 
bobfo rapples 2008-04-06 01:43:05 PM  
FTFA "all reason helicoptered into the ether."

Awesome. Pure awesome.

img144.imageshack.us

/Zoobies?

 
A$$man 2008-04-06 01:43:24 PM  
Does this have ANYTHING to do with Mr. Heston dying?

 
CitizenTed [TotalFark] 2008-04-06 01:43:37 PM  
The electorate is not impressed.

i266.photobucket.com

 
skinink 2008-04-06 01:43:37 PM  
One thing about living in Salt Lake City I never could stomach; all the damn vampires.

 
fish_mosaic 2008-04-06 01:43:40 PM  
I came to this thread expecting pics of Alexis Denisof.

Hmph.

(Or at least some ham-handed Worcestershire sauce or conjunctivitis references!)

/got nuthin'

 
kilgorn 2008-04-06 01:43:49 PM  
And shoppers could be sitting ducks in a sky bridge.

He knows too much and will be silenced...

 
The Mad Highlander 2008-04-06 01:44:40 PM  
www.incognitocomics.co.uk
He tried to warn them.

 
Aeonic_Blue 2008-04-06 01:44:40 PM  
www.bbc.co.uk

WTF?

 
LittleSmitty 2008-04-06 01:44:52 PM  
Just be sure to shoot them in the head, or decapitate them. Oh yeah, salt. You gotta carry salt so you can put a protective ring around you so you can keep shooting.

Trust me on this, it's important

 
Aeonic_Blue 2008-04-06 01:45:18 PM  
DAMN YOU MAD HIGHLANDER!!

 
The Mad Highlander 2008-04-06 01:45:34 PM  
Was it good for you too?

 
No One Likes a Know-It-All 2008-04-06 01:45:58 PM  
All I got out of the article was "blah blah Joseph Smith blah blah la blah magic underwear blah blah BRAINS!!!!!11!!"

/Who can resist a Mormons n' Zombies double?
//Is that a new drink?

 
Treize26 2008-04-06 01:47:14 PM  
Can I get... any of you coonts... a drink?

 
Lionel Mandrake [TotalFark] 2008-04-06 01:47:47 PM  
We need to build a wall around Salt Lake City.

I don' want no Zombies takin' all our joeeerbs!

 
moops 2008-04-06 01:48:00 PM  
Since there are no bars, you won't be able to hole up at the Winchester.

 
okami36 2008-04-06 01:51:03 PM  
www.waytoblue.com
The zombie community frowns on your shenanigans.

 
acad1228 2008-04-06 01:52:57 PM  
Before the undead fans chime in I have to ask..

Have you ever seen a zombie?

I mean an undead human being with a deadly appetite?

Just wondering...

 
MtHammer [TotalFark] 2008-04-06 01:53:53 PM  

 
Bad_ad85 2008-04-06 01:54:41 PM  
Marketing ploy?

 
Trik 2008-04-06 02:01:27 PM  
Well done Mr. "Wyndham-Price" whoever you really are

 
Neonauls 2008-04-06 02:02:03 PM  
I don't know they often times mock the guy who tries to warn the general population but when the zombies come everyone comes flocking to him to save them. Or the zombies are a metaphor, what could be thought of as mindless brain dead humans in Utah?

 
TeddyRooseveltsMustache [TotalFark] 2008-04-06 02:04:20 PM  
If you want to get past a group of zombies just pretend you're one of 'em.

cache.gizmodo.com

 
ultraholland 2008-04-06 02:05:42 PM  
TFA: Then he got specific and all reason helicoptered into the ether.


ORLY?^

 
farkMcFark 2008-04-06 02:07:34 PM  
www.bennadel.com


Bring em on.

And by "em" I mean Milla.

 
John_Rat_Safari 2008-04-06 02:08:26 PM  
Here in TN we call our 'zombie preparedness plan' plinking at the range.

Unless it's preparing for those darn flighty dead folk they gots in them there newer movies (28 days/weeks), then we tends to find that shooting at paper isn't practice enough and it's time to wheel out the tactical wheelbarrow, NVG, kevlar socks etc and go git sum 'mall security' training with Gecko45 at his compound...

/treats WWZ like a historical document.

 
drjekel_mrhyde 2008-04-06 02:09:05 PM  
Wesley Wyndham-Price I owe you a beer

 
Marko DeBeeste 2008-04-06 02:09:09 PM  
They eat brains. They would starve to death on Mormons.

 
danar75 2008-04-06 02:10:30 PM  
Crazy Bacon Legs: I for one have my rifle, my .40 cal pistol and my Lobo handy. I'm prepared. Are you? No?

Laugh away, suckers.


Oh well.

nom nom nom

 
Dangerzone1223 2008-04-06 02:12:09 PM  
Ok, ok, ok... say there is a zombie outbreak. Who's to say they want to eat us? I think that would be the last thing they want. If it's just their id that's functioning, I think they would want sex and food (not humans), but with immediate satisfaction of those. Who wants to eat a person?

And if they're so brain dead, how could they tell the difference between the living and the un-living?

/Yes, I'm totally killing the gag here.

 
overlord 2008-04-06 02:12:47 PM  
Living in Tokyo my girlfriend was always concerned with emergency preparedness; where's the nearest shelter, what do if the cats run away, that kind of thing. I always said "forget that, what do we do when the zombies come?" She didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

 
Glitchwerks 2008-04-06 02:15:04 PM  
Dangerzone1223: Ok, ok, ok... say there is a zombie outbreak. Who's to say they want to eat us? I think that would be the last thing they want. If it's just their id that's functioning, I think they would want sex and food (not humans), but with immediate satisfaction of those. Who wants to eat a person?

And if they're so brain dead, how could they tell the difference between the living and the un-living?

/Yes, I'm totally killing the gag here.


Once again someone is trying to rationalize zombies. Zombies don't rationalize! They just eat people! While you are trying to figure out if zombies like to fark, your whole family got eaten.

 
flakeyblakee [TotalFark] 2008-04-06 02:15:52 PM  
TeddyRooseveltsMustache: If you want to get past a group of zombies just pretend you're one of 'em.

FAIL!! This is what Zombies look like in Utah....
img30.picoodle.com

 
drjekel_mrhyde 2008-04-06 02:22:06 PM  
Marko DeBeeste: They eat brains. They would starve to death on Mormons.

THISx1000

 
kilgorn 2008-04-06 02:33:55 PM  
I'm from Georgia, so I'm really getting a kick out of my apprentice..

 
lycao 2008-04-06 02:35:34 PM  
farked

 
lycao 2008-04-06 02:38:11 PM  
or not...

 
Hector Remarkable 2008-04-06 02:43:50 PM  
Dangerzone1223: Ok, ok, ok... say there is a zombie outbreak. Who's to say they want to eat us? I think that would be the last thing they want. If it's just their id that's functioning, I think they would want sex and food (not humans), but with immediate satisfaction of those. Who wants to eat a person?

And if they're so brain dead, how could they tell the difference between the living and the un-living?

/Yes, I'm totally killing the gag here.


That's a great idea for the next zombie movie - the zombies want more. Sure, tasty brains are okay, but now the zombies want sex.
Zombie rape is a concept I hadn't considered.

 
D'Annunzio 2008-04-06 02:44:06 PM  
cache.viewimages.com


Be afraid.

 
Lee Bruns 2008-04-06 02:44:43 PM  
I've wondered, if the inevitable zombie attack occurs on Easter Sunday, will it be taken as a miracle or a scourge?

 
I Borrowed Your Mom's Bong 2008-04-06 02:46:13 PM  
"Then he got specific and all reason helicoptered into the ether."

www.stephenkasner.com


Ah, devil ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor function. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue. The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it.

I went to Circus Circus once, and I must say that did think it was the Fourth Reich.

 
John_Rat_Safari 2008-04-06 02:46:50 PM  
Hector Remarkable:
Zombie rape is a concept I hadn't considered.


You might want to do a quick google, IIRC Burning Angel's 'Re-Penetrator' DVD already covers this and there are probably many more...

 
CygnusDarius [TotalFark] 2008-04-06 02:47:54 PM  
I can has brains?

www.aneyeoni.com

 
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