I'd Photoshop it, but I'm kinda busy right now... anyone?

handjobs are lame

God Damn, that guy can write.

"That's what GRINDHOUSE is. It's a taquito buffet that you puke up after getting hit with a motorcycle, and it turns into a bikini chick that blows you and kills your boss with a hammer."

Anyone else can't wait for some movie to come out that actually lives up to one tenth of the pre-release hype it gets on teh internets? Better still, a really good movie that didn't get any hype?

I have a perfect plan for enjoying Grindhouse. I'm going up with a bunch of friends, one of which is a very awesome designated driver; and we're getting f*cking SMASHED before we enter the theater.

And it's not going to be one of those fancy, smell nice, half-empty suburban theaters either. It's the MALL theater; with sticky floors, stale popcorn, shouting at the screen and nobody cares if you smoke a cigarette as long as you're in the back row type-places.

It's going to rule.

I'm rather giddy about this impending homage to low-brow action cinema.

I'm driving up to Milwaukee next week, to watch the grandkids, so my daughter and her hubby can go see it. Then he has to watch the kids so that she and I can go see it. We loves us some Grindhouse kind of stuff.

//used to take her to the Freddy Krueger movies when she was a kid, groomed her to love this kind of stuff.

Typical AICN news review of a RR/QT movie:

"I just knew this movie would be awesome when my best friend Quentin sent me a limo filled with hookers and blow to take me to the airport to board a private jet flying me to the set where Uma (another great friend) gave me a BJ while touring all the cool stuff they had there....

/still expects the joint to kick ass

Sliding Carp: "That's what GRINDHOUSE is. It's a taquito buffet that you puke up after getting hit with a motorcycle, and it turns into a bikini chick that blows you and kills your boss with a hammer."

Yeah. The fact that people who write shiat like this are practically ready to pull a bukkake scene all over the screen for this movie has convinced me more than ever that this movie will be little more than a pile of suck and blood and ass drippings.

I agree with you Nerdlinger. I have no intention of seeing the movie, but damn that review was funny.

Someone needs to just put together 88 minutes of absolutely nothing but machine guns, grenades, and car crashes, with people leaping over two story buildings carrying swords in the background.

Not only would it make a zillion dollars in the US, it would probably win a farking Oscar.

Sliding Carp: Not only would it make a zillion dollars in the US, it would probably win a farking Oscar.

No no no... To win an Oscar you have to dress up in period clothing and blather on in an English accent, about nothing...

Garm

No no no... To win an Oscar you have to dress up in period clothing and blather on in an English accent, about nothing...

The only film like that to win best picture in a quarter century has been Shakespear in Love. In fact, I'd say less than five of the all-time best picture winners fit this description.

JerseyTim: The only film like that to win best picture in a quarter century has been Shakespear in Love.

You and I must have seen different versions of The English Patient.

The writer is Patton Oswalt.

Nerdlinger: Yeah. The fact that people who write shiat like this are practically ready to pull a bukkake scene all over the screen for this movie has convinced me more than ever that this movie will be little more than a pile of suck and blood and ass drippings.

What, the previews weren't enough to convince you?

Rose McGowan will make you cluster-spooge in your pants

This movie looks farking retarded, but in a potentially fun way.

To everyone shiatting on the review; he wrote a review of the same type for 300. We all know (now) how much ass 300 kicked.

Oh ye of little faith.

Danny T is making the machete movie, too.
I used to walk the back roads in appalachia picking up popbottles in the 50s to save enough to see movies like this.
This is going to be like going back in time.
Escapism is where you find it.

At least Tarantino and Rodriguez have settled into their role of just making 1970s style kitch movies. When filmmakers try to spread out beyond their reach it usually sucks.

Nabb1, no wacky costumes. English accents, check. Lots of blathering, check.

His 300 review was hilarious.

Former Lee Warmer: What, the previews weren't enough to convince you?

Only 98%. This provided the last 2%.

FatherG: To everyone shiatting on the review; he wrote a review of the same type for 300. We all know (now) how much ass 300 kicked.

None, right?

mizike: handjobs are lame

I thought that too, until I met your ever so talented mother.

CtrlAltDelete

we're on the same page, you and I.

Saw another trailer for it before Hills Have Eyes 2 and they keep getting better and better.

HHE 2 is a pile of suck ass farking garbage though, i'm literally farking angry about that bloody pile of shiat

oldebayer: Anyone else can't wait for some movie to come out that actually lives up to one tenth of the pre-release hype it gets on teh internets? Better still, a really good movie that didn't get any hype?

Rent yourself Children of Men on tuesday. You'll get your no hype wish.

And if you are going to piss and moan about movies like this and 300, just don't see them. They are made for one specific reason. 300 did it pretty well and this movie looks like it will do the same.

2007-03-25 09:58:21 PM DD0 [TotalFark]

They are made for one specific reason.

If you've convinced yourself that the reason is anything other than to make money, you've already failed.

Dan Rather's writing movie reviews for Ain't-It-Cool-News now?

this movie will be pretty farking awesome, if it lives up to even a portion of the hype. I saw a preview for it before 300, and, to see the whole preview on the big screen rather than on a computer screen is a completely different experience.

NEILL CUMPSTON!!! I knew as soon as I read that line it'd be a review from him. He's my hero.

Tourney3p0: If you've convinced yourself that the reason is anything other than to make money, you've already failed.

No they are designed to make you think deeply about your life with such an expanded plot line.

Idiot!

A free Happy Ending for everyone upon leaving the theater.

I didn't think I'd be re-using this graphic so soon... (No, really, love Patton Oswalt!)

Sorry, I'll wait til the unedited version comes out on DVD.

Robert Rodriguez filmed a big part of his segment in the town square here. I went on a 2 am Whataburger run and came across a car on fire and a bunch of people staggering around like zombies. It was awesome.

This guy's review of '300' was the funniest thing I've ever read. This one ain't too shabby either, though nothing was as good as his declaration that 300 "will give your eyeballs boners and make you poop copies of The Transporter 2."

It's hard to top a cluster-spooge.

DD0

It's on my Netflix queue, now at the top. ;~)

oldebayer Anyone else can't wait for some movie to come out that actually lives up to one tenth of the pre-release hype it gets on teh internets? Better still, a really good movie that didn't get any hype?

Children of Men?

ah crap...sorry DDO

/I must learn to read whole thread BEFORE posting!

LibertyCabbage: Sorry, I'll wait til the unedited version comes out on DVD.

When Kill Bill Vol 1 & 2 came out on barebones DVD editions I thought "Oh, I'll wait until they put it out in an unedited super edition with the Michael Jai White scenes put back in it and the battle at House of Blue Leaves in all color, with commentaries, etc etc." Still waiting.

Actually, i'm not still waiting. I never bought it and haven't really thought about it til just now. But they are putting it out on BluRay this year I hear. Maybe we will see that special edition.

This review at once makes me want to see the movie even more and reinstates my belief in the greatness that is a good movie review.

Seeing as Pulp Fiction is one of my favorite movies of all time I'd probably watch this... if it didn't have a "graphic rape scene". Why is rape the new trend in movies, I'll be damned if I'm going to pay good money to watch a rape (even if it obviously isn't real). OHHH rape=edgy!

So this is the Rose McGowan with an assault rifle for an artificial leg movie?
Because of that I'd probably see it, but don't really want to see Bruce Willis play his one character......again.
/diehard5thelementarmageddeon6thsenseunbreakablesincity
//yeah, that one.

The references to "Kurt Plissken" reminded me of Joe Bob Briggs, a guy who's made a career out of reviewing grindhouse-style movies.

/300 dead bodies
//100 bare breasts
///10 dead breasts
////Zombie Fu
//Gratiuitous Michael Parks
//Slash Fu!

Anyone else can't wait for some movie to come out that actually lives up to one tenth of the pre-release hype it gets on teh internets?

Like SOAP?

Stompn_Tom: Rose McGowan

Kurmudgeon: Rose McGowan

I'm seeing this.

The only thing worse than the self indugent idiocy of
Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez is the sheer
unadulterated idiocy of the denizens of AICN, starting
with the semi-literate toolmaster himself Harry Knowles,
but working its way down through his leering minions
to the complete drooling savages like this Neill
Cumpston (IF that is his REAL name). Even if his
glowing reviews are a complete put-on, if it causes
this movie to make even $1 extra dollar, he should
be hauled up in front of the World Court in the Hague
and hung by the neck for crimes against humanity.

GRINDHOUSE is *EVERYTHING* that is wrong with Hollywood
for the past generation: needless recapitulation of
no longer relevant themes done by overpaid primadonnas
(both behind and in front of) the camera dressed up with
unabashed lowest-common-denominator appeal, egged on by
people whose devotion is claimed to be due to their love
of 'irony' when in fact those sad, sad cases really
do think this is high-art.

And, Jektal: Between the bad plastic surgery
and the seemingly obsessive dieting, Rose McGowan is
a shell of her former self, so prepare to be disappointed.
And thank you for aiding in the downward slide American
culture has been taking in this bright new century.