Monday 12/31 was Fark's 2007 Headline of the Year contest. We also had our annual Headline of the Year contests for the main subtabs (Sports, Geek, Showbiz, and Politics). For those of you who missed those contests on Monday, they can be found here (all links pop):

Headline of the Year: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3298520

Headline of the Year - Sports: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3298282
Headline of the Year - Geek: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3298381
Headline of the Year - Showbiz: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3298324
Headline of the Year - Politics: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3298429
Headline of the Year - Wordplay/Puns: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3298760

Sadly, the voting is now closed, but you can still go back through those if you'd like a good laugh, and-if you missed them-which ones you'd have picked.

Now, based on your votes, here are the winners of Fark's 2007 Headline of the Year contest:

HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Bear attack victim had 'tender heart,' according to friends, family, bear
(submitter: jclark666 )

Runner-up: Man who beat his girlfriend with a flashlight charged with assault. Flashlight charged with battery
(submitter: Mr. Xhin )


SPORTS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro downgraded from Spalding to Elmer's
(submitter: ProfessorTomoe )

Runner-up: Skiing champion killed after sudden encounter with a tree, the great white shark of the ski slopes
(submitter: rodeofrog )


GEEK HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Scientists develop an adhesive so powerful it could stick a criminal charge on a rich white guy
(submitter: vossiewulf )

Runner-up: Today may or may not be Erwin Shrödinger's birthday
(submitter: dedekind_cut )


SHOWBIZ HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: CSI team currently at Anna Nicole Smith residence in the Bahamas. After turning on special light that illuminates semen, the house could be seen from space
(submitter: veedeevadeevoodee )

Runner-up: Congratulations to Larry Birkhead, winner of the 2007 Anna Nicole Smith Vaginal Dumpster Invitational
(submitter: icallhimgamblor )


WORDPLAY/PUN HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Mom wants schools to ban books filled with sin. There goes my trigonometry textbook
(submitter: Captain Ford Prefect )

Runner-up: Bingo hall worker B-10 and robbed
(submitter: 40below )


Congratulations and kudos to the winners!

Gah, how did I miss Politics???

POLITICS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Barack Obama campaigned door-to-door in Iowa on Saturday. In other news, Des Moines police report that they have received a large number of calls from frightened residents claiming there is a black man standing on their porch

(submitter: Killer Miller )

Runner-up: Japanese lesbian begins run for parliament purple monkey dishwasher I once killed a man. Let's face it, you stopped reading this headline after the first two words
(submitter: Smiths )

Kudos to these guys, too.

Yay! Kittens for everyone!

Funny headlines all.

My personal favorite was 40below's epic fail.



British lefties "demand green rights." Asian submitter makes same plea

Awesome.
Congrats!

GO US!

None of those farkers ever sent me anything for Christmas, so I don't care about them.

boobies and pie!

Unfreakable: Runner-up: Man who beat his girlfriend with a flashlight charged with assault. Flashlight charged with battery

That one is 100x better than the winner.

Unfreakable: SHOWBIZ HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: CSI team currently at Anna Nicole Smith residence in the Bahamas. After turning on special light that illuminates semen, the house could be seen from space
(submitter: veedeevadeevoodee )

Oh how I lol'd.

I liked this one.

Congrats to all.

/Can I parlay a 3rd place finish into something?
//A trophy for showing up, maybe?

jasonmicron: My personal favorite was 40below's epic fail.



British lefties "demand green rights." Asian submitter makes same plea

Seconded.

I submitted ALL of these with better headlines.

/Obligatory
//Congrats folks, good stuff.

Thanks for organizing this Unfreakable! I had lots of fun, count me in next year!

_{(and besides one I don't know any of the submitters, too bad)}

Nicely done, everyone! I lol'ed.

/jasonmicron, that thread is even funnier than its headline. XD

Funny stuff.

But for me, the funniest/most memorable headline of 2007 was:

"Owen Wilson kills movie deal, bringing his record to 1-1"


Unfortunately I do not know who submitted it.

why do none of the things i ever vote for win?

probably because i'm really good at coming in around 4th place...

however, all of the winners *are* funny. particularly the battery one. congrats all!

great work as always - you guys keep this place rolling

hip hip

ah screw it - im keeping the booze

I hadn't seen the "banning books that contain sin" headline yet. I LOL'd.

I love TFD.

Nice work, submitters.

Okay, so mine was 13th best out of what, 730,000 headlines submitted?

(2000 a day, right?)

I can live with that.

/hymens.

POLITICS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
Barack Obama campaigned door-to-door in Iowa on Saturday. In other news, Des Moines police report that they have received a large number of calls from frightened residents claiming there is a black man standing on their porch

/playing mini unfreakable since he forgot this one

Unfreakable:

SHOWBIZ HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: CSI team currently at Anna Nicole Smith residence in the Bahamas. After turning on special light that illuminates semen, the house could be seen from space
(submitter: veedeevadeevoodee )

Hmmm, ripped off from The 40-year-old Virgin, but still funny.

Excellent!

and congrats to that thunder-stealing Headline of the Year Candidate for all the great nominations!

Unfreakable: HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Bear attack victim had 'tender heart,' according to friends, family, bear

That story was a hanging curve, right over the plate, and jclark666 unloaded on it with all of his Headline Growth Hormone-enhanced muscle.

I submitted this with a funnier headline.

/got nothin
//congrats to the winner

3rd place ain't so bad, I guess...
*sigh*

Ol Fart: //A trophy for showing up, maybe?

I think they call it a "Participatin Award".

Shiat talking Mushrooms: Hmmm, ripped off from The 40-year-old Virgin, but still funny.

it's ok, nobody saw that movie

These are all awesome. Thanks for the laughs, and congrats!! :)

What do the winners receive other than a smug sense of self-satisfaction?

Unfreakable: WORDPLAY/PUN HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Mom wants schools to ban books filled with sin. There goes my trigonometry textbook
(submitter: Captain Ford Prefect )

I LOL'd, that was pretty good.

congrats to winners! tee funnay was successfully brought.

/damn, shut out again.

moops: What do the winners receive other than a smug sense of self-satisfaction?

Free totalfark for life

SPORTS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro downgraded from Spalding to Elmer's
(submitter: ProfessorTomoe )

I am not complaining, because the few greens I got in 2007 were very mediocre, but I am astonished that that was the best sports headline of 2007.

This Is Bold Text: 3rd place ain't so bad, I guess...
*sigh*

Better than 8th place, which is what my sole entry in the best headline of the year contest (the "$3 gas" one) got. But really, as they say at the Oscars, it's an honor just to be nominated.

Hmm, and not a Naskar in there..

Congratulations, winners! You certainly have more talent than I, admittedly. Thanks for the funnyness that gets me through my days.

Funny stuff folks~ congrats!

Green Discharge: Hmm, and not a Naskar in there..

He's prolific, but he's not funny.

The bear one tickled the hell out of me. I'm just shocked that more of these weren't from 40below.

Soupysales: Green Discharge: Hmm, and not a Naskar in there..

He's prolific, but he's not funny.

BURN! I heart you.

Green Discharge: Hmm, and not a Naskar in there..

nor here

My headline submissions from today that went red. Let me show you:

(Telegraph)
2008-01-02 Amusing Scotland's top public health official recommends sex education start in kindergarten. The story of Dick and Jane just got a lot more interesting (0)
(UPI)
2008-01-02 Stupid The U.S. is experiencing a severe shortage of.....Helium. ALVIN (0)
(UPI)
2008-01-02 Interesting Scientists say anorexia may be tied to genetics. Data are unclear, however, because they have to look for REALLY skinny DNA (0)
(UPI)
2008-01-02 Weird Scientists exploring ways to harness energy of sperm to power robots. Some bugs to be worked out: the transfer process is a bit awkward, and all "talking dirty" must be in binary (0)
(Reuters)
2008-01-02 Interesting Tires can now warn drivers when they are about to go flat. "Warning, you betta get right with Jesus cuz you about to die, LOL" (0)
(Reuters)
2008-01-02 Amusing Myanmar junta raises cable satellite fees. No real news here, I just wanted to say "Myanmar junta." hehe (0)
(Reuters)
2008-01-02 Obvious Former Dateline NBC correspondent blasts the program, and its "to catch a predator" series as a "highly rated pile of programming debris." Why don't you have a seat over there, sir (0)
(Reuters)
2008-01-02 Obvious Leno returns to the air with no writers. Vows to have a great show anyway, with shadow-puppets, card-tricks, and spooky stories he sort of remembers from camp (0)
(Reuters)
2008-01-02 Obvious Iran's top cleric: "Hay guize, let's actually have an honest, by-the-rules election." Cleric will be appearing at the ChuckleHut in Tehran next weekend (0)

robbyking: I liked this one.

You just broke my brain.