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(AP) Obvious People with apostrophes in their names find they cause all sorts of trouble. Oh, for De'Love O'Christ   (ap.google.com) divider line 85
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Epsilon [TotalFark] 2008-02-21 07:05:48 PM  
I barely skimmed the article, but it's true that apostrophes in names suck, and it all has to do with computers and databases. As a database programmer, I'm constantly irritated at the hoops you have to jump through to properly accommodate apostrophes when names are stored in, or retrieved from databases. I won't go into a long, boring explanation as to why it's such a problem, I'll just say it sucks balls.

 
Slim Pickens 2008-02-21 07:21:40 PM  
Plenty of apostrophes at the East Alabama Medical Center's Stork Bytes. You can search by month, and even check out siblings' names by clicking on a name.

 
King Something [TotalFark] 2008-02-21 07:25:16 PM  
I'm r'eally no't getti'ng a' ki'ck ou't 'of t'his.

 
John Paul Jones [TotalFark] 2008-02-21 07:34:28 PM  
Oh, I dunno mysql_escape_string($string) ain't so hard. But then, I'm continually confounded by systems that will only accept alphanumeric characters for passwords. What the F*CK. There's absolutely no excuse for that.

 
lordargent 2008-02-21 07:35:50 PM  
Epsilon: As a database programmer, I'm constantly irritated at the hoops you have to jump through to properly accommodate apostrophes when names are stored in, or retrieved from databases

I'm just an app guy, all I can say is $dbh->quote();

 
Chariset [TotalFark] 2008-02-21 08:17:19 PM  
I was all set to mock the La'Sheenas and De'waynes of this world, but no... it's an article on surnames.

Way to bait and switch, submitter.

 
Last One Left [TotalFark] 2008-02-21 10:52:25 PM  
No mention of little Bobby Tables?

imgs.xkcd.com

 
ELF Radio 2008-02-23 04:14:46 PM  
My last name is L'Hommedieu, so i'm getting a kick out of.... oh, who am i kidding, it SUCKS. Every time i rent a DVD or vote, everyone has to wait while they struggle to find my name.

 
ultraholland 2008-02-23 04:14:58 PM  
Chariset: I was all set to mock the La'Sheenas and De'waynes of this world, but no... it's an article on surnames.

Way to bait and switch, submitter.


This. Came in anticipating hilarious names, left severely disappointed.

 
Maynard G. Muskievote 2008-02-23 04:16:21 PM  
As someone with an apostrophe in my last name, I'm getting nothing new from these replies.

Seriously, though, it does make things a pain in the ass sometimes, but it also makes it harder for creditors and other authorities to find you. So it's a double-edged sword.

 
Cormee 2008-02-23 04:16:51 PM  
Could we get some feedback from Drew Curtis' please.

 
yeolcoatl 2008-02-23 04:18:10 PM  
Last One Left: No mention of little Bobby Tables?

Damnit. I came in here to reference that.

 
ScottMpls 2008-02-23 04:18:11 PM  
D'amn.

 
beoswulf 2008-02-23 04:20:02 PM  
Chariset: I was all set to mock the La'Sheenas and De'waynes of this world, but no... it's an article on surnames.

Way to bait and switch, submitter.


Seriously, why can't the airline industry, voting computers etc just learn from the prison and welfare system which must evolved workarounds decades ago.

 
AquaX 2008-02-23 04:20:05 PM  
My girlfriend encounters this often, as she has a space separating the two words of her last name. First she has to deal with explaining that to someone, that it's not her middle name, it's not hyphenated, and it should be alphabetized by the first letter of the first word in her last name, then the computer usually pukes on it either by dropping the space, assigning one as a middle name, or just removing one word entirely.

Frankly, these computer issues come up due to poor programming and field testing. Damn near any language has ways to interpret unique characters or situations and deal with them appropriately, assuming the coder actually uses it.

 
Jamrock 2008-02-23 04:20:37 PM  
ELF Radio: My last name is L'Hommedieu, so i'm getting a kick out of.... oh, who am i kidding, it SUCKS. Every time i rent a DVD or vote, everyone has to wait while they struggle to find my name.

"TheManGod"?

 
phaseolus 2008-02-23 04:20:40 PM  
Slim Pickens: Plenty of apostrophes at the East Alabama Medical Center's Stork Bytes. You can search by month, and even check out siblings' names by clicking on a name.

Wow.

I don't know who needs slapping more -- KyMani JaCorve' & KyMari QuinSayi's parents, or Bayleigh Noel's...

 
Bucky Katt [TotalFark] 2008-02-23 04:20:50 PM  
FTFA: Even if the computer system is sophisticated enough to welcome an O'Brien

WTF? There's so much stupid there I don't even know where to start.

 
netringer 2008-02-23 04:22:59 PM  
What the world needs is competent programmers.

I filled out my customer profile at sears.com and something in the data triggered an IBM Websphere error, which persists every time I log in. It won't let me checkout an order. I reported it and was told in two emails I was doing something wrong. So I don't buy at sears.com.

 
D'Annunzio 2008-02-23 04:23:02 PM  
Pain in the ass, they are.

 
kid_charlemagne 2008-02-23 04:23:33 PM  
I heard that the Dell'Abates are actually thinking of changing their last name to Booey.

 
F42 2008-02-23 04:25:58 PM  
Last One Left: Bobby Tables?

I was gonna, but you were there to do the nerdly duty before me. Serper geeky.

 
E Arkhe 2008-02-23 04:26:28 PM  
Chariset: I was all set to mock the La'Sheenas and De'waynes of this world, but no... it's an article on surnames.

Way to bait and switch, submitter.


Aw, I know, me too. I had a nice little rant already formed in my head about a woman I know named X'cela.

 
ultraholland 2008-02-23 04:28:12 PM  
phaseolus: Wow.

I don't know who needs slapping more -- KyMani JaCorve' & KyMari QuinSayi's parents, or Bayleigh Noel's...


There are some real winnars on that page.

 
RaKellaKAT 2008-02-23 04:28:55 PM  
Slim Pickens: Plenty of apostrophes at the East Alabama Medical Center's Stork Bytes. You can search by month, and even check out siblings' names by clicking on a name.

Even with all the Zantavious-es, this (pops) was the one that made me the saddest.

 
gibbon1 2008-02-23 04:29:14 PM  
I'm going to change my name to 'L'Gibbon-47Panhead!'

 
Epsilon [TotalFark] 2008-02-23 04:32:49 PM  
<b>AquaX:</b> <i>Frankly, these computer issues come up due to poor programming and field testing. Damn near any language has ways to interpret unique characters or situations and deal with them appropriately, assuming the coder actually uses it.</i>

Yes, but a large part of the problem arises from the fact that some databases (most I think) use the single quote as a variable container, which on a standard keyboard is equivalent to the apostrophe. So when you start throwing apostrophes in names you have to escape them with a backslash in the code to avoid confusing the database. Now that's not a terribly big deal, but what if you want to build a search feature where people can retrieve names. Do you ignore apostrophes in their search keywords, or do you interpret them literally, or do you return results that match the spelling but may or may not match the apostrophe, etc.?

There are a lot of decisions to make, and many systems are not designed to properly address all the issues, which is the point of the article. Frankly, it would have been much better if the database was designed from the beginning to use a different character as a variable container, something that would never show up in a person's name, such as a pipe | or a backtick ` or even a carat ^ character. But it's much too late to change that now.

 
ultraholland 2008-02-23 04:33:05 PM  
La'Maurion Jere'

It even has an apostrophe on the end.
/pray for La'Maurion

 
maldinero 2008-02-23 04:33:23 PM  
To hell with the apostrophe in my last name - I'd be happy if the rest of the letters appeared as submitted. Bum luck o' the Irish.

 
E Arkhe 2008-02-23 04:33:47 PM  
http://www.eamc.org/stork/display_pages/jan_boys.asp?ID=8430

Quinzavion Zykei?

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??

 
Epsilon [TotalFark] 2008-02-23 04:34:25 PM  
And I can't believe I didn't enable HTML on that last post. Sorry, AquaX.

 
Kar98 2008-02-23 04:34:42 PM  
It's a clever ruse by Sarah O'Connor…

 
maldinero 2008-02-23 04:37:21 PM  
Sarah O'Connor O'Conner

/Sorry, pet peeve.

 
kroonermanblack 2008-02-23 04:38:29 PM  
I'd just like to say that anyone posting 'complaints about how this farks me' should also post the name that causes said farking.

Not because it's useful, really, but more for information and entertainment.

 
RaKellaKAT 2008-02-23 04:40:32 PM  
Don't be racist guys: La'Pone Benjerman (poppity) is white.

/One would think his brother Sir'Vaughn is too.

 
DonLogan 2008-02-23 04:45:40 PM  
RaKellaKAT: Don't be racist guys: La'Pone Benjerman (poppity) is white.

Sez you.

 
stamped human bacon 2008-02-23 04:46:00 PM  
haha, i damn near shiat'd

 
Shepherd_for_hire 2008-02-23 04:47:53 PM  
AquaX: My girlfriend encounters this often, as she has a space separating the two words of her last name. First she has to deal with explaining that to someone, that it's not her middle name, it's not hyphenated, and it should be alphabetized by the first letter of the first word in her last name, then the computer usually pukes on it either by dropping the space, assigning one as a middle name, or just removing one word entirely.

Frankly, these computer issues come up due to poor programming and field testing. Damn near any language has ways to interpret unique characters or situations and deal with them appropriately, assuming the coder actually uses it.


There's an easy way to fix that one. Just marry her already.

Although marriage to fix database programming errors might be a bit extreme.

 
Robot Terror 2008-02-23 04:50:58 PM  
Last One Left: No mention of little Bobby Tables?

I came here for this. Thanks.

Good ole Bobby Tables. Awesome.

 
DigitalCoffee 2008-02-23 04:58:57 PM  
Just imagine how Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo feels about this.

 
CornFedIowan 2008-02-23 04:59:14 PM  
Chariset: I was all set to mock the La'Sheenas and De'waynes of this world, but no... it's an article on surnames.

Way to bait and switch, submitter.


Same here.

 
Lupercanalius Assbarnacle 2008-02-23 04:59:44 PM  
Won't somebody think of the poor !Kung San (new window) ? (new window)

 
Lupercanalius Assbarnacle 2008-02-23 05:01:26 PM  
That's the !Kung San(p), dammit!

 
durbnpoisn 2008-02-23 05:01:43 PM  
Epsilon: I barely skimmed the article, but it's true that apostrophes in names suck, and it all has to do with computers and databases. As a database programmer, I'm constantly irritated at the hoops you have to jump through to properly accommodate apostrophes when names are stored in, or retrieved from databases. I won't go into a long, boring explanation as to why it's such a problem, I'll just say it sucks balls.

Well, then I'll do it. Because, I too, work with databases and have all sorts of troubles with that sort of thing.

It all lies in the fact that a number of programming languages, like JavaScript, SQL, PHP, ASP, HTML, etc... For whatever genius reason, all accept apostrophes as if they were normal (what is now called) double quotes. Some will take either equally without a problem.
In the beginning, a quote was a quote. And it was used to define a string. That is, a variable that is nothing more than text.
But as languages need to be combined from time to time, to pass information to one another, combinations of apostrophes and quotes need to be used together to keep things clean. Like, say, you are calling a JavaScript function from and HTML tag. Since HTML requires you to have double quotes to understand the function call, you can't use them again to send arguments to the JavaScript function. What you end up with looks like this:

onclick="javascript:dothis('withThis','andThis')"

On the surface, it sounds like a great idea. But this is the problem...

When someone passes a string to your program, and it's single quoted you get this sort of thing:

onclick="javascript:dothis('I met John O'Hurly today','andThis')"


The apostrophe breaks the string. And every bit of code following it gets hosed.

The way to beat this depends on what language you are using to submit the string to the database. In all cases, there is a way to replace the character, double it up, or escape it... There is a method in every language commonly used.

In any event... If there are companies out there the size of Farking airlines, that still haven't figured out how to solve this problem, they really need to consider firing their entire programming staff, and bring people on board that can do the job right.

There is no excuse for crap like that still going on today.

And as I press the submit button, I will now know how good the Fark programmers are. If this post fails, it's because of all the apostrophes I used.

btw: I wrote and still maintain the web site for MyMMs.com (new window). It's all done combining Flash, HTML, ASP, JavaScript, and SQL. And, I had to write tons of traps to make sure that any and all characters make it to the database without crashing anything.

 
NakedApe 2008-02-23 05:04:22 PM  
The next time you enter your address online spell out the house number (Twenty-two Main Street) and wait for the many strange interpretations that will pop up in your junk mail.

 
semiotix 2008-02-23 05:05:15 PM  
That's what happened during the Michigan caucus in 2004, when thousands of O'Connors, Al-Husseins, Van Kemps and others who went to the polls didn't have their votes counted.

And why exactly should we be letting foreigners vote in Michigan, anyway? That's one of our very most American states! I say, tough luck, Paddy, Ali, and... uh... Koenraad.

/my newsletter... let me subscribe you to it!

 
Lupercanalius Assbarnacle 2008-02-23 05:07:57 PM  
durbnpoisn: I wrote and still maintain the web site for MyMMs.com (new window). It's all done combining Flash, HTML, ASP, JavaScript, and SQL. And, I had to write tons of traps to make sure that any and all characters make it to the database without crashing anything.

Very nice page, thanks for the explanation

 
mtrac 2008-02-23 05:13:37 PM  
I work for a property management firm with apostrophobic software and I am not getting a kick out of these replies. Part of the software handles them fine, but the report writer gags. The users were told to omit apostrophes and we added constraints to the database to enforce this. Not sure what the programmers and testers were thinking.

 
perdu 2008-02-23 05:15:13 PM  
Once upon a time
Somebody say to me
(This is a dog talkin' now)
What is your Conceptual Continuity?
Well, I told him right then
(Fido said)
It should be easy to see
The crux of the biscuit
Is the Apostrophe(')

 
Dumski 2008-02-23 05:15:36 PM  
Paddy O'Furniture?

 
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