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(Some Guy) Strange Prisoner is able to smuggle syringes, matches, lighter, heroin, marijuana and an assortment of pills into jail. Where did he hide it all? Let's just say it damn near killed him   (kvoa.com) divider line 65
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Bucky Katt [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 05:38:46 PM  
his ass must be really sore

 
BeatenHorse 2008-01-12 05:38:58 PM  
Rectum?

Echo?

 
ankmcfly 2008-01-12 05:39:39 PM  
Ass -i- nine tag AWOL?

 
skillett 2008-01-12 05:44:53 PM  
rectum? damn near killed em
/had to be done

 
spleen9 2008-01-12 05:45:58 PM  
pi-ist-genau-3.de

 
hellig777 2008-01-12 05:46:46 PM  
He is the UPS of Up Your Ass.

 
Buckster [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 05:46:55 PM  
i205.photobucket.com
Not amused.

 
themeatcleaver [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 05:47:07 PM  
golf clap for the subtle rectum reference subby! +1!

 
Keystone Copout 2008-01-12 05:47:26 PM  
Can we get an NSFWtm warning on headlines so, you know, I have a chance to not read them? I puckered and pinched a hole in my shorts just reading that one.

/NSFW = Not Safe For Wussies

 
spleen9 2008-01-12 05:47:26 PM  
Sorry guys--I just never posted a pic in the comments before so I tried it out. Thanks for your time. Vote Quimby!

 
Sgt Oddball [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 05:49:45 PM  
FTFA:
"...we have them squat and cough. If they got good muscles, they'll hold it up there."


Cripes, I guess this guy could turn coal into diamonds.

 
Yodacat 2008-01-12 05:50:06 PM  
skillett: rectum? damn near killed em
/had to be done


Oh, now I get it. Thank you.

 
equusdc 2008-01-12 05:55:20 PM  
spleen9

Yet, somehow, it was uncomfortably germane.

 
Walljasper 2008-01-12 06:00:03 PM  
Wow, what a wheeler-dealer.

'Loads up his bunghole with stuff, empties the illicet load and profits.

'Prolly rents out the unused space in during idle times/layovers...uh, so to speak.

 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 06:01:50 PM  
Sgt Oddball: FTFA:
"...we have them squat and cough. If they got good muscles, they'll hold it up there."


Cripes, I guess this guy could turn coal into diamonds.


There's a very vigorous rectal workout regimen in prison.

 
shanrick [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 06:06:12 PM  
hellig777: He is the UPS of Up Your Ass.

What can brown do for you?

 
Sgt Oddball [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 06:06:55 PM  
Relatively Obscure: Sgt Oddball: FTFA:
"...we have them squat and cough. If they got good muscles, they'll hold it up there."


Cripes, I guess this guy could turn coal into diamonds.

There's a very vigorous rectal workout regimen in prison.



Well, yeah, but he came through the damn *door* with a ripped rectum.


Erm... Maybe not the best choice of words, but you get my meaning.

 
boomaze 2008-01-12 06:08:18 PM  
When I was in county back in Ohio, a dude on work release would swallow weed in a baggy right before he came in and then gulp shampoo right in the cell and puke it up. I gave up 2 packs of smokes and 3 HUGE ass bags of cookies for a tiny joint and was happy to do it.


//true story

 
idrow 2008-01-12 06:08:52 PM  
a.abcnews.com
Can you hear me now?

 
soulexposed 2008-01-12 06:09:18 PM  
www.southparkstuff.com

Grudgingly approves.

 
Psykus 2008-01-12 06:11:41 PM  
shanrick: hellig777: He is the UPS of Up Your Ass.

What can brown do for you?


Winner.

 
overlord 2008-01-12 06:13:07 PM  
Did he have any pennies up there?

 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 06:13:40 PM  
Sgt Oddball: Well, yeah, but he came through the damn *door* with a ripped rectum.

Probably not the first time he's been through that door.

 
xlbrooklyn [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 06:23:00 PM  
According to Stewart, drugs can be sold inside a jail facility at four times what they are worth outside a jail.
AddThis Social Bookmark Button


Now we now what Step 2 is.

 
Gobobo 2008-01-12 06:27:53 PM  
What else will he do in jail?

 
Gelatinous 2008-01-12 06:44:08 PM  
Relatively Obscure: There's a very vigorous rectal workout regimen in prison.

"8 Minute Ass"

 
davynelson 2008-01-12 06:51:41 PM  
they all do that.

when i had to serve weekends lots of dudes would bring in hash to smoke or whatever

HOOPING

is what the kids are calling it these days

 
one_more_step_and_the_girl_gets_it [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 06:54:48 PM  
Is that what they call "crack crack?" I guess he needed some extra money for vaseline during his stay...you know how hot and dry those desert jails can be, not to mention the sand.

This is so gross!

 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 06:55:44 PM  
davynelson: they all do that.

when i had to serve weekends lots of dudes would bring in hash to smoke or whatever

HOOPING

is what the kids are calling it these days


When I worked in a prison, it was just called 'assing' there.

 
rainstorm 2008-01-12 06:59:06 PM  
Puh-Lease, this terrorist guy got him beat from a few months back at the airport...

"Al-Maliki, a former security guard, told screeners that he knew what had triggered the alarm and proceeded to remove items from his rectum, including a rock, chewing gum and thin wire filament."

"Al-Maliki told investigators the objects have therapeutic properties, and that he had forgotten to remove them before reaching the security checkpoint. They were described as a magnet wrapped with a piece of gum in a napkin and then coiled with wire; and some kind of round, polished stone. "I believe we're about as confused as you until we finish the investigation," said Ethel McGuire, the assistant special agent in charge of the FBI's Los Angeles office."

 
TinyTj 2008-01-12 07:00:51 PM  
Hitler scoffs at this pathetic achievement, chooses another pineapple.

 
davynelson 2008-01-12 07:02:46 PM  
assing, eh?

at least 'hooping' retains an air of mystery.

 
Mister Tibbs 2008-01-12 07:03:32 PM  
Hooping??

/will never look a Hoop Cheese the same way again...

 
CableGuy316 2008-01-12 07:03:33 PM  
Honest (maybe stupid?) question, I can understand inmates paying super-premium prices for drugs - but how do they obtain / carry money? Can they carry cash? Keep bank accounts? Is money smuggled contraband just like the drugs?

I know at least in some prisons, inmates earn slave wages for their work, which they use to buy toiletries and such, but where's the big drug dough come from?

 
oldebayer [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 07:04:53 PM  
Anyone who saw Johnny Depp in Before Night Falls is yawning about now. This stuff is chump change.

 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 07:07:34 PM  
CableGuy316: Is money smuggled contraband just like the drugs?

Yes.

 
Clawed Le Mew 2008-01-12 07:12:46 PM  
No wonder these pills taste like ass.

Andy Reid's son unavailable for comment.

 
Mister Tibbs 2008-01-12 07:18:51 PM  
Relatively Obscure: CableGuy316: Is money smuggled contraband just like the drugs?

Yes.


The money in your wallet used to be in a colon. Yum.
/wash your hands, kids!
//rare moment when I'm glad to be a broke student

 
SilverDagger 2008-01-12 07:23:29 PM  
oldebayer: Anyone who saw Johnny Depp in Before Night Falls is yawning about now. This stuff is chump change.

I will never look at Johnny Depp the same way again. (Never saw that one)

 
shipofthesun 2008-01-12 07:31:19 PM  
shiat, I just got out of county, and while there was no weed to be had, there was a nice little black market/gambling system going on involving Raman noodles, Cheezeits, and instant coffee. One of my cell mates was down 15 soups. Guy didn't know when to hold 'em, apparently.

 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 07:43:55 PM  
shipofthesun: while there was no weed to be had

I refuse to believe this.

shipofthesun: there was a nice little black market/gambling system going on involving Raman noodles, Cheezeits, and instant coffee.

That I believe.

 
xtimx 2008-01-12 07:46:09 PM  
overlord: Did he have any pennies up there?

"I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years! That's 3,000 pennies a day; 21,000 pennies a week; 1,092,000 pennies a year! To date that's 12,012,000 pennies, 8 times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies everyday. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with."

 
rainstorm 2008-01-12 07:50:16 PM  
shipofthesun: shiat, I just got out of county, and while there was no weed to be had, there was a nice little black market/gambling system going on involving Raman noodles, Cheezeits, and instant coffee. One of my cell mates was down 15 soups. Guy didn't know when to hold 'em, apparently.

That's a shanking.

 
shipofthesun 2008-01-12 07:57:12 PM  
rainstorm: That's a shanking.

nah, as long as you pay up, no problems.

 
ekdikeo4 2008-01-12 08:03:10 PM  
Wow, what a pharm-ass-y.

It's a bunghole, not a pharmacy.

(things my gf is cracking up after saying)

 
MAYORBOB 2008-01-12 08:08:33 PM  
+ hellig777 -- "He is the UPS of Up Your Ass"

And when he pulled his shiat out his ass he probably did say "what can brown do for you?"

 
Kentucky Fried Children 2008-01-12 08:10:36 PM  
Did anyone else read "Pima County" as "Pmita County"?

/ Anyone?

 
tetheredswimming 2008-01-12 08:11:35 PM  
Comments not worth reading, but headlines are getting better round here.

 
matt4684 2008-01-12 08:15:32 PM  
I'm no expert on the culture of sticking things in my ass, or anyone else's for that matter, but I imagine implanting a syringe in your rectum is just asking for trouble

 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark] 2008-01-12 08:20:54 PM  
matt4684: I'm no expert on the culture of sticking things in my ass, or anyone else's for that matter, but I imagine implanting a syringe in your rectum is just asking for trouble

I've seen a loaded .38 up in one.

 
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