Behold the Mormon Grand Master:

Utah chicks are friggin insane. They'll do anything. Right away.

So, I'm told. Never experienced the Mormon effect myself.

What a paranoid fantasy. The Masons ruling the world fnord is soooo two hundred years ago. I'll bet subby believes in the Illuminati too. Oooo, they're coming to get you, boogedy-boo!

/Jesus and I love you, strangeguitar.

Mormons are cool. They get to hang out. They also get to wear leather jackets and smoke cigarrettes.

I wish I was one.

So I was in high school in a small town in the 80's. Dad was a cop. Someone kept cutting window screens and sexually attacking little old ladies at night. (This would be on CNN nowadays). Anyway, the dinner conversation at our house every night is how bad my dad wants to catch this p.o.s.

It goes on for weeks- 5 or 6 victims in total. My dad's working day and night non-stop, coming home for meals then going back out, not sleeping at all to try catch this farker. Finally, he did.

Turns it out it was this whacko guy that I worked with at the local restaurant. I had told him to STFU one night when he was being an asshole and he had pulled a knife on me. Guy was batshiat crazy.

He's still in the can.

oops. totally the wrong thread. self-pwn3d.

Funny story:

Freshman year of college I met this chick who I soon found out was a hardcore Mormon. We hang out for a few days, go to some parties, etc. and so forth.

So maybe a week after I met her, we're hanging out in my friend's room with a few other people. All of a sudden, one of my other friends bursts into the room.

"Know whose bullshiat I'm sick of?" he yells, "GOD'S!"

Dead silence. Everyone looks at Mormon chick, who has the second most offended look on her face that I've ever seen.

Not five seconds later, before anyone has a chance to say anything, my friend's roommate walks in. He's wearing a shirt that says "Jesus saves. Passes to Bhudda... Shoots, SCORES!"

She saw it, and had the most offended look on her face that I've ever seen.

She left a few minutes later without saying much. She didn't really talk to me much after that.

I believe this is the plot to Season 4 of Battlestar Galactica.

Lucy Harris = Smart

Martin Harris = Dumb

Jubeebee: Funny story:

Freshman year of college I met this chick who I soon found out was a hardcore Mormon. We hang out for a few days, go to some parties, etc. and so forth.

So maybe a week after I met her, we're hanging out in my friend's room with a few other people. All of a sudden, one of my other friends bursts into the room.

"Know whose bullshiat I'm sick of?" he yells, "GOD'S!"

Dead silence. Everyone looks at Mormon chick, who has the second most offended look on her face that I've ever seen.

Not five seconds later, before anyone has a chance to say anything, my friend's roommate walks in. He's wearing a shirt that says "Jesus saves. Passes to Bhudda... Shoots, SCORES!"

She saw it, and had the most offended look on her face that I've ever seen.

She left a few minutes later without saying much. She didn't really talk to me much after that.

Sounds like a judgmental biatch. Good riddance.

Cagey B

What a paranoid fantasy. The Masons ruling the world fnord is soooo two hundred years ago. I'll bet subby believes in the Illuminati too. Oooo, they're coming to get you, boogedy-boo!

He's not (brain-)dead, he's just pining for the fnords.

Freemason on Fark here: This is actually a Very significant story. Up until the 1980s Mormons could not become Freemasons in Utah. This was due to the fact that the Mormons in Nauvoo Illinois "happened" to have their temple ritual come in a revelation after they were kicked out of the the Grand Lodge of Illinois (for matters of Irregularity which are common practice in every Grand Lodge in the US today). Many of the Secret Signs, words, and modes of recognition were Identical as those we use in the lodge. This caused no end of grief to mormons who wanted to join the Lodge and I've been told that every non mormon governor of Utah has been a mason (take that for what its worth)

anyway in the 80s after Negotiation the Mormons had another divine revelation and altered their temple ritual in a way that made the Grand Lodge of Utah happy.and peace was declared in the long standing fued. Their were many Mormon Freemasons in Utah who were not part of the Grand Lodge of Utah who participated in Utah Lodges but were not covered under the Ban

Thats why this story is pretty Neat

/Fark Freemasonry thread?
//I hope so

Consider if you will:

From the vast knowledge I've collected on these here intertubes, a mormon free mason is much more complicated than the neighborhood whore free basing. And to tell you the truth, I've only got a jar of quarters right now.

So, until I scream "MOMMY MOMMY JESUS JESUS JESUS... whooo. okay you can go now", this isn't an issue for me.

Q: Why do you always take 2 mormons fishing?


A: If you take only 1, the farker will drink all your beer.

tuna fingers:

Consider if you will:

From the vast knowledge I've collected on these here intertubes, a mormon free mason is much more complicated than the neighborhood whore free basing. And to tell you the truth, I've only got a jar of quarters right now.

So, until I scream "MOMMY MOMMY JESUS JESUS JESUS... whooo. okay you can go now", this isn't an issue for me.

*blinks*

Can I buy some pot from you?

Are these the guys that make the jars?

I hate to be that guy, but it isn't a mormon thread without "Get a Brain, Mormans" and "DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB"

mormons always have large families, and one kid in each family is always prison-grade bad. always.

vegasj: Q: Why do you always take 2 mormons fishing?


A: If you take only 1, the farker will drink all your beer.

I'm sorry the religious hate you were looking for involved Baptists, that's right... Baptists.

Mayhem of the Black Underclass

most baptist jokes work for Mormons

here's one that won't work so well for baptists.

what do you call a mormon hooker on a skateboard?
a fast offering.

Mormons are a secret?

3rdorderofsimulacra: mormons always have large families, and one kid in each family is always prison-grade bad. always.

Raised in a mormon family with six kids. Guess which one I was?

zjoik: here's one that won't work so well for baptists.

what do you call a mormon hooker on a skateboard?
a fast offering.

What's the difference between a good Mormon and a bad Mormon?

-The temperature of their caffeine.

So this means they can make multiple bedroom houses for their 27 wives out of BRICK?

So, how does this relate to muggles?

The underwear is worn day and night by Mormons as a reminder of the promises they have made to God in the Temple to be honest and faithful to the commandments of the Lord. And, to keep them from trying anything funny.

I believe Joseph Smith was a mason who got kicked out, which is why as far as I know until recently many of the early Mormon rituals resembled the Freemason ones.

Simultaneously head of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn and Outer Head of Ordo Templi Orientis:


/amateurs
//get off his lawn

planes

and at one time they had masonic emblems on them

Juse

no mormon temple rituals existed until AFTER smith was kicked out of the Masons

like days after iirc

jbspine



Dum dum dum dum dum!

Freemason farker here. Who else?

Mormons are pretty cool guys. They fight aliens and eh doesn't afraid of anything.

Also:

/Freemason
//5th generation
///that we know of

If anyone says to you, "I'm going into the secret chamber to talk to God," run -- don't walk -- away.

Why the hell are people so giddy for secrecy?

vegasj: Q: Why do you always take 2 mormons fishing?


A: If you take only 1, the farker will drink all your beer.

Utah farker here. I lol'd, hard. I'm also telling that to everyone at work monday where they will most likely lol.
Thank you.
/Loves mormon pussy.

I don't care how you bring'em, but Brigham Young.

Who Is John Galt: Freemason farker here. Who else?

I am also a Traveling Man.

I'm a druid

/freemason
//at the point where i don't need to work in the public sector anymore, it is all pleasure...

Squidgilum: Why the hell are people so giddy for secrecy?

It makes them feel special. They know something you don't and that gives them a false feeling of superiority.

strangeguitar: Behold the Mormon Grand Master:

I was disappointed that they didn't shoot the disco ball with that and turn the whole place into an orgy.

When the Mormons established themselves in Utah Brigham Young required every young man who was going back into the world as a missionary to be a Mason. By teaching them the Masonic rituals he insured that they would find friends wherever they went. He made the mistake, however, of promoting them to the highest degree. When those 18, 19 or 20 year missionaries presented themselves at non-Mormon Masonic lodges and said they had a degree that would take two or three decades to reach they were regarded as pretenders. After a few years of that the Masonic communities disowned the Mormon Masons.

Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumbasses.


/Freemasonheisinnocent

Who Is John Galt: Freemason farker here. Who else?

Right here... PM too...

Mormon is to Christianity as new coke is to classic coke. Tho it could be worse, could be kool-aid.

/drink water myself

I am a Freemason also. P.M. of Nellis Lodge #46 in Las Vegas. Nice to see Brothers other than myself on Fark!

Interesting to see how the mormons were involved with freemasons, etc. Don't freemason rituals/signs come from things they saw in Solomon's Temple (that they built) back from biblical times?