Ass-inine indeed.

Most unnecessarily long - and poorly worded - headline ever greenlit?

Perhaps trying not to be such idiots for a start?

Those who can't (operate a toilet paper dispenser), teach.

I almost want to go work in England just to experience first-hand some of the bizarre, Brazil-esque things they seem to have happening there all the time.

Who cares about the dispensers, add enough money to the budget to buy decent toilet paper. It can't be saving that much money to buy rolls of that unperforated, single-ply and absurdly thin stuff when people have to use twice as much of it as they would more adequately absorbent two-ply tissue. At least if they want to keep their hands dry. -.-

I for one welcome our spring-mounted toilet-paper dispenser overlords.

Mmmmm... heads and asses. There's a joke there somewhere.

What a dumb headline.

what else could they do but issue a health and safety warning against these deadly boobytraps?

Uh, if they're springing open and hitting people on the farking skull, yeah, they should warn people.

Oh, wait, the word "toilet" is in there. Ha ha ha! It's funny!

Warnings are a good thing, when warranted.

High-Five for the "Booby" in "Boobytrap"!

They could start selling a confection called a "Spring-mounted Toilet Paper Dispenser Surprise?

Should have been a "booty" trap

What a bunch of loo-zers.

"Booty traps!"

"You mean booby traps."

"Dat's wot I said...booby traps!"

In every public toilet I've ever been in the toilet roll is around knee level and if you're in the loo and your head is around someone knee level, well then Mr. Michael, watch out!

Now this is a harmless restroom device. Mmmmm. Bacon

This story is actually useless without a picture of the offending apparatus. Obviously The Sun is not all there.

All I can think about now is a new-fangled dispenser that pops off the wall like a jack in the box on a giant spring and spits TP off the roll.

/has been to bathrooms where some twit has put the dispenser up by one's head if sitting
//don't think it was spring loaded

Splitting the skull is easy.

The hard bit is pulling the two halves apart to get at the succulent brains within.

Exactly how clever and/or hardy are these boobies, anyway, that they should need such deadly traps?