Donna Naughton, meet poetic license. Poetic license, meet...

/aw, the hell with it

It's idiots like this who attempt to "disprove" sci-fi movies by using actual physics. It's usually a person who actively hates sci-fi.

Spoiler Alert:

SANTA'S NOT REAL!

What I was for Christmas is for Submitter to provide an article that doesn't compltely suck like this one.

Overthinking a myth much?

Mmmm, donderblitzen...es bueno.

this just in.... from the 'who cares' department.... i also hear mrs. claus used to be mr. claus

Why does Donna Naughton hate Christians?

I hate to actually post seriously - but if Santa kept all girl reindeer, and no boy reindeer, wouldn't that explain why they weren't pregnant?

tarmon: Why does Donna Naughton hate Christians?

I think it's because she's been Naught-y during the year?

/I know you didn't say Christmas

Wow, you'd have thought that there are reindeer nerds?

/I'm guessing she's secretly a furry.

Santa Claus:An Engineers Perspective

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau).

At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them--- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accellerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

heebie_stevoSpoiler Alert:

SANTA'S NOT REAL!

How dare you say that! I just saw him at the mall yesterday!

FrancoFile: Wow, you'dwho'd have thought that there are reindeer nerds?


FTFM

/hands are too cold to type, apparently

Psh. I'll take reindeer over a rowboat any day.

I suppose next she's going to say that the Easter bunny is really a bird or a reptile because bunnies don't lay eggs.

Isn't a female (rein)deer called a "doe?"

/You know, from that song in the Sound of Music, and all...

sounds like someone's been watching October Road.

(is it sad that I get this information from a TV show days before some quacky science lady announces it?)

Well I thought the article was interesting and it didn't destroy my Christmas cheer. It did make me worry about the fate of the Peary Caribou a bit though.

Does any of this really matter? Isn't this getting away from the meaning of Christmas? Come on, It's about kindness and love, not if Santa's reindeer are male or female. This kind of thing is getting out of hand. All I ask, is that we care about other people for just a little- farking- while!

Oh, and Santa, I could really use some cash!

Smeggy Smurf: Santa Claus:An Engineers Perspective

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau).

At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.



My kids figure that since not all Christians believe in Santa, that he doesn't go to those houses either. For instance, Germans have St. Nicholaus, who leaves goodies in your shoes on Dec. 6th. So they figure that there must be several different "Santa type" creatures out there making the rounds...

dear smeggy,
loved your calculations but as any moran knows - PARENTS help Santa. Of course he can't do it all himself that would be ridiculous! Even w/ 970 reindeer. So don't use science to try to kill Santa. He's NOT DEAD and it's extremely naughty to say he is!

Yes, we know there is no room for imagination in the realm of reality, and that of the Politically Correct.

daffy: Does any of this really matter? Isn't this getting away from the meaning of Christmas? Come on, It's about kindness and love, not if Santa's reindeer are male or female. This kind of thing is getting out of hand. All I ask, is that we care about other people for just a little- farking- while!

Oh, and Santa, I could really use some cash!

What are you willing to do for that said Cash?

There is no creature more bitter (or immature) than a middle-aged Canadian woman who works for the government. I have no idea why, but they're pissed off about something and would love nothing better than to ruin it for everyone else.

As a totally worthless aside: "Donner" means "Thunder" in German and "Blitzen" means "Lightening." Always found that kind of interesting. The names probably came from a German immigrant many years ago.

Also, this woman needs to get a life.

this is a case of someone over analyzing. She just couldn't leave well enough alone. Who cares what Santa called the reindeer and who cares if they were male or female, or even pregnant. Let the children have their fantasy and not try and re-write Santa Claus.

ne2d>I suppose next she's going to say that the Easter bunny is really a bird or a reptile because bunnies don't lay eggs.
My mother told me this years ago, The Easter Bunny does not lay eggs. He gets them from the chickens, paints them and gives them out to all the good boys and girls. Let's face it, that's what all boys and girls want, crappy, painted eggs!

Old news, I've known for years that Santa's reindeer had to be female. LOL and it's hilarious watching the men have a fit over that fact as is already displayed in this thread.

By the way, it's not Donner and Blixen as we so commonly call then now. The origina publication had them as Dunder and Blixem, then later Donder and Blixen.

I swear, this argument appears every single Christmas™ season. Right up there with the Science of Santa essay.

/They forgot to subtract the atheist, Muslim, Jewish, and Polish families.

Here's a couple quarters for Donna Naughton. Now she can call someone that cares.

Oh, and to prove what I say: Donder (new window)

Here's what I don't get....

Why would the idea of female reindeer offend you farkers?

Do you hate women that much?

I'm dead serious - not trying to channel troll boy WWTPBB here or anything, but yeah, the idea of deconstructing a myth like that is a bit silly, but nonetheless, an interesting lesson in biology for a few people. They're animals man. Crazy, flying, mythical animals. You care whether they're male or female?

Spuds mackenzie was a biatch.

Santa and his reindeer have to be living in a time warp of some kind in order to get done all that is claimed. If this is so, who is to say that male reindeer will shed their antlers before Christmas?

cerberus9: There is no creature more bitter (or immature) than a middle-aged Canadian woman who works for the government. I have no idea why, but they're pissed off about something and would love nothing better than to ruin it for everyone else.

This lady needs to catch a Valtteri Filppula slapshot to the teeth.

How is this any different from those people that deconstruct the actual cost of the 12 Days of Christmas?

Speaking of flying: Remember the line from the song, "Up on the Housetop" in which the reindeer paws go "click, click, click" before Old St. Nick goes down through the chimney?

Curt Gindlesperger, who cares for six male reindeer at the Cleveland Metropark Zoo, says the lyric is more than a rhyme. It makes biological reindeer sense..."

Except that the line is "Up on the rooftop, reindeer pause..."

Reindeer don't have paws. They have hooves.

Smeggy Smurf: This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

Now that made me laugh.

piratepudn: Here's what I don't get....

Why would the idea of female reindeer offend you farkers?

Do you hate women that much?

I'm dead serious - not trying to channel troll boy WWTPBB here or anything, but yeah, the idea of deconstructing a myth like that is a bit silly, but nonetheless, an interesting lesson in biology for a few people. They're animals man. Crazy, flying, mythical animals. You care whether they're male or female?

Spuds mackenzie was a biatch.

Exactly what i've been wondering.

FrancoFile: FrancoFile: Wow, you'dwho'd have thought that there are reindeer nerds?


FTFM

/hands are too cold fat to type, apparently

FTFY
/just playin
//sorta
///please dont hate me

Hmm, I kind of liked the article. I didn't feel it was taking away from anything, just adding some interesting facts to the mix.

Peary caribou? Looks like they learn to fly at a young age!

Fark all you Santa haters.
It's MAGIC!

fourdegrees: Hmm, I kind of liked the article. I didn't feel it was taking away from anything, just adding some interesting facts to the mix.

Peary caribou? Looks like they learn to fly at a young age!

holycrap, those are seriously purdy

what's wrong with all the stag chauvinist porcines around here...

/sheesh

Does Not Matter: Isn't a female (rein)deer called a "doe?"

/You know, from that song in the Sound of Music, and all...

Yeah, or a "hind" or "cow".

It's "Buck/Doe", "Bull/Cow", or "Stag/Hind".

Moose, Elk, and caribou/reindeer generally go by "Bull/Cow".

Whitetails and Mule deer go by "Buck/Doe".

Red Deer (ie., European) go by "Stag/Hind".

dittybopper: Does Not Matter: Isn't a female (rein)deer called a "doe?"

/You know, from that song in the Sound of Music, and all...

Yeah, or a "hind" or "cow".

It's "Buck/Doe", "Bull/Cow", or "Stag/Hind".

Moose, Elk, and caribou/reindeer generally go by "Bull/Cow".

Whitetails and Mule deer go by "Buck/Doe".

Red Deer (ie., European) go by "Stag/Hind".

Yep.

I'm doing my MA thesis on reindeer terminology, so I got a kick out of your reply.

/the Even language has nearly 10,000 terms for 'reindeer'

Seems like a nature enthusiast trying to embiggen her own sense of scientific worth by latching on to the trend of "see how scientists can portray/disprove/overanalyze the Santa Claus phenomenon in a humorous fashion." I didn't sense any malice toward Christmas in the article, maybe just a bit of pretentious "see how much I know! I R smart too!" I don't mean to intentionally take any digs at the author of the study, but it really did come off as humorless.

If the "Engineers Perspective" hadn't already been done, I think this may have had some cool originality to it and would be much better received. This article also (as I mentioned earlier) lacks humor and instead just tries to make a point that "what we think is wrong." There's a way to do these sort of things correctly, and this article just doesn't make that happen.

Come on people, they are supposed to be magical reindeer that fly. Stop trying to rationalize the irrational. It's a farking fairy tale.

eh?