#1 Paint the White House black.

that's an amusing list. But Romney as secretary of lookin' good? Come on. Everybody knows he needs to give that post to Elizabeth Kucinich.

I have no doubt that once the nomination contest is over, I will get the people who voted for her. Now the question is can she get the people who voted for me? - Barack Obama

/nuff said

10. To keep the budget balanced, I'll rent the situation room for sweet sixteens.

9. I will double your tax money at the craps table.

8. Appoint Mitt Romney secretary of lookin' good.

7. If you bring a gator to the White House, I'll wrassle it.

6. I'll put Regis on the nickel.

5. I'll rename the tenth month of the year "Barack-tober."

4. I won't let Apple release the new and improved iPod the day after you bought the previous model.

3. I'll find money in the budget to buy Letterman a decent hairpiece.

2. Pronounce the word nuclear, nuclear.

1. Three words: Vice President Oprah.

I like Obama but that list goes from unfunny to downright scary.

#2 wipe out NASA

"As my first act as President, I will drive this all hybrid motorcade around the Clinton compound to promote better fuel efficiency. I will also mount all cars with air-horns as a lesson about noise pollution. This will continue until I get tired from laughing."

5. I'll rename the tenth month of the year "Barack-tober."

Dane Cook might want a word with him.

Remember when Letterman was funny? Wow, was it that long ago?

SeismicJizzer: I have no doubt that once the nomination contest is over, I will get the people who voted for her. Now the question is can she get the people who voted for me? - Barack Obama

/nuff said

Damn straight.

I like Obama but that list goes from unfunny to downright scary.


I doubt he actually wrote those jokes though...

thisisntnamtherearerules: I like Obama but that list goes from unfunny to downright scary.

"Barack-tober" is golden. C'mon, dude.

#3 was pretty good, too.

IronTom: #2 wipe out NASA

You forgot the "and the IRS" part.

#13: Time spent laughing at the Paultards when their guy draws 7% nationally will become tax-deductible.

SilentStrider: that's an amusing list. But Romney as secretary of lookin' good? Come on. Everybody knows he needs to give that post to Elizabeth Kucinich.

Agreed.

I like Barak-tober. If he gets the nomination, he should use that while campaigning.

Bill Frist: I doubt he actually wrote those jokes though...

of course not. But it is not a joke that he wants to take the majority of funding our of NASA for 5 years in order to fund education, and that seems misguided. NASA and the mission to the Moon and Mars are a major enterprise for our country, and it will provide a lot of inspiration for our students. Can't he get the funding he wants from somewhere else?

Many other countries are vying for their human presence on the Moon and Mars. This effort invigorates our technology, and helps to maintain our position in space technology. This technology has many spinoffs and many of our citizens will benefit from the new technologies, if we only take the initiative. There are also many jobs involved in this effort. Granted, many of these jobs require a high level of skills, but many good jobs require some technological prowess. Many people will contribute, in many different ways. And the industries that these technological advancements will foster will provide many jobs as we again become a spacefaring society.

We want to embrace these technologies and the industries that provide on-shore realizable profits.

i was going to say that it was the lamest "top 10" evar - then I remembered that there is a writers strick....

i was going to say that it was the lamest "top 10" evar - then I remembered that there is a writers strick....

Actually, Letterman's guys made a separate deal so that's his A-material

Hillary Clinton Campaign Ad that will start running tomorrow in South Carolina:

HC: I am Hillary Clinton and I paid for this ad.

Announcer: Barack Obama not only likes Republicans and their ideas he wants one in his cabinet if elected President.

Obama: Appoint Mitt Romney secretary of lookin' good

Announcer: Mitt Romney may be "lookin' good" to you Senator but Hillary Clinton knows that Mitt Romney wants to continue the failed policies of the Republicans and the Bush administration. She wants to bring about real change by appointing a cabinet of unattractive Democrats. Because we can't afford 4 more years of bad ideas no matter how pretty they may be packaged.

IronTom: #2 wipe out NASA

Enough with this crap already.

He talks about delaying ONE nasa program for five years and you all act like he's going to blow up Cape Canaveral. Yeesh.

Highroller48: #13: Time spent laughing at the Paultards when their guy draws 7% nationally will become tax-deductible.

Not that it matters to you, do they even have voting booths under the bridge you live in?

Barak-toberfest!

IronTom: Bill Frist: I doubt he actually wrote those jokes though...

of course not. But it is not a joke that he wants to take the majority of funding our of NASA for 5 years in order to fund education, and that seems misguided. NASA and the mission to the Moon and Mars are a major enterprise for our country, and it will provide a lot of inspiration for our students. Can't he get the funding he wants from somewhere else?

Many other countries are vying for their human presence on the Moon and Mars. This effort invigorates our technology, and helps to maintain our position in space technology. This technology has many spinoffs and many of our citizens will benefit from the new technologies, if we only take the initiative. There are also many jobs involved in this effort. Granted, many of these jobs require a high level of skills, but many good jobs require some technological prowess. Many people will contribute, in many different ways. And the industries that these technological advancements will foster will provide many jobs as we again become a spacefaring society.

We want to embrace these technologies and the industries that provide on-shore realizable profits.


For the love of god, please stop the stupid.

Let me acquaint you with the Parable of the broken window. (new window)

Building a mile high statue of LR Hubbard would also create a lot of jobs and probably help develop new technologies, but that doesn't mean it would be good for the economy make any but a small group of zealots happy. Call me a troll, but the manned space program isn't a hell of a lot different.

Additionally, fixing education will pay dividends for the space program down the road.

2. Pronounce the word nuclear, nuclear.

Semi funny.

The "you can't muss my hair" thing was kinda cute as well.

Is Dave as funny as he used to be? Hell no!

Is Leno funny at all?

TDS/TCR then to bed.

/to bed.

IronTom

of course not. But it is not a joke that he wants to take the majority of funding our of NASA for 5 years in order to fund education, and that seems misguided. NASA and the mission to the Moon and Mars are a major enterprise for our country, and it will provide a lot of inspiration for our students. Can't he get the funding he wants from somewhere else?

Many other countries are vying for their human presence on the Moon and Mars. This effort invigorates our technology, and helps to maintain our position in space technology. This technology has many spinoffs and many of our citizens will benefit from the new technologies, if we only take the initiative. There are also many jobs involved in this effort. Granted, many of these jobs require a high level of skills, but many good jobs require some technological prowess. Many people will contribute, in many different ways. And the industries that these technological advancements will foster will provide many jobs as we again become a spacefaring society.

Are you kidding?

I'm trying to make sure my sarcasm meter isn't broken.

There seems to be nothing we can't learn by manned space flight that unmanned flights won't deliver cheaper and faster and without the risk to humans.
There is nothing inspiring about a program that only makes news when a fatal disaster occurs. Spirit and Opportunity on the other hand, those little bots are my heros.

/physics graduate

thisisntnamtherearerules: 2. Pronounce the word nuclear, nuclear.

HE'S GOT MY VOTE!

Video: Link (new window)

Manned space exploration isn't just about leaving a crowded rock, or simply discovering something new, it's also about sustaining life outside our atmosphere and the technological, morale benefits for people who just go to work every day. It's very short-sighted to see it differently and if Apollo hadn't been shut-down by corrupt, stupid politicians this country might be in a better situation.

Fart_Machine: Remember when Letterman was funny? Wow, was it that long ago?

It was long, long, long ago.

/if ever.

Dr_pepper_spray: and if Apollo hadn't been shut-down by corrupt, stupid politicians this country might be in a better situation.

Can I have some of your space-crack?

Dr_pepper_spray: Manned space exploration isn't just about leaving a crowded rock, or simply discovering something new, it's also about sustaining life outside our atmosphere and the technological, morale benefits for people who just go to work every day. It's very short-sighted to see it differently and if Apollo hadn't been shut-down by corrupt, stupid politicians this country might be in a better situation.

Let's talk about manned space exploration when we have a budget surplus.

IronTom: Bill Frist: I doubt he actually wrote those jokes though...

of course not. But it is not a joke that he wants to take the majority of funding our of NASA for 5 years

i agree that it's retarded! can you imagine how cool the space program would be like with a black guy in charge???

senator_mendoza: IronTom: Bill Frist: I doubt he actually wrote those jokes though...

of course not. But it is not a joke that he wants to take the majority of funding our of NASA for 5 years

i agree that it's retarded! can you imagine how cool the space program would be like with a black guy in charge???

The mars rover would be a low rider with spinning rims (and 3 months late on payments).

/window seat

cameroncrazy1984:

You can have my glasses if you need to see further then the length of your dick.

I think this country doesn't invest in it's infrastructure, like roads, airports or education. NASA is definitely a part of that. - but our politicians are lazy and short-sighted like much of our population.

We're like every other great country in history. Our flag has flown at every point on this planet. We've had our moment, our great generation, and since there isn't a competitive enemy in space (at the moment - China possibly, if they don't own us before it happens) or any other conflict but Earth bound we feel no need to progress. We've stopped progressing, stopped moving towards the horizon and we've gotten very fat, ripe for decay.

Ok, back to work with me.

Mistah Scrotie: 5. I'll rename the tenth month of the year "Barack-tober."

Dane Cook might want a word with him.

god forbid someone might plagiarize a joke from dane cook.

/i wonder who really wrote it

MarkMartinFan: i was going to say that it was the lamest "top 10" evar - then I remembered that there is a writers strick....

Letterman reached an independent agreement with his writers. They're back on staff and working.

Lando Lincoln: He talks about delaying ONE nasa program for five years

That 'one' NASA program is over 3/4 of the NASA budget, and the only launch platform. IIRC. Our country would be without a launch platform for perhaps a decade.

iccky: Building a mile high statue of LR Hubbard would also create a lot of jobs

I guess you just don't get it. We are not doing it for some artistic purpose, it is about science, technology, and survival.

Atillathepun: Additionally, fixing education will pay dividends for the space program down the road

hahaha. Ok, but leave NASA funding alone. Do you think that if we didn't fund NASA in particular that we could somehow teach our children better?

IronTom: That 'one' NASA program is over 3/4 of the NASA budget, and the only launch platform. IIRC. Our country would be without a launch platform for perhaps a decade.

Well, you know what's more important than putting a man back on the moon? Education. Infrastructure. Freaking basic health care. Once we get those things settled, then we can talk about getting people outside of the Earth's orbit. But until then, unmanned space operations are much less costly and provide just as much data.

Honestly, I sincerely hope that if Obama gets in to office he announces that the military budget is going to take the hit instead of the space program, but he would never get elected if he even hinted at reducing the gigantic Military Industrial Complex.

Lando Lincoln: I sincerely hope that if Obama gets in to office he announces that the military budget is going to take the hit instead of the space program,

Glad to hear that. For a while there, I thought I was on another planet :) I would gladly pay $100 more taxes every year just to fund NASA and the Moon /Mars missions.

There is supposed to be some sort of special material on the moon, I forget what its name is, but it is supposed to be an incredible energy source, which is why Russia and possibly China are so intent on getting there. (according to the Science Channel). BTW China has a full on press to get there asap.

Robots are ok, and do some great things, but major advances come with human spaceflight. For one reason, the spinoff technology is more directly applicable to humans. The long-range vision is that we can create more locations to support human life. It's not about an exodus from the planet, since it will be a long time until great masses of people can leave the planet, more it is about making discoveries, pushing the frontier, national pride and security, and preserving the wonderful thing that is human life.

IronTom: #2 wipe out NASA

NASA's the only part of the US govt that actually pays for itself.

moothemagiccow: NASA's the only part of the US govt that actually pays for itself.

neat. (give it more funding!)