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(USA Today) Florida News: lawyer charged with assault. Fark: after shaking hands with federal prosecutor   (blogs.usatoday.com) divider line 62
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62 Comments   (+0 »)


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kidsizedcoffin 2008-02-09 07:01:14 PM  
I bet he gave the prosecutor the stink palm.

 
Farkinson's Disease 2008-02-09 07:01:16 PM  
I'm surprised it wasn't for sucking the blood out of his neck.

 
Bucky Katt [TotalFark] 2008-02-09 07:02:38 PM  
must have been his vice-like grip

 
ATTENTION 2008-02-09 07:03:17 PM  
Catfight!

What, no pics?

 
Bucky Katt [TotalFark] 2008-02-09 07:03:31 PM  
Bucky Katt: must have been his her vice-like grip

FTFM

 
Megain [TotalFark] 2008-02-09 07:03:39 PM  
kidsizedcoffin: I bet he gave the prosecutor the stink palm.

Farkinson's Disease: I'm surprised it wasn't for sucking the blood out of his neck.

~sigh~

 
Bucky Katt [TotalFark] 2008-02-09 07:04:17 PM  
ATTENTION: Catfight!

What, no pics?


meow

 
mrtursiops 2008-02-09 07:04:38 PM  
Both were women.

 
kilgorn 2008-02-09 07:05:07 PM  
Kathy Brewer Rentas is accused of shaking hands too vigorously with Assistant U.S. Attorney Jennifer Keene, following a hearing involving Rentas' husband.

CATFIGHT!

/with robes

 
THAT BABY ATE MY DINGO! 2008-02-09 07:05:17 PM  
I like the way they linked Business Etiquette for Dummies at the end! lol

 
Denial_of_Death 2008-02-09 07:05:35 PM  
Approves of firm handshakes:

i15.photobucket.com

 
pedanticmofo 2008-02-09 07:07:35 PM  
Two women. Figures.

 
Prof_Moriarity 2008-02-09 07:08:19 PM  
Kathy Brewer Rentas is accused of shaking hands too vigorously with Assistant U.S. Attorney Jennifer Keene, following a hearing involving Rentas' husband.

Hmm. The larger story sounds even better. Why was he in court?

"Keene did not shake Brewer's hand at first

Let it go, biatch.

but Brewer insisted that she do so

biatch, she's telling you to let it go.

and continued to follow Keene,"

All in all, it sounds like you're a social retard, or you were provoking her, or both. You're probably lucky she didn't pop you in the mouth. She's gonna get off because you certainly sound like the aggressor, and I hope her husband wasn't up on anything serious because you probably just farked that case up too.

Way to go, stupid.

 
Dear Jerk 2008-02-09 07:08:44 PM  
By posting a comment, you affirm that you are 13 years of age or older.

I had the 6-yr-old next door leave a comment. He'll thank me when he's 14 and needs to buy some beer.

 
kidsizedcoffin 2008-02-09 07:09:17 PM  
Megain: kidsizedcoffin: I bet he gave the prosecutor the stink palm.

Farkinson's Disease: I'm surprised it wasn't for sucking the blood out of his neck.

~sigh~


Sorry, read the article, but I guess I didn't pay enough attention to gender.

 
bighairyguy [TotalFark] 2008-02-09 07:09:39 PM  
Bucky Katt: must have been his vice-like grip

Miami vice?

 
jnorris441 2008-02-09 07:11:18 PM  
Oh God, she made not just an UPWARD but DOWNWARD motion as well?????? Throw that biatch in jail.

 
Spenser 2008-02-09 07:12:03 PM  
I want to see you two women in my chambers at once.

 
TX-Law 2008-02-09 07:12:25 PM  
West's F.S.A. § 784.011
(That's Florida Statutes Annon
784.011. Assault
(1) An "assault" is an intentional, unlawful threat by word or act to do violence to the person of another, coupled with an apparent ability to do so, and doing some act which creates a well-founded fear in such other person that such violence is imminent.

Simple "assault" is an intentional unlawful threat by word or act to do violence to the person of another coupled with an apparent ability to do so, and doing some act which creates a well-founded fear of such violence being done. State v. Wilson, 276 So.2d 45 (1973)

I'll leave you all to it.


/I love Westlaw.

 
Prof_Moriarity 2008-02-09 07:12:49 PM  
bighairyguy: Bucky Katt: must have been his vice-like grip

Miami vice?


Well done.

 
tomhath 2008-02-09 07:15:07 PM  
Prof_Moriarity Kathy Brewer Rentas is accused of shaking hands too vigorously with Assistant U.S. Attorney Jennifer Keene, following a hearing involving Rentas' husband.
...
She's gonna get off because you certainly sound like the aggressor, and I hope her husband wasn't up on anything serious because you probably just farked that case up too.


You have it backwards. The US Attorney (Keene) walked away, but the defendant's wife (Brewer Rentas) grabbed her and tried a take down move.

 
Farkinson's Disease 2008-02-09 07:20:31 PM  
Sorry megain, did not RTFA.

 
Killer Miller 2008-02-09 07:21:17 PM  
TX-Law: West's F.S.A. § 784.011
(That's Florida Statutes Annon
784.011. Assault
(1) An "assault" is an intentional, unlawful threat by word or act to do violence to the person of another, coupled with an apparent ability to do so, and doing some act which creates a well-founded fear in such other person that such violence is imminent.

Simple "assault" is an intentional unlawful threat by word or act to do violence to the person of another coupled with an apparent ability to do so, and doing some act which creates a well-founded fear of such violence being done. State v. Wilson, 276 So.2d 45 (1973)

I'll leave you all to it.


/I love Westlaw.


Looks to me like this will be a Federal offense, not a charge under Florida law. The alleged assault took place against a Federal prosecutor on Federal property.

 
tripperday 2008-02-09 07:23:31 PM  
tomhath: The US Attorney (Keene) walked away, but the defendant's wife (Brewer Rentas) grabbed her and tried a take down move.

Yup. It does sound a bit like assault. Pressing charges isn't the most honorable (there's a better word there, but I don't feel like thinking of it) move, but attorneys aren't really known for being honorable, right?

 
Prof_Moriarity 2008-02-09 07:27:49 PM  
tomhath: You have it backwards. The US Attorney (Keene) walked away, but the defendant's wife (Brewer Rentas) grabbed her and tried a take down move.

Do I?

*Reads TFA again.*

DOH. Thanks. I know I shouldn't post when I'm drunk. Apparently that goes for a hundred and three degree fever as well.

 
Richard Pye 2008-02-09 07:29:02 PM  
Is this the stupidest thing to ever happen?

 
tomhath 2008-02-09 07:46:49 PM  
tripperday Pressing charges isn't the most honorable (there's a better word there, but I don't feel like thinking of it) move, but attorneys aren't really known for being honorable, right?

I think the assault charge is justified. It was an intimidation move, like giving someone a shove or spitting on them. Assault doesn't mean you injured the person.

 
RoyBatty 2008-02-09 07:49:25 PM  
Brewer Rentas, 49, of Pembroke Pines, went to court Thursday morning for a hearing involving her husband, Anthony Rentas, who is on federal probation for distributing cocaine in New York.

 
RoyBatty 2008-02-09 07:52:14 PM  
This guy
thinks the handshaker is this chick

Kathy E. Rentas


www.becker-poliakoff.com

 
EMCGuy 2008-02-09 07:52:36 PM  
God farking almighty. This is what's wrong with our legal system. So the chick was a biatch and nearly took you down while shaking hands. So farking what? Get the fark back to work and ignore it.

If you can't deal with something like this without bringing the law into it, you are not a real human being. At most you are a subhuman simulacrum that has learned a few basic activities.

 
CygnusDarius [TotalFark] 2008-02-09 07:54:56 PM  
www.threepanelsoul.com

 
33mhz 2008-02-09 07:56:54 PM  
Good. I hate douchebags who handshake like they're out to break bones.

 
tomhath 2008-02-09 08:05:51 PM  
EMCGuy God farking almighty. This is what's wrong with our legal system. So the chick was a biatch and nearly took you down while shaking hands. So farking what? Get the fark back to work and ignore it.

It wasn't a handshake, and this wasn't a couple of guys roughing it up in a bar or out on a loading dock. She walked up to the prosecuting attorney after her husband's sentencing and assaulted her. She deserves jail time as much as her drug dealer husband.

 
Richard_Gozinia 2008-02-09 08:08:02 PM  
Beeyotch Just Keepin' it Real

 
kilgorn 2008-02-09 08:14:26 PM  
Richard Pye
Is this the stupidest thing to ever happen?

Close...I once sat down with the toilet seat up...

/once

 
lawboy87 2008-02-09 08:16:12 PM  
Some of you are missing TX-Laws point.

"Assault" in most jurisdictions is the "threat of force."

When it advances from assault to actual contact and use of force, it is then "Battery."

Two separate and distinct criminal acts.

I throw a punch at you, but miss = Assault

I throw a punch at you and connect = Battery

 
blustar 2008-02-09 08:16:54 PM  
OH MY not Flordia again!I truly belive you can get arrested for anything in that state. I was, spitting on the sidewalk. Daytona bikeweek. $150.smackaroos.

 
kbarham 2008-02-09 08:28:44 PM  
RoyBatty: This guy
thinks the handshaker is this chick

Kathy E. Rentas


After seeing the pic, the earlier posters who said "he" might not have been wrong.

 
Spenser 2008-02-09 08:38:59 PM  
...so Hagatha kicked off her shoes and pulled her skirt up over her ass and said "C'mon, biatch, you think you can handle some 'o dis?"

And TyLoya swung her arms like a helicopter and nailed her upside that big ugly head 'o hers, with that big silver metal briefcase she carries, which contains about a hundred files and all sorts of other junk, her laptop, you know all the shiat she carries...

Yeah.

...Right, so she slams dat briefcase off her head, knocked her the fook out, dawg. Cold, and you know what?

What?

She kept right on walkin. Spun in a circle like dat, wham, kept on goin', didn't miss a step.

 
Smellvin 2008-02-09 08:39:35 PM  
CygnusDarius: Some guy my dad worked with when I was about eight did that to me.

/Feeling the need to "win" a handshake with an eight-year-old makes you an extra-asshole.

 
TX-Law 2008-02-09 08:41:39 PM  
lawboy87: Some of you are missing TX-Laws point.

"Assault" in most jurisdictions is the "threat of force."

When it advances from assault to actual contact and use of force, it is then "Battery."

Two separate and distinct criminal acts.

I throw a punch at you, but miss = Assault

I throw a punch at you and connect = Battery


Thanks, lawboy. I'm glad someone understand what I'm saying given the ridiculous amount of money I'm paying for my "education"

I was thinking about IRAC-ing the whole thing, but I don't think it would get me very far with the Farkers.

 
flacidbob 2008-02-09 09:14:13 PM  
When I read the headline I was thought "Well dang maybe FL is as bad as it seems". Then I RTFA and it dawned on me that subby is moron.

 
Gyrfalcon [TotalFark] 2008-02-09 09:17:26 PM  
I'm willing to put up some seed money to dig that canal along the Florida/Georgia border, put up a double row of concertina wire, and lay down the first quarter-mile of land mines, in order to isolate that pathetic excuse for a state we call Florida.

We could use some of the less-intelligent soldiers the Army's been accepting lately as border patrol, to save the smart ones for Iraq. Sound like a plan?

 
fark2105 [TotalFark] 2008-02-09 09:22:19 PM  
I can't stand a wimpy handshake. Makes me feel icky.

 
aCiD99 2008-02-09 09:30:20 PM  
TX-Law: I was thinking about IRAC-ing the whole thing, but I don't think it would get me very far with the Farkers.

So help me god if you IRAC this I'll lose my shiat. (Possibly assaulting you.)

/Is IRAC-ing a response to a motion to dismiss right now.

 
Geekette [TotalFark] 2008-02-09 09:34:17 PM  
I just came here to say thank you to Florida for another good laugh (and for not making me feel so bad about living in Texas.)

/For the record, I said "not SO bad."

 
Bathia_Mapes [TotalFark] 2008-02-09 09:40:43 PM  
The lawyer...www.pmpnetwork.com

 
Bathia_Mapes [TotalFark] 2008-02-09 09:42:17 PM  
RoyBatty: This guy
thinks the handshaker is this chick

Kathy E. Rentas


That's a man, baby!

 
TX-Law 2008-02-09 09:43:11 PM  
aCiD99: So help me god if you IRAC this I'll lose my shiat. (Possibly assaulting you.)

Issue: Whether Defendant's statements on a internet forum constitute an intentional unlawful threat with apparent ability to act on that threat for the purposes of assault?

Rule: Assault is an intentional unlawful threat by word or act to do violence to the person of another coupled with an apparent ability to do so, and doing some act which creates a well-founded fear of such violence being done.

Analysis: While Defendant's threat to "lose his shiat" was intentional, the threat was conditioned upon the victim's response in IRAC format. According to affadavits the 'victim' stated he was not in any time, afraid of imminent bodily injury. Further, Defendant's threat was neither unlawful nor was the threat able to be carried out by the Defendant.

Conclusion: The Defendant's statement cannot be considered an assault on the basis of lack of present ability to carry out such threat and lack of victim's fear of imminent bodily harm.

 
binkle 2008-02-09 09:55:29 PM  
Man up nancy!


/yeah, i know they were both women. makes it even funnier

 
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