I ran out of gas, I got a flat tire, I didn't have change for cab fare, I lost my tux at the cleaners, I locked my keys in the car, an old friend came in from out of town, someone stole my car, there was an earthquake, a terrible flood ... Locusts!

TFA: Dale, also known as "Double D" and "D Rock,"

He's either white trash, or black. Who wants to find out?

I hate chronic liars and people who make excuses for things immediately. I had a guy who worked for me, that when I asked him anything (good, bad, harmless question) he immediately made up an excuse. 90% of the time a "yes sir" or "I am sorry, that won't happen again" would have been fine. Instead, there was always some story. Pissed me off so much.

Sad part is, took me a few weeks to realize this pattern. I have no faith in humanity, but all to much in people I know. Wait, what?

"I am sorry, my dog stole the purse then he had eaten your money."

Honest, officer, the tree just jumped out in front of me.

And I just found this gun in the road.

It was next to the bag of pot. That fell from the tree.

And I got this terrible twitch. In my foot. I didn't really kick your car.

/"The check's in the mail, you're beautiful, don't ever change...
My girl will call your girl, we'll talk, we'll do lunch..."

/double d?

"D dumbass" from now on

if your claustrophobic might be a bad Idea to steal stuff ya know the whole jail sell thingy

Best excuse I have seen on an episode of COPS:

"Why did you have a gun in your waistband?"

"These aren't my pants."

nobozo: I ran out of gas, I got a flat tire, I didn't have change for cab fare, I lost my tux at the cleaners, I locked my keys in the car, an old friend came in from out of town, someone stole my car, there was an earthquake, a terrible flood ... Locusts!


Approves.

spyderz343: if your claustrophobic might be a bad Idea to steal stuff ya know the whole jail sell thingy

Now they sell jails? I think I have a bridge to throw into that auction

I shat myself and had to go home and change clothes ...

FfAaIiLl

Oh my... Hurlburt Field is an Air Force Base.... I live there....
At 21 years old, I do not think he is a dependent.... Unless he is a spouse.

/Do not know Double D.

Next thing I knew, her boobs were in my hands.

The check's in the mail and I won't come in your mouth.

Oh man, how great would it be if somehow both of those things were actually true? Like, she threw her purse at him during a fight, the cops came because of the yelling, she lies and says he stole her purse. They throw him in the car, and he completely panics and flails around until a window breaks.

I might just write this epic story down. Look for it in all those magazines you read for the articles.

/approves.

Infinite Insanity: I hate chronic liars and people who make excuses for things immediately. I had a guy who worked for me, that when I asked him anything (good, bad, harmless question) he immediately made up an excuse. 90% of the time a "yes sir" or "I am sorry, that won't happen again" would have been fine. Instead, there was always some story. Pissed me off so much.

Sad part is, took me a few weeks to realize this pattern. I have no faith in humanity, but all to much in people I know. Wait, what?

I had a guy like that work for me, always late for some reason or other. My boss and I talked about setting up a database of his excuses so we could point out to him ones he had used before. I fired him instead, it was easier.

Best excuse: "The cars in front of me got into an accident and one caught on fire, so I stopped to pull out the passengers"