Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

I wonder what kind of game he's playing. Isn't he backing Captain 9/11? And Huckabee walked away with Iowa.

Pat's political forecasts are about as realistic as his meteorological forecasts.

Good going, Rooney. You farked this up for everyone. Now the rest of us have to wait until November.

God is such a gossip!

If Robertson had declared that he received this prophecy from God via a hairdryer, all would rightly judge him mad. Why should removing the hairdryer make a bit of difference?

_{[paraphrased from somewhere]}

---A much younger man whom, I refuse to name, said this, the man upstairs tells him every election result. He also went on to say that, now maybe not me, but an old man from 60 minutes would make fun of him if he told us the latest election results before hand which is why he won't tell us. While I welcome the silence, I only have this to say in return.
Hubris is defined as thinking that's the only thing I, or some old man, needs to make fun of you. You are a virtual maginot line against anything that could possibly sling humor in your direction...

/My Andy Rooney impression.

Hyaku-Shiki: Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Awesome Biblical quote. *Thumbs Up*

When I asked God who it would be, He just laughed and laughed and laughed.

That God guy. Always a kidder.

God told me too. And he also told me that he gave Pat Robertson the wrong name just to be funny. God is funny like that.

Hyaku-Shiki: Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

All prophets are false. Some are just wrong more often than others.

At least Pat's predictions are consistent...always wrong.

Lionel Mandrake: At least Pat's predictions are consistent...always wrong.

Great, now we have to worry about China becoming a Muslim nation.

{flips coin in air, catches coin}

"Call it."

{makes undecipherable noise}

"What he say?"

{undecipherable noise again}

{shows coin} "Is that it?"

"Why sointenly!"

China can't become a christian nation. They'd keep all the neat bracelets and magnet stickers to themselves. How am I going to proselytize in traffic!!!

Jesus H. Pennypacking CHRIST, could this worthless charlatan sack of ignorant crap hurry up and join his butt-buddy Falwell in hell already?!

Pat Robertson for President!

/we can eliminate the idiot vote

Snarfangel: That God guy. Always a kidder.

*pssst... hey you, old biblical dude. Kill your son for me...*

OK, GOD!

*lol*

I like that the news was trumpeting his "prediction" that there will be violence in 2008. Really? Ya think?

I guess he was looking to hedge himself a bit:

Last year, Robertson predicted that a terrorist act, possibly involving a nuclear weapon, would result in mass killing in the United States. Noting that it hadn't come to pass, Robertson said, "All I can think is that somehow the people of God prayed and God in his mercy spared us."

AHahahahahahahahaha

GsusDad: Hey

700KLBBR: Sup

GsusDad: A/S/L??

700KLBBR: 14/F/Virginia

GsusDad: Kewl

700KLBBR: :-) thx

GsusDad: U wanna no somethin??

700KLBBR: yea

GsusDad: UR nxt president iz gonna b...

700KLBBR: OMG who???

GsusDad: LOL

700KLBBR: I hate fagz!!!!11!

GsusDad: Me 2

700KLBBR: CYA

GsusDad: laterz

Pat Robertson "goes off alone with the Lord"?

That sounds suspicious.

Sounds like he's channeling Joseph Smith.

I thought predicting the future was forbidden by christianity (something to do with witchcraft).

Hyaku-Shiki: Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

So the Bible says that Pat Robertson should be "taken out?"

Yes, I'm old, but he reminds me too much of Jean Dixon.

She used to make a thousand or so predictions, and parade the correct ones around (3 or 4, out of 1000) as if she had some connection with the supernatural, completely ignoring the 996 predictions she got wrong.

Wanna be famous for predicting the outcome of the next election?

Write down the name of single every candidate on a separate piece of paper, have it notorised, and pull out the correct one when it happens.

Even Johnny Carson used to make fun of it, with his "The Great Carnac" bit, that he prefaced with (paraphrasing) "these answers have been stored in an old mayonaise jar, on Funk And Wagnel's for the last 20 years, until just today."

I think the first one he would do now, as he held the envelope to his head would be:

A: A CHARLITAIN!
Q: (in the envelope) Who is Pat Robertson?

(laughter from the audience)

I still want to see Pat Robertson bend some spoons with his mind, because that's real too.

TommyymmoT: Even Johnny Carson used to make fun of it, with his "The Great Carnac" bit, that he prefaced with (paraphrasing) "these answers have been stored in an old mayonaise jar, on Funk And Wagnel's for the last 20 years, until just today."


Close - the line was, "They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnell's porch since noon today."

Carnac was awesome.

/"May a blind swordsman give you a vasectomy"

TrekerDave: I thought predicting the future was forbidden by christianity (something to do with witchcraft).

Ahh...but not if it's God revealing it to you. See how tricky they are?

Makh

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One of them is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville? I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what we called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt-which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. "Gimme five bees for a quarter,"you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah. The important thing was I had an onion tied to my belt-which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. All you could get was those big yellow ones.

/My Andy Rooney impression

tnpir 2008-01-04 04:51:17 PM Jesus H. Pennypacking CHRIST, could this worthless charlatan sack of ignorant crap hurry up and join his butt-buddy Falwell in hell already?!
=============

Wishing someone dead is no good. Just... I dunno, tell him to go fark himself. That would be good enough.

I thought he was dead. Oh yeah, that was the other freak ... Falwell.

/meh, it's only a matter of time

TrekerDave: I thought predicting the future was forbidden by christianity (something to do with witchcraft).

The use of magic is forbidden. God is allowed to tell people things. People are supposed to share those things. Noah was mocked by the entire community for building his ark. Jeremiah was killed! Yet Pat is afraid of Andy Rooney. What utter bullshiat.

Oh, and the penalty for false prophecy was death. When we implement the old testament prohibition on homosexuality we should bring that back too.

Somebody get all the Gays to step about 100 ft to the left. It'll throw off his predictions.

/I'll explain later if this isn't as obvious as I think it is.

And Pat Robertson differs from Sylvia Brown how, exactly? He's got prettier legs and less facial hair?

tnpir: TommyymmoT: Even Johnny Carson used to make fun of it, with his "The Great Carnac" bit, that he prefaced with (paraphrasing) "these answers have been stored in an old mayonaise jar, on Funk And Wagnel's for the last 20 years, until just today."


Close - the line was, "They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnell's porch since noon today."

Carnac was awesome.

/"May a blind swordsman give you a vasectomy"

================

Hey, I was close, but you get the general idea, and am I impressed that you remember it. Kudos.

I can't believe we're still talking about Andy Rooney in 2008 and John Belushi has been dead for 30 years.

When Reverend Pat was off being alone with God, he didn't realize I was in the stall next to his. I was wondering why he kept mumbling 'amen my lord' every time I passed gas.

Confabulat: I can't believe we're still talking about Andy Rooney in 2008 and John Belushi has been dead for 30 years.

=====================

Could you imagine how cool it would have been if Belushiatook over that spot on 60 Minutes?

gshepnyc: And Pat Robertson differs from Sylvia Brown how, exactly? He's got prettier legs and less facial hair?

He's got nicer legs that Hitler, and bigger tits than Cher.

No, wait, that was Henry Kissinger.

/how I'm missing ya

Dear Pat,

Seriously I'm just yankin your chain here, dude. Remember 1988 when when I "told" you to run for President? Man that was funny. LULZ KTHNXBYE

Love,

The Voices in Your Head.

Is it wrong that, if there is a second coming, I want it to be Rambo-Jeebus, and the first thing he does is go up to Pat Robertson and pop his head like a zit?

Why is he still alive? I figured a heart attack would have been arranged before now since he's so embarassing to the powers that be.

I dunno...

If I was sure the creator of the universe, knower of all things, had just given me the inside scoop, would I be afraid of a little human ridicule?

Think Joan of Arc, Pat. Have some balls, man....

TommyymmoT: Confabulat: I can't believe we're still talking about Andy Rooney in 2008 and John Belushi has been dead for 30 years.

=====================

Could you imagine how cool it would have been if Belushiatook over that spot on 60 Minutes?

Filter PWND!

Aarontology: TommyymmoT: Confabulat: I can't believe we're still talking about Andy Rooney in 2008 and John Belushi has been dead for 30 years.

=====================

Could you imagine how cool it would have been if Belushiatook over that spot on 60 Minutes?

Filter PWND!

================
Nah, just a typo.

I attempted to write "Could you imagine how cool it would have been if Belushiatook over that spot on 60 Minutes?", but beer got in the way.

I wasn't trying to pass the word "b*ll Sh*t".

DAMMIT! I DID AGAIN!

It's if "Belushi, took over that spot...".

It must be time for bed.