Crap. Now we have to deal with a completely insufferable Cher hit single, where she attempts to write an angry song and fails epically.

Man, the "Kurayamino Variation" mix of that song was great.

state of nevada cover up for mob goons? naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Tragic rocker SONNY BONO was clubbed to death by hired hitmen, according to a stunning new tabloid expose.

Ooooookaaaaaay...

Here's the video proof:
Link (new window)

Kurt Cobain was murdered too

it says so right here (new window)

If it's on the intarwebs, it's true, right?

Sorry they gotcha, Sonny

/going to the store
//need tinfoil
///brb
////u want anything?

That SEALS the case.

He was pretty involved in Scientology, and you know what happens when you get mixed up with those goons...

He was about to reveal that the Royals had hired him to off Princess Di.

He had served his purpose...was a liability...had to be liquidated.

Nothing personal, just business you understand. Loose ends, and all that.

They got you, Babe.

It was his greatest hit.

CruiserTwelve: They got you, Babe.

Was he beaten to death with a gong? This may have been the work of master assassin Chuck Barris.

I thought he died of rectal inversion while skiing.

I've never gotten to do this before, but I'm calling shenanigans on this one.

/seriously, shenanigans

ohnonotfloridaagain: Kurt Cobain was murdered too

FTL: "It appears this was not the first attempt on Cobain's life by Courtney Love. It was obviously, however, the first to succeed."

Uh... were there others that succeeded? How many times did Kurt Cobain get murdered?

He was a republican.. he died.. meh.

And the beat goes on

Lionel Mandrake: He was about to reveal that the Royals had hired him to off Princess Di.

He had served his purpose...was a liability...had to be liquidated.

Nothing personal, just business you understand. Loose ends, and all that.

Work in a couple of reverse vampires and lizard people and you may be on to something.

He says, "It's nonsense for anyone to now try to suggest that Bono died after crashing into a tree. There's zero evidence in this autopsy report... to show such an accident happened. Instead, there's powerful proof he (Bono) was assassinated."

So, exactly how famous, rich or important do you have to be before you're assassinated, instead of being just murdered?

Cher had him killed because he was about to expose her as a man.

/Do you believe in life after love?

He hit the tree so hard they had to pry his teeth out of the bark. For years after his death you could still see the dent his face made in the tree.

He was about to reveal that the Royals had hired him to off Princess Di.


Now come on, I know the Royals are a bad baseball team, but they're not evil bad, just incompetent bad. It's much more likely the Red Sox or the Yankees had Di whacked.

Speaking of incompetent, how scary is it that this is the kind of top-notch mind the FBI takes on? I'm no hit man or nuthin', but it seems kind of obvious to me that waiting for hours freezing your ass off in the shrubbery next to a ski run on the off chance your mark zooms by completely alone so that you have time to beat him to death with clubs and make it look like an accident goes under Worst. Assassination. Evar.

Next time boys, just take him out in the woods during deer season.

I think that I
shall never ski
again against so stout
a tree.

A tree whose bark
is now impressed
in bas relief
upon my chest.

Anagrammer: So, exactly how famous, rich or important do you have to be before you're assassinated, instead of being just murdered?

Assassination implies a political or socio-political motive to the act. For comparison, Dr. King was assassinated, John Lennon was murdered.
Sonny just needed to, like George of the Jungle, watch out for that tree.

ohnonotfloridaagain: Kurt Cobain was murdered too

it says so right here (new window)

If it's on the intarwebs, it's true, right?

Sorry they gotcha, Sonny

/going to the store
//need tinfoil
///brb
////u want anything?

Fresh out of wingnuts, since you're going.

It was SD-6. But you didn't hear that from me.

No evidence other than that he was drunk and seen skiing into a tree.

Approves

First thing I thought of
/clubbin can be rough

Ted Gunderson "retired" from the FBI multiple decades ago. He's the "retired" FBI agent that Sylvia Browne uses as a reference, whenever she needs to back up her credentials. He's not exactly credible.

No-one has to know he's impotent.

Conspiracy nuts crack me up. "He was silenced because he had dangerous information," says the guy who also allegedly has this dangerous information and sits safely in his basement. Guess the tin foil does work, even against club-wielding NWO agents.

This morning's coffee on my keyboard is sponsored by...

bronyaur1: That SEALS the case.
CruiserTwelve: They got you, Babe.
bGizzy: It was his greatest hit. (by Tiny Fists? ;-)


/snorting, but in a good way.
//well, not so good for Sonny
//thanks for Cher-ing

"B" is for Sonny Bono!!!

/wuz listening to it yesterday. that's all.

Assassinated for bad fashion sense.

Rob D unavailable for comment?

Oh goodie. Now Republicans can has a conspiracy theory too! Bono Truthers. I like the sound of that!

I saw this suspect on the grassy (well, snowy) knoll:

An tSaoi

No-one has to know he's impotent.

Well done sir. Way to sneak that one in under the radar.

/It was CAR insurance!!!

//It was also probably hired Scientology goons. Sonny wasn't upstat enough and wouldn't go to RPF or use R2-45.

FTFA: Tragic rocker SONNY BONO...



This word in this sentence does not compute....

SENSE. THIS SENTENCE MAKES NONE.

Look, we may not have liked the Republicans, but we only "suicided" and "accidented" fellow Democrats or little people"

/Had to be done

1) I am surprised it took 43 posts for an anti-Clinton threadjack attempt. Fell asleep under the bridge?

2) FTA "This was an evil plot that was carried out to almost perfection by ruthless assassins"

Yeah, those are the words of a credible man. Is he reading off his own script?

Club-wielding hitmen: the great white sharks of the ski slopes.

Na, he bludgeoned himself to death banging a sack of antlers.

I once read an article in the Globe claiming that the Loch Ness Monster was real. So I'm gonna call bullshiat.

I'm pretty certain you could walk into any random middle school around here, choose a random 7th grader, give them the "facts" of this story and ask them to write 100 words on it...and the results would be far more satisfactory.

Nothing says "credibility" better than spelling the man's first name "Sony".

Crude

I would so love to see a Muppet version of the Lord of the Rings.

ohnonotfloridaagain

/going to the store
//need tinfoil
///brb
////u want anything?

Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s'mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons.

Ahh good ole Ted Gunderson. Must have been the Illuminati.