From TFA: A juicy brief about a man hiding steaks in his pants, on the other hand, will attract thousands of readers.

Your dog wants those pants.

I used to read "News of the Weird" back in the 90s in our local free paper (Hartford Advocate). Then it struck me that I was reading "News of the Depressing."

Every other story was like, "some guy was sitting on a glass coffee table at a party, and a girl sat on his lap, and the table broke and sliced his artery! And he died! Now that's weird."

If her publisher ever finds out about FARK, her job is gone.

One Million: I used to read "News of the Weird" back in the 90s in our local free paper (Hartford Advocate). Then it struck me that I was reading "News of the Depressing."

Every other story was like, "some guy was sitting on a glass coffee table at a party, and a girl sat on his lap, and the table broke and sliced his artery! And he died! Now that's weird."

I thought the whole newspaper was news of the depressing.

That's it! Someone needs to write a book about this kind of "fark" material that fills a 24 hours news cycle.

If only...

/got the book for xmas
//good quick read

Wow, is news of the weird still around, or was it replaced with fark?

unclebobscircus

I thought the whole newspaper was news of the depressing.

Yeah, but when articles are depressing but also actually newsworthy, your brain can go past saying "that's sad." Very often there's a discussion of how a change in policy or spread of information can avert future tragedy.

When it's just a parade of private griefs and freak accidents without the other considerations, there's no mental safety net.

You'd think for a newspaper writer, she'd have a better idea of how to use paragraphs.

Drew Could make a lot of money by putting a Fark branded weird news column in newspapers. Include the funny headline that was submitted, and maybe compensate the submitter with a free month of Total Fark.

Ed Willy

Drew Could make a lot of money by putting a Fark branded weird news column in newspapers. Include the funny headline that was submitted, and maybe compensate the submitter with a free month of Total Fark.

I don't know how anybody else feels, but for me, the whole attraction of Fark is the comments. I wouldn't bother reading it without the comments.

hatch500: That's it! Someone needs to write a book about this kind of "fark" material that fills a 24 hours news cycle.

If only...

/got the book for xmas
//good quick read


24 hours? I wish. Some of us live in the Eastern Hemisphere.

Most of this theoretical '"fark" material' fills the time while I'm sleeping.

/I vote for an Asian/Aussie admin.
//Something to fill the time for us folks and/or insomniacs
///It would give the Western half of the Earth something to look forward to when they wake up

Ed Willy: Drew Could make a lot of money by putting a Fark branded weird news column in newspapers. Include the funny headline that was submitted, and maybe compensate the submitter with a free month of Total Fark.

Include the annoying ads too, esp the ones with granny's cleavage.

Very .

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the writer just got out of journalism school and hasn't yet figured out how the media works in the real world. Maybe Drew's book should be required reading at journalism schools?

/if that happens, can I get a cut of the profits for suggesting the idea?
//or at least a free TF subscription?

If only there were a website which compiled all of these weird news articles and dumb criminals

Luthiel: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the writer just got out of journalism school and hasn't yet figured out how the media works in the real world. Maybe Drew's book should be required reading at journalism schools?

/if that happens, can I get a cut of the profits for suggesting the idea?
//or at least a free TF subscription?

nope. it's just our small-town newspaper. this area really hasn't been exposed to the Internet. I mean, it's out there, and Cox offers 12 Mb cable connections, so it's not like we fail HORRIBLY... it's just that our local population hasn't really assimilated it.

To the romeromobile!

Obvious tag for sure.

This is like saying the skinternet is used primarily for porn... O RLY???

Most of the people in here DRTFA's. Especially if they're more than 1/2 a page. They also biatch if the article is linked to several pages (which I will agree is annoying).

Our whole world is becoming a blipvert. We want everything instantly and in ittle bite sized chunks. No attention spans here...

If one of these threads gets to be 50 or more posts long you can bet that most of the people after the 50th post haven't even thought about reading the thread. They just post whatever comment they want without knowing if it has already been addressed.

/I am a hyperactive person so this is right up my alley...

The poor woman just glommed onto the generally true notion that the basic average everyday online reader of what she writes is a callous neandertal with a wide mean inhumane streak and no real credit to humanity. Give her a break. You bastards are a little unsettling to ethical human beings at first.

watox: Obvious tag for sure.

This is like saying the skinternet is used primarily for porn... O RLY???

Most of the people in here DRTFA's. Especially if they're more than 1/2 a page. They also biatch if the article is linked to several pages (which I will agree is annoying).

Our whole world is becoming a blipvert. We want everything instantly and in ittle bite sized chunks. No attention spans here...

If one of these threads gets to be 50 or more posts long you can bet that most of the people after the 50th post haven't even thought about reading the thread. They just post whatever comment they want without knowing if it has already been addressed.

/I am a hyperactive person so this is right up my alley...

tl;dr

/I keed, I keed

Guardian996
You'd think for a newspaper writer, she'd have a better idea of how to use paragraphs.

I think she intended to break it up like that. The internet news sites are often read by "tl;dr" types who would lose interest quickly if they had to read a whole big scary paragraph. I think it was part of her point about getting news across quickly. People absorb a plain, solo sentence quicker than a whole descriptive, well written paragraph.

I work for a major online news site. Guess what the biggest story of all time was in terms of hits?

Not 9/11, not the start of the Iraq or Afghan war, and certainly not the 2004 election results.

Three words: Anna Nicole Smith

The day she died was the biggest news day ever for us.

That was a huge wakeup call to our stodgy old newspaper editors. They are starting to see that not everyone is as interested in the boring minutae of politics and government as they are. About damn time.

I say "Anna Nicole Smith died" = they say "Oh, NO!", weep softly
I say "Benazir Bhutto was killed" = they say "butt who?"

/most newspapers target 75-100 IQ range. methinks.

So am I to assume all newscasts around the country will follow this lead, and simply tell stupid news?

That's how intelligent many in the business actually are, so I'm hoping for it.

By the way, I went to television because people don't read newspapers, that's what the internet is for.

And why Fark is so popular.

loopy1: I work for a major online news site. Guess what the biggest story of all time was in terms of hits?

Not 9/11, not the start of the Iraq or Afghan war, and certainly not the 2004 election results.

Three words: Anna Nicole Smith

The day she died was the biggest news day ever for us.

That was a huge wakeup call to our stodgy old newspaper editors. They are starting to see that not everyone is as interested in the boring minutae of politics and government as they are. About damn time.

Some stupid Anna Nicole Smith story is popular exactly because it's vapid, vulgar and trite.

It's something you can safely discuss at the water cooler without risking shouting matches about who's a fascist, who's a bleeding heart tree hugger, etc.

Reporting politics and wars is necessary, but let's face it, you can skip news for a few weeks, and nothing will have changed. It doesn't matter much whether last month 300 people were killed by car bombs or as 'collateral damage' - we know shiat's farked up, and nothing short of extraordinary is going to change our minds. For the most part, news reporting is a war of attrition.

What matters are turning points. Like those black and white photograph of a naked girl fleeing violence in Vietnam. Something that makes people sit up and say "fark it, I'm fed up with this bullshiat, no one can argue against that".

And, decry the masses as simpletons what you will, but there is a form of group wisdom at work here. Take Iraq; the media are filled with what republicans are saying, what democrats are saying, what the military is saying. It's all predictable, and thus not newsworthy. And it's all completely not relevant. The media should be conducting opinion polls about Iraq not amongst Americans, but in Iraq itself - the people who actually live there are the ones who are gonna determine the outcome of this.
And I bet that they're less concerned about missing CIA tapes than about missing sewers, electricity and a little thing called 'trustworthy government' (at least the Hussein regime was dependable - you could always exactly predict who they were going to massacre, these days it's a crap shoot who's gonna die).

Strangely, the masses tend to ignore crap that's not only irrelevant in the great scheme of things, but also not good gossip.

ultrachronic: From TFA: A juicy brief about a man hiding steaks in his pants, on the other hand, will attract thousands of readers.

I can haz Weeners link?