He pays individual hitmen to kill the chickens. He's careful that the murders don't lead back to him.
/eating chicken kabobs right now

*shrug* probably can't get his dick hard without at least $100k in cash in the room

You think cock rings are free? The roosters require upfront fees.

Has I known that subby would have been greenlit, I would have spent more time on a far better joke.

Hillarys war chest just got a little lighter. 140 grand, huh......me thinks this guy is gonna have to answer a few questions.

Don't you guys know? Up here in Wal-Mart/Tyson/JB Hunt land money just grows on trees.

Why, we light our chicken-flavored cigars with $100 bills y'all.

You know how when you come home at night you empty your pocket change into some sort of container and after a while it builds up to a few dollars.

This guy has deeper pockets than you. His spare change is in the form of $100 bills.

That kid's about to find out what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.

It was the payroll for the illegals, duh.

He's been paid off since he knows the truth behind that whole Chicken and The Egg thing.

Anton Chigurh unavailable for comment.

College student steals briefcase with $140k in cash from Tyson Foods exec. More importantly, what was he doing with a briefcase with $140k in cash?

Stealing it.

/duh!

It's obviously drug money and should be confiscated by the police. The money will be returned to him if he can prove (beyond a reasonable doubt) that it isn't drug related.

For a man as wealthy as John Tyson $140K is pocket change.

panfried: It was the payroll for the illegals, duh.
==============
I seriously don't think you're that far off the mark.

During the May 1st "immigrant" strike, Tyson closed most of their plants, supposedly out of a sense of "solidarity".

Yeah, sure, lets lose a few million dollars today, because we're a bunch of swell guys.
Fact is, most of their work force consists of illegals.

They're currently fighting allegations of RICO violations.

/That's the "Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations" act.
//No, not Rico Suave.

Senators hands don't grease themselves, you know.

College student steals briefcase with $140k in cash from Tyson Foods exec. More importantly, what was he doing with a briefcase with $140k in cash?

Trying to turn "Gold Medal Mom" into next MILF site?

panfried: It was the payroll for the illegals, duh.

Between their practices of hiring illegals, pumping their meats with 20% water or "solution" and selling bogus organic chicken, I haven't bought any Tyson products in ages.

Hal B. Sure: It's obviously drug money and should be confiscated by the police. The money will be returned to him if he can prove (beyond a reasonable doubt) that it isn't drug related.

Dammit. I was going to say that.

The reporter is a moran, also..... All the references to Johnson should be Johnson County, of which, Olathe is the county seat.

/reporters are the dumb....
//grew up in Johnson County

submitter: More importantly, what was he doing with a briefcase with $140k in cash?

It's an election year.

He's gonna buy the diamond-encrusted Hot Wheels car, duh.

What does the face of crime look like?

Here's the mugshot (new window).

Mexican Restauants (Hispanic Americans from Mexico who own restaurants) pay in cash.

It wouldnt be hard for any food rep to collect that much in cash on his collection day, if he was visiting several Mexican/American establishments.

Why am I getting visions of a future discussion about hamburgers, a bald man looking like a biatch, and paraphrased biblical text from Ezekiel.

Obviously it was money to be used to bribe a poultry inspector.

Now I guess they are just going to have to kill and eat him.

/Good people, good chicken

Hmmmm



Just made that one myself...

College student steals briefcase with $140k in cash from Tyson Foods exec. More importantly, what was he doing with a briefcase with $140k in cash?

Hooker and blow. What else is there to do with $140k?

cliffy: Why am I getting visions of a future discussion about hamburgers, a bald man looking like a biatch, and paraphrased biblical text from Ezekiel.

Good drugs?
Getting ready for church?
i dunno

The money was a payment to family of the chicken that tried to cross the road, but got hit.

So, why did he have that money? This looks like a job for...

But shouldn't he have to prove that he came buy the money legitimately? How do we know he didn't get it selling drugs? The police should 'confiscate' it until he can prove where he got it.

Obviously he wanted the diamond encrusted HotWheels car listed yesterday.

Another kid being a dumbass, throwing a party in their parent's house while the parents are gone. If I had teenage kids, I'd be sure to have somebody watch the house if I had to leave for the weekend.

Beavertails: Has I known that subby would have been greenlit, I would have spent more time on a far better joke.

Are you one of those people that only cleans up the house if there are guests coming over? :)

cliffy: Why am I getting visions of a future discussion about hamburgers, a bald man looking like a biatch, and paraphrased biblical text from Ezekiel.

That IS a tasty burger.

Just delivering walk-around money for the Clinton campaign. Google Tyson Foods and Clinton and you'll see what I mean.

Well he said it was hidden. Maybe it's for emergencies. I have family members that have hidden money in case of emergencies. Not that much, but they aren't the chairman of Tyson foods either.

Oh well, I imagine that the people who lost their jobs in Kansas would like to know.

He was probably gonna use that money to bribe some politician into amending the environmental laws so he can dump the chicken shiat from his packing plant in the rivers.

The problem is, that most politicians just can't resist that sweet, sweet money, even though it generally goes against the interest on the people he supposedly represents. Even though most politicians a richer beyond most people's imaginations, they still want more! more! more!

Case in point: DMCA.

Fark politicians and their lobbyist masters up the ass with a rusty chainsaw.

He was heading to the NY Yankees for a trade that involves chicken dogs, chicken twists (replacing pretzels), alcoholic chicken instead of beer and a man named Costanza.

"What was he..." The college student or the exec? Subby fails teh grammar? Unpossible!

More importantly, what was he doing with a briefcase with $140k in cash?

Who cares? It's nobody's business but his. No more than it is anybody's business if you have $1000 or $5000 on you. Or even $140,000. Unless it can be shown that it was involved in some illegal transaction, it's his own damn business, period.

The payoff on Hilary's last 1400.00 "investment" after one year.

Their first round trade for George Costanza just fell through.

I agree that it is his money and he can keep it in a suitcase in his house if he wants. However, the cynical side of me is torn between "campaign contribution" and "weekend away from the wife."

/probably campaign contribution

This is is so funny! Reminds of some of some of the stories one used to hear about John's daddy, Don. All mean-spirited rumors.

Cocaine-stuffed Cornish Hens (recipe follows), kept college cuties, concrete-filled covertibles (no recipe), etc., etc.

Day_Old_Dutchie: Fark politicians and their lobbyist masters up the ass with a rusty chainsaw.

Make it a nicely oiled and finely tuned chainsaw. Otherwise, you won't be able to start it.

/Chainsaws are the curmudgeon of the power tool world...

TommyymmoT: panfried: It was the payroll for the illegals, duh.
==============
I seriously don't think you're that far off the mark.

During the May 1st "immigrant" strike, Tyson closed most of their plants, supposedly out of a sense of "solidarity".

Yeah, sure, lets lose a few million dollars today, because we're a bunch of swell guys.
Fact is, most of their work force consists of illegals.


If most of their work force really does consist of illegals - or even a significant portion of it - they really didn't have a choice BUT to close. I mean, who was going to process all those chickens?

Headline from yesterday...........

$140,000 Hot Wheels is most expensive toy car ever, shows how pointless human existence is

/coincidence?