The out-takes from this video were a series of catastrophic pratfalls that were only remedied when an assistant cameraman suggested she remove her gum before she walked on the beach.

Who is Heidi Montag?

wasn't too bad with the sound off........

faxinator: Who is Heidi Montag?

She's a Nobel-winning biochemist and MacArthur Fellow best known for her work on spider silk composition and possible industrial applications.

So, Montag wasn't exactly burning down the house?

/better not be obscure, you illiterates

Much sexier rolling-around-on-the-beach video (new window)

*mute*

She is hot!

Does that woman ever wear anything but bikinis?

(i'm not complaining, i'm genuinely wondering)

I had no idea who she was either...

From here:
Montag really packed a lot into 2007, including a breast augmentation and a nose job. She has also plumped her lips. Sounds like she's been on a real improvement plan. And she has also taken a page out of Paris Hilton's handbook. She attributes her success to her faith. She reports that she is very religious and is reading the Bible, from beginning to end.

All she needs now is a fake tan... I'll pass on plastic woman. Thanks.

I thought she was cool until she dumped Spence. Bros before hoes!

The hours approaching, to give it your best
You've got to reach your prime.
That's when you need to put yourself to the test
And show us a passage of time
Were going to need a montag (montag)
Ooh it takes a montag (montag)

EJ: Does that woman ever wear anything but bikinis?

(i'm not complaining, i'm genuinely wondering)

She is showing off her implants.

In Maxim this month, she (who I don't know for any other reason but because she's in the tabloids) said she was trying to have a long-term singing career, like Stevie Wonder or Michael Jackson.

I think not.

I also don't get the whole fake-boob thing. I'd prefer to be real and small then fake and large (mine aren't small, but I'd be just fine if they were).

Neesie Quote 2008-02-05 12:23:58 PM
EJ: Does that woman ever wear anything but bikinis?

(i'm not complaining, i'm genuinely wondering)

She is showing off her implants.

In Maxim this month, she (who I don't know for any other reason but because she's in the tabloids) said she was trying to have a long-term singing career, like Stevie Wonder or Michael Jackson.

I think not.

I also don't get the whole fake-boob thing. I'd prefer to be real and small then fake and large (mine aren't small, but I'd be just fine if they were).


Boooooo. Now you're just bragging. Show us the monkeys!

I felt very uncomfortable watching this.

thedarkshadow:

Boooooo. Now you're just bragging. Show us the monkeys!

Only my husband "sees the monkeys"! (borderline large C/small D - which is way more than I personally have a use for). If I was an A/B, I certainly wouldn't pay 10k to go larger.

Note to Heidi - when running through the waves, don't constantly crane your neck to stare at the camera. Fakest. Vid. EVAR.

Neesie: I also don't get the whole fake-boob thing. I'd prefer to be real and small then fake and large (mine aren't small, but I'd be just fine if they were).



You see, there's these people, let's call them "men," who like big breasts.

Moses To Sandy Koufax: Neesie: I also don't get the whole fake-boob thing. I'd prefer to be real and small then fake and large (mine aren't small, but I'd be just fine if they were).



You see, there's these people, let's call them "men," who like big breasts.

LIES!!!

JEEBUS THAT WAS shiatE!

/Made it 3 seconds into the video and turned it off
//Boobs are not a substitute for talent
///Sharp Knees

Neesie: I also don't get the whole fake-boob thing. I'd prefer to be real and small then fake and large (mine aren't small, but I'd be just fine if they were).

You felt one pair of fake breasts, you've felt them all the equivalent of a jello mold.

Moses To Sandy Koufax: You see, there's these people, let's call them "men," who like big breasts.

Who said you were a man?

"Heidi Montag put together a homemade music video. The good news is the singer looks hot in a pink bikini. The bad news - her musical talent wasn't apparent"

so in other words pretty much like every other current 'pop idol' out there at the moment

solyhhit: JEEBUS THAT WAS shiatE!

/Made it 3 seconds into the video and turned it off
//Boobs are not a substitute for talent
///Sharp Knees

Now that's where you are wrong!!!

Wow, Britney is looking good these days..

Neesie: I also don't get the whole fake-boob thing. I'd prefer to be real and small then fake and large (mine aren't small, but I'd be just fine if they were).

I think Ms. Montag said at some point that she'd "rather be dead than have small boobs."

Quite a girl.

I think to refer to Heidi Montag as a "singer" would be a stretch. Reality TV Star? Definitely. Singer? Not quiiiite.

solyhhit: Who said you were a man?
I'm not even sure what this is supposed to mean.

dahmers love zombie: So, Montag wasn't exactly burning down the house?

/better not be obscure, you illiterates

You'd think it'd be easier, seeing as it is a pleasure to burn...

Moses To Sandy Koufax: I'm not even sure what this is supposed to mean.

Or apparently intelligent...

People (the magazine) even bashed her, which is saying something as People is arse kisser to the stars. But I guess she really does not qualify as a Star.

Moses To Sandy Koufax: solyhhit: Who said you were a man?
I'm not even sure what this is supposed to mean.

Hey man, it looks like you missed the memo. Solyhhit is TotalFark! Therefore, no need to make any tangible or cohesive arguments. Idiotic or asinine statements by TotalFark members are considered pure brilliance in their pathetic little minds. Sure, these folks may not be able to get laid even with a stack of fifties coming from their zippers, but at least they have authoritive say on what's cool and what's not in pop culture! This also gives them leeway to denigrate the attractiveness of women way out of their leagues on an internet forum. If this prevents these individuals from offing themselves, then it may be a necessary evil. Don't take it personally.

solyhhit: Or apparently intelligent...



Yeah, you're gonna have to dumb it down a shade. I still have no clue what is your point.

tdpatriots12: Neesie: I also don't get the whole fake-boob thing. I'd prefer to be real and small then fake and large (mine aren't small, but I'd be just fine if they were).

I think Ms. Montag said at some point that she'd "rather be dead than have small boobs."

Quite a girl.

She has her priorities straight, obviously.

I understand that men often like big boobs. But fake boobs all seem to look the same. Why not look for a woman with real ones?

Maybe one who can sing, too!

dtirkel: Hey man, it looks like you missed the memo. Solyhhit is TotalFark! Therefore, no need to make any tangible or cohesive arguments. Idiotic or asinine statements by TotalFark members are considered pure brilliance in their pathetic little minds. Sure, these folks may not be able to get laid even with a stack of fifties coming from their zippers, but at least they have authoritive say on what's cool and what's not in pop culture! This also gives them leeway to denigrate the attractiveness of women way out of their leagues on an internet forum. If this prevents these individuals from offing themselves, then it may be a necessary evil. Don't take it personally.
So was he trying to insult me? Really? A guy who wears army pants and has on one of those fundraising bracelets was insulting somebody else? Heh, that's too funny. I thought he was trying to say something about Heidi Montag.

even with the sound off that was excruciatingly painful to watch. she makes pam anderson and Baywatch look realistic.

In the immortal words of Brodie Bruce, "I'm all man, lady!" But in this instance, I have to come down on Neesie's side. I much prefer small and real to big and fake.

Not to say that I don't like big. I'm 100% a breast man and I honestly don't have the words to describe just how much I absolutely adore a massive big pair o' teets; I'm just saying they don't have to be big to be nice. "Quality" and "natural" are more important criteria in my grading scale than "size".

Then again, I have a friend whose philosophy on the matter of fake boobies is expressed as follows: "They're the only kind of real that matters, REAL BIG!". He seems happy, so whatever. Takes different strokes to move the world.

I'd like to explore her fudge tunnel.

Next up - a sex vid and rehab.

/"Just add water and stir"

pics?...anyone?

/do i even need to ask

Dreaded_South: I had no idea who she was either...

From here:
Montag really packed a lot into 2007, including a breast augmentation and a nose job. She has also plumped her lips. Sounds like she's been on a real improvement plan. And she has also taken a page out of Paris Hilton's handbook. She attributes her success to her faith. She reports that she is very religious and is reading the Bible, from beginning to end.

All she needs now is a fake tan... I'll pass on plastic woman. Thanks.

I find that difficult to believe. Most anyone who takes the effort to read the Bible will find it dimishes faith, not improves it.

That said, I had to "Wiki" her name and am still unsure why this person is famous.

So a reality show with no reality from a music station that doesn't play music spawned a singer who can't sing? Makes sense.

solyhhit: JEEBUS THAT WAS shiatE!

/Made it 3 seconds into the video and turned it off
//Boobs are not a substitute for talent
///Sharp Knees

Hey solyhhit, you might want to add another qualification to your resume
/Made it 3 seconds into the video and turned it off (Quick finisher, eh?)
//Boobs are not a substitute for talent
///Sharp Knees
////Am a virgin

dtirkel: solyhhit: JEEBUS THAT WAS shiatE!

/Made it 3 seconds into the video and turned it off
//Boobs are not a substitute for talent
///Sharp Knees

Hey solyhhit, you might want to add another qualification to your resume
/Made it 3 seconds into the video and turned it off (Quick finisher, eh?)
//Boobs are not a substitute for talent
///Sharp Knees
////Am a virgin

How you doin'?

Economypear: dtirkel: solyhhit: JEEBUS THAT WAS shiatE!

/Made it 3 seconds into the video and turned it off
//Boobs are not a substitute for talent
///Sharp Knees

Hey solyhhit, you might want to add another qualification to your resume
/Made it 3 seconds into the video and turned it off (Quick finisher, eh?)
//Boobs are not a substitute for talent
///Sharp Knees
////Am a virgin

How you doin'?

Uhhh...I was referring to solyhhit. Also, I'm a dude. Please stay away from me and my family!

dtirkel: Hey man, it looks like you missed the memo. Solyhhit is TotalFark! Therefore, no need to make any tangible or cohesive arguments. Idiotic or asinine statements by TotalFark members are considered pure brilliance in their pathetic little minds. Sure, these folks may not be able to get laid even with a stack of fifties coming from their zippers, but at least they have authoritive say on what's cool and what's not in pop culture! This also gives them leeway to denigrate the attractiveness of women way out of their leagues on an internet forum. If this prevents these individuals from offing themselves, then it may be a necessary evil. Don't take it personally.

And don't you ever forget it, peon.

Now... the chick is good looking, but needs help in the face department... not that I wouldn't hit it. But really, it's pretty bad when Paris Hilton's video outclasses you. And what was with that background track?

Want a record company's attention? Sleep with a guy who knows what he's doing behind the camera, sleep with a DJ who can actually drop, mix and track the beat on a background mix, and come up with a better premise than "I'm looking hot at the beach". Seriously, there's already beach porn, and you don't have to listen to that terrible music.

Do they make ear bleach?

I enjoyed Body Language...and was actually awaiting the video to see what someone connected with MTV,a whole crapload of money, and celebrity status could do with it. Apparently nothing because she released this piece of @#$% instead. Brilliant career move, Heidi.

Did someone say she dumped Spencer? I thought those were rumors! Props to her for only taking two years to realize he's a toad. Better later than never...now she only has to undo all the 'modifications' he paid for.

/Stars *are* blind