I barely skimmed the article, but it's true that apostrophes in names suck, and it all has to do with computers and databases. As a database programmer, I'm constantly irritated at the hoops you have to jump through to properly accommodate apostrophes when names are stored in, or retrieved from databases. I won't go into a long, boring explanation as to why it's such a problem, I'll just say it sucks balls.

Plenty of apostrophes at the East Alabama Medical Center's Stork Bytes. You can search by month, and even check out siblings' names by clicking on a name.

I'm r'eally no't getti'ng a' ki'ck ou't 'of t'his.

Oh, I dunno mysql_escape_string($string) ain't so hard. But then, I'm continually confounded by systems that will only accept alphanumeric characters for passwords. What the F*CK. There's absolutely no excuse for that.

Epsilon: As a database programmer, I'm constantly irritated at the hoops you have to jump through to properly accommodate apostrophes when names are stored in, or retrieved from databases

I'm just an app guy, all I can say is $dbh->quote();

I was all set to mock the La'Sheenas and De'waynes of this world, but no... it's an article on surnames.

Way to bait and switch, submitter.

No mention of little Bobby Tables?

My last name is L'Hommedieu, so i'm getting a kick out of.... oh, who am i kidding, it SUCKS. Every time i rent a DVD or vote, everyone has to wait while they struggle to find my name.

Chariset: I was all set to mock the La'Sheenas and De'waynes of this world, but no... it's an article on surnames.

Way to bait and switch, submitter.

This. Came in anticipating hilarious names, left severely disappointed.

As someone with an apostrophe in my last name, I'm getting nothing new from these replies.

Seriously, though, it does make things a pain in the ass sometimes, but it also makes it harder for creditors and other authorities to find you. So it's a double-edged sword.

Could we get some feedback from Drew Curtis' please.

Last One Left: No mention of little Bobby Tables?

Damnit. I came in here to reference that.

D'amn.

Chariset: I was all set to mock the La'Sheenas and De'waynes of this world, but no... it's an article on surnames.

Way to bait and switch, submitter.

Seriously, why can't the airline industry, voting computers etc just learn from the prison and welfare system which must evolved workarounds decades ago.

My girlfriend encounters this often, as she has a space separating the two words of her last name. First she has to deal with explaining that to someone, that it's not her middle name, it's not hyphenated, and it should be alphabetized by the first letter of the first word in her last name, then the computer usually pukes on it either by dropping the space, assigning one as a middle name, or just removing one word entirely.

Frankly, these computer issues come up due to poor programming and field testing. Damn near any language has ways to interpret unique characters or situations and deal with them appropriately, assuming the coder actually uses it.

ELF Radio: My last name is L'Hommedieu, so i'm getting a kick out of.... oh, who am i kidding, it SUCKS. Every time i rent a DVD or vote, everyone has to wait while they struggle to find my name.

"TheManGod"?

Slim Pickens: Plenty of apostrophes at the East Alabama Medical Center's Stork Bytes. You can search by month, and even check out siblings' names by clicking on a name.

Wow.

I don't know who needs slapping more -- KyMani JaCorve' & KyMari QuinSayi's parents, or Bayleigh Noel's...

FTFA: Even if the computer system is sophisticated enough to welcome an O'Brien

WTF? There's so much stupid there I don't even know where to start.

What the world needs is competent programmers.

I filled out my customer profile at sears.com and something in the data triggered an IBM Websphere error, which persists every time I log in. It won't let me checkout an order. I reported it and was told in two emails I was doing something wrong. So I don't buy at sears.com.

Pain in the ass, they are.

I heard that the Dell'Abates are actually thinking of changing their last name to Booey.

Last One Left: Bobby Tables?

I was gonna, but you were there to do the nerdly duty before me. Serper geeky.

Chariset: I was all set to mock the La'Sheenas and De'waynes of this world, but no... it's an article on surnames.

Way to bait and switch, submitter.

Aw, I know, me too. I had a nice little rant already formed in my head about a woman I know named X'cela.

phaseolus: Wow.

I don't know who needs slapping more -- KyMani JaCorve' & KyMari QuinSayi's parents, or Bayleigh Noel's...

There are some real winnars on that page.

Slim Pickens: Plenty of apostrophes at the East Alabama Medical Center's Stork Bytes. You can search by month, and even check out siblings' names by clicking on a name.

Even with all the Zantavious-es, this (pops) was the one that made me the saddest.

I'm going to change my name to 'L'Gibbon-47Panhead!'

<b>AquaX:</b> <i>Frankly, these computer issues come up due to poor programming and field testing. Damn near any language has ways to interpret unique characters or situations and deal with them appropriately, assuming the coder actually uses it.</i>

Yes, but a large part of the problem arises from the fact that some databases (most I think) use the single quote as a variable container, which on a standard keyboard is equivalent to the apostrophe. So when you start throwing apostrophes in names you have to escape them with a backslash in the code to avoid confusing the database. Now that's not a terribly big deal, but what if you want to build a search feature where people can retrieve names. Do you ignore apostrophes in their search keywords, or do you interpret them literally, or do you return results that match the spelling but may or may not match the apostrophe, etc.?

There are a lot of decisions to make, and many systems are not designed to properly address all the issues, which is the point of the article. Frankly, it would have been much better if the database was designed from the beginning to use a different character as a variable container, something that would never show up in a person's name, such as a pipe | or a backtick ` or even a carat ^ character. But it's much too late to change that now.

La'Maurion Jere'

It even has an apostrophe on the end.
/pray for La'Maurion

To hell with the apostrophe in my last name - I'd be happy if the rest of the letters appeared as submitted. Bum luck o' the Irish.

http://www.eamc.org/stork/display_pages/jan_boys.asp?ID=8430

Quinzavion Zykei?

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??

And I can't believe I didn't enable HTML on that last post. Sorry, AquaX.

It's a clever ruse by Sarah O'Connor…

Sarah O'Connor O'Conner

/Sorry, pet peeve.

I'd just like to say that anyone posting 'complaints about how this farks me' should also post the name that causes said farking.

Not because it's useful, really, but more for information and entertainment.

Don't be racist guys: La'Pone Benjerman (poppity) is white.

/One would think his brother Sir'Vaughn is too.

RaKellaKAT: Don't be racist guys: La'Pone Benjerman (poppity) is white.

Sez you.

haha, i damn near shiat'd

AquaX: My girlfriend encounters this often, as she has a space separating the two words of her last name. First she has to deal with explaining that to someone, that it's not her middle name, it's not hyphenated, and it should be alphabetized by the first letter of the first word in her last name, then the computer usually pukes on it either by dropping the space, assigning one as a middle name, or just removing one word entirely.

Frankly, these computer issues come up due to poor programming and field testing. Damn near any language has ways to interpret unique characters or situations and deal with them appropriately, assuming the coder actually uses it.

There's an easy way to fix that one. Just marry her already.

Although marriage to fix database programming errors might be a bit extreme.

Last One Left: No mention of little Bobby Tables?

I came here for this. Thanks.

Good ole Bobby Tables. Awesome.

Just imagine how Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo feels about this.

Chariset: I was all set to mock the La'Sheenas and De'waynes of this world, but no... it's an article on surnames.

Way to bait and switch, submitter.

Same here.

Won't somebody think of the poor !Kung San (new window) ? (new window)

That's the !Kung San(p), dammit!

Epsilon: I barely skimmed the article, but it's true that apostrophes in names suck, and it all has to do with computers and databases. As a database programmer, I'm constantly irritated at the hoops you have to jump through to properly accommodate apostrophes when names are stored in, or retrieved from databases. I won't go into a long, boring explanation as to why it's such a problem, I'll just say it sucks balls.

Well, then I'll do it. Because, I too, work with databases and have all sorts of troubles with that sort of thing.

It all lies in the fact that a number of programming languages, like JavaScript, SQL, PHP, ASP, HTML, etc... For whatever genius reason, all accept apostrophes as if they were normal (what is now called) double quotes. Some will take either equally without a problem.
In the beginning, a quote was a quote. And it was used to define a string. That is, a variable that is nothing more than text.
But as languages need to be combined from time to time, to pass information to one another, combinations of apostrophes and quotes need to be used together to keep things clean. Like, say, you are calling a JavaScript function from and HTML tag. Since HTML requires you to have double quotes to understand the function call, you can't use them again to send arguments to the JavaScript function. What you end up with looks like this:

onclick="javascript:dothis('withThis','andThis')"

On the surface, it sounds like a great idea. But this is the problem...

When someone passes a string to your program, and it's single quoted you get this sort of thing:

onclick="javascript:dothis('I met John O'Hurly today','andThis')"


The apostrophe breaks the string. And every bit of code following it gets hosed.

The way to beat this depends on what language you are using to submit the string to the database. In all cases, there is a way to replace the character, double it up, or escape it... There is a method in every language commonly used.

In any event... If there are companies out there the size of Farking airlines, that still haven't figured out how to solve this problem, they really need to consider firing their entire programming staff, and bring people on board that can do the job right.

There is no excuse for crap like that still going on today.

And as I press the submit button, I will now know how good the Fark programmers are. If this post fails, it's because of all the apostrophes I used.

btw: I wrote and still maintain the web site for MyMMs.com (new window). It's all done combining Flash, HTML, ASP, JavaScript, and SQL. And, I had to write tons of traps to make sure that any and all characters make it to the database without crashing anything.

The next time you enter your address online spell out the house number (Twenty-two Main Street) and wait for the many strange interpretations that will pop up in your junk mail.

That's what happened during the Michigan caucus in 2004, when thousands of O'Connors, Al-Husseins, Van Kemps and others who went to the polls didn't have their votes counted.

And why exactly should we be letting foreigners vote in Michigan, anyway? That's one of our very most American states! I say, tough luck, Paddy, Ali, and... uh... Koenraad.

/my newsletter... let me subscribe you to it!

durbnpoisn: I wrote and still maintain the web site for MyMMs.com (new window). It's all done combining Flash, HTML, ASP, JavaScript, and SQL. And, I had to write tons of traps to make sure that any and all characters make it to the database without crashing anything.

Very nice page, thanks for the explanation

I work for a property management firm with apostrophobic software and I am not getting a kick out of these replies. Part of the software handles them fine, but the report writer gags. The users were told to omit apostrophes and we added constraints to the database to enforce this. Not sure what the programmers and testers were thinking.

Once upon a time
Somebody say to me
(This is a dog talkin' now)
What is your Conceptual Continuity?
Well, I told him right then
(Fido said)
It should be easy to see
The crux of the biscuit
Is the Apostrophe(')

Paddy O'Furniture?