Here's (new window) an accompanied article.

Back in my younger days I did 5 days in the county lockup after a barroom fight and I found it funny that they would take your shoe laces away but then I sat and played cribbage, (for 5 days straight) with pegs that would have killed a man if you stabbed him with it. Not to mention the board itself. I bet there were a hundred things in that cell that could inflict damage on yourself or anyone.

I have a talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, so I've done a bit of time in the hoosegow.

Some of the guys in there make MacGyver look like an idiot ;)

SpinStopper: I have a talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, so I've done a bit of time in the hoosegow.

Some of the guys in there make MacGyver look like an idiot ;)

Oh, and Navy boot camp brought out the best in me. I taught the guys how to light cigarettes with a mechanical pencil and some toilet paper ;)

SpinStopper: I taught the guys how to light cigarettes with a mechanical pencil and some toilet paper ;)

or a 9-volt and an SOS pad.

Coolest thing I heard about while working in prison: A guy on death row who could look at the guards keys, memorize them, carve soap into the mold and re-create keys out of a plastic toothbrush. He kept them in a 6 inch plastic PVP pipe inserted deep in his rectum (Known as suitcasing).

Next coolest thing I heard about: A crazy prisoner is locked up in padded isolation room, with only a blanket and a pair of boxers and is kept under strict 5-min surveillance. The guard looks in, and the guy suddenly has razor blade cuts all over his arm. The guard goes in, searches the entire room, searches the inmate and finds nothing. About an hour later same thing happens. This time, they call in an old Captain who immediately asks the inmate, do you want me to un-tie the thread holding that razor blade to your back tooth and let you swallow it or would you like to pull it back up and give it to me?

LaChanz: SpinStopper: I taught the guys how to light cigarettes with a mechanical pencil and some toilet paper ;)

or a 9-volt and an SOS pad.

We didn't have 9-volt batteries or SOS pads in boot camp. I had to improvise.

I also made sure I was on 'fire watch' late at night after our CPO left so that I could pull this off ;)

Reminds me a bit of the Dippy the Hippy character from Late Night with Conan O'Brien who would make a bong out of any three items.

Prisons in Maine?


I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but prison is no fairy-tale world...

But did they make a microwave out of a shoebox?

/Bernard Hopkins FTW

has no comment

I'm suprised there were no comments about urine bombs... Probably to keep kids from trying it.

SpinStopper: Oh, and Navy boot camp brought out the best in me. I taught the guys how to light cigarettes with a mechanical pencil and some toilet paper ;)

Ok... this one interests me because I can't even begin to image how it works. May I ask for an explanation?

SpinStopper: SpinStopper: I have a talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, so I've done a bit of time in the hoosegow.

Some of the guys in there make MacGyver look like an idiot ;)

Oh, and Navy boot camp brought out the best in me. I taught the guys how to light cigarettes with a mechanical pencil and some toilet paper ;)


okay, i'm curious, how the hell do you make fire with just a mechanical pencil and toilet paper?

i244: SpinStopper: SpinStopper: I have a talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, so I've done a bit of time in the hoosegow.

Some of the guys in there make MacGyver look like an idiot ;)

Oh, and Navy boot camp brought out the best in me. I taught the guys how to light cigarettes with a mechanical pencil and some toilet paper ;)

I'm guessing you need an outlet. put two pieces of metal into each hole(maybe the pocket clip broken in half) wrap a piece of the pencil lead in t.p. and drop it onto the metal in the outlet. this will complete a circuit and flare up the t.p.

/ all they give me here is crayons...


okay, i'm curious, how the hell do you make fire with just a mechanical pencil and toilet paper?

Prisoner Inventions.

Unimpressed.

I'd be the guy making pruno. Stuff'll make you loopier than a tweaker on valium.

I'm able to make a shiv from this Fark thread. So don't piss me off.

In case you didn't know, a "fishing pole" in prison is a pole with a string on it used to pass written notes to inmates in other cells.

One inmate pitches a string out of his cell down the hall, a second inmate attempts to entangle his line with that of the first and pulls into his cell. Once the second inmate has the end of the first inmate's string in his cell he ties the note to it allowing the first inmate pull the note back into his cell.

They get the string from a number of places, including clothing, bedding, etc...

/attorney

LaChanz: Here's (new window) an accompanied article.

Back in my younger days I did 5 days in the county lockup after a barroom fight and I found it funny that they would take your shoe laces away but then I sat and played cribbage, (for 5 days straight) with pegs that would have killed a man if you stabbed him with it. Not to mention the board itself. I bet there were a hundred things in that cell that could inflict damage on yourself or anyone.

To prevent you hanging yourself, or getting your ass beat for the shoelaces by another inmate, and to keep that inmate from strangling you with those laces.

I used to work with a guy named Shiv Shankar.

/we just laughed and laughed

i244: SpinStopper: SpinStopper: I have a talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, so I've done a bit of time in the hoosegow.

Some of the guys in there make MacGyver look like an idiot ;)

Oh, and Navy boot camp brought out the best in me. I taught the guys how to light cigarettes with a mechanical pencil and some toilet paper ;)



you wrap toilet paper around a pencil lead and stick it into a light socket. I lit my smokes for six months that way. unfortunately

okay, i'm curious, how the hell do you make fire with just a mechanical pencil and toilet paper?

Ok guys, I need help. My friend just called and said he's trapped in an ice cave 40 miles from civilization. He's trying to stay warm, but all he has is a roll of toilet paper and a mechanical pencil. Any suggestions?

tehotherbilly
Ok guys, I need help. My friend just called and said he's trapped in an ice cave 40 miles from civilization. He's trying to stay warm, but all he has is a roll of toilet paper and a mechanical pencil. Any suggestions?

tell him to call a cab with that phone of his

On the long table: A water pipe made out of a light bulb.

Every single person in California knows that one.

tehotherbilly: Ok guys, I need help. My friend just called and said he's trapped in an ice cave 40 miles from civilization. He's trying to stay warm, but all he has is a roll of toilet paper and a mechanical pencil. Any suggestions?

40 Miles? Ice Cave? Where are you, Stalingrad?

He brought a cellphone but not a coat?

I would definitely be down with the pruno thing.

Recipes are online, memorize it while you still have the chance.

I'm amazed at the stuff you can get in jail, TVs and radios and all kinds of stuff from the commissary.

It's BS. If I ran a prison the guys would get some cheap clothing, water, and occasionally be fed if they stayed out of trouble.

That would be it, no books, nothing to buy, no electric outlets in cells. It's *jail*, not summer camp.

When I was in one of those Scared Straight programs the inmates showed us how to kill a sleeping guy with a bar of soap, a pen and a shoe.


You make a hole in the soap with the pen just large enough to keep it from slipping. Hold the point over a guy's ear and whack it with the shoe.

Right in the earhole.

As an inmate who just got stabbed in the showers for being an informant, I'm really getting a kick out of these replies!

/stabbies!

DulceEtDecorumEst: Quick bit of advice to any civilian farkers out there who happen to find themselves in county/jail on an assault, dui, or misd drug possesion charge - at some point during intake they will ask you if you have been threatened by another inmate - say YES. If they ask for specifics, say you don't feel safe talking about it. They will put you in a cell by yourself.

Does this have any drawbacks?

Tucci: SpinStopper: I taught the guys how to light cigarettes with a mechanical pencil and some toilet paper ;)

Must've been rather uncomfortable smuggling that mechanical pencil into jail up inside your ass. And what amazing foresight, to stick it up there before you were busted. Genius.

Except he said he did this in the Navy, not jail.

FTfA: The littlest scrap of whatever, the odd broom, if it doesn't belong, don't let inmates have it.

Is this just a horribly ungrammatical "sentence" or is it also the name of Russell Crowe's old band?

When they outlaw arts & crafts, only outlaws will have arts & crafts!

"Now this is something the other tour guides won't tell you. In this particular cell-block, Machine Gun Kelly had what we call in the prison system, a "biatch". And one night in a jealous rage Kelly took a make-shift knife or "shiv", and cut out the biatch's eyes. And as if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelly, the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the biatch's ocular cavities. This way to the cafeteria!"

In the American prison system, snitches are called "rats."

In the Australian prison system, however, snitches are called "dogs."

///Just felt like enlightening you Americans with some "Down Under" slang

It's BS. If I ran a prison the guys would get some cheap clothing, water, and occasionally be fed if they stayed out of trouble

Yes, let's make them as mentally deranged as possible while they are there. Also, the few ones actually interested in bettering themselves should be denied books so they stay as ignorant as humanly possible. It's not like they will ever be reintroduced into society or like we incarcerate people for victimless crimes at insane rates.

Dice made out of toilet paper

For shooting craps

I demand instruction on how to make fire with a mechanical pencil.

The fire with a mechanical pencil and toilet paper also requires a working electrical outlet.

HiveKrZ: The fire with a mechanical pencil and toilet paper also requires a working electrical outlet.

Ah. That makes more sense, then.

Gravitholus: Dice made out of toilet paper

For shooting craps

the feller who made them didn't know that opposite sides of dice always add up to seven...

The Rosenbloom plot was brilliant and would have worked if it weren't for sheer bad luck

Unfortunatly, I got to spend a small amount of time locked up and here is the crafty knowledge I walked away with thanks to criminal college.
1. It is possible to make a very sturdy knife with newpaper, water and a wash cloth.
2. How to build a tattoo gun with a pen, guitar string, AM/FM cassette player parts, pencil lead and anti-bacterial soap.
3. Prison Napalm - (this one is down right evil, I watched it used)6oz. of vaseline + 6oz. of water, microwave for 1 min. 30 sec. then throw at intended victim.
4. Radio transmitter & reciever (this guy was smart)using AM/FM cassette player parts. Used to talk to people within a short distance outside the prison to set-up smuggling plans.
There's more but, some of it gets more violent.