They forgot the deeply touching 'Too Drunk To fark' by the Dead Kennedys. 'American Nightmare' by the Misfits is another charming little ditty.

"Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty Of Infidelity" Type O Negative

You had cock on your mind
And cum on your breath
Inserted that diaphragm before you left
Practicing freelance gynecology
Where there's a womb there's a way
With you it's for free

Slut
Whore
coont

How about "Crazy biatch" by Buckcherry?

Yeah, you're crazy biatch, but you fark so good I'm on top of it

We need to celebrate nasty, obsessive sex with women with borderline personalities on Valentine's Day too.

Subby forgot to mention that the list is of 80's songs, not the most unromantic ever.

Don't Go Away Mad? Or did Dr. Feelgood come out in 1990?

/yes, I realize i could look it up. Just don't feel like it.

Kaiser Chieftess: Don't Go Away Mad? Or did Dr. Feelgood come out in 1990?

/yes, I realize i could look it up. Just don't feel like it.

'89.

Broken Logic:
'89.

Thanks. It should be on the list, then.

This Love - PanterA

And oldie but worth a laugh. So angry and dumb. Poor Phil.

/check out DOWN - note the difference in style/voice...a world away
//big fan of PanterA and DOWN...

When we expand this to include songs not from the 80's I would like to add Static-X's "Love Dump."

I was asked at the last minute to be a groomsman in a wedding by a new buddy from work when a friend had to drop out .... this was mid-90's. We were work friends and he was a great guy, but I didn't know him very long (like 6 or 9 months), so it was a bit awkward, but I understood his bind and always respected the honor of being asked to be in a wedding. Well, this dude is from Jersey and they rented a tour bus for the wedding party instead of limos and the tuxes and bridesmaids' dresses were kinda tacky (no polite way to put it), but whatever, it was a good time on the bus.

Then he tells me right before we come into the reception that not only did he talk his wife into entering to Guns N' Roses November Rain (by a wedding band, no less), but as a trade off to letting here pick some Shania Twain song for their first dance, she allowed him to have the wedding band play I Used To Love Her by G n' R. Seriously. Like, not as a joke. They danced to it. She was rolling here eyes and he had this "YES! Can you f*cking believe I'm getting to dance to I Used To Love Her But I Had To Kill Her at my f*cking wedding!?!?!" look on his face.

It was disturbing to say the least.

How about this little ballad from Anthrax?

It was released in 91, so it's a little out of date for the article, but still fits.

Necromancing- Gnarls Barkley

Uh huh, wake up, wake up, wake up
Don't wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
Uh huh, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
It's naughty, very naughty necrophilia
Without a care I'm compassionate about killing her
I'd have my way with what's left of the will in her
Cosmopolitans, and cocaine, and an occasional pill in her
When she spoke I saw a spark, but it was dark so
I drove her home when she died, sexy suicide
Sweet nothings for the numb, you feel where I'm coming from?
Have no fear, everything's fine, my girl parties all the time
Did you hear what I said? With this ring I thee wed
A body in my bed, she was cool when I met her
But I think I like her better dead

The production is progressive, but the reason is retro
The chords are cold-blooded murder, I named it neo-necro
I whispered in her ear to hear an echo, echo-co-co
I keep her - it's cheaper - I love too much to let go
We discussed over dinner how she would die before the day was done
So I've caught her just in time to have a little fun
And you could use a little sun
So scream and holler, run and play
Wish you could die another day
I'm glad to say that I've
Done what I could to revive
My softer side survived
Damn, that shiat was all right, when she was alive
Ha ha ha...

Harry Nilsson's "You're Breaking My Heart."

"You're breaking my heart/you're tearing it apart/so f*ck you"

Full song here.

Don't call me at work again
I know the boss still hates me
I'm just tired
and I don't love you anymore
and there's a restaurant we should check out
where the other nightmare people like to go
I mean nice people
baby wait,
I didn't mean to say nightmare.

Turn down the lights, open a bottle of fine wine, give her a dozen roses and cue up the Fear song, "Strangulation".

You will get soooooooo laid.

Par Avion - Mike and the Mechanics (and for some reason, Starsky & Hutch)

She's Already Made Up Her Mind - Lyle Lovett

Tip of My Tongue - John Hiatt

"Anthrax" by Gang of Four

needs more of these

some i can be bothered finding lyrics for
lush - Ciao
Together:
Ive been so happy since I walked away
I never thought that I could
Feel as great as I do today
cause you were nothing but a big mistake
And life is wonderful, now that Im rid of you

Jarvis:
Oh I mustve been crazy to have stayed with you
I cant believe I thought I was in love with you
But now the scales have fallen, I can really see
And I say go to hell, cause thats where you took me

Miki:
Well, Ive felt better since I slammed that door
You always cramped my style, I never noticed before
Its been a non-stop party since I flew the coop
I cant believe I fell for such a loser like you

Jarvis:
And is it any wonder that I felt so blue
When I was always having to put up with you

Miki:
Oh, here we go again, just lay the blame on me
Dont say another word, cause sweetheart, youre history

[jarvis:]
[i bet youre loving every minute of it]
[sitting in your kitchen eating meager meals with the curtains closed]
[while in your bed Im sitting on today]
[i dont give a damn anyway]

Miki:
I know that you miss me really, bet you wish that you still had me
Youll never find someone like me but Ive got no regrets at all

Jarvis:
cause Ive met this girl and shes so good to me
Shes really beautiful, fantastic company
Oh, when Im with her I realise what love can be
cause shes fifty times the person you will ever be

Miki:
Good luck, mister, do you think I care?
Since youve been gone the offers have been everywhere
Ive got a million guys just lining up for me
Ive turned a corner, boy, my life is ecstasy, well

Together:
Ive been in heaven since I walked away
I never thought that I could feel as great as I do today
cause you were nothing but a waste of space
And life is wonderful, now that Im over you

sons and daughters - monsters
Where did you come from?
What have we started?
Maybe I call you a liar
Held in command
Taken by hand
Mistaking the words on the wire
Take me down again
Pull me down again
Take me down and then a a a a a
Don't go and ask your sick little questions
I can't find the cure for desire
If this continues
I'm saving myself
By putting my hands in the fire
What's natural and real
Like monsters we
Like banshees
That's what we've become
There's half a discussion and then we ask
What kind of love we have
You know where the door is
Can't give you myself
Compassions just a word in a dictionary on your shelf
Monogamy to you it seems is just black and blue
All the best psychotic lovers ain't got nothing on you

and some that i cant be bothered to find lyrics for
ben folds -song for the dumped
the coral -waiting for the heartaches
graham coxon- standing on my own again
the wombats- backfire at the disco
the kills -love is a deserter
art brut- people in love
monks- i hate you

Big Black - I'm a Wreck

And the best song that sounds romantic but actually isn't:

More Than Words (new window)

Doesn't surprise me that Phil Collins dominated this list, but I think Thru These Walls might be more a appropriate song for Farkers this Valentine's.

So poppy and catchy, you kinda forget the message....

Train in Vain (Strummer/Jones)

Say you stand by your man
Tell me something I dont understand
You said you love me and thats a fact
Then you left me, said you felt trapped

Well some things you can explain away
But my heartaches in me till this day

Chorus
Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way

All the times
When we were close
Ill remember these things the most
I see all my dreams come tumbling down
I wont be happy without you around

So all alone I keep the wolves at bay
There is only one thing that I can say

Chorus

You must explain why this must be
Did you lie when you spoke to me

Did you stand by me
No, not at all

Now I got a job
But it dont pay
I need new clothes
I need somewhere to stay
But without all these things I can do
But without your love I wont make it through

But you dont understand my point of view
I suppose theres nothing I can do

Chorus

You must explain why this must be
Did you lie when you spoke to me?

Did you stand by me
Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way
Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way

She got the goldmine, I got the shaft by Jerry Reed Link

Just Go Away by Blondie
Every Breath You Take by The Police
Amplifier by The dBs

Fark Her Gently - Tenacious D

"Stop Your Crying" -- Bob Mould. (new window)

Lyrics and delivery FTW. Black Sheets of Rain is one of the angriest albums ever made.

Jack Black - Kick in the Coont

TheBitterest called a good one

And any article with a use of a Replacements' song, let alone two, gets my approval

/should've seen "Whipping Post" on the list, though

Separate Ways is not anti-Valentine's. The dude still loves her, but she wants to be with someone else.

Best Valentine's Day song? Cold Ethyl by Alice Cooper. So romantic it is.

Song for the Dumped by Ben Folds Five
Baby Biatch by Ween
You F***ed Up by Ween

Animal by WASP

I got pictures of naked ladies
Lying on their beds
I whiff that smell and sweet convulsion
Starts a-Swelling inside my head
I'm making artificial lovers for free
I start to howl I'm in heat
I moan and growl and the hunt drives me crazy
I fark like a Beast

Chorus:
I come round, round i come feel your love
Tie you down, down i come steal your love
I come round, round i come feel your love
Tie you down, down i come steal your love

I'm on the prowl and i watch you closely
I lie waiting for you
I'm the wolf with the sheepsskins clothing
I lick my chops and your tasting good
I do whatever i want to, to ya
I'll nail your ass to the sheets
A pelvic thrust and the sweat starts to sting ya
I fark like a beast

Repeat Chorus

Come ride, savage seduction
Ride, ride, ride

Repeat Chorus

I don't believe in love
I never have, I never will
I don't believe in love
It's never worth, the pain that you feel....

I think just about any Combat Wounded Veteran song is less romantic then the ones on that list, if we are sticking with 80's the first Napalm Death album or any Crass record would be impossible to hump to.

Upgraded myself to single from "It's complicated" yesterday, so I'm getting kick from these replies.

Dirty Love - Frank Zappa

One More Minute (new window)

"Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits?
i'm not sure if that qualifies or not...

a lovestruck romeo sings a streetsuss serenade
laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade
says something like you and me babe how about it?

juliet says hey it's romeo you nearly gimme a heart attack
he's underneath the window she's singing hey la my boyfriend's back
you shoudn't come around here singing up at people like that
anyway what you gonna do about it?

juliet the dice were loaded from the start
and i bet and you exploded in my heart
and i forget i forget the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong juliet?

come up on different streets they both were streets of shame
both dirty both mean yes and the dream was just the same
and i dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real
how can you look at me as i was just another one of your deals?

when you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold
you can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
you promised me everything you promised me thick and thin
now you just say oh romeo yeah you know i used to have a scene with him

juliet when we made love you used to cry
you said i love you like the stars above i'll love you till i die
there's a place for us you know the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?

i can't do the talk like they talking on the tv
and i can't do a love song like the way its meant to be
i can't do everything but i'd do anything for you
i can't do anything except be in love with you

and all i do is miss you and the way we used to be
all i do is keep the beat and bad company
all i do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme
julie i'd do the stars with you any time

juliet when we made love you used to cry
you said i love you like the stars above i'll love you till i die
there's a place for us you know the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?

a lovestruck romeo sings a streetsuss serenade
laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade
says something like you and me babe how about it?

"Sex Kills" - Joni Mitchell. That's from '94, though.

I wanna f*ck myself

by GG ALLAN


I pull my pud until it bleeds
i masturbate on toilet seats
no love can give me satisfaction
so i f*uck my fist in a rage of passion

coz i want to f*** myself
i want to f *** myself
x2

and nobody else!

Actually GG ALLIN also has:

"Suck my ass it smells"
and

"last in line for the gang bang"

*** my personal fave title for this here contest

Well if we stay in the 80's, we can add:

The Breakup Song - Greg Kihn Band
Love on Your Side - Thompson Twins
Tired of Toein' the Line - Rocky Burnett
Love Over Gold - Dire Straits
Drive - The Cars
Modern Love - David Bowie

/all I can think of off the top of my head

I would like to add "No Children" by the Mountain Goats:

I hope that our few remaining friends
Give up on trying to save us
I hope we come up with a failsafe plot
To piss off the dumb few that forgave us
I hope the fences we mended
Fall down beneath their own weight
And I hope we hang on past the last exit
I hope it's already too late
And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
Someday burns down
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away
And I never come back to this town
Again in my life
I hope I lie
And tell everyone you were a good wife
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow
I hope it bleeds all day long
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises
We're pretty sure they're all wrong
I hope it stays dark forever
I hope the worst isn't over
And I hope you blink before I do
Yeah I hope I never get sober
And I hope when you think of me years down the line
You can't find one good thing to say
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out
You'd stay the hell out of my way
I am drowning
There is no sign of land
You are coming down with me
Hand in unlovable hand
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

That last is pretty darn good, pretty good songs too except for one or two.

Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl,
but she doesn't have a lot to say
Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl
but she changes from day to day

I want to tell her that I love her a lot
But I gotta get a bellyful of wine
Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl
Someday I'm going to make her mine, oh yeh,
someday I'm going to make her mine.

This kind of fits.

Cemetery by the Headstones

I got a gal who lives on the wrong side of town
I know what I like and man you know I sure know how
It's the other side, another place
I like it here, no accounting for taste
I can't think of nothing when I'm with her
But the wind and the rain and the cemetery dirt
Went down to the cemetery looking for love
Got there and my baby was buried - I had to dig her up
18,000 miles across nowhere land
I'm scratching and I'm spitting, there ain't nobody listening, and things are kind of getting out of hand
There's only one point that I'd like to make
These kinds of things deteriorate
It's the gospel truth man
And she's embalmed in love juice

YouTube - ZEBRA - "Tell Me What You Want" VIDEO [youtube.com]

thinking "She Swallowed It" along with, well, pretty much any other NWA song should make this list

EatHam: "Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty Of Infidelity" Type O Negative

You had cock on your mind
And cum on your breath
Inserted that diaphragm before you left
Practicing freelance gynecology
Where there's a womb there's a way
With you it's for free

Slut
Whore
coont

I hate you for beating me to this. best 12 min song ever

Fark Me with a Chainsaw: I don't believe in love
I never have, I never will
I don't believe in love
It's never worth, the pain that you feel....

Such a MUCH better song than what was stuck in my head earlier.

HappyHarryHardOn: I wanna f*ck myself

by GG ALLAN


I pull my pud until it bleeds
i masturbate on toilet seats
no love can give me satisfaction
so i f*uck my fist in a rage of passion

coz i want to f*** myself
i want to f *** myself
x2

and nobody else!

Watch me Kill, Watch me kill the Boston Girl...