Good thinking this gives them an omnipresent force to watch over the baby Jesus. Hey, wait a second...

/Aisle seat please

Pocket Ninja: That's good. It would be terrible, terrible, if Baby Jesus were stolen. Why, without a GPS tracker to protect him, anything could happen. Anything.

I want to have your babies.

Pocket Ninja: It would be awful if something like that happened

I want to party with you, Cowboy!

Isn't that a JPS?

Can't they just nail him down?

=Smidge=

Approves!

Deus Ex Machina?

fred and steve's steakhouse: Anyone who would do that needs a good slap.

Steal it, or put a GPS on it?

tmbg: fred and steve's steakhouse: Anyone who would do that needs a good slap.

Steal it, or put a GPS on it?

Yes.

Talk about finding Jesus...

It's good they made this public.

Now I know to stash my stolen baby Jebii in the back seats of cars with their windows down, or the bed of pick-up trucks.
Fun for all when they finally track them down!

"We may need to rely on technology to save our savior"

2000 years too late.

/sure could've used those Kevlar gloves and boots

Idol worship

I thought baby Jesus had the original OnStar

CruiserTwelve: I thought baby Jesus had the original OnStar

Ok, that was good...

Just a little C4 and a pressure switch. If God forgives you, you get knocked back a few feet. If he hates you - tomato surprise.

Two words.

Faraday Cage.

So, where is your god now?

And all this time I thought Christians didn't believe in technology.

Only when it suits their needs. But when it proves that their wild claims of the Earth being only 6000 years old and human beings originating from one guy and a rib woman are false, all of a sudden, technology is the devil's tool.

Why don't they ask their god to just watch over him since he's so powerful and omnipotent?

Worshipping the likeness of their god (or 1/3 of their god, depending upon what version they believe). That's what's referred to as idolotry. How many ancient Christians let themselves be eaten by lions in protest to the idolotry being committed by others such as the Romans? But when they commit idolotry, it's ok?

whatshisname

Isn't that a JPS?


I was thinking Jebus-PS. :-)

Pocket Ninja: It would be awful if something like that happened

Dude if you ever get to Biloxi, you have got to look me up. Holy Farkin shiat!

surlyirishman: Deus Ex Machina?

More like Machina Ex Deus.

CruiserTwelve: I thought baby Jesus had the original OnStar

Golf clap!

Aaron answered them, "Take off the gold earrings that your wives, your sons and your daughters are wearing, and bring them to me." So all the people took off their earrings and brought them to Aaron. He took what they handed him and made it into an idol cast in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool. Then they said, "These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt."

When Aaron saw this, he built an altar in front of the calf and announced, "Tomorrow there will be a festival to the LORD." So the next day the people rose early and sacrificed burnt offerings and presented fellowship offerings. Afterward they sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in revelry.

Then the LORD said to Moses, "Go down, because your people, whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt. They have been quick to turn away from what I commanded them and have made themselves an idol cast in the shape of a calf. They have bowed down to it and sacrificed to it and have said, 'These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.'

"I have seen these people," the LORD said to Moses, "and they are a stiff-necked people. Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them. Then I will make you into a great nation."

I don't believe this crap, but if you profess to do so then at least follow the rules outlined for you.

Pocket Ninja: That's good. It would be terrible, terrible, if Baby Jesus were stolen. Why, without a GPS tracker to protect him, anything could happen. Anything. Like, I don't know, you might have three drunken, high-spirited college students a few days before a winter graduation, stumbling home from the bar to get their house ready for all the other people coming over after closing time, and they might see Baby Jesus in a manger and in a sudden fit of inebriated inspiration realize that he would fit almost perfectly under a coat. And then they'd take him home, where of course they'd notice their other roommate's air rifle and naturally there wouldn't be any other choice but to set him up on the stump in the backyard and start shooting, but of course they'd all be too drunk to hit him or anything until Marc--we'll just call him Marc--nails him right between the eyes, THWAP, a perfect hit that sends him tumbling backwards. And that would all be for the best, anyway, because people would be starting to arrive by then, so they'd take him and hide him under the sink with the cleaners and crumpled grocery bags, and he'd stay there until much later on that evening, when the pot started appearing from peoples' pockets and a bunch of drunk would-be stoners realized there was no bowl to be had. And then--of course you can see where this is going--one of those original three revelers would remember that, when you figured the lamp hole in his base, the cord hole in his back, and the pellet hole in his forehead, Baby Jesus would make a nearly perfect bong. And yes, that's how it would end of course, people smoking pot out of Baby Jesus, and then waking up the next morning in a hazy sort of hangover and seeing him sitting there in the corner with a mustache drawn on his face, and that would be when the guilt starts to sink in. That would be when they'd start to look for loose change and dollar bills and cram the paltry offering--$31.43, it would come to, after a thorough search of the house--inside him and then tape a vaguely apologetic note to his chest (We stole Jesus, it might read. We apologize. Please accept the contents as our repentance) and leave it all on the front step of the church to be found by the congregation as they were leaving the morning service. It would be awful if something like that happened, and with any luck this sort of approach will prevent it.

I've been here a while, and this is probably the best single post I've ever seen. A toast to you, Pocket Ninja, this Christmas.

according to the (pops) of this same story - the guy that donated the money to put in the GPS is Jewish, which in and of itself is a bit odd.

"The new figure was donated by a Jeffrey Harris, a Jewish attorney in Cincinnati, who read about the crime online."

/not that there's anything wrong with that - just found it odd.

and please excuse my html kung-fu misstep there.

Religion isn't cogent to the argument. Stealing (or breaking) other folks' shiat is a pretty lousy thing to do.

Merry Christmas to one and all.

Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.

They only tagged him with GPS sensors because he's from the Middle East.

"I don't anticipate this will ever happen again," said Dina Cellini

That sounds suspiciously like a challenge.

Actually, the technology's pretty simple.

They should just make it out of highly radioactive isotopes. Those who steal the holy infant will be stricken by ionizing radiation from the hand of god.

Why doesn't God just protect them from being stolen? He made the entire universe, why can't he protect some statues??
/all I ask it evoke your god right here and now so I can see him

Well... Good for them. It dos'ent matter, I have no use for a baby jesus statue, I would just smash it into peices.

This is hilarious.

I'd take it, then duct tape it to the back of a semi.

Follow that!

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?

Let's see- Got it -
He's Latitude:, 31.73914900. Longitude:, 34.91866700

Jebus can haz GPS?

Pics of the culprits (new window)

Because the mythological Jebus would just LOVE "his" followers shelling out money. I thought the mythological Jebus got a woody from being persecuted, but whatever nails down the problem.

/went there

If he's really the baby Jesus couldn't you just follow that yonder star and find him again?

Next headline: GPS units being stolen from baby Jesus statues. It's like taking candy from a wooden baby... even easier than taking it from a real baby, since real babies cry.

What you really need is a GPS targeting system.

'Bubba, aren't you afraid your going to get hit by lightning, stealing the baby Jesus.'

'Hell, Loraine, after all I did to the wooden Jesus we stole last year, and all I got was a splinter.'

'Yeah, but that was one hell of a splinter.'

'Well, you were fornicatin' with a wooden statue...'

'Hey, Loraine, what's that streaking across the sky? Is that Santi Claws?'

Boom.

This message was brought to you by your friends at Darpa;
Baby Jesus GPS Targeting Systems, a subsidiary of Halliburton; and
Jesus.

Mr. Mudbug: according to the (pops) of this same story - the guy that donated the money to put in the GPS is Jewish, which in and of itself is a bit odd.

"The new figure was donated by a Jeffrey Harris, a Jewish attorney in Cincinnati, who read about the crime online."

/not that there's anything wrong with that - just found it odd.

You'd be surprised at the contributions to Christmas that Jewish people have made. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch, Let It Snow, Silver Bells and White Christmas were all written by Jewish people.

Smidge204: Can't they just nail him down?

=Smidge=


Gold

technology is a biatch aint it...

Disgruntled Atheist: Where's your Lord Jesus now?

Self-Serving Evolution-Denying Baby-Diddling Upwardly-Mobile Priest: Well he's right at the corner of Larrabee and Fielding St. By the Arby's.

DA: ...Oh.

SSEDBDUM: Yeah. Got any kids?

After a moment of awkwardness, the Disgruntled Atheist departs.

What, prayer doesn't work anymore?

Sheesh, people. Did you ever stop to think that having Baby Jesus stolen is according to God's divine will and infallible planning? Who are you to bollox that up with your GPS's and your tracking beacons and homing devices? Blasphemy is what is it. Arrogant blasphemy that'll earn you a one-way ticket to H-E-double-hockey-sticks.

/late to the thread