If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
Fark SearchWeb Fark

         more options... Create account

(Dayton Daily News) Hero What do you call a wrestler with no legs, forearms, or hands? Champ   (daytondailynews.com) divider line 119
More: Hero  
•       •       •

22173 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Feb 2008 at 4:19 PM   |  Make this a Fark FavoriteFavorite    |   share: Share on OMGTWITTER WEB2.0share on StumbleUponshare on Facebook  more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!

119 Comments   (+0 »)


Archived thread
First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
Bob Ondeeznuts 2008-02-10 12:38:35 PM  
Matt?

 
BizarreRecords 2008-02-10 12:44:52 PM  
Bob Ondeeznuts
Matt?

thread over.

 
EvelFarknievel 2008-02-10 01:02:53 PM  
If you didn't have shoulders you could never be pinned, right?

 
EvelFarknievel 2008-02-10 01:04:15 PM  
static.zooomr.com

 
EvelFarknievel 2008-02-10 01:05:44 PM  
In fairness, he looks like he means business.

www.bizzyblog.com

 
Doctor Funkenstein [TotalFark] 2008-02-10 01:38:33 PM  
Damn. I kind of feel bad for his opponents. If you win, everyone will be like, "Nice job, asshat, you just beat up on Stumpy McAppendageless. Way to go, tough guy." And if you lose, it's all, "Ha Ha! That kid beat you with his forehead. You suck." Damned if you do, damned if you don't. And WTF is the coach supposed to tell his guy before sending him to battle this? "Hey, see that guy who's pulling himself onto the mat with his lips? Go kick his ass."

 
nobozo 2008-02-10 01:48:01 PM  
Take Down - 2 points, oh wait...

/ Near Fall - 3 points, oh wait...

 
Kome [TotalFark] 2008-02-10 03:34:43 PM  
I'm kind of surprised more wrestlers aren't shying away from matches with him. Fighting a cripple, even one that can fight back, has got to be kinda of weird.

I'm all for carrying on the illusion that people with handicaps want to be treated normally, but some things just go too far. Golfing with no hands is one thing, man-to-man physical violence is quite another.

And seriously, how is he supposed to perform a UFIA with no hands? This whole thing is madness, I tells ya.

 
skinink 2008-02-10 04:21:34 PM  
Ah, another opponent to earn Brock Lesnar a cool half a mil!

 
bonecows 2008-02-10 04:21:53 PM  
SUPER DRAGON! CLAP CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!

/got nuthing

 
ne2d [TotalFark] 2008-02-10 04:24:46 PM  
The first sentence of TFA:

LONDON, Ohio - On what so far was the biggest day of his high school life, Dustin Carter woke up with the flu and all the diarrhea and dehydration that comes with it.

Seriously, WTF?

 
Broadcastdave [TotalFark] 2008-02-10 04:26:57 PM  
Thats a good story...I hope more five year old contract blood disorders.

 
WolfinPHX 2008-02-10 04:28:52 PM  
Bob Ondeeznuts: Matt?

WINNER!

 
Doctor Funkenstein [TotalFark] 2008-02-10 04:29:08 PM  
If he was in China, they would make him ride horses at the zoo.

 
fn129 2008-02-10 04:33:37 PM  
Join the swim team and he would be Bob.

 
Triaxis 2008-02-10 04:34:41 PM  
What do you call a wrestler with no legs, forearms, or hands? Champ Chum.

FTFY

 
thepersonalgoddess [TotalFark] 2008-02-10 04:35:12 PM  
ne2d: The first sentence of TFA:

LONDON, Ohio - On what so far was the biggest day of his high school life, Dustin Carter woke up with the flu and all the diarrhea and dehydration that comes with it.

Seriously, WTF?


This made no sense in the news story. I don't think his diarrhea was needed to be discussed. It is like "Don't pin him down, he might squirt!"

 
Farkinson's Disease 2008-02-10 04:35:40 PM  
I wrestled a kid in high school who had some disorder where he was crippled, had to have leg braces and was unable to walk without those crazy crutches that clasp around your arms.

He was strong as a motherfarker, too. I felt bad beating him, but I tried to wrestle him on his own terms (you know, no exploiting the fact that he had basically no lower half). It was as much a mental battle as anything.

/took second in the tournament
//Sorry, Kev.

 
Stupid Floppy Clownshoes 2008-02-10 04:36:22 PM  
Hang him up on the wall and he'd be Art.

 
kilgorn 2008-02-10 04:36:42 PM  
You say Wrestle..I say Russell

 
Gleemax 2008-02-10 04:37:26 PM  
Triaxis: What do you call a wrestler with no legs, forearms, or hands? Champ Chum.

FTFY


winner

 
Fool_Marquis 2008-02-10 04:38:18 PM  
I think the guy is winning because other people have to come to terms with Body Horror while wrestling him. He's got a major psychological advantage.

Also, he should totally get some prosthetics.

 
Stupid Floppy Clownshoes 2008-02-10 04:39:15 PM  
Reminds me of a one-armed, one-legged girl on our high school debate team. Ilene. She was tough.

 
Strobeguy 2008-02-10 04:39:47 PM  
If this gives you a warm fuzzy, try this hotlink:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6cOp6EDFlI

/my bad

 
Shrinkwrap 2008-02-10 04:40:19 PM  
That's when a chorus of prayers, skilled doctors and a little boy's spirit combined to make that miracle. Although his limbs were amputated, Dustin survived.

I wonder which part had the biggest effect?

 
Juniper Jupiter [recently expired TotalFark] 2008-02-10 04:40:39 PM  
Gimp?

I guess I can be a dick, too.

 
WriteInCandidate 2008-02-10 04:41:17 PM  
What do you call a wrestler with no legs, forearms, or hands?
Not to nitpick, doesn't the lack of forearms imply a lack of hands?

"I saw a man with wooden legs and real feet."

 
Ceph 2008-02-10 04:42:55 PM  
Shrinkwrap: I wonder which part had the biggest effect?

Prayer, definitely. The chorus praying has more of an effect than individuals prayers praying out of tune. It's a scientific fact that God is not tone deaf, to the dismay of Johnny.

 
Theaetetus 2008-02-10 04:43:56 PM  
Fool_Marquis: I think the guy is winning because other people have to come to terms with Body Horror while wrestling him. He's got a major psychological advantage.

That, plus he's wrestling in a lower weight class than he would be in based on torso size... Figure if he had legs and arms, he'd probably be around 180 instead of 103.

 
GoldenMetalRaven 2008-02-10 04:45:05 PM  
www.intriguing.com

 
coolmanjack 2008-02-10 04:45:42 PM  
I like that they specified he has no hands AND no forearms. Unlike all those people with hands but missing forearms. Like Rayman.

 
182 2008-02-10 04:46:48 PM  
Bob Ondeeznuts: Matt?

DAMN! I was going to say, "love seat".

 
bikerific 2008-02-10 04:46:52 PM  
As a former wrestler:

going up against this guy is a no-win situation.

You can hardly claim it is not fair, but wrestling is all about weight distribution. 90% of getting under your opponent and applying leverage. How do you get under this guy?

How do you get a takedown? He's already down. Basically, you have run around behind him.

What do you attack? Arm drag? Nope. Single leg takedown? Nope. How do you turn him? Arm bar? Nope.

And horrible though it sounds, this guy is a very compact 103 pounds. Your average 103-pounder is pretty splindy. He ain't moving this brick.

I'm not saying he shouldn't do it, but it shouldn't be all that surprising he does well.

 
TheHappyCanadian 2008-02-10 04:49:51 PM  
What do you call a wrestler with no legs, forearms, or hands?

"the Hillsboro High senior captain found a bottle of Imodium in the medicine chest, didn't read the warnings and wolfed down three times the prescribed dosage."

a drug abuser?

 
VushtrriBoy 2008-02-10 04:51:41 PM  
I suppose this would be a bad time for me to talk about how bad this headcold feels,...

 
I'm No Saint 2008-02-10 04:53:09 PM  
bonecows: SUPER DRAGON! CLAP CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!

/got nuthing


THIS IS AWESOME! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!

 
Farkin'round 2008-02-10 04:55:02 PM  
Armless/legless cab driver unavailable for comment:

www.bookcaseangel.com

 
Open_Mouth_Inert_Foot 2008-02-10 04:56:07 PM  
the son of the black knight
does he taunt his opponents?


It's just a flesh wound!

/i'd like an exit seat please

 
Enrico Pallazzo 2008-02-10 04:58:44 PM  
GoldenMetalRaven

Stop reading my thoughts

 
lcmino 2008-02-10 05:01:59 PM  
There is actually another fighting torso out there too, I saw him compete in NAGA in '05 it was really pretty cool, I heard the guy also held some kind of record for most bench press reps at 250 lbs or something. Overcoming adversity kicks ass.

 
SpeedRacerX 2008-02-10 05:02:16 PM  
BizarreRecords: Bob Ondeeznuts
Matt?

thread over.


Yes, but it would have been better if he had modified the storied joke and used Wrestling Matt.

 
Dire [recently expired TotalFark] 2008-02-10 05:03:46 PM  
EvelFarknievel: In fairness, he looks like he means business.

www.bizzyblog.com



In fairness, he gives me flashbacks to Poltergeist II

 
moothemagiccow 2008-02-10 05:04:11 PM  
Well what the fark do you call a wrestler with hands but no forearms?

 
uatuba 2008-02-10 05:06:01 PM  
I'd call him farker.

That's like asking:

"What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms or legs?"

"attractive and successful African-American, attractive and successful African-American, attractive and successful African-American."

/I know the filter will get me on this, but you get the point.

 
pvd021 2008-02-10 05:11:17 PM  
I call him a sitting duck.

 
blazemongr 2008-02-10 05:11:22 PM  
I detest this prejudicial treatment of physical amputees as successful athletes in the news. Where are all the articles about lobotomy patients who go on to become physicists?

 
bingo the psych-o 2008-02-10 05:11:31 PM  
moothemagiccow: Well what the fark do you call a wrestler with hands but no forearms?

Thing?

 
blazemongr 2008-02-10 05:12:33 PM  
moothemagiccow: Well what the fark do you call a wrestler with hands but no forearms?

Maybe they grafted them back onto his elbows.

 
blazemongr 2008-02-10 05:13:17 PM  
Stupid Floppy Clownshoes: Hang him up on the wall and he'd be Art.

Unless he's in the bathroom, then he'd be called John.

 
endlessoul 2008-02-10 05:14:16 PM  
This thread is full of win.

The article, however, is not.

 
Displayed 50 of 119 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all


[Continue Farking]