Check your tinfoil hat at the door.

Uh, why not link to the Dallas Morning News original (pops like Zapruder was filming it)?

Does anyone have the instructions for making a tinfoil hat?

apparently there is a conspiracy to keep me from doing it properly...

I thought they made it.

Cue Oliver Stone.

The Morning News said one theory about the transcript was that it was part of a movie script Wade was working on with producers, for a film that was never made.

Again, James Files killed JFK from the grassy knoll with a Remington Fireball XP-100. Oswald was involved, but only to the point of being sacfricial lamb.

JFK murder solved (new window)

Back and to the left. Back...and to the left.

/back and to the left

YixilTesiphon: (pops like Zapruder was filming it)

OK, I know I've seen the line before, but that still made me do a spit take.

Well played.

YixilTesiphon: Uh, why not link to the Dallas Morning News original (pops like Zapruder was filming it)

because the do not want you to read the originals...

/or it was submitted with a shiatter headline?

"Hey Lee, how about you kill the president, then I kill you?"

"Ok Jack, that sounds like fun."


Something like that?

/Didn't RTFA

In 10th grade, my US history teacher accidentally said that John Wilkes Booth killed Kennedy. He corrected himself but I came up with the following conspiracy.


Booth was from the future and went back in time to kill JFK, McKinley, Garfield, and Lincoln. He was probably going to kill more but he got caught after he shot Lincoln.

Michael: My father is no different than any powerful man, any man with power, like a president or senator.
Kay Adams: Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don't have men killed.
Michael: Oh. Who's being naive, Kay?

"Old JFK documents may stir controversy"

May? MAY?
Sweet FSM, that is conspiracy central! I'm surprised no one has reported a head exploding yet.

I thought it was Lister, Rimmer, Kryton and the Cat who put JFK on the grassy knoll to be the second gunman because Oswald was one floor too high to actually get a good shot.

For the record, I know who killed Kennedy.
An assassin

What, wait, they want to stop the attorney general, by killing the president? Huh? Is this just random supposition day, or what?

EXCLUSIVE!!! I have the unedited transcript of that conversation. Enjoy:

Jack Ruby: "Want some bacon?"

Harvey Oswald: "No man, I don't eat pork."

Jack Ruby: "Are you Jewish?"

Harvey Oswald: "Nah, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all."

Jack Ruby: "Why not?"

Harvey Oswald: "Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals."

Jack Ruby: "Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood."

Harvey Oswald: "Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfarker. Pigs sleep and root in shiat. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got enough sense enough to disregard its own feces."

There is no bigger "not this shiat again" then people who are still trying to figure out who killed JFK.

/it was Oswald.

Of course they removed the papers that show where Bush was involved.

Aar1012

I will now report this as fact whenever i talk about the JFK theory. Seriously, Future John Wilkes Booth!?!? The best theory ever

(Shakes fist at Goodfella)

Yeah. I saw that conversation. It took place in a parking garage.

Oswald: Hey.

Ruby: Bang.

Oswald: Ow.

YouPeopleAreCrazy: "Old JFK documents may stir controversy"

May? MAY?
Sweet FSM, that is conspiracy central! I'm surprised no one has reported a head exploding yet.

This just in: Head explodes. Film at eleven.

Neutron Activation Analysis Proves Oswald Acted Alone In JFK Assassination article (opens new window)

Oh sure, the old "Neutron Activation Analysis" thing again.

My dad and I argued about the JFK assassination. He claims that there is a conspiracy, and I stand firmly by the 'There is only a conspiracy because you want there to be one' (we also argue about 9-11, he says that there was a government conspiracy, I again, say that there is only one because he's wanting there to be one).

Last month we argued about the JFK assassination. I said, "Since the founding of this nation, point to one other time when the U.S. tried to assassinate someone in the middle of a crowded area in broad daylight." Then I said, "If it was the government, why shoot him? You'd think they'd have enough access to the president to poison his water or do something to 'make it look like an accident' and not draw unwanted attention to it, unlike shooting him in a parade."

robertblake: There is no bigger "not this shiat again" then people who are still trying to figure out who killed JFK.

/it was Oswald.

No, it was a streetlight.

I'm getting a kick out of all these posts because I actually work at the Texas School Book Depository Grassy Knoll.

/Obligatory

Danger Avoid Death: Yeah. I saw that conversation. It took place in a parking garage.

Oswald: Hey.

Ruby: Bang.

Oswald: Ow.

I think Ruby might have shot him, not just said 'bang'.

It was more like;

Ruby: Duck

Oswald: Whaaaa?!?

Lee Harvey Oswald's cousin is a good family-friend, so I'm really getting a kick out of these replies.

/really
//the cousin says Lee did it

Great Janitor: Then I said, "If it was the government, why shoot him? You'd think they'd have enough access to the president to poison his water or do something to 'make it look like an accident' and not draw unwanted attention to it, unlike shooting him in a parade."

That's exactly what they wanted you to think...

I shouted out, "Who killed Kennedy?", so I'm getting a kick out of this thread.

Can anyone explain why newspaper reporters, who are supposed to be the cream of the writing crop, fill half of their column with the most obvious crap that everyone knows?

Reread the story, looking for such informative statements as:

Nightclub owner Ruby subsequently shot Oswald dead at point-blank range as police were escorting their prime suspect.

Who doesn't know this? Every time I pick up a newspaper I see nonreporting such as this.

If you don't believe me, try to find a newspaper article about black holes that does not include the phrase 'a black hole is so named because it's gravity is so strong that not even light can escape' in some form or another.

This just in: JFK, is still dead.

EvelFarknievel: Again, James Files killed JFK from the grassy knoll with a Remington Fireball XP-100. Oswald was involved, but only to the point of being sacfricial lamb.

JFK murder solved (new window)

I'm a sick bastard. I just spent twenty minutes watching JFK's head peel open. Over and over again.

Wheres the links to Red Dwarf Kennedy episode.

Yeah_Right: This just in: JFK, is still dead.

What about Generalissimo Francisco Franco?

Have any of you ever considered for just a damn moment that maybe his head just exploded on it's own?
/sheesh.

Hold on to your hats. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

ok haven't followed the whole conspiracy thing, and never really got too interested in "JFK", but wasn't there something about some files that got sealed and are not to be opened for several more years?

malkavnon: Can anyone explain why newspaper reporters, who are supposed to be the cream of the writing crop, fill half of their column with the most obvious crap that everyone knows?

Reread the story, looking for such informative statements as:

Nightclub owner Ruby subsequently shot Oswald dead at point-blank range as police were escorting their prime suspect.

Who doesn't know this? Every time I pick up a newspaper I see nonreporting such as this.

If you don't believe me, try to find a newspaper article about black holes that does not include the phrase 'a black hole is so named because it's gravity is so strong that not even light can escape' in some form or another.

My girlfriend has a friend who's a reporter, and I brought up my complaint about reporters. I mentioned the repeating of the blatantly obvious, "a black hole is so named because it's gravity is so strong that not even light can escape", and the "There are fewer WWI vets alive today than at any other time in history since WWI."

She laughed and said, "If you think that's bad, just figure in what gets rejected, and about the stuff that everyone knows, we still have to include it because if we don't, some dumbass will complain that they did not know why a black hole was named a black hole, or that it was racist."

CygnusDarius: robertblake: There is no bigger "not this shiat again" then people who are still trying to figure out who killed JFK.

/it was Oswald.

No, it was a streetlight.

Undoubtedly the same streetlight that filmed the lunar landing.

/Illuminati indeed

Aar1012 Yeah_Right: This just in: JFK, is still dead.

What about Generalissimo Francisco Franco?

Opps... sorry, that was on page 2 of the AP wire...

oh and once I saw a blimp: Have any of you ever considered for just a damn moment that maybe his head just exploded on it's own?
/sheesh.

Umm...I don't know what you're talking about. Now if you excuse me, I must call my friends at the Department of Defense.


/I got a guy here
//I think he knows about the Kennedy boom boom
///You'll take care of it?

Yeah_Right: Aar1012 Yeah_Right: This just in: JFK, is still dead.

What about Generalissimo Francisco Franco?

Opps... sorry, that was on page 2 of the AP wire...

Well as long as he is still valiantly holding on in his fight to remain dead

Why would Ruby, a Jew, work for the italian mafia.
Ditto, Oswald a commie pinko for cristsakes?

John John did it, but was eliminated later in a plane crash.

Attention:

Lee Harvey Oswald was a nutcase who acted alone.

Jack Ruby was a nutcase who acted alone.

The Warren Commission had not one single reason to be less than forthright.

That is all. Over and out.