The good news is that you are going to get conjugal visits. The bad news is that it's going to be with this chick:

birdmanesq: is that the crack whore from the webs a few years ago where they showed a succession of her mugs shots over time? If it is she started out sort of cute.

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world's most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.

So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General's voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.

The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.

"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.

"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."

You know, I was reading this book, about how, like, prison used to be this scary place for punishing people who broke the law.

I wonder what it was like back then, and how big the dinosaurs were.

would that be considered funny?
or is that like saying you're a cocksucking negro to catholics?


/i need to know, you know?

Radio Man

You are right, it is her

OH CHRIST THAT'S DISGUSTING

When all prisoner's look like this, I will start a non-profit and nobly volunteer my services

ok does anyone want to hear another funny ass joke?

/or should i go to another story???

Ed Willy: Radio Man

You are right, it is her

Yeah, but that's with no make up.

ooh that's sexy...

'nother joke comin's right up

Fark conjugal visits. Maybe the threat of no sex will keep them out of trouble. And murderers shouldn't be allowed visitors of any kind. They kill, they should forfeit their rights to everything else. Especially breeding. If their spouses want kids, let them divorce, and marry someone else.

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached."

The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how to run my business!"

"Listen, I'm the customer, so I'm always right." the man says. "That picture offends me, so I want you to take it down."

"That tears it," the bartender says, "How would you like it if I came into your bar and told you what to do?"

"Well, you'd be the customer, so you'd be right," the man says.

"Fine, then let's switch places," the bartender says.

So, they do. The man takes the bartender's place behind the bar, and the bartender walks outside, waits a moment, and then comes back inside. The bartender sits at the bar and says to the bar, "You should take that pin off. The Democrats are destroying our country with their liberal agenda."

"Sorry," the man says, "but we don't serve Republicans here."

OK, conjugal visits at prison ... not too freaked out over that. I guess it's better than having people constantly afraid about reaching for a bar of soap on the ground.

But allowing them to try and start a family while in prison?! How ethical is that? How does that build a good, supportive family structure so that the kids don't end up in jail themselves? Im' really hoping that I misread TFA. If not ... gods ... imagine all the farkheads in prison right now BREEDING. It'd be like mixing that VA vagina clown car w/ Britney Spears.

jmccarth07: OK, conjugal visits at prison ... not too freaked out over that. I guess it's better than having people constantly afraid about reaching for a bar of soap on the ground.

But allowing them to try and start a family while in prison?! How ethical is that? How does that build a good, supportive family structure so that the kids don't end up in jail themselves? Im' really hoping that I misread TFA. If not ... gods ... imagine all the farkheads in prison right now BREEDING. It'd be like mixing that VA vagina clown car w/ Britney Spears.

Can't have conjugal visits without the threat of junior criminals. Unless the government is going to pay for prostitutes.

birdmanesq: The good news is that you are going to get conjugal visits. The bad news is that it's going to be with this chick:


I'm not sure which it worse, THAT or anal man rape. I think Hanging myself with bed sheets sounds like the WINNAR.

At least they got this part right in the URL:
Arrrgh=MyEyes

you know, sometimes i just don't understand why the fark Bush became president. i mean, THINK ABOUT IT. this guy is just not fit for the job. almost three quarters of the U.S. nake fun of him...

/(''\(:..:)/'')
//BEAR ATTACK!!!!!
///(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/' ')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')(''\(:..:)/'')

Sex turns people into morons.

Ever wonder why your country, it's culture, commerce, political system, free press, school system, spirituality, diet, etc. etc. is in the toilet? It's cause too many of it's otherwise intelligent citizens have their synapses gummed up with hormones.

Government by the people ceases to exist when the people use their freedom to lobotomize themselves. So there's no use defending the civil liberties of snickering, emotionally stunted retards who have sex since, given the first opportunity, they'll short-circuit their humanity and capacity for cooperative functioning anyway.

Better to bust their asses before sex the streets and multiplies the damage like a hepatitis of stupidity.

jesusaintrealdumass

Please stop posting Comedy Central jokes of the day,
kplzthxbye

Captain Darling: jmccarth07: OK, conjugal visits at prison ... not too freaked out over that. I guess it's better than having people constantly afraid about reaching for a bar of soap on the ground.

But allowing them to try and start a family while in prison?! How ethical is that? How does that build a good, supportive family structure so that the kids don't end up in jail themselves? Im' really hoping that I misread TFA. If not ... gods ... imagine all the farkheads in prison right now BREEDING. It'd be like mixing that VA vagina clown car w/ Britney Spears.

Can't have conjugal visits without the threat of junior criminals. Unless the government is going to pay for prostitutes.

The prison could have a brothel w/ heavily pre-screened "workers". Make it a safer profession, like over in Germany.

None of you have ever woke up the next day with a big fat ugly woman by your side?

As that song says, went to bed at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2. Big girls need love too.

SweetSilverBlues: Sex turns people into morons.

Ever wonder why your country, it's culture, commerce, political system, free press, school system, spirituality, diet, etc. etc. is in the toilet? It's cause too many of it's otherwise intelligent citizens have their synapses gummed up with hormones.

Government by the people ceases to exist when the people use their freedom to lobotomize themselves. So there's no use defending the civil liberties of snickering, emotionally stunted retards who have sex since, given the first opportunity, they'll short-circuit their humanity and capacity for cooperative functioning anyway.

Better to bust their asses before sex the streets and multiplies the damage like a hepatitis of stupidity.

Yup, sounds just as dumb in here.

The woman in the link looks like she is about to burst.

Wait a minute? No Office Space references?

For shame!

He is in prison. He'll take any vagina he can get.

Tex Watson, one of the Manson Family murderers got religion in prison, found a fellow Christian who fell in love with him by mail. She moved from the East Coast, married him in a prison ceremony and then got conjugal visits. While raising his brood the State of California, I understand, has gotten to support her.
I can't seem to come up with any reasons why this is a good thing.

No.

And the argument that this somehow fosters greater "family" cohesion", blah, blah blah is such rich brown crap, one can only imagine the perverted interest and insanity of any idiot that would promote or vote for such a daft utterly daft notion.

/hint: if a person cannot abide the law and stay the fark out of jail/prison, how the hell are they going to have any sort of shot at being a "good" parent, let alone AFFORD to feed, clothe, house, educate another human being....or two...or three.

NO.

It's a Hutt, Baby!

/ Runs off to scrub eyes with steel wool.

Pass the eye bleach. And good call: a story about european prisons turns into a plebiscite about Bush. Who runs this FARK, anyhow? Can't we have some decorum?

Thought they were ALREADY getting conjugal visits. Not that they WANT them....

Better than going to federal pound me in the arse prison.

SweetSilverBlows: Sex turns people into morons... etc.

Plagiarism is a classic symptom of brain damage, ya twit.

Post what you want, but as yourself, not me. Fark you.

Oh, and when attempting to post under an Alt, it's vital to use a different name.

EPIC TECHNICOLOR WIDESCREEN FAIL, you pothead.

exhibit A:

SweetSilverBlues: SweetSilverBlues: Sex turns people into morons.

Ever wonder why your country, it's culture, commerce, political system, free press, school system, spirituality, diet, etc. etc. is in the toilet? It's cause too many of it's otherwise intelligent citizens have their synapses gummed up with hormones.

Government by the people ceases to exist when the people use their freedom to lobotomize themselves. So there's no use defending the civil liberties of snickering, emotionally stunted retards who have sex since, given the first opportunity, they'll short-circuit their humanity and capacity for cooperative functioning anyway.

Better to bust their asses before sex the streets and multiplies the damage like a hepatitis of stupidity.

Yup, sounds just as dumb in here.

simpsonfan: Fark conjugal visits. Maybe the threat of no sex forced ass rape will keep them out of trouble. That'll teach 'em to sell an eight ball on a inner city streetcorner that I saw once on the news.

FTFY

Where's that farker that claims we all go home and nail chicks that look like her, and we're all in denial about it?

OM NOM NOM!

The Asshole Guy: None of you have ever woke up the next day with a big fat ugly woman by your side?

As that song says, went to bed at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2. Big girls need love too.

Just because the big and fat part may be true does not make the ugly part an automatic factor. I'd hit the one in pic in the article... I very much dislike skinny girls.

azevilgenius: The Asshole Guy: None of you have ever woke up the next day with a big fat ugly woman by your side?

As that song says, went to bed at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2. Big girls need love too.

Just because the big and fat part may be true does not make the ugly part an automatic factor. I'd hit the one in pic in the article... I very much dislike skinny girls.

If I was inside I'd hit it too. Better her once a month than Bubba every night.

Outside of jail it's called a fetish.

FTFA: Academics claim that helping prisoners to become parents during their sentences will assist their rehabilitation, as well as respecting their human rights - and those of their partners - to raise a family.
That's prisoners like Kirk Dickson, 35 - serving 15 years for kicking a man to death in a row over a packet of cigarettes.
I'd like to discuss the victim's human right to raise a family real quick, before we give this drug-addled chav thug a few more benefits on any taxpayer's dime.

"In these conjugal visits...you get to have sex...with women?

I'll do it!"

/too lazy to look up actual quotation

The Asshole Guy: Big girls need love too.

Yeah but they gotta pay!

/Giggity!