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(ABC Action News) Amusing Beyonce reportedly not too bootylicious for Jay-Z, marries him   (abcactionnews.com) divider line 79
More: Amusing  
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7676 clicks; posted to Music » on 19 Dec 2007 at 2:23 PM   |  Make this a Fark FavoriteFavorite    |   share: Share on OMGTWITTER WEB2.0share on StumbleUponshare on Facebook  more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!

79 Comments   (+0 »)


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gimmedaloot 2007-12-19 12:25:04 PM  
shiatty headline, shiattier article. Rumors reported as fact! Yay!

 
Bukharin [TotalFark] 2007-12-19 12:43:39 PM  
I'm awaiting for Jay-Z to remix the upgrade commercial with the beatles.

 
absoluteparanoia 2007-12-19 01:44:59 PM  
Ten years ago

singingfool.com

Now

www.aolcdn.com

Do not want.

 
Control_this [TotalFark] 2007-12-19 02:01:56 PM  
She'll get upgraded.

 
Millions_Knives 2007-12-19 02:25:48 PM  
Yay! Now they can suck together!

 
Atomic Spunk 2007-12-19 02:29:48 PM  
Jay-Z has a freakishly small head. Can't he spare some of his fortune to buy a head that fits his body?

 
lordofthefries 2007-12-19 02:31:15 PM  
Millions_Knives: Yay! Now they can suck together!

Too late for that.

 
BillyBob_The_Magnificent 2007-12-19 02:31:19 PM  
She can do so much better than that negro.


//like me

 
beal99 2007-12-19 02:31:45 PM  
LEMME LEMME LEMME UPGRADE YA

/now its stuck
//in you head for days

 
Mr. Slippyfist 2007-12-19 02:33:53 PM  
And thus completes the annoying diva trifecta.

 
AmPm 2007-12-19 02:36:31 PM  
Off Topic: Does that mean that they are only married in Paris? I've always wondered about that since in most ceremonies they say 'by the powers invested in me by the state of..." Does there marriage only count in one state?

 
cartersdad 2007-12-19 02:36:40 PM  
beal99: LEMME LEMME LEMME UPGRADE YA

/now its stuck
//in you head for days


that got annoying very quickly. Like after they played it five times in one commercial break.

 
dothemath 2007-12-19 02:41:47 PM  
Tattoo rings, very oringinal.

I was married in a salt cave under the complex known as AREA 51 and a Venusian mer-man was the minister. I gave my bride the secret formula for coke as a wedding gift. For our honeymoon we flew to California on our matching heli-bikes and started wildfires. We made love that night in a hot tub filled with liquid diamonds and drank champagne made of finely ground hummingbirds.

 
tricycleracer 2007-12-19 02:45:29 PM  
Is Upgrayedd her pimp?

 
Mini Ditka 2007-12-19 02:45:33 PM  
img249.imageshack.us

 
Monkey's Knuckle 2007-12-19 02:46:25 PM  
Millions_Knives: Yay! Now they can suck together!

Indeed
i125.photobucket.com

 
Courtney Cox-Zucker [TotalFark] 2007-12-19 02:46:41 PM  
Just a rumor so far? They muss na know 'bow her, they muss na know 'bow her.

/to da leff, to da leff
//all the text margins will align to da leff

 
carmody 2007-12-19 02:47:29 PM  
absoluteparanoia: Do not want.

Yeah, as that awkward stop-action photo shows, she clearly is below your standards.

Seriously, if you were at the bar and Beyonce showed an interest in you, you'd pass out as all your blood ran straight to your wiener. Give me a break.

 
acefox1 2007-12-19 02:49:50 PM  
Good for them. This will truly be a legendary marriage that will last a lunchtime.

 
Frankee-Frank-Frank 2007-12-19 02:52:14 PM  
absoluteparanoia: Ten years ago



Now



Do not want.


Ten years ago, now, ten years from now, and probably 20 years from now.... I will hit.

 
davynelson 2007-12-19 02:52:23 PM  
TWO UNTALENTED PEOPLE NATURALLY DRAWN TO ONE ANOTHER

 
Millions_Knives 2007-12-19 02:55:11 PM  
lordofthefries: Millions_Knives: Yay! Now they can suck together!

Too late for that.


ok, now they suck together in a legally binding way.

 
steamingpile 2007-12-19 02:59:24 PM  
Why did she marry a gay guy?

 
WhatYouSay 2007-12-19 03:03:41 PM  
cartersdad: beal99: LEMME LEMME LEMME UPGRADE YA

/now its stuck
//in you head for days

that got annoying very quickly. Like after they played it five times in one commercial break.


I hate that song so much

 
acefox1 2007-12-19 03:08:43 PM  
Someone tell the Fat Lady she's on in 5!

 
TheNewJesus 2007-12-19 03:11:15 PM  
If I see that UPGRADE commercial one more time I am going to...

sit through it and complain bitterly about how annoying and stereotypical it is.

OH BEYONCE PUT DAT GOLDS UPGRADE BLING IN YA MOUFS ONE MO TIME!

 
TonnageVT [TotalFark] 2007-12-19 03:14:45 PM  
TheNewJesus: If I see that UPGRADE commercial one more time I am going to...

sit through it and complain bitterly about how annoying and stereotypical it is.

OH BEYONCE PUT DAT GOLDS UPGRADE BLING IN YA MOUFS ONE MO TIME!


changing the channel also helps to ease the pain.

 
Whatthefark 2007-12-19 03:16:40 PM  
Control_this: She'll get upgraded.

img131.imageshack.us

/The two D's are for a double-dose of pimpin.

 
TheNewJesus 2007-12-19 03:19:35 PM  
TonnageVT:

changing the channel also helps to ease the pain.

I would have but I was watching a Cinemax late night flick featuring your wife being banged by 7 water buffalo. I mean, cmon, worth sitting through even the most annoying commercials.

/loved her tats

 
Stupid Floppy Clownshoes 2007-12-19 03:27:27 PM  
I just sorta wanna snuggle with her. She looks comfy in all the right places. fark the upgrade.

 
p the boiler 2007-12-19 03:27:47 PM  
The tattoos on the ring fingers worked so well for Pam and Tommy Lee - I can only hope they have the same amount of happiness (video) as Pam and Tommy

 
Derwood 2007-12-19 03:35:12 PM  
i've seen her in a cut-off tank top with no bra. WANT

 
hachijuhachi 2007-12-19 03:39:36 PM  
davynelson: TWO UNTALENTED PEOPLE NATURALLY DRAWN TO ONE ANOTHER

WRONG!

I'm not a huge fan of Beyonce or Jay Z, but you can't really deny their talent. Not liking their music is a matter of taste not talent, and if they had no talent, they wouldn't be as respected IN THEIR CIRCLES as they are. I'm not saying they make good music, or music that you should like. I'm only saying that Beyonce can indeed sing, and Jay Z can certainly make many rap albums that sell in the millions. What have you done with your life again?

 
farbiez 2007-12-19 03:42:05 PM  
TheNewJesus: If I see that UPGRADE commercial one more time I am going to...

sit through it and complain bitterly about how annoying and stereotypical it is.

OH BEYONCE PUT DAT GOLDS UPGRADE BLING IN YA MOUFS ONE MO TIME!


Truly, when I saw this commercial it seemed like a SNL skit.

 
absoluteparanoia 2007-12-19 03:48:11 PM  
carmody: Yeah, as that awkward stop-action photo shows, she clearly is below your standards.

Seriously, if you were at the bar and Beyonce showed an interest in you, you'd pass out as all your blood ran straight to your wiener. Give me a break.


What if I was racist? You didn't think of that--did you?

 
Dreaded_South 2007-12-19 03:54:09 PM  
hachijuhachi
I'm not a huge fan of Beyonce or Jay Z, but you can't really deny their talent. Not liking their music is a matter of taste not talent, and if they had no talent, they wouldn't be as respected IN THEIR CIRCLES as they are. I'm not saying they make good music, or music that you should like. I'm only saying that Beyonce can indeed sing, and Jay Z can certainly make many rap albums that sell in the millions. What have you done with your life again?

Them theres.

 
httc84 2007-12-19 03:58:53 PM  
I would not refer to Jay Z as stupid. The man was on the cover of Fortune for his business. Worth about 290 million dollars last I heard.

Beyonce, OTOH, I know little about.

 
lordofthefries 2007-12-19 04:01:31 PM  
Millions_Knives: lordofthefries: Millions_Knives: Yay! Now they can suck together!

Too late for that.

ok, now they suck together in a legally binding way.


Well, they had to get a license to suck that much. That's all there is to it.

 
AaaPha 2007-12-19 04:07:00 PM  
absoluteparanoia: Do not want.

The hell's wrong with you son?

What if I was racist? You didn't think of that--did you?

Uh, I guess there's that. No, still wouldn't stop me.

What's this "upgrade" thing?

 
ihatedumbpeople 2007-12-19 04:15:42 PM  
Hope he got a pre-nup...she's worth a lot of money but he's worth a lot more.

 
ColSanders 2007-12-19 04:15:43 PM  
Derwood: i've seen her in a cut-off tank top with no bra. WANT

Pics or it didn't happen.

 
mooseyfate 2007-12-19 04:18:44 PM  
i152.photobucket.com
Young Reezy sez: "Y'all is some punk-ass, biatchin' ass hata'z!"

Seriously, though, Beyonce is a fine looking woman, and Jay-Z, regardless of his shady past, has turned into a hell of a businessman. Any hate directed at them by the average Farker is either a product of A) Extreme Jealousy, or B) Run-Of-The-Mill Racism.

/as far as Beyonce's booty is concerned...I'd eat that like it was pudding
//Then go spearfishing for her doo-doo sharks (props to danl)

 
Keith Moon 2007-12-19 04:20:46 PM  
Jay-Z and Beyonce = Very talented individuals
Beyonce = Bloody hot

/stop being a hater

 
mooseyfate 2007-12-19 04:23:48 PM  
ColSanders: Derwood: i've seen her in a cut-off tank top with no bra. WANT

Pics or it didn't happen.


i236.photobucket.com

Close enough.

 
steamingpile 2007-12-19 04:37:50 PM  
Keith Moon: Jay-Z and Beyonce = Very talented individuals
Beyonce = Bloody hot

/stop being a hater


Beyonce may be cute but there is no way you can call them talented they are marketable and good at it but there is no talent in that.

/stop being a h8ter of the h8ters

 
UnFark 2007-12-19 04:37:50 PM  
I hope he's ready for that jelly.

 
Keith Moon 2007-12-19 04:53:47 PM  
steamingpile

There's no talent in being good at your profession and being marketable? Really?

/start making sense

 
Dr_luckyz 2007-12-19 04:56:44 PM  
mooseyfate: Pics or it didn't happen.

Close enough.


BING BONG HELLO

 
mfaby 2007-12-19 05:05:43 PM  
FTA:'According to MediaTakeOut.com, a close relative of the Knowles family said Carter and the R&B beauty decided against the traditional exchanging of rings and chose to get matching tattoos with a personal inscription on their ring fingers instead.'


No matter what the color, low-brow trash is still low-brow trash.

 
Robert1966 [TotalFark] 2007-12-19 05:11:21 PM  
I don't know if this is true, but why on earth would anyone hate them for it? It's not even a sudden thing.

And if you really wouldn't have sex with Beyonce, there is something truly bizarre about your tastes. I think even gay men would say, "Hm...in this case I should at least try it out."

 
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