Well, that made me laff!!!

I love Boobies

You know, sometimes you try and do a simple little GIS for a funny, yet topical, picture to post in a Fark discussion thread; say you type in "The Rapist", expecting to get a screen cap from one of the famous Sean Connery/ Jeopardy episodes

But no, you strike comedy gold.



Thanks Google. Every time I think, "Nope, Google can't any more awesome", you prove me wrong.

YES!

/I'll have 'The Rapists' for eleventy billion!

Awesome headline.

I can't believe no one has yet pointed out that Scotland is part of Great Britain, and that submitter doesn't know the difference between Britain and England.

eqtworld: There are only 5million people in Scotland and 50million in England.

Good thing a Scotsman's worth ten Englishmen.

Best of Sean Connery Celebrity Jeopardy (new window)

Occam's Chainsaw: Good thing a Scotsman's worth ten Englishmen.

Ten times zero is still zero.

Don't get me wrong Sean Connery is the man...

But that article could have been written by an 8th Grader.


Seriously, grab 7 facts, harmonize it into a prose style that is ripped straight off the back of a cereal box, and color the truth only slightly "... under certain circumstances" when it's too complicated to explain.


If he spent more than 20 minutes writing that I'd be surprised.

If he spent more than 20 minutes writing that, I'd be seriously disappointed.

Sean Connery is an ex-milkman and so-so actor who has been punching above his weight for 30 years. Now he's managed to prove that he ain't no writer either.

There are an awful lot of people in Scotland who are really hacked off by the fact that he pops up regulalry to tell us all how fabulous Scotland is and how we would be even more wonderful if only we would fight for our independence.

If Scotland is so fabulous Sean, how come you have lived in the Bahamas all these years? How come your first wife was not Scottish? How come your second wife is not Scottish? How come you're not paying any taxes here to help the Scottish economy?

Put your kilt away, stop cuddling up to Alex Salmond and STFU. We're doing fine here without you, thanks.

Score for Subby

Sean Connery..boring and a ass..DNRTFA


http://www.newser.com/story/15055.html

WeeKeef: There are an awful lot of people in Scotland who are really hacked off by the fact that he pops up regulalry to tell us all how fabulous Scotland is and how we would be even more wonderful if only we would fight for our independence.

No, please... fight for it. Then you can have Tony Blair and Gordon Brown back.

Fluzing: Occam's Chainsaw: Good thing a Scotsman's worth ten Englishmen.

Ten times zero is still zero.

Touche.

/I'm Irish, Irish, Irish, Scots, Irish, Irish, Cherokee, and Irish, so I enjoy a good Scotsman joke as much as the next drunk.

eqtworld: I just mean that Scotland is a very small country and it does not make any sense for them to try to fight for independence today. London, New York City, LA, Miami, Paris..... each of those cities has more people than the entire nation of Scotland. There is far more chance that in 20 years Scotland will be paying into the EU and using Euros than there is they will be building their own military or issuing their own currency.

Local control over your own affairs usually outweighs size. If you were to compare the thirteen Colonies' populations to Britain in the late 1700's, you would have come to the same conclusion.

The better argument against their independence is that they'll just establish a government that will be almost exactly the same as the one in London -- nanny state and all. The only difference is that Scotland'll probably be more permissive about whiskey. :)

We ate haggis yesterday. It was good.

Who in their right mind would want to continue being part of the nanny state?

"Good thing a Scotsman's worth ten Englishmen."

The 30,000 Scots who lost against 26,000 English at Flodden would beg to differ.
/Same old line has been repeated about Redcoats vs. Continentals, Southerners vs. Northerners, ad infinitim. To quote Shelby Foote about Shiloh, they sure found out that was't true by a long shot...

morning_foil: What the hell is so great about Britain?

Sophie Howard for one (^) (nsfw)

Independence can't come soon enough. As a resident of England I can't wait for our unhealthy, diabetic, cancer prone, lard arse of a brother Scotland to split from the family. He costs England shiat loads and doesn't really bring anything to the table other than exporting drunk tramps to all of our cities.

eqtworld: After the US won independence, the USA maintained and army, issued currency, and became a sovereign nation. In Europe the trend now is the opposite, to assimilate into the European Union. Having 2 currencies in the UK would cause pointless trade issues.

Well, they already have those Scottish pounds ;-) The Republic of Ireland seems to be doing OK with the Euro, even though they're right there bordering Northern Ireland, which has a different government, though both governments are in the EU.

Of course, the UK should've just switched to the Euro when they could. Oh well.

Reyito: But that article could have been written by an 8th Grader.

Seriously, grab 7 facts, harmonize it into a prose style that is ripped straight off the back of a cereal box, and color the truth only slightly "... under certain circumstances" when it's too complicated to explain.

Somebody actually read the article?

What for?

eqtworld:

I just mean that Scotland is a very small country and it does not make any sense for them to try to fight for independence today. London, New York City, LA, Miami, Paris..... each of those cities has more people than the entire nation of Scotland. There is far more chance that in 20 years Scotland will be paying into the EU and using Euros than there is they will be building their own military or issuing their own currency.

Finland, Austria, the Baltic states, Denmark, Norway and a couple of more would like to have a word with you.

cynicalbastard: "Good thing a Scotsman's worth ten Englishmen."

The 30,000 Scots who lost against 26,000 English at Flodden would beg to differ.

Then the Brits spent 25 generations interbreeding with Welshmen. They couldn't knock over an elderly pensioner in a hurricane.

WeeKeef 2008-04-06 07:07:24 AM
If Scotland is so fabulous Sean, how come you have lived in the Bahamas all these years?

I love America, but if I have eleventy billion dollars, I would live in the Bahamas, too.

Humpfredo: Independence can't come soon enough. As a resident of England I can't wait for our unhealthy, diabetic, cancer prone, lard arse of a brother Scotland to split from the family. He costs England shiat loads and doesn't really bring anything to the table other than exporting drunk tramps to all of our cities.


This.

Scotland has better funded schools, universities and healthcare than England. Do you know why? Because the English subsidise them.

Currently scottish MPs can vote on laws etc that only effect England, whilst no English MP can vote on lawsetc that only effect Scotland. Legislatively, they already have independence.

If they want to be independent from English money, too, then fantastic.

/Sean Connery has a tattoo that reads "Scotland Forever"
/Angus Deaton once pointed out that as SC lives in the Bahamas to avoid baying tax, it should have had "I'm leaving" written above it.

heh....toss off....heheh

Occam's Chainsaw: eqtworld: There are only 5million people in Scotland and 50million in England.

Good thing a Scotsman's worth ten Englishmen.

Obviously you haven't checked out the Scottish regiments since they ordered 2,000 cases of The Penis Mightier. I don't want to spoil anything, but you may notice their tartans hanging a little lower lately.

/Penis

MrKraclenutz: You know, sometimes you try and do a simple little GIS for a funny, yet topical, picture to post in a Fark discussion thread; say you type in "The Rapist", expecting to get a screen cap from one of the famous Sean Connery/ Jeopardy episodes

But no, you strike comedy gold.



Thanks Google. Every time I think, "Nope, Google can't any more awesome", you prove me wrong.

right click, save as

YOINK!

I'll take Jap Anus Relations for 200.



/Suck on it Trebek.
//Suck on it long.
///Suck on it hard.

Fluzing: Occam's Chainsaw: Good thing a Scotsman's worth ten Englishmen.

Ten times zero is still zero.

Humpfredo: Independence can't come soon enough. As a resident of England I can't wait for our unhealthy, diabetic, cancer prone, lard arse of a brother Scotland to split from the family. He costs England shiat loads and doesn't really bring anything to the table other than exporting drunk tramps to all of our cities. and all them billions in North Sea oil & gas without which the UK Govt. would go bankrupt "within 5 years" (so says the LONDON School of Economics).
FTFY

plus one and headline of the year candidate!
SUCK IT TREBECK

Wizard Drongo: Independence can't come soon enough. As a resident of England I can't wait for our unhealthy, diabetic, cancer prone, lard arse of a brother Scotland to split from the family. He costs England shiat loads and doesn't really bring anything to the table other than exporting drunk tramps to all of our cities. and all them billions in North Sea oil & gas without which the UK Govt. would go bankrupt "within 5 years" (so says the LONDON School of Economics).The cost can be further offset by seizing (with or without Scottish permission) the billions in North Sea oil & gas without wich the UK Govt. would go bankrupt "within 5 years".

Fixed your fix.

Humpfredo Quote 2008-04-06 07:41:19 AM
Independence can't come soon enough. As a resident of England I can't wait for our unhealthy, diabetic, cancer prone, lard arse of a brother Scotland to split from the family. He costs England shiat loads and doesn't really bring anything to the table other than exporting drunk tramps to all of our cities.

Substitute "Quebec" and "Canada" in there, and it plays perfectly.

Please don't tell me that my favorite James Bond is going batshiat.

We should bomb them and take their oil gas!

As a bit of an SNP supporter, I am probably a bit biased on this.

Hear me out though.

I'm not Scottish. I moved here from England in 2001. It is, however, my home now. I will not be moving from Scotland to anywhere else, even if you gave me all of Sir Sean's money. I probably would keep it somewhere else though (the reason he lives elsewhere is he said he refuses to pay income tax to London; he even offered to pay more than the norm if they'd agree it would only go to Scotland, no deal.)

Now, the reason I think independence is essential for Scotland is the same reason someone in the thread was arguing it was not; population.

Scotland is a very different country to England. It has a different culture, different social rules & norms. It has a different history, different conventions. It has a different education system, a different legal system, a different economic base, and a different population.
How, therefore, can decisions made with a population of 60 million, in England, work for a population of 5 million in Scotland?
How can economic breaks brought in to assist middle England's burgeoning middle classes help the poverty-ridden lower classes that make up a goodly proportion of Scotland, mostly in Glasgow; again, because in the '80s, Maggie Thatcher's reforms brought prosperity to middle England who kept her in power, at the expense of the shipbuilders and steelworkers of Glasgow.
Answer is they can't.

Even the British govt. knows this, hence why Scottish block funding (the much maligned Barnett formula) gives a higher amount of money for Scottish voters than English ones. And before some English tosspot comes along saying "See? They're scrounging off us", no, Scotland is not "scrounging". Scotland, as a whole, pays more into the Union than she gets out, including taking off the cost of Defence etc. that can't be 'costed' out. It's just in Scotland, more of the money we get goes straight to the people, whereas in England, the same money gets spent on, well, whatever it is the Westminster govt. likes to spend its money on.

We're getting free prescriptions, no tuition fees in University, no graduate endowment tax, toll-free bridges, free elderly care, free eye-tests etc. in Scotland because we elected a Government that said "with the money we get, we think you can have this..". Labour, even in Scotland, have said, no, we don't want you to have this.

Whereas, in England, you elected Labour. And they could give you all these things from your share of the money. But they don't want to. They'd rather spend that money on things like the London Olympics, or millennium domes or other such frivolities. We're not scrounging. We just elected a government that's not stupid. Sadly, you didn't. Not our problem.
The fact that said Government happens to have a number of Scottish people in it is not surprising. Don't think it's all some wild conspiracy though. Them back-stabbing turncoat bastards didn't like Scotland enough to stay here, they want to work in England. Keep 'em.
When we get independence (not if, but when), we'll do a deal with you. We'll take back One-Eyed Brown and crew, and you can agree not to let us see Eastenders ever again. Sounds fair to me.

Nick Nostril: Please don't tell me that my favorite James Bond is going has been batshiat for several years.

FTFY

Nick Nostril: Please don't tell me that my favorite James Bond is going batshiat.

I think the new guy is leagues above.

Connery Bond = hype and fizzle.

Do men beginning their posts with "Meh" also pee while sitting down?

/The North Sea oil is Scotland's oil

Wizard Drongo

Scotland will never succeed from the UK. Period.

Scottish 'independence' from the UK is a fantasy. It won't happen. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not in a hundred years.

/Plus, it is a pretty symbiotic relationship for the both the English and the Scots.
//The English see the Scots as ignorant, rowdy drunks - thus they feel better about themselves.
///The Scots see the English as lifeless, prudish eunuchs - thus they feel better about themselves.

omfg, bravo smitty. I loled. great headline.

Espertron: Scotland will never succeed from the UK. Period.

This word 'succeed,' I do not think it means what you think it means:

suc·ceed -verb (used without object)
1. to happen or terminate according to desire; turn out successfully; have the desired result: Our efforts succeeded.

Perhaps you meant

se·cede -verb (used without object), -ced·ed, -ced·ing.
to withdraw formally from an alliance, federation, or association, as from a political union, a religious organization, etc.

phillydrifter

Arg! You're right!
Cut me some slack though.
I haven't had my coffee yet.

(although coffee isn't a cure for being a dumbass - and my post was full of dumbassery)

Humpfredo: dependence can't come soon enough. As a resident of England I can't wait for our unhealthy, diabetic, cancer prone, lard arse of a brother Scotland to split from the family. He costs England shiat loads and doesn't really bring anything to the table other than exporting drunk tramps to all of our cities.

Feel free to send those drunk tramps to the US, Gingers.... YUM.

William Wallace was a paedophile.

Espertron: /Plus, it is a pretty symbiotic relationship for the both the English and the Scots.
//The English see the Scots as ignorant, rowdy drunks - thus they feel better about themselves.
///The Scots see the English as lifeless, prudish eunuchs - thus they feel better about themselves.

and those of us in the rest of the world get a jolly good chuckle out of it all.

One thing I am not sure of. Are the Scots the Wankers or the Tossers? OR is it the Brits? which is which? And where do the Micks fit in with all that?