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(Some Guy) Amusing Five drinks bartenders don't want to make for you. Now you know what to order tonight   (theartofdrink.com) divider line 406
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Confabulat [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 06:26:49 AM  
List is bullshiat.

Lemon Drops? Give me a break.

Ask a bartender how he feels about making a Brandy Alexander exactly the way the lady at the Applebee's makes it.

 
thisdaydreamer [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 06:39:40 AM  
I have this urge to make up some drink names to see how bartenders would react.

 
ipide 2007-11-23 07:35:30 AM  
Would luv to find another bartender who can make a purple people eater. It tastes just like purple fruit loops. The only place I used to get it burned down. :(

 
Confabulat [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 07:46:04 AM  
ipide: Would luv to find another bartender who can make a purple people eater

Next time you find a drink you like, just ask the bartender what's in it.

It ain't rocket science.

 
ipide 2007-11-23 08:18:15 AM  
Confabulat:
Next time you find a drink you like, just ask the bartender what's in it.

It ain't rocket science.


Well, if I hadn't been so sucking them down so fast every time I asked, I might remember, huh

/takes drink
//not purple

 
nobozo 2007-11-23 08:26:13 AM  
thisdaydreamer: I have this urge to make up some drink names to see how bartenders would react.
Confabulat: Next time you find a drink you like, just ask the bartender what's in it.
It ain't rocket science.


I'll have a Rocket Science please.

 
Nabb1 [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 08:53:24 AM  
It's been a decade since I was on the other side of a bar, but other than the mojito, I'd rather make any of those drinks than an old fashioned. Anything involving muddling is a pain in the rear.

 
Adman12 [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:17:02 AM  
Now you know what to order tonight.

A girl drink is bad enough; a girl drink with bartender hork in it would be even worse.

 
bronyaur1 [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:18:24 AM  
In other news, bartenders are the hired help, while the owners/managers decide what is offered for sale. STFU and GBTW until you save enough money to get sufficiently educated to get a better job.

Hates whining about job conditions by no- or low-skill workers who make significantly more than similarly-skilled workers with less unpleasant jobs.

/And get off my lawn.

 
Timanous [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:21:45 AM  
bronyaur1: In other news, bartenders are the hired help, while the owners/managers decide what is offered for sale. STFU and GBTW until you save enough money to get sufficiently educated to get a better job.

Hates whining about job conditions by no- or low-skill workers who make significantly more than similarly-skilled workers with less unpleasant jobs.

/And get off my lawn.


Never been behind the bar? Or living off of your trust fund?

 
Oldiron_79 2007-11-23 09:22:54 AM  
Vulcan mind Probe?

 
brigid_fitch [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:24:24 AM  
Can't get link to display--would someone post the list, please?

 
Ashtrey 2007-11-23 09:24:42 AM  
aaaand, farked, at least for me.

but judging from the comments above, yes when I saw this headline I thought Lemondrop.

/Manuel's Tavern Atlanta, Ga

 
BeerBear 2007-11-23 09:25:04 AM  
farked already?

 
wowzer97pooh 2007-11-23 09:25:28 AM  
Purple People Eater TWO

Scale ingredients to servings
1/2 oz raspberry schnapps
1/2 oz Smirnoff® vodka



Fill half a shot glass with raspberry schnapps and the other half with Smirnoff vodka. Serve.

Purple People Eater recipe ONE
serve in Mason Jar

alcohol 25%
2 oz Chambord® raspberry liqueur
1 oz blackberry brandy
1 oz cherry brandy
1 oz amaretto almond liqueur
1 oz Absolut® Citron vodka
1 splash orange juice
1 splash pineapple juice
1 splash grapefruit juice

 
Hang On Voltaire [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:25:54 AM  
Article is farked. Can someone please repost? Oh and I will have a Screaming Viking with the cucumber slightly bruised.

 
Radworld4 2007-11-23 09:27:10 AM  
thisdaydreamer: I have this urge to make up some drink names to see how bartenders would react.

My favorite drink name...The Vic Tayback.

 
nopokerface [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:30:05 AM  
Mongolian Motherfarker.

Taste: Hawaiian Punch

Effect: Coma

 
psychotic_calm 2007-11-23 09:30:15 AM  
ipide: Would luv to find another bartender who can make a purple people eater.

The only place I used to get it burned down. :(


Maybe there's some kind of correlation between those two statements.

 
The_Original_Roxtar 2007-11-23 09:30:29 AM  
bronyaur1: In other news, bartenders are the hired help, while the owners/managers decide what is offered for sale. STFU and GBTW until you save enough money to get sufficiently educated to get a better job.

Hates whining about job conditions by no- or low-skill workers who make significantly more than similarly-skilled workers with less unpleasant jobs.

/And get off my lawn.


in still other news, rtfa before opening your pie hole. you are not the only patron at the bar. ordering over-complicated and time consuming drinks slows everything down... which leads to longer waits for drinks... which leads to pissed off patrons... which leads to lower tips. ordering a drink that takes too long to make is cutting into how much money the bartender makes.

when at a busy bar, you should not order drinks with more than 2 ingredients, unless you're ordering like 6 of them at once for your party.

 
give me doughnuts [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:30:38 AM  
Brain Hemorrhage

2 oz Schnapps, 2 tsp. Irish Cream, 1 tsp. Grenadine

Pour Schnapps into a large shot glass. Slowly pour Irish Cream into Schnapps so that it basically
forms a "brain" in "formaldehyde". Finally, dribble the grenadine (dribbling onto a spoon then into the
schnapps helps) directly into the center of the irish cream mass . As the grenadine amount slowly
increases it will eventually burst through the irish cream creating a "hemorrhaging" "brain".



Semi tasty, but if made correctly they can clear space at the bar as other patrons flee to go throw up. It looks like a blood-clotted rat's brain in a glass of preservative.

 
pipettemonkey 2007-11-23 09:30:41 AM  
nabb1
I used to tend bar in Miami. Jackass bar owner thought it would be a good idea to have half-priced mojitos one night a week. Even if the bar was only half full, one of us poor shmucks ended up muddling for hours on end.

 
Radworld4 2007-11-23 09:30:44 AM  
Hang On Voltaire: Article is farked. Can someone please repost? Oh and I will have a Screaming Viking with the cucumber slightly bruised.

I bet you will, playboy.

 
justsomerandomguy 2007-11-23 09:31:00 AM  
ipide
Would luv to find another bartender who can make a purple people eater. It tastes just like purple fruit loops. The only place I used to get it burned down. :(

So how did Great White sound that night?

 
Dr_J 2007-11-23 09:31:28 AM  
I'd like a Squeaky Belgian and she'll have the Rusty Shoe.

 
Dumski 2007-11-23 09:32:46 AM  
Link:
"waiting for anxus.com"..........and waiting and waiting..

Farked.

I could have invented a new drink waiting for that site.

 
chiett 2007-11-23 09:32:56 AM  
Brain Hemorrhage ..... most disgusting drink I ever was asked for.

 
Farker Soze 2007-11-23 09:32:58 AM  
OK, I won't make your work a living hell by making you spend 30 seconds on a drink. I see the light now. Don't forget to remind us how much we have to tip you after we pay 10 times the price of the alcohol for the privilege of you pouring it in a glass for us, and that we need to tip you at least the cost of the drink if you give us a "free" one, bartenders. We all know the work conditions rival an African diamond mine, but we do need reminding once in awhile.

 
Wenchmaster 2007-11-23 09:33:35 AM  
Had a drink in Rhodes called A Mission From God.

It was served in a tall glass, and just one almost put me under the table. Had a kick like a Farking mule, but tasted great.

Cannot remember the ingredients (several different flavored liqueurs, I think), but it tasted like banana coffee.

 
OnlyM3 2007-11-23 09:33:38 AM  
Timanous 2007-11-23 09:21:45 AM

Never been behind the bar? Or living off of your trust fund?


Back to work soda jerk.

Pouring liquid, as an earlier Fark'er has already posted, "is not rocket science". Not really a physical challenge either. Congrats on the tips etc.. but don't try to convince us this is a tough job.

 
lajimi [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:34:09 AM  
ipide: Would luv to find another bartender who can make a purple people eater. It tastes just like purple fruit loops. The only place I used to get it burned down. :(

A quick GOOGLE search for "purple people eater+drink" got 371,000 hits. Recipe is in the first result.

 
magores 2007-11-23 09:34:11 AM  
My favorite.... "A beer, please"

It's quick, it's easy, and if you tip decent the first round or two, the bartender comes back to you that much quicker later on.

Other than that? Gin & Tonic with just a splash of tonic and a big lime. Next round... Same glass, I'll keep the old lime, and add a new one.

 
fenianfark 2007-11-23 09:34:27 AM  
pipettemonkey: nabb1
I used to tend bar in Miami. Jackass bar owner thought it would be a good idea to have half-priced mojitos one night a week. Even if the bar was only half full, one of us poor shmucks ended up muddling for hours on end.


Mojitos are a pain in the ass. Muddling the farking mint gets old after one drink, but unfortunately, people tend to order these in groups.

/Gin and tonic ftw!
//Easy to make, easier to drink...

 
bronyaur1 [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:34:38 AM  
The_Original_Roxtar: bronyaur1: In other news, bartenders are the hired help, while the owners/managers decide what is offered for sale. STFU and GBTW until you save enough money to get sufficiently educated to get a better job.

Hates whining about job conditions by no- or low-skill workers who make significantly more than similarly-skilled workers with less unpleasant jobs.

/And get off my lawn.

in still other news, rtfa before opening your pie hole. you are not the only patron at the bar. ordering over-complicated and time consuming drinks slows everything down... which leads to longer waits for drinks... which leads to pissed off patrons... which leads to lower tips. ordering a drink that takes too long to make is cutting into how much money the bartender makes.

when at a busy bar, you should not order drinks with more than 2 ingredients, unless you're ordering like 6 of them at once for your party.


Complain to your manager, not your customers. If it is for sale, then just make it, and get over yourself.

 
Timanous [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:35:06 AM  
give me doughnuts: Brain Hemorrhage

2 oz Schnapps, 2 tsp. Irish Cream, 1 tsp. Grenadine

Pour Schnapps into a large shot glass. Slowly pour Irish Cream into Schnapps so that it basically
forms a "brain" in "formaldehyde". Finally, dribble the grenadine (dribbling onto a spoon then into the
schnapps helps) directly into the center of the irish cream mass . As the grenadine amount slowly
increases it will eventually burst through the irish cream creating a "hemorrhaging" "brain".



Semi tasty, but if made correctly they can clear space at the bar as other patrons flee to go throw up. It looks like a blood-clotted rat's brain in a glass of preservative.


God, how i hated to make those. But you're right...the patrons fleeing the horror was fantastic.

And by far, one of the MOST accurate shot names ever.

 
thenateman 2007-11-23 09:35:35 AM  
Farker Soze: OK, I won't make your work a living hell by making you spend 30 seconds on a drink. I see the light now. Don't forget to remind us how much we have to tip you after we pay 10 times the price of the alcohol for the privilege of you pouring it in a glass for us, and that we need to tip you at least the cost of the drink if you give us a "free" one, bartenders. We all know the work conditions rival an African diamond mine, but we do need reminding once in awhile.

You must be fun at parties.

 
kirbeep 2007-11-23 09:36:51 AM  
Most of Tom Hanks's movies make good fake drink names. "I'll have a Turner & Hooch, light on the crème de menthe."

 
bronyaur1 [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:37:35 AM  
Farker Soze: OK, I won't make your work a living hell by making you spend 30 seconds on a drink. I see the light now. Don't forget to remind us how much we have to tip you after we pay 10 times the price of the alcohol for the privilege of you pouring it in a glass for us, and that we need to tip you at least the cost of the drink if you give us a "free" one, bartenders. We all know the work conditions rival an African diamond mine, but we do need reminding once in awhile.

This.

Perhaps the attitude has a lot to do with why these folks are doing that kind of work.

 
Timanous [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:37:44 AM  
OnlyM3:
Back to work soda jerk.

Pouring liquid, as an earlier Fark'er has already posted, "is not rocket science". Not really a physical challenge either. Congrats on the tips etc.. but don't try to convince us this is a tough job.


Slinging drinks itself is easy.

Dealing with people who lack the personal responsibility to know when to stop drinking is what makes the job a challenge.

I'm willing to guess that you are one of those people who blame the bartender when you get cut off, instead of your inability to handle your booze...

 
Mayor Bee [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:42:08 AM  
psychotic_calm: ipide: Would luv to find another bartender who can make a purple people eater.

The only place I used to get it burned down. :(

Maybe there's some kind of correlation between those two statements.


Watch out with the correlation statements. You'll get all the statistics nerds up in a huff with the "Correlation is the tinfoil hat to keep causation out of the brainwaves" or some such.

 
Lee Bruns 2007-11-23 09:42:33 AM  
Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster not on the list?

 
techbuzz 2007-11-23 09:42:53 AM  
Hang On Voltaire: Article is farked. Can someone please repost? Oh and I will have a Screaming Viking with the cucumber slightly bruised.

I came here to order one of those. Cheers to you.

 
boko 2007-11-23 09:45:17 AM  
The original article:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/04/06/WIG3CI3E761.DTL
or this one:
http://www.theartofdrink.com/blog/2006/04/five-drinks-bartenders-hate-to-make.ph p

1. Lemon Drop
2. Manhattan
3. Cosmopolitan
4. Mojito
5. Ordering "more of the same"

 
swahnhennessy 2007-11-23 09:47:22 AM  
Judging from a few of the replies in this thread, bartenders stole some guys' girlfriends and shot their dogs.

 
wmoonfox 2007-11-23 09:47:26 AM  
magores: My favorite.... "A beer, please"

It's quick, it's easy, and if you tip decent the first round or two, the bartender comes back to you that much quicker later on.


You want me to tip somebody for popping the top off of a bottle and handing it to me? I'm already paying ten times what the beer is worth!

 
AuralArgument 2007-11-23 09:48:26 AM  
There's a differance between the 4 types of bartenders.

The Professional Service worker: Found in high tourist areas mostly, their goal is to own a place someday and take the job seriously.

The Frat Boy/Sorority chick: They are probebly dumb and just in the job until the real world calls, they make excellent pros if in the service industry stream of programs.

The Alcoholic: Enough said.


The "this is best job i could find" people: These are the worst bartenders and probebly the ones that complain about complicated drinks.

(But everyone of them hates muddling)

 
steklo 2007-11-23 09:48:58 AM  
What? No Pan Galatic Gargle Blaster?

 
nopokerface [TotalFark] 2007-11-23 09:49:18 AM  
wmoonfox: I'm already paying ten times what the beer is worth!

Since you are paying it, that statement makes no sense.

 
arizonawildcat 2007-11-23 09:49:23 AM  
Hang On Voltaire: Article is farked. Can someone please repost? Oh and I will have a Screaming Viking with the cucumber slightly bruised.

You my good friend, might very well be my new hero. Not only is your username from my favorite movie of all time, but you just dropped a hammer and included a fact from one my favorite Cheers episodes as well.

"I haven't been called that since my wedding night."

 
AmishHell 2007-11-23 09:51:00 AM  
People who don't know what they want make me more angry than those who order weird stuff. I mean, you have to drive a minimum of 10 minutes to get to the bar where I work, park, walk in and up to the bar and I ask, "What would you like?".. And they are like a deer in the headlights. "I haven't decided yet"

Then, after ignoring them for 10 minutes, leaving them standing in front of the taps, they have the balls to ask, "What do you have on draft?"

These are also the same rocket surgeons that will bang their empty glass or whistle when they are finished round one.

DIAF

 
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