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(Contact Music) Weird Old news: Sonny Bono died of injuries from a skiing accident. New news: Sonny Bono was clubbed to death   (contactmusic.com) divider line 55
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8962 clicks; posted to Music » on 04 Apr 2008 at 3:07 AM   |  Make this a Fark FavoriteFavorite    |   share: Share on OMGTWITTER WEB2.0share on StumbleUponshare on Facebook  more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!

55 Comments   (+0 »)


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Saborlas [TotalFark] 2008-04-03 07:50:03 PM  
Crap. Now we have to deal with a completely insufferable Cher hit single, where she attempts to write an angry song and fails epically.

 
IrateShadow [TotalFark] 2008-04-03 08:09:15 PM  
Man, the "Kurayamino Variation" mix of that song was great.

 
Cewley [TotalFark] 2008-04-03 08:18:26 PM  
state of nevada cover up for mob goons? naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

 
0Icky0 2008-04-03 09:03:21 PM  
Tragic rocker SONNY BONO was clubbed to death by hired hitmen, according to a stunning new tabloid expose.

Ooooookaaaaaay...

 
clown-freak 2008-04-03 09:56:51 PM  
Here's the video proof:
Link (new window)

 
ohnonotfloridaagain [TotalFark] 2008-04-03 10:01:48 PM  
Kurt Cobain was murdered too

it says so right here (new window)

If it's on the intarwebs, it's true, right?

Sorry they gotcha, Sonny

/going to the store
//need tinfoil
///brb
////u want anything?

 
bronyaur1 [TotalFark] 2008-04-03 10:05:56 PM  
That SEALS the case.

 
Confabulat [TotalFark] 2008-04-03 10:25:15 PM  
He was pretty involved in Scientology, and you know what happens when you get mixed up with those goons...

 
Lionel Mandrake [TotalFark] 2008-04-03 11:39:40 PM  
He was about to reveal that the Royals had hired him to off Princess Di.

He had served his purpose...was a liability...had to be liquidated.

Nothing personal, just business you understand. Loose ends, and all that.

 
CruiserTwelve [TotalFark] 2008-04-04 12:10:24 AM  
They got you, Babe.

 
bGizzy [TotalFark] 2008-04-04 12:43:28 AM  
It was his greatest hit.

 
Philbb 2008-04-04 01:23:26 AM  
CruiserTwelve: They got you, Babe.

members.cox.net

 
EdgeRunner 2008-04-04 03:13:17 AM  
Was he beaten to death with a gong? This may have been the work of master assassin Chuck Barris.

 
Palooka_Joe 2008-04-04 03:21:05 AM  
I thought he died of rectal inversion while skiing.

 
Walken's cooler brother 2008-04-04 03:33:59 AM  
I've never gotten to do this before, but I'm calling shenanigans on this one.

/seriously, shenanigans

 
dbirchall [TotalFark] 2008-04-04 03:55:39 AM  
ohnonotfloridaagain: Kurt Cobain was murdered too

FTL: "It appears this was not the first attempt on Cobain's life by Courtney Love. It was obviously, however, the first to succeed."

Uh... were there others that succeeded? How many times did Kurt Cobain get murdered?

 
petcat2469 2008-04-04 04:07:44 AM  
He was a republican.. he died.. meh.

 
JerkyMeat 2008-04-04 04:14:16 AM  
And the beat goes on

 
WFern 2008-04-04 04:27:33 AM  
Lionel Mandrake: He was about to reveal that the Royals had hired him to off Princess Di.

He had served his purpose...was a liability...had to be liquidated.

Nothing personal, just business you understand. Loose ends, and all that.


Work in a couple of reverse vampires and lizard people and you may be on to something.

 
Anagrammer 2008-04-04 05:18:56 AM  
He says, "It's nonsense for anyone to now try to suggest that Bono died after crashing into a tree. There's zero evidence in this autopsy report... to show such an accident happened. Instead, there's powerful proof he (Bono) was assassinated."

So, exactly how famous, rich or important do you have to be before you're assassinated, instead of being just murdered?

 
lomans 2008-04-04 05:35:53 AM  
Cher had him killed because he was about to expose her as a man.

/Do you believe in life after love?

 
pintoboy 2008-04-04 05:41:53 AM  
He hit the tree so hard they had to pry his teeth out of the bark. For years after his death you could still see the dent his face made in the tree.

 
dan_in_oakland 2008-04-04 06:28:41 AM  
He was about to reveal that the Royals had hired him to off Princess Di.


Now come on, I know the Royals are a bad baseball team, but they're not evil bad, just incompetent bad. It's much more likely the Red Sox or the Yankees had Di whacked.

Speaking of incompetent, how scary is it that this is the kind of top-notch mind the FBI takes on? I'm no hit man or nuthin', but it seems kind of obvious to me that waiting for hours freezing your ass off in the shrubbery next to a ski run on the off chance your mark zooms by completely alone so that you have time to beat him to death with clubs and make it look like an accident goes under Worst. Assassination. Evar.

Next time boys, just take him out in the woods during deer season.

 
LonMead 2008-04-04 06:31:56 AM  
I think that I
shall never ski
again against so stout
a tree.

A tree whose bark
is now impressed
in bas relief
upon my chest.


Anagrammer: So, exactly how famous, rich or important do you have to be before you're assassinated, instead of being just murdered?

Assassination implies a political or socio-political motive to the act. For comparison, Dr. King was assassinated, John Lennon was murdered.
Sonny just needed to, like George of the Jungle, watch out for that tree.

 
Malinki 2008-04-04 06:32:35 AM  
ohnonotfloridaagain: Kurt Cobain was murdered too

it says so right here (new window)

If it's on the intarwebs, it's true, right?

Sorry they gotcha, Sonny

/going to the store
//need tinfoil
///brb
////u want anything?


Fresh out of wingnuts, since you're going.

 
testaclese [TotalFark] 2008-04-04 06:42:46 AM  
It was SD-6. But you didn't hear that from me.

 
henryhill 2008-04-04 06:49:14 AM  
No evidence other than that he was drunk and seen skiing into a tree.

 
Kazuya 2008-04-04 07:00:04 AM  
i53.photobucket.com
Whoo-whoo! Funk Doc gets the money
and best believe I went through more trees than Sonny!

 
Onkel Buck 2008-04-04 07:09:17 AM  
i26.photobucket.com
Approves

 
The_Time_Master 2008-04-04 07:53:14 AM  
img.photobucket.com

First thing I thought of
/clubbin can be rough

 
Shvetz 2008-04-04 08:21:04 AM  
Ted Gunderson "retired" from the FBI multiple decades ago. He's the "retired" FBI agent that Sylvia Browne uses as a reference, whenever she needs to back up her credentials. He's not exactly credible.

 
CigaretteSmokingMan 2008-04-04 08:43:22 AM  
i172.photobucket.com

 
An tSaoi 2008-04-04 08:52:56 AM  
No-one has to know he's impotent.

 
Manfred J. Hattan 2008-04-04 08:55:12 AM  
Conspiracy nuts crack me up. "He was silenced because he had dangerous information," says the guy who also allegedly has this dangerous information and sits safely in his basement. Guess the tin foil does work, even against club-wielding NWO agents.

 
nanim 2008-04-04 08:58:32 AM  
This morning's coffee on my keyboard is sponsored by...

bronyaur1: That SEALS the case.
CruiserTwelve: They got you, Babe.
bGizzy: It was his greatest hit. (by Tiny Fists? ;-)


/snorting, but in a good way.
//well, not so good for Sonny
//thanks for Cher-ing

 
Goonie_Goo_Goo 2008-04-04 09:11:30 AM  
i40.photobucket.com

"B" is for Sonny Bono!!!

/wuz listening to it yesterday. that's all.

 
God-- [TotalFark] 2008-04-04 09:31:24 AM  
alhazan.com

Assassinated for bad fashion sense.

 
Lord_Dubu 2008-04-04 09:41:05 AM  
Rob D unavailable for comment?

 
Crude 2008-04-04 09:43:26 AM  
Oh goodie. Now Republicans can has a conspiracy theory too! Bono Truthers. I like the sound of that!

I saw this suspect on the grassy (well, snowy) knoll:

www.philben.net

 
acefox1 2008-04-04 09:50:01 AM  
An tSaoi

No-one has to know he's impotent.

Well done sir. Way to sneak that one in under the radar.

/It was CAR insurance!!!

//It was also probably hired Scientology goons. Sonny wasn't upstat enough and wouldn't go to RPF or use R2-45.

 
Third_Uncle_Eno 2008-04-04 10:10:12 AM  
FTFA: Tragic rocker SONNY BONO...



This word in this sentence does not compute....

SENSE. THIS SENTENCE MAKES NONE.

 
LesserEvil [TotalFark] 2008-04-04 10:10:40 AM  
www.talkingpointsmemo.com
Look, we may not have liked the Republicans, but we only "suicided" and "accidented" fellow Democrats or little people"


/Had to be done

 
Robert1966 [TotalFark] 2008-04-04 10:16:29 AM  
1) I am surprised it took 43 posts for an anti-Clinton threadjack attempt. Fell asleep under the bridge?

2) FTA "This was an evil plot that was carried out to almost perfection by ruthless assassins"

Yeah, those are the words of a credible man. Is he reading off his own script?

 
TeamEd 2008-04-04 10:29:06 AM  
Club-wielding hitmen: the great white sharks of the ski slopes.

 
thesubliminalman 2008-04-04 10:38:01 AM  
Na, he bludgeoned himself to death banging a sack of antlers.

 
Electrify 2008-04-04 10:40:34 AM  
I once read an article in the Globe claiming that the Loch Ness Monster was real. So I'm gonna call bullshiat.

 
Mr_Fabulous 2008-04-04 10:47:15 AM  
I'm pretty certain you could walk into any random middle school around here, choose a random 7th grader, give them the "facts" of this story and ask them to write 100 words on it...and the results would be far more satisfactory.

Nothing says "credibility" better than spelling the man's first name "Sony".

 
Shtarker 2008-04-04 10:55:19 AM  
Crude

I would so love to see a Muppet version of the Lord of the Rings.

 
busy chillin' 2008-04-04 11:05:15 AM  
ohnonotfloridaagain

/going to the store
//need tinfoil
///brb
////u want anything?


Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s'mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons.

 
Philly 2008-04-04 11:21:44 AM  
Ahh good ole Ted Gunderson. Must have been the Illuminati.

 
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