This is more serious than it sounds actually. I've always argued that you will know whose likely to win a presidential election by figuring out which one white guys would most like to hang out drinking a beer with.

Tell me which election going back for the last 75 years I got wrong. Bet you can't.

It really is that simple, unfortunately. White males are the swing voters and this is how deep we are.

Weeps.

Why would anyone answer Mitt Romney?

I'd probably most like to have a beer with Mitt Romney. Not that I would want to spend any time around the asshole, but I would enjoy watching him piss his pants with worry about how he was going to roast in Hell for letting demon alcohol pass his lips and violating the "word of wisdom."

Confabulat: Why would anyone answer Mitt Romney?

Get him drunk to see his magic undies?

/Got nothin'.

Oops, didn't see Confab's post before I posted that.

Cyberluddite: Oops, didn't see Confab's post before I posted that.

Yeah, but yours was funny.

Oh, and you answered my question, too.

I just realized that both the 1st and 2nd place GOP winners in Iowa are teetotalers. George Washington would be ashamed- the father of our country was known to show up at polling stations in Virginia with somewhere around a gallon of alcohol per voter. Most of which was hard liquor.

Churchill2004: I just realized that both the 1st and 2nd place GOP winners in Iowa are teetotalers. George Washington would be ashamed- the father of our country was known to show up at polling stations in Virginia with somewhere around a gallon of alcohol per voter. Most of which was hard liquor.

But on the other hand Washington also was a pothead, so he would probably approve of Obama's success tonight. So it's sort of a "glass half full" night for the father of our country.

Cyberluddite: But on the other hand Washington also was a pothead

He was also in a cult, and the cult was into aliens, man.

Cyberluddite: But on the other hand Washington also was a pothead

He did grow hemp, but the hemp he grew most likely wasn't anything you could get high off of. The bit about everyone back then drinking a metric assload (often of hard liquor) is true, though.

We used to caucus here. You'd need a metric assload of hard liquor in you to go through that torture. If I wanted to sit around with my most annoying neighbors for hours, while fantasizing that maybe one of them will open fire and save us from the boredom, I'd go to farking church.

Perfect for Iowa.

Confabulat: Why would anyone answer Mitt Romney?

Because he is Mormon and doesn't drink... More beer for me!

Someone Photoshops the Florida version of this poll in 5...4...3...

I'm just basking in the glow of the fabulous term "metric assload."

I'd drink with Richardson, because he's really the only democrat that isn't a complete tool/douchebag.

Obama would probably turn my beer into a metaphor for hope.

log_jammin: Cyberluddite: But on the other hand Washington also was a pothead

He was also in a cult, and the cult was into aliens, man.



"Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man. "

I'd rather share a bottle of whiskey with Mike Gravel. That would be AWESOME!

/voting for Obama, though.

The one's I'd most like to share a beer with are the ones I'd least like to run the farking country. Oh what meaningless drivel.

DPXFP2: I'd drink with Richardson, because he's really the only democrat that isn't a complete tool/douchebag.

Obama would probably turn my beer into a metaphor for hope.

You're probably right on both counts. Also, even with all his pandering and gaffes, Huckabee seems like an alright guy. Not a great national-scale politician, but probably a pretty good pastor.

And as much as Obama is a metaphor for hope guy, I think Edwards is even worse. He can hammer sentimentality like nobody else. The (probably exaggerated) accent makes it even more grating for me - it might just be my northerner ears, but it reeks of fakeness.

Mmmm ... the audacity of beer.

Churchill2004:
The bit about everyone back then drinking a metric assload (often of hard liquor) is true, though.

I'm pretty sure they used Imperial assloads (hogsheads?) back in those days.

Kucinich!
(Hopefully he'll bring his wife along)

DPXFP2: I'd drink with Richardson, because he's really the only democrat that isn't a complete tool/douchebag.

Yep. And he has the most experience in international politics, is the most level headed and is the most qualified to be President. So of course he never will be.
/this country is doomed

I think beer is a pretty good metaphor (or maybe a simile, whatever) for hope. It inspires people, makes them less afraid and more confident, and keeps them from killing themselves because of a dead-end job and a biatchy wife.

KramericaWallet: I think beer is a pretty good metaphor (or maybe a simile, whatever) for hope.

Depends on the beer. If you're drinking Iron City, you're probably seconds away from spousal abuse and/or suicide.

May be, but it's the IC that's keeping you from going over the edge.

I know we just went over this, but is it a solid or a fluid assload? I mean, are we going by weight or volume? Does the standard assload measurement change with pressure or viscosity?

Craptastic: I'd rather share a bottle of whiskey with Mike Gravel. That would be AWESOME!

No way man, if I'm partying with Mike Gravel, we're clearly dropping acid. (pops, like your mind!)

Eh, I'm hoping for Obama more because he has a combination of the least objectionable policy set and the appropriate setting on the ideologypracticality, plus an apparent emphasis on things he wants to do over simply having power for the sake of power.

None of these things really make a good beer-based conversation. In fact, you want someone opinionated enough to argue with properly-- someone who's fundamentally a good guy but doesn't agree with you on everything or attempt to reconcile your viewpoints.

What I'm saying here is that I'll be voting for Obama if he wins the primaries, but Richardson for the beer thing every time. Or Bieden if it's more of a formal martinis-and-champagne thing, that guy is witty and caustic in a totally charming way.

dudemanbro: Yep. And he has the most experience in international politics, is the most level headed and is the most qualified to be President. So of course he never will be.
/this country is doomed

I thought I was the only one that felt that way. Alas.

Oh, and putting a slight twist on the original question: which, if any, of your drinking buddies would you like to be president?

Craptastic: I'd rather share a bottle of whiskey with Mike Gravel. That would be AWESOME!

lol, I foresee furniture getting broken with Gravel. I think Biden would be good for a pint though

One F Jef: Mmmm ... the audacity of beer.

You start with barley. Seeds. Seeds of a better future. Then you let those seeds sprout and you roast them into malt. You see, the sprouting is about the future being realized and the roasting represents the tempering of our resolve under fire, producing a sweet result.

Now you add clean, clear water, because we all know we cannot survive without our water being clean, and you let the whole thing ferment. A pessimist would look at this and say "It's rotting!" but a man filled with the audacity of hops would see a great metamorphosis happening. The politics of fear would tell you to throw away this yeasty, frothing mess, but I am here to say you should do no such thing. Embrace the hard work of our microbial friends. They represent everyone, though they may feel small all by themselves, working together to forge a brighter, headier future.

And then, when at last our hard work is done, we can sit back and chill, secure in our effervescent future.

I know which Presidential Candidate's Wife I'd like to have beer with...

wejash: I've always argued that you will know whose likely to win a presidential election by figuring out which one white guys would most like to hang out drinking a beer with.

That rule works for just about everyone but Nixon and Bush I.

I'd rather go drinking with Humphrey and Dukakis any day. Those guys seem like wild men.

Hehehe.

JaffaKree: I know which Presidential Candidate's Wife I'd like to have beer with...

You read my mind




Rowr.


Yeah, I'd pick Liz Kucinich, too.

Ahhh yes, time for Americans to select another president based on how much "like the people" (s)he is. None of them are. They should get an Oscar for acting like one of the guys.

How could you all have missed it? One F Jef won the thread.

How could anyone not want to hear McCain's recollections of this big hairy deal? In comparison, all the others would undoubtedly be dreadfully boring.

wejash: Tell me which election going back for the last 75 years I got wrong. Bet you can't.

Carter vs. Ford.
Nixon vs. well, anybody.

/in case anyone hasn't already mentioned it.

Clipsy: I'm pretty sure they used Imperial assloads (hogsheads?) back in those days.

What an amazing coincidence. That is the same unit they used to measure the quantity of whup-ass the Death Star unleashed.



/of course, the number is more conveniently rendered if you use Imperial gigassloads.

Notabunny: I know we just went over this, but is it a solid or a fluid assload? I mean, are we going by weight or volume? Does the standard assload measurement change with pressure or viscosity?

First we need to determine what the standard assload measurement is. Whose ass is used as the benchmark? Is an assload equivalent to the size/weight of the ass, or to the amount of any given property which can feasibly be loaded into the ass? Does the standard assload vary when measuring properties with ass-expanding capabilities, such as chocolate cake or beer?

Clearly further study is required here. I'm willing to tackle the problem, but first I need a government grant and unrestricted access to a variety of celebrity asses. (Note I did not say "wide variety". The study of the wide variety, such as Rosie O'Donnell's or Roseanne Barr's, is a thankless job I intend to dump on my interns.)

EdgeRunner: First we need to determine what the standard assload measurement is. Whose ass is used as the benchmark? Is an assload equivalent to the size/weight of the ass, or to the amount of any given property which can feasibly be loaded into the ass? Does the standard assload vary when measuring properties with ass-expanding capabilities, such as chocolate cake or beer?

We're talking metric assloads here. There is a standard ass under glass at Sèvres, France.

I'm gonna go with Kucinich on the theory his wife would be there, and my 6'2 overwieght Irish self could easily drink that leprachuan under the table, and at that point Mrs. Kucinich might just be drunk enough...

Now that America has stated a dumb reason for voting for this guy, when can we talk about this:













It seems the one Hillary has is looking a little frayed.

How did Rudy take second place? He'd probably force you to drink the beer he chooses and then start making the inevitably irrelevant 9/11 tie-ins.

Paedophile_Deluxe: How did Rudy take second place? He'd probably force you to drink the beer he chooses and then start making the inevitably irrelevant 9/11 tie-ins.

"Hey! Barkeep! We'd like nine eleven-ounce schooners of Rolling Rock."

Paedophile_Deluxe: How did Rudy take second place? He'd probably force you to drink the beer he chooses and then start making the inevitably irrelevant 9/11 tie-ins.

Yeah, but he'd probably get you laid.

Whether you'd want to tell your friends about it later or not is a different story...

I woulda picked Gravel.