"Suck it, libs."

Yeah, Rush Limbaugh is still a big fat idiot, biatches.

Uh..no...Air America WAS a good idea.

"I haven't been funny since I lost all that weight."

I'm better than the Republican partisan asshats, because I'm a Democratic partisan asshat! See the difference?

I want to be a US Senator because of all the free stuff.

NO! We don't have to give it back.

Okay, since it didn't really work out in the 80's, can we please make this decade the Al Franken decade?

"I promise not to do another Stuart Smalley movie, now put the pitchforks down."

"Look at me, everybody! I'M AN ASSHOLE!!!"

"we're going to lino lakes, lindstrom, milaca, hampton and the twin cities AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!"

city directory of minnesota, in case you were wonderring what the hell i was talking aboot:

http://www.lmnc.org/cities/citydirectory.cfm

It just baffles me that people refuse to recognize my brilliance. Dammit I'm funny...really I am. See, you're laughing.

"Call me Senator Franken...get used to it, cons"

"Um, it's my turn to drive. Um, yeah I backed up before, but that was like two feet. It's my turn.
No, that didn't count, it's my turn to drive. It is, it's my turn."

"I deserve good things, I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am an attractive person. I am fun to be with."

"what qualifies me to run for senate in Minnesota? I've been to a twins game, I like snow, and I've seen Fargo 3,456 times, in fact i'm watching it now"

Look at me, I'm an attention whore!

"Hi! My name is Al Franken, I'm Al Franken and my name is Al Franken."

"No, I will not fark Ann Coulter on Pay-per-view, but thank you for asking"

"This is my imitation of someone listening to my show"

"THAT IS NOT A HAIR QUESTION, DAMNIT"

Randi Rhodes? Not with your dick.

since when is Fargo in Minnesota : )

Vote for me, I have more charisma than Sam Brownback and Rick Santorum put together.

Seriously, why am I relevant?

Republicans take it in the ass. I know from experience, I made Rush Limbaugh my biatch. He did not have a tight sphincter.

Not this shiat again...gawd, I'm sick of all this. I'm gonna go home and crack open a cold one.

For the last time, I don't care that Rush Limbaugh makes 30 times what I make!

well... what kind of loofah?

Why should you buy my book? Because It's good enough, It's smart enough, and, doggonit, people like it!

No, I'm not for higher taxes. I'm for "reversed lower taxes."

From henceforth, it shall be called Dead-Air America.

Why, yes, I did move back to Minneapolis to get away from Hillary.

"The other Anne Coulter."

"Of course my book is relevant. That's why it's printed on Charmin."

"Oy, these hemorrhoids are killing me."

"Malloy? We cut him loose because he has rabies. True story."

"Of course my book is relevant. That's why it's printed on Charmin."


/now with voting relevance

That is also not a hair question.

"Man, is that Bill O'Reilly so cute, I wonder if he'll give me a taste of *his* Falafel?"

"Yes, I am quitting radio. I could not spew all the liberal bs without bursting out laughing. Also, Rush kicked my ass in the ratings. I lose."

"I love all those books with my face lined up behind me, damn it, people like me."

"Al Gore is storing my excess weight for me while I run for Senator."

Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.

so... what are we supposed to discuss? there's no room for argument in your statement and you didn't ask a question.

"Scientists from the Berkely school of medicine have scraped cells from my left cheek, like so. They took similar scrapings from the left cheek of Al Gore, Ted Kennedy, and Sean Penn. They will implant these cells in an egg from Barbara Streisand's left ovary, creating the world's first super-ultra liberal, who will save the world."

I am leaving radio because R&B does not mean Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Commence flamewars in 3...2...1...

"Liberal turd killed the radio star."