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(CNN) Unlikely Dr. Pepper will give everyone in America free soda if Axl Rose releases "Chinese Democracy" this year   (money.cnn.com) divider line 192
More: Unlikely  
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192 Comments   (+0 »)


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DeCypher44 [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 02:56:40 PM  
Still ain't gonna happen. Dammit.

 
Yanks_RSJ 2008-03-26 03:02:03 PM  
So, you're saying I have zero chance of getting a free Dr. Pepper?

 
Three Crooked Squirrels [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 03:03:18 PM  
If this isn't the absolute greatest album in the history of the world, something that changes society forever along the lines of the Wyld Stallyons debut, it will be panned thoroughly.

 
samimgreen 2008-03-26 03:03:53 PM  
Advertising campaign?

 
Slaxl [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 03:08:14 PM  
Three Crooked Squirrels: If this isn't the absolute greatest album in the history of the world, something that changes society forever along the lines of the Wyld Stallyons debut, it will be panned thoroughly.

That's true, and possibly why it isn't out yet, or ever, perhaps the plan is to keep leaking hundreds of songs, then pick the ones people seemed to like the most and make that an album, in 2031.

Also this is a great publicity stunt, all the publicity for $0 cost, because the album isn't going to come out this year.

 
Dude seriously WTF 2008-03-26 03:49:16 PM  
The odds of this are lower than Taco Bell's free taco offer if a piece of space junk hit their banner in the ocean.

 
all the good names are gone [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 03:55:39 PM  
FTFA: ...you have to make it through the jungle before you get it right.

"It took a little patience...



i91.photobucket.com

 
OregonVet [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 04:43:05 PM  
This message brought to you by refreshing Dr. PepperTM.

www.freewebs.com

Put a little PEP in your life with Dr. PepperTM.

 
Polartank13 [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 04:47:58 PM  
Might as well be a free Dr. Pepper for a Duke Nukem Forever release this year, since neither are going to happen this year.

 
Axiomatic 2008-03-26 04:50:39 PM  
Put your carbonated prune juice where your mouth is! Eh Axl?

 
beerrun [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 04:58:29 PM  
Good thing I don't like Dr. Pepper.

 
Dancin_In_Anson [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 04:59:49 PM  
It's "a free Coke"...even when it's Dr. Pepper

 
beerrun [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 05:05:59 PM  
D_I_A: It's "a free Coke"...even when it's Dr. Pepper

Oh, well in that case.......

 
Dancin_In_Anson [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 05:21:49 PM  
beerrun: Oh, well in that case

Glad I could help!

 
DeCypher44 [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 05:55:35 PM  
I actually think that they intended this to be an April Fools joke, but was leaked too early.

 
Any Bonehead 2008-03-26 05:58:47 PM  
People...It's Dr Pepper, not Dr. Pepper. Note the missing dot.

 
filth [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 06:29:14 PM  
Honest question: Is anyone looking forward to this album? And if so, did you like the last GnR album?

 
dletter [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 06:52:58 PM  
Polartank13: Might as well be a free Dr. Pepper for a Duke Nukem Forever release this year, since neither are going to happen this year.

No, its a free 24-pack for everyone if Duke Nukem Forever comes out!

 
moothemagiccow 2008-03-26 07:08:44 PM  
Who wants to listen to that shiat anyway?

 
MissFarksAlot 2008-03-26 07:11:24 PM  
I'm enjoying a Dr. Pepper right now.. so I'm really getting a kick out of these responses.


/no, really

 
UncleOwen 2008-03-26 07:12:00 PM  
moothemagiccow: Who wants to listen to that shiat anyway?

Agreed. I'll buy Axl several cases if he doesn't release this ear poison.

 
skinink 2008-03-26 07:12:06 PM  
We'll see the latest album by Kurt Cobain and Nirvana before we see Chinese Democracy.

 
DanzigMisfit 2008-03-26 07:13:03 PM  
Fark Axl, he's a wuss.
static.nme.com

 
izi ifil 2008-03-26 07:14:21 PM  
i4.photobucket.com

Leave Axl alone!!!

 
MisterSlippy 2008-03-26 07:14:21 PM  
F Dr. Pepper, and F axl

 
some swedish girl 2008-03-26 07:14:45 PM  
Dr. Pepper tastes like liquefied almond paste. There i said it!

 
MuppetPastor 2008-03-26 07:14:50 PM  
I was out wandering the street last night and went by the free health clinic while my girlfriend was in the office getting an abortion. I figured I'd do a little dumpster diving and wouldn't you know it, I found a breast in the bin behind the cancer clinic. Now that's a good marketing campaign if you ask me. Free boob with each abortion.

Word to the wise. Don't take your crotch droppings home in a jar and talk to them like they're still alive. When I made breakfast this morning (a nice western omelet with salsa on it, I told the jar, "Mommy likes her eggs scrambled...but you already knew that". She started screaming and throwing stuff, so I put a baseball cap on ex-junior and we went to a game.

 
The Flexecutioner 2008-03-26 07:16:08 PM  
UncleOwen: moothemagiccow: Who wants to listen to that shiat anyway?

Agreed. I'll buy Axl several cases if he doesn't release this ear poison. Get off my lawn.


FTFY

 
phlegmmo 2008-03-26 07:16:11 PM  
We know once it's released, people will refer to it as "Dr Pepper for the ears"

More like Dr Pepper for the teeth.

 
Fischsticks 2008-03-26 07:16:32 PM  
MuppetPastor: I was out wandering the street last night and went by the free health clinic while my girlfriend was in the office getting an abortion. I figured I'd do a little dumpster diving and wouldn't you know it, I found a breast in the bin behind the cancer clinic. Now that's a good marketing campaign if you ask me. Free boob with each abortion.

Word to the wise. Don't take your crotch droppings home in a jar and talk to them like they're still alive. When I made breakfast this morning (a nice western omelet with salsa on it, I told the jar, "Mommy likes her eggs scrambled...but you already knew that". She started screaming and throwing stuff, so I put a baseball cap on ex-junior and we went to a game.


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!?

 
MuppetPastor 2008-03-26 07:17:23 PM  
Fischsticks: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!?

Oh. I forgot to mention that the abortionists name was Dr. Pepper.

 
Fart_Machine 2008-03-26 07:18:19 PM  
Haven't they leaked most of the material off it anyway?

 
RenegadJew 2008-03-26 07:19:28 PM  
Polartank13: Might as well be a free Dr. Pepper for a Duke Nukem Forever release this year, since neither are going to happen this year.

I know it's going to come out soon! Did you see the screenshots from like 5 years ago? They're farking sweet! Never mind the whole "project has been abandoned" thing. ID will start working on it soon enough. Did you see the screenshots?

/sigh

 
lord-humungus 2008-03-26 07:19:28 PM  
The real question is after Axl releases Chinese Democracy, will Weird Al release Chinese Fire Drill?

 
Vai1018 [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 07:19:40 PM  
I think you guys might be missing the big picture. Why would a major brand release a press release like this targeting such a specific album that been delayed more than Richard Simmon's coming out party?

Maybe it's because they've inked a promotional deal with him that will have his album and subsequent tour sponsored by Dr Pepper.

/dons tinfoil hat.
//also thinks it could be that they recognize the unlikelyhood of the event, therefore ensuring them some big publicity with virtually no risk.

 
GurneyHalleck [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 07:19:44 PM  
AXL ROSE SUCKS BALLS

Worst. Vocalist. Ever.

 
Macular Degenerate 2008-03-26 07:19:55 PM  
Bleh. They can keep the carbonated cough syrup and the Axl Rose crap. This is a blinding vortex of suck.

 
beerrun [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 07:20:32 PM  
MuppetPastor: Oh. I forgot to mention that the abortionists name was Dr. Pepper.

Ahhh, now it all makes sense. Thanks for clearing that up!

 
MisterSlippy 2008-03-26 07:20:43 PM  
MuppetPastor: Fischsticks: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!?

Oh. I forgot to mention that the abortionists name was Dr. Pepper.


NICE

+1

 
akchick1971 [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 07:20:56 PM  
lord-humungus: The real question is after Axl releases Chinese Democracy, will Weird Al release Chinese Fire Drill?


Win x 100. Outstanding, Sir.

 
ckevinc 2008-03-26 07:21:35 PM  
filth: Honest question: Is anyone looking forward to this album? And if so, did you like the last GnR album?

Yes and Yes.

 
Mugato [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 07:22:20 PM  
"It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love," said Jaxie Alt, director of marketing for Dr Pepper. "So we completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection -- for something more than the average album. We know once it's released, people will refer to it as "Dr Pepper for the ears" because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds -- an instant classic."


Do they teach people to speak like this in marketing school or do they choose people who naturally speak like this to accept into marketing school? Either way they need to be killed.

 
Conan the Librarian 2008-03-26 07:22:53 PM  
For as long as we've waited, it damn well better be a Dublin Dr Pepper.

 
studebaker hoch 2008-03-26 07:22:57 PM  
We're looking for a few good men, with the moxie to be Marines.

 
Sumdumfarkr 2008-03-26 07:23:15 PM  
...and the Bush Administration was "just kidding."

You know who else promised good things in April?

 
Mugato [TotalFark] 2008-03-26 07:23:23 PM  
whoops, wrong tag.

 
steklo 2008-03-26 07:23:38 PM  
I'll pass on both thank you. Not a fan of either product/tool.

 
the_chief 2008-03-26 07:24:28 PM  
I don't trust Dr. Pepper. He never actually finished his PhD.

 
SaintAwesome 2008-03-26 07:24:31 PM  
It kind of blows my mind that anyone would actually pay attention to anything Axl Rose does. I mean... REALLY... wow?

He is just the same as that 42 year old woman who lived in the trailer park who they refered to as "former homecoming queen".

Actually, he is probably dating that girl.

 
MuppetPastor 2008-03-26 07:24:41 PM  
steklo: I'll pass on both thank you. Not a fan of either product/tool.

Boobs and fetuses? Man, you don't know what you're missing.

 
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