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(Guardian.com) Obvious "This is the problem with early, low-stress Christmas shopping. It's dull, disappointing, and leaves you wanting more - kind of like a festive form of pre-ejaculation"   (observer.guardian.co.uk) divider line 51
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2320 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Dec 2007 at 11:04 PM   |  Make this a Fark FavoriteFavorite    |   share: Share on OMGTWITTER WEB2.0share on StumbleUponshare on Facebook  more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!

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DirtyDeadGhostofEbenezerCooke 2007-12-15 09:08:59 PM  
i wouldn't know about that.

/never shopped early

 
RocketRod [TotalFark] 2007-12-15 09:14:18 PM  
I swear this has never happened to me before... it's not you, Christmas... I've just been under a lot of pressure lately.

 
Born2late [TotalFark] 2007-12-15 09:47:50 PM  
Cart before the horse. It's not the shopping that's rewarding, it's seeing the look on the faces of people opening the presents.

 
Just Drawn That Way [TotalFark] 2007-12-15 10:08:13 PM  
Oh, so this.

I guess I just love to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.

/Or I'm an excitement junkie...

 
ignite ice 2007-12-15 11:07:55 PM  
But what are the consequences?

 
digidorm [TotalFark] 2007-12-15 11:08:21 PM  
Still, I'd rather shop early than not at all.

 
Malice 2007-12-15 11:09:08 PM  
I use the ol clickity click, done, method. I can do that while enjoying my favoritest brew.

 
The Flexecutioner 2007-12-15 11:09:58 PM  
damn the pre-mature buyer's remorse!

 
Nuclear Monk 2007-12-15 11:10:50 PM  
What's so bad about pre-ejaculation? It still counts for me!

 
fred_chan 2007-12-15 11:10:54 PM  
I finished Christmakkah shopping before Thanksgiving. I do not regret this decision in the slightest.

 
ZoeNekros 2007-12-15 11:12:12 PM  
wanting to do more shopping?

Uh, no, I don't have that problem.

/In my family we just buy one gift, and rotate whom for each year... and even that's annoying.

 
mayberebecca 2007-12-15 11:12:31 PM  
Nuclear Monk: What's so bad about pre-ejaculation? It still counts for me!

whoever finishes first wins

 
fanuvtoons 2007-12-15 11:13:36 PM  
Being done early due to online shopping is no guarantee of being stress free.

My wife's big present for me arrived last week...literally one year late, so she wrapped it up for this Christmas.

 
Doomed 2007-12-15 11:16:26 PM  
Born2late: Cart before the horse. It's not the shopping that's rewarding, it's seeing the look on the faces of people opening the presents.

So that's why I haven't been too stressed out this Christmas. For the first time ever, I'm not going to be there to see the faces of the people opening the presents. Sigh.

/still bought the yule log DVD for Christmas morning. some traditions are invincible

 
doglover [TotalFark] 2007-12-15 11:17:08 PM  
mayberebecca

whoever finishes first wins

Here I thought it was whoever could get it in the slot the most times in 3 20:00 periods.

\I still have a lot to learn about sex
\\Should I still keep the skates on?

 
mjk42 2007-12-15 11:20:33 PM  
doglover: mayberebecca

whoever finishes first wins

Here I thought it was whoever could get it in the slot the most times in 3 20:00 periods.

\I still have a lot to learn about sex
\\Should I still keep the skates on?


so THAT'S how canadians do it

\always thought it involved a moose
\\or at least a mountie

 
Bit'O'Gristle [TotalFark] 2007-12-15 11:21:19 PM  
How about just doing it like i do? Go to Wal-mart at the last minute, walk around and pick random shiat that you run across that you think the person might like?

/works for me.

 
testbenchdude 2007-12-15 11:25:26 PM  
Um, no? Early Xmas shopping means I don't have to deal with the teaming masses this time of year. Unless I actually, heaven forbid, have to venture out for something that I actually need. Like last weekend when I was standing in line at Fry's trying to buy a couple of "2 to 3" AC plug adapters.

Sheesh. I hate what this holiday has become: CONSUME!

 
Seb 2007-12-15 11:25:29 PM  
Bit'O'Gristle: How about just doing it like i do? Go to Wal-mart at the last minute, walk around and pick random shiat that you run across that you think the person might like?

/works for me.


Let's see. Ooh, look! Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. A six-pack. Oh! Only 4.99. Ooh! Pads of paper.

 
ExcaliburPrime111 2007-12-15 11:26:21 PM  
The only remorse I have is that this religious occasion, better spent buying presents for the poor and needy, has for a long time now been turned into extravagant consumerism and the buying of things we don't really need with money we don't really have.

When "love" is no longer the joy of being in the company of those closest to you and is instead "seeing the look on the faces of people opening the presents," then we have lost everything.

What's the perfect gift? Being there for those you love. (Second best, get them some money.)

 
James William Bottomtooth 2007-12-15 11:26:24 PM  
images.artwanted.com

 
Bucky Katt [TotalFark] 2007-12-15 11:28:13 PM  
Born2late: Cart before the horse. It's not the shopping that's rewarding, it's seeing the look on the faces of people opening the presents.

I know! The looks of confusion and puzzlement I get are priceless.

 
starsrift 2007-12-15 11:28:48 PM  
Born2late: Cart before the horse. It's not the shopping that's rewarding,

Shopping has its own rewards. Better to shop when there's not gangs of people roving the aisles, though, so Christmas is always a bad time to try to enjoy shopping.

 
Ebenator 2007-12-15 11:29:57 PM  
I'm a pre-mature ejaculator, so I'm really getting a kick out of these replies.

 
mayberebecca 2007-12-15 11:30:13 PM  
doglover:

\I still have a lot to learn about sex
\\Should I still keep the skates on?


my advice: skates, yes. helmet, probably. stick, depends on the girl.

 
Oldiron_79 2007-12-15 11:30:55 PM  
Ebenator: I'm a pre-mature ejaculator, so I'm really getting a kick out of these replies.

At least you are willing to admit to being a minuteman.

 
hoobers 2007-12-15 11:31:36 PM  
Got my shopping done throughout the year. I wrap them, slap a nametag on them and then lock them away in the closet so my nosy husband doesn't shake them to pieces. All I have to do is get some ribbon and make em pretty.

Been thinking of going to the mall and just walk around the parking lot with a bunch of shopping bags, as if I were going to my car. Would be fun to see how long I can get someone to follow me around, hoping to score a spot.

 
t3knomanser 2007-12-15 11:32:13 PM  
starsrift: Shopping has its own rewards.

Name one.

 
EdgeRunner 2007-12-15 11:36:53 PM  
This is the best time of the year to ejaculate in the stores! Normally they'd throw you the hell out, but at Christmastime, they embrace anyone who seems that thrilled by their crap-ass products and lousy sales!

And it's a sticky embrace, so it lasts that much longer! Bonus!

 
starsrift 2007-12-15 11:46:37 PM  
t3knomanser: starsrift: Shopping has its own rewards.

Name one.


Textures. Shapes. New things. The simple pleasure of looking at a crafted object, and thinking, "This was designed by someone in Europe, created by someone in China, and someone like me could buy it."

 
klowner 2007-12-16 12:00:13 AM  
hoobers: Been thinking of going to the mall and just walk around the parking lot with a bunch of shopping bags, as if I were going to my car. Would be fun to see how long I can get someone to follow me around, hoping to score a spot.

THIS! This is what I'm doing tomorrow! Thank you for the fantastic idea. BTW, do you have a Wii Zapper in your basement with a klowner nametag on it?

 
amazing_live_seamonkeys [recently expired TotalFark] 2007-12-16 12:03:29 AM  
tbn0.google.com

Pre-ejaculation is still real to me dammit!

 
Nastyboy 2007-12-16 12:08:18 AM  
I get a warm feeling of self-satisfaction knowing the shopping mall hell people who aren't as organized as me go through. It keeps me warm at night.

/always done by Halloween

 
ActualFarkal 2007-12-16 12:11:11 AM  
If your form of pre-ejaculation isn't festive, I weep for you. I've achieved the ability to toss off in a swirl of colors. It's a sight to behold.

 
oukewldave 2007-12-16 12:18:32 AM  
I dont understand why people still go to the stores. Online is easier, quicker, and almost always cheaper. And you can shop at hundreds of stores in a matter of minutes.

 
HomeGrownCone 2007-12-16 12:19:03 AM  
This will be the third year in a row I've cut out pictures from a boxing day sale promo and put them in individual boxes for both my dad and my brother. Both of them are expecting it. So am I.

It's gonna be another cold night ;-)

 
obkredcloak 2007-12-16 12:48:29 AM  
I dont understand why people still go to the stores.

The Internet is scary and untrustworthy. Not like that fine young lad at the Denny's who disappears with your credit card for 10 minutes.

 
MadCat221 2007-12-16 12:55:12 AM  
Article writer should go work in retail during christmas if she likes christmas stress so much.

 
MadCat221 2007-12-16 12:56:59 AM  
Oh yeah... tried to read the article, and was turned off after only the second sentence.

Article writer is also a closet misandrist.

 
hoobers 2007-12-16 01:29:10 AM  
klowner: hoobers: Been thinking of going to the mall and just walk around the parking lot with a bunch of shopping bags, as if I were going to my car. Would be fun to see how long I can get someone to follow me around, hoping to score a spot.

THIS! This is what I'm doing tomorrow! Thank you for the fantastic idea. BTW, do you have a Wii Zapper in your basement with a klowner nametag on it?


heh, no...buuuut... I do have a friend who works for Nintendo and sent me three Wii's at his cost. It did make Christmas a LOT easier.

 
digidorm [TotalFark] 2007-12-16 01:30:16 AM  
obkredcloak: The Internet is scary and untrustworthy. Not like that fine young lad at the Denny's who disappears with your credit card for 10 minutes.

The local chamber of commerce has been running ads the last few years with a little about the benefits of shopping local but mostly a pathetic attempt to imply you're almost guaranteed to either become an identity theft victim, or at least get the wrong item, the wrong size, and absolutely no way to contact them.

This from the same "local family businesses" that missed an ink tag on some jeans, and when I returned an hour later with receipt to get it removed, threated to arrest me for shoplifting. Pretty sure that never happened on woot.com

 
digidorm [TotalFark] 2007-12-16 01:32:08 AM  
/"Threated" should really be the correct word anyway.

 
KrispyKritter 2007-12-16 02:03:46 AM  
The best gifts are found at the liquor store. Nice boxed wine with opener and glasses. Smooth whiskey with handsome tumbler set. Imported vodka with stainless shaker. Rum assortment with drink book. All that and plenty more. I might even buy something for someone else this year.

 
kab 2007-12-16 02:21:02 AM  
I guess I just miss the point. Christmas shopping is a pain in the ass, regardless if its black Friday or Christmas eve.

 
MadTheologian 2007-12-16 02:34:02 AM  
Bah! Gift cards on the 24th, Church and feasting on the 25th, and Post-Holiday sales on and beyond the 26th.

 
fien111 2007-12-16 04:21:37 AM  
"kind of like a festive form of pre-ejaculation"

Quote of the year people!

 
JessicaRaven 2007-12-16 04:56:44 AM  
www.collectedcurios.com

 
Jamieboy 2007-12-16 06:31:38 AM  
I hate shopping of any kind, save grocery shopping. I haven't christmas shopped in years. My system: Walk into bank, buy American Express Gift Cards. Done. A rabid catholic relative of ours thinks my system is selfish and mean, and says 'our lord' didn't mean for us to be so lazy. I don't know why he is so concerned about my shopping habits, since I've never ever thought of buying him shiat. So last year I bought him a roll of toilet paper with porno scenes. He was not noticeably amused, but I'm sure he had fun with the porno paper when he got back home to the seminary. (he's studying for the priest hood)

 
bansidhe66 2007-12-16 10:15:04 AM  
Fark that last-minute stuff. I got over that, and trying to impress others with expensive crap, a loooong time ago. Now I shop at my leisure throughout the year for inexpensive gifts and stuff 'em in the closet with a sticky note. My reward to myself for getting done early is to go to the mall right before Christmas, grab some girly coffee concoction, and leisurely stroll around watching everyone else scurrying like rats. Great fun!

 
voyvf 2007-12-16 01:55:52 PM  
bansidhe66: Fark that last-minute stuff. I got over that, and trying to impress others with expensive crap, a loooong time ago. Now I shop at my leisure throughout the year for inexpensive gifts and stuff 'em in the closet with a sticky note. My reward to myself for getting done early is to go to the mall right before Christmas, grab some girly coffee concoction, and leisurely stroll around watching everyone else scurrying like rats. Great fun!

A bucket full of This, please.

/minus the girly coffee concoction.
//unless there's vodka in it, then it's good.

 
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